Chapter 16

As a man I have prided myself for being largely in control of myself and my own emotions. As a con, I have taken pleasure in the knowledge of my ability to remain rational in situations where even the skilled cons would be feel jittery. It would be unnatural if I ever lost myself to emotions, and yet this seemed to be happening at the moment, as I left my cane back in its storage area, never to use it again until my next period of pain. My condition had improved quite steadily on its own, and I finally now knew the freedom of walking without the inconvenience of a cane, without the self-consciousness of a man who walked with sharp taps charting his movement. I should feel happy, if not just the slightest bit of relief. Yet, none of it happened to me as I stopped in the middle of the study, not even wanting to sit down. The door clicked shut behind me.

"I believe I have warned every single person in acquaintance to me to never find visitation to me at my house for business purposes." My words flowed with barely controlled anger, and in a flash I remembered the crazy surge of irrational rage that had coursed through me when I faced Ellen down. Back then, I had a gun and remarkably heightened power over her. Right now, I had barely a way to protect myself from a gun and a conman who was on the same level as me in the con world.

"Why the anger?" Hayden asked nonchalantly, as if he couldn't understand my insistence at secrecy and privacy.

"You ask me?" I asked, spinning around to glare at him while he watched back; coolly and calmly. "You, who has threatened Jon's and Kaylen's lives by appearing here, at the only place in my entire life that I keep away from conmen like us?"

"This is more than me coming here to talk." Hayden observed quickly and if I was irritated that he was still playing guessing games with me, what pissed me off was the fact that he had come to the right guess almost immediately. Exactly how much did he know about me and my nature? It was always part of me to never trust, and never be entirely trusted.

"Damn right it is!" I raised my voice a little louder -the first time I have ever done this to anyone. This was a different type of anger that I now had; an anger that wasn't murderous, just irritancy. "Enough that you walk over my rule and demand my research subjects be made known to you without my consent; you now endanger my life in search of yours!"

The shout subdued Hayden considerably, but I saw the small spark of anger light in his eyes. For some reason, though, my rational mind was taking a vacation as I stood with fist clenched, shaking with controlled anger.

"This is about me checking out rumors on the street for any news on Kristen? Surely you are not as irrational as this?" Hayden asked strictly, almost as if we were in a meeting on The Circle. The purely business tone had entirely taken over the initial playful moments, but still I could not forget the seriousness that I had heard before I walked in.

Is your mother Kristen?

He had been inches away from getting an answer. If he had added a surname, Kaylen would have gotten suspicious. If he had added some sort of elaboration –if I hadn’t come back on time, they would have found out about their relationship with each other. I had been only an inch away from letting the truth out. I had been only an inch away from incurring Hayden’s wrath at my keeping information from him.

I had been an inch away from losing Kaylen.

“Irrational; you call me, Hayden!” I yelled, not really sure why I was brimming with such madness. Was I really pissed off at him or myself for letting things brush so close to the surface? “Irrational, when you have abandoned your post in New York, flown all the way here to Miami and come to the one place in the States that you should not have ever stepped!”

“You must be losing your mind, Elxa.” Hayden’s reply was cool and calm, not exactly happy, but not tripped off either. The look on his face was one of strange uncertainty, with a slight mixture of the beginnings of revelation leaking into his face. “Surely this has nothing to do with Kaylen?”

It had everything to do with her.

Yet, it was nothing I could say, as I channeled my anger to something else.

“It has everything to do with the fact that you could never trust me enough to find your daughter and wife for you! If you came to me with a mission, you had my trust. And yet you fail to follow the strict rules of agreement, and go around poking into my affairs. You’ve tripped up many traps of my planning because of your crazy nosiness, Hayden!” I accused –this first time with this much of a flare. This was real insanity falling upon me; I have never lost my top so crazily at anyone before.

Yes, I have been betrayed, I have had my hard work washed down the drain by nosy individuals before. In fact, this loss of a deal in Moscow going wrong had only minimal damage, for my conman had managed to escape the scene and destroyed all evidence in time before the Russian Feds caught on. It was just a minor side business deal that had gone wrong, and yet here I was, getting angry and potentially upsetting my good relationship with Hayden over it.

What was wrong with me?

“What is it that you think I have done?” Hayden demanded, starting to frown at the accusations I was making.

