I sat up from my bed and gingerly placed my feet on the ground. I sighed, just doing that was painful. I pushed myself up, placing most of my weight on my left leg. I was on my own, Petra hadn't been there when I woke up again. I was feeling pathetic, how many times was I going to pass out? Hopefully that just didn't happen at Jake's funeral. Petra said she would come and get me just before it started but she wasn't here and it was almost time. She'd probably got caught up which was fine, it just meant I had to make it over there on my own. I spotted the crutches leant against the opposite wall. I sighed again and lifted my right leg up and slowly began to hop over to them on my left. Sharp pains shot through my leg, black spots appeared in my vision and I felt hot bile rise in her throat again. I stopped, breathing hard trying to keep my first meal in two days down. My vision went completely black for a second and before I knew it I could feel myself falling. No, I screamed and then I stopped. I felt a strong arm stopping me, saving me from face planting onto the floor. I couldn't see who it was, my vision was still black but I was thankful to whoever it was.

"Tch, what the hell do you think you're doing? You're not well enough to be doing that." Levi, I said in my head. A smile founded on my lips and her vision slowly came back into focus. I pulled myself closer to him, loving his scent, his warmth, that way the pain seemed to vanish when I was with him.

"Thank you Levi." I said with a sigh of relief as I rested my head on his chest. "I-I think I'm okay now though." I said pushing myself off him. He felt a little reluctant to let go but he did anyway. He watched in completely silence while a slowly began to walk towards the crutches again. A stomach churning pain shot through my leg again. I didn't fall but grabbed my leg in pain and closed my eyes, waiting for the pain to fade.

"Just stay where you are. I'll get them." Captain Levi told me. I watched as he grabbed the crutches and walked back over to give them to me. I took them from his hands looking at the bored expression he wore on his face. "What is it with you and pushing yourself past your breaking point?" He asked me suddenly. I smiled at him nervously and looked at the floor.

"Honestly...I don't know. I guess that's just always what I have had to do. If I hadn't...I never would have made it this far."

"Just be careful, you're just going to be a hassle if you faint in the middle of the ceremony."

"Of course. I'll try and stop that from happening Sir."

"It's Levi."

"Oh right, sorry." I said as I started to make my way towards the door on the crutches. Captain Levi watched me hobbled past him and towards the door. Just as I reached the door, I put my weight on my good leg so I could reach out and open the door but as a I did a saw a hand reach it seconds before I did. I looked up to see Levi, his faces inches from mine as he looked at me. I felt my face become red. He looked a little hesitant, like there was something he wanted to say but they he must have decided against it because he took a step away from me and towards the door. He opened it and stood outside, holding the door and waiting for me to come through. Still feeling flustered and rushed through the door as fast as I can. "Thank you."

"Don't mention it." He replied bluntly not giving me so much as a glance. He left the door swing back into place and then instantly began to walk away from me. I rushed to catch up with him. For a second back there I really thought he was going to kiss me...did I want him to kiss me though? Did I want to kiss him? Yes, yes I did. I wanted to kiss him, I wish he had but at the same time if he had it would have been wrong. He is my Captain, to have a relationship with him would be total unprofessional. I thought back to that time, the time when he asked me if things between us would be different if he wasn't my Captain. I couldn't answer it then but I know now. The answer is yes, if he wasn't my Captain things would be different. I wouldn't feel so guilty about wanting to kiss him. It wouldn't feel wrong to have these inappropriate thoughts about him. The others were right, they had been right all along. I was in love with Captain Levi, Jake helped me to realize it. When he kissed me, I wanted it to be Levi. Jake...just thinking about him made my heart ache. I love Captain Levi but I still had feeling for Jake. He was so kind to me, I would have been lucky to have him by my side. I...want him by my side. I don't want him to be dead, I want him to smile at me like he did before, or rub the back of his head like he did when he was nervous. I sighed, my leg heart, my heart felt like it was made of lead, my head hurt from thinking too much, my eyes stung, my stomach was churning constantly and I knew I was seconds away from passing out again. Where had I gone so wrong in life to end up in such a dire situation as that. Levi glanced back at me over his shoulder.

"Are you alright or what?" He asked in his usual bored tone.

"Yes, I'm fine thank you."

"You don't have to lie to me Drew. If there's something on your mind, it's better to get it off your chest."

"I-I'm confused."

"About what?"

"Well..." How was I meant to answer that without giving away my feelings. "Jake, mostly. Still trying to get to grips with the fact that he's gone. It's strange, no matter how many people you lose it never gets any easier does it?"

"No it doesn't. I can understand you're confusion right now. You had feeling for the guy but he was taken from you before you could come to terms with them. It's felt you more confused than ever."

"I'm still not sure if my feelings towards Jake were romantic at all but I certainly had strong feelings for him. Have you ever been in love?..If you don't mind me asking."

"I have."

"Oh..." My heart panged with jealousy.

"I still am. You see the woman I have given my heart to is an idiot. She throws her life away at a moment's notice. She's blind to the fact that I do things for her that I don't do for anyone else. She fails to notice my feelings at every single turn and she always tries to put as much distance between herself and I as possible."

"Why is that?"

"I suppose it's because she doesn't think much of herself. She's doesn't see what those around her see. We see a strong, beautiful woman all she sees when she looks in the mirror is someone that's expendable. Like I said before she's an idiot, a little brat that won't let anything happen between us because she believes it wrong." I frowned, who is he talking about? This all sounds strangely familiar.

"Do I know this person?"

"I would say you know her very well."

"May I ask her name?"

"You're smart Drew, I'm sure you'll figure it out. When you do, come and see me. Just don't keep me waiting long." He said. I frowned, what? The rest of the way was done in complete silence. I played his words over and over again in my head, who? Who was the woman that he loved so much? And why was I so angry at her? I didn't even know who she was. I looked up to see the others stood around a small handmade wooden cross. It was dark already but they all carried touches. What was I thinking? I was at Jake's funeral and I was thinking about Captain. It wasn't right, disrespectful to him...especially since he had cared for me...

"We didn't think you would make it." Commented Gunther as he saw the two of us approach.

"Are you even sure you should be here Drew? You don't look so good." Eld said as he looked at me.

"I'm alright." I told them as I limped over. Captain Levi stood beside me with his arms folded. I felt like I was going to be sick again at any moment. My leg was killing me, my head was flooded with thoughts and my heart was heavy as I stared at Jake's wooden gravestone.

"So I know we didn't really know Jake long but as a member of our squad we deserves a proper send off." Petra said breaking the silence that had fallen between us. Even though we were outside the air felt suffocating, funerals were always a hard thing to attend...no matter how many you had been too.

"He was a good fighter." Oluo followed up. "A man of great honour and was duty bound till the end."

"A man of great passion and integrity, he was taken from us far too soon." Gunther added.

"I wish we could have had the chance to get to know him better and grow with him as a squad." Eld finished. Tears were starting to fill my eyes but I couldn't let them fall, I didn't want to cry in front of them. I had to remain strong. Everyone turned to look at me, Captain Levi wouldn't say anything but I wasn't sure I could speak without becoming a blubbering mess. I took a deep breath and slowly let it out.

"Jake...was someone who had a very loving heart. He was the kind of man that wouldn't sit back and let other suffers. He was fearless in the face of death and danger, he put his life on the line to help others. A trait he and I shared. He disobeyed orders and followed his heart instead of the word of his commanders. A trait that perhaps doesn't make a great soldier...but one that makes a great man...a man that humanity will greatly miss..."