The past year has been rough. We've all felt it in one way or another. As a creative, in theory, having to stay home for lengthy periods could have been a boon if it wasn't for that constant hovering existential dread. I also felt the squeeze of trying to be parent, educator, therapist, and entertainer to my boys, who really struggled with the lockdown in differing ways. 

But, despite everything I continued the Grind. It wasn't a perfect grind. I dropped a few balls, but to quote an anecdote from Nora Roberts, I kept the balls in the air that I needed to. Last year I managed to pen and release a sequel, anthology work, and edit a whole lot of books. And this year, while not as difficult on some fronts, I find more difficult in others. 

I've been struggling to reach the Grind I had before the pandemic. Some days, weeks, months, it's hard to find the words at all, even though I feel them hovering there, like ghosts haunting my limbs, my fingertips. It's so weird how a year I KNOW was chock full of work and tasks and remote learning and still writing a novel's worth of content for my other job while writing and editing books and yet feeling like I did nothing. 

How many of you felt the same?

The biggest balls I dropped last year where the serial writing ones. And that was because, on a day to day basis, I was clinging to functionality by my fingernails. I still haven't made my way back fully, but I'm trying. I'm plotting. I'm planning. I'm writing scenes and dreaming again. But I also haven't been sleeping. I often toss and turn and wake up in a sweat. I had pretty shaky mental health before the pandemic and the past year took it's toll. 

Still, nearly five months into the new year, I am beginning to feel excitement for my writing again. I am beginning to have new ideas and the ideas I've held onto forever are clicking into place or threading the gaps that have held me back from finishing them. Now, it's just a matter of getting back a semblance of the Grind, even if it wasn't the Grind of before, because I know I have to be kind to myself to survive and I hope my fellow creatives and readers have found or are finding that balance as well. 

Here's to building a new Grind in the new(ish) year.