“Are you going to deny yourself, then? Are you going to deny all responsibility and tell me you have nothing to do with the fact that you have been asking around yourself, snooping in places that you should not be?”

“I am a conman, Elxa! What do you expect from me; if not snooping, conning and stealing information where I can get them?” Hayden suddenly seemed to explode, barking his reply as if he couldn’t stand being yelled at. Two could play at the shouting game, as I glared hard at him. How could blue eyes so angry ever be manifested on eyes so similar to his daughter’s was something far beyond me, but I shoved Kaylen far from my mind as I stared down at him. We were cons of the same profession, the same level, the same situation and yet Hayden found nothing in our friendship.

“I expect you to stay out of my god-damned matters!” Seeing an angry opponent, equal in strength and power as me, incited the urge within me as I rushed up against him, taking him by surprise for I had never been a physical man. Taking him by the lapels of his casual suit, I slammed him against the wall beside the door, fisting my hands in the smooth cloth as I pinned him there. “I expected you, Hayden Seyfried, to show some trust and understand that I need time to find your wife and daughter! Now that you have upset the delicate work, it could be ages before I find them again! A conman you are; if you don’t understand the nature of the work that I do!”

The myriad of expressions that flit across his face would have been comical if not for the fact that we were in a tensed situation. At first there was shock and wonder, then confusion. A flash of hope chased quickly –following after my declaration that I had been close to finding his family –then dismay took his features in realization of his movements. Finally, he settled to an emotion that I was currently very –madly –familiar with.

“You say that; Elxa, when you are the one who kept all those information from me! You sent me chasing after the wrong leads, after the wrong women and gave me endless false hope! Hayley was right; you were playing me right from the start. I trusted your professionalism in your work, Elxa. I trusted that you wouldn’t see me as a man with a weakness to exploit, but a man with a favor yet to claim and yet you betray your code and play me right from the beginning. Getting Kristen’s ring was just another joke you play on me –to bait me and keep me waiting, keep me willing and happy.” Hayden retorted, swiping my hands away roughly form his suit now that he had gotten over the shock of my physical move. Pressing strong hands on the blades of my shoulders, he gave me a rough shove that had me stumbling backwards while he advanced, regaining the steps he’d stumbled back.

His fists began clenching, as if he couldn’t do anything but wish for them to fly faster at me.

“If you think that, Hayden,” I said coldly, sneering. The madness that rushed through my veins left as quickly as they came, and the exhausting lethargy came in their place as I maintained my distance away from the angry conman. I didn’t even want to think about how the both of us had ruined this budding friendship built on mutual trust. “Then our agreement is off. I now see that it hadn’t been you asking. It had been Hayley. She was always the suspicious one, but the fact that you never trusted my abilities enough to let her question, to let her circumvent our agreement rules and disrupt my business, my livelihood and my safety… You say I have been giving you false hopes, Hayden. Then let me destroy them once and for all. Your wife is dead. Your daughter is gone from you forever and you may never get to know her. Forget fretting about telling her that you are a conman. Forget fretting how she will receive you.”

I reached to the file that had been sitting at the bottom of the neat pile on my desk, showing its title to Hayden. Titled upon it was ‘Possible locations of Hurst, Kristen’. Hayden’s eyes widened as his gaze rested on it, but he had severed it all from me with this visit.

I dropped the file into the shredder, listening to the machine whirr, the blades cutting and eating paper.

The cry of a distraught man escaped from Hayden’s throat.

“She will never receive you anymore.” I announced with cold, heartless and emotionless finality.

It seemed to break Hayden finally. The man who had been barely holding up the past 21 years; the man who had buried himself in the con world after his private world gave itself up for his cons –Hayden Seyfried finally broke.

Hayden Seyfried had once lost everything –his parents, his sister. Once, Hayden had been caught by FBI and made to serve as a CI. But when Hayley returned to New York, she had gotten him out of the Bureau, and even made his handler turn sides to work for the cons. Hayden had had his lifetime of pains.

This was probably the stab wound in his heart that I had managed to turn over and over with one single movement.

There was an almost inhumane roar of anger, and the pain exploded between my eyes as knuckles connected. Blinding whiteness flashed in my vision, and the crush of cartilage was a horrible sound in my ears. The whooshing sound of liquid flowing quickly followed shortly after as my head snapped back, neck straining in the sudden jerking movement it was subjected to.

