A week went by and the day of the mission came. I stood looking out the window. I was waiting fro Petra to finish up in the bathroom so we could go. The plan was to go into Titan territory to assess the damage done to the gate if wall Maria. Only a few squads were going. As it was not an official mission the less people going on it the better. Being in the special operations squad I and the rest of team Levi were going along with the Commander and Captain Mike's squad. As I stood there the scene that played a week ago in the Captain's office played on my mind. I couldn't stop thinking about it. In a rather long winded way he had basically called me selfish but I never for once even thought of it that way. I always thought I was being selfless. That's the way my parents had taught me to be, then again what he said was true. I did never think about the people that might care about me. I imagined that Petra of all people would be devastated to see me go. She and I had been friends for a very long time. We trained side by side together and then decided to join the survey corps together. I think that I was the one that persuaded her to join and I have thought that maybe that was a mistake. She always gets so nervous before each mission, even though we had faced these monsters a thousands time. I wasn't much different. I was nervous before a mission but for different reasons. I was nervous about all the lives that could be lost, all the people that were bing sent to their deaths. I was never nervous for myself. Was that a bad thing? I never thought so but after the conversation with the Captain I wasn't so sure. Petra came out of the bathroom fully dressed.

"Lets go." I said and the two of us left the room. We found the guys in the stables, straddling their houses already.

"Where have you two been?" Asked Gunther. "Your late."

"I know we're sorry." I said.

"It's my fault."

"Did you get the runs again?" Said Oluo.

"Oluo it's perfectly normal to get nervous before a mission." I said defending her.

"Remember the first mission when she pissed herself." He said.

"I do but I also remember you doing the same thing." I sighed at him and walked up to Bonnie. "Morning girl. We've got a lot to go today."

"Do you always talk to your horse?" Said the Captain appearing out of nowhere.

"Oh Captain. I didn't see you there."

"I told you my name is Levi."

"Yes of course. Sorry." I apologised. I didn't understand why he insisted that I call him by his first name. The others didn't, why was I any different.

"We will be moving out in ten minutes." He said addressing everyone in the stable.

"Sir may I ask what the objective of this mission is?" Asked Gunther.

"It is to assess the damage done by the Titans. We cannot do much more until we have as much information on the situation out there as we can."

"But there are so few of us going out there Sir." Said Petra sounding a little nervous.

"That was the point. Only two squads are going, those that a skilled in combat. Our job is to protect the Commander. There is no point taking the rest of the corps as there would be many needless deaths. We decided that this was the best way. We need to be in and out, back by nightfall. On one hand our small numbers could be an advantages, we won't attract too many Titans but if they spot us we are in trouble because there are so few of us. This is why we will have to avoid being seen and making contact with the Titan's. Unless the pose a threat leave the beasts be." The Captain jumped on to his horse.

"So this isn't an official mission then." Said Oluo.

"That's correct, this is nothing more than a side mission."

I sat on my horse just behind Captain Levi and Hanji who was beside him. The Commander was at the front of the small gathering of survey corps cadets. Beside him was Captain Mike then guy who when I first met him sniffed me intently. Apparently that was normal for him but it was still enough to creep me out. I looked around me at the people from the Shinganshina were everywhere. They looked hungry and weak. I could only think of the trauma they might have been threw when there hometown was taken by Titans. Then a rather old looking woman appeared at my side. A mad look in her eyes she clung to my green survey corps cape. Tears poured down her face uncontrollable.

"Please if you see my grandson please bring him home." She pleaded with me. From the corner of my eye I could see the Captain watching the encounter between myself and the desperate woman.

"Your grandson?"

"Yes that's right. Please he is the only thing I have left. He was so small he must be so scared out there by himself."

"What does he look like miss?" I asked her. I knew that he grandson was most likely dead but I couldn't bring myself to tell her that. She was hoping and praying that he was still alive. It looked like she was clinging to me as her last hope and I couldn't bring myself to tell her the bitter truth. Maybe that was selfish or perhaps mean to the woman. She needed to be told the truth sooner or later but in the time of despair it is important to keep whatever hope you could.

"He is small. Only five years old, blond hair and brown eyes. He is tough for his age and smart too."

"I promise to keep a look out. If I find him I will bring him back but be prepared for the worst."

"Oh thank you miss. You are a saint please be safe out there."

"Thank you for your kindness. I will be." The crying woman then turned and left, still crying out for a grandson which I knew she would never see again...