I stumbled a few more steps back, regaining a distance away from Hayden as he straightened again, blue eyes of fiery anger glaring at me. On his knuckles were grazes of my blood, but his fingers flexed as if he desired another round.

“If you must destroy me, then I will make you come to Hell with me.” He promised icily, and I heard the intent and determination clear in his voice. Something inside tells me I should be afraid, or even just a little wary.

But instead, I feel nothing but satisfaction. As if a burden had been relieved from my shoulder, I pressed the bridge of my throbbing nose, but laughed nasally. It was cold, grating, sharp laughter and it definitely took a wary edge to Hayden’s passionate anger.

“I am already in Hell. How far can you damn me more than I already have done?” I questioned, my words extremely nasal. I could taste the metallic blood on my lips already.

Hayden looked as if he was ready to say something for a moment. But he changed his mind at the last moment, as he clenched his fists tight again. He pursed his lips, and gave one last scathing glare before stalking to the door, wrenching it open.

A squeal came surprisingly from the other side of the open door.

“M-M-Mr. H-H-Hayden, y-y-your phone…” The stammer was heard obviously and I watched as Hayden snatched something from her hands. There was no offered word, but it was for the best as I heard him stomp away. A long moment later, Hayden saw himself out with a loud, house-crashing slam of the door.

“Mr. Elxa! Y-Your nose!” Kaylen came running into the study, still afraid but mostly worried as she fussed, trying her best to stop the bleeding. I was too tired to protest as I was made to sit down, tilting my head back. There was no asking what Hayden had done to me, but Kaylen purposefully ignored the questions in her mind as she rushed to clean me up.

Jon came out at one point –having been interrupted by the slam of the door when Hayden left. Upon seeing my bloodied face, I detected a hint of satisfaction flitting past his face before he ducked away again, back into his room as if he hadn’t been affected at all.

I closed my eyes and dealt with the pain.

It wasn’t just the broken nose. A broken nose could heal easily.

A broken relationship couldn’t. Especially not after how badly I’d broken Hayden.

It was an apology for later.

I only hoped I would be alive enough for an apology by then.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

It was like nothing had happened at all. It was strange; how a conman with such power as him had done nothing against me. Nothing relatively harmful to me. Nothing relatively threatening at all. If it was a way to build tension, then he had achieved his goal, but I was not a fellow member on The Circle for no reason either. I knew how to deal with tense situations, and I only took the chance to boost the securities of the house, making sure that no one had tracked him to my place.

Jon and Kaylen remained blessedly unknowing of everything –save the fact that Kaylen was now beginning to drift further from me, greeting with less smiles. There was no questions whether she had heard Hayden and my shouting fight through the study door, but it remained a fact that ever since that day, she’d begun to distance herself from me.

It was for the better; I told myself.

But as a man, I knew when it was time to give up everything that I had been holding on to uselessly. I knew it was time to stop the craziness, the folly and the stupidity that had been chasing after me ever since I met her that night. I should never have tried to rob her –never should have been on that train. I should never have scoped her out to find her the most vulnerable target on the train. I should never have followed her on instinct; never should have chased after the robber for her sake. Never should have helped her.

Never should have fallen for her.

I took a deep breath and gained as much courage and bravery as I could in that one intake of breath. If mental strength could ever be gained in such a way, then I would have breathed a few more times, booting up the laptop sitting in front of me. Many times; this laptop had been my weapon, my tool for destruction. I had wired a million fund transfers with this laptop, sent and received information that the corporate world would render me their God if they ever knew.

It was time to give up the struggle.

I called up the file from the desktop, eyes scanning through the profiles, making sure that they were accurate and up to date. I wouldn’t want to be accused of sending false, outdated or inaccurate information. I might have cancelled the deal, but I still needed to regain what shred of professionalism in my work I had left.

I signed into the mail, typed in a single address. I attached the file, and with it a single message, “Forgive me.”

I hope I’m doing the right thing, May. I hope you’re smiling at me from above, Jed.

I hovered the cursor over the ‘Send’ Button.

This is for you, Kaylen.

I closed my eyes and pressed the button.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

It was an hour, and still no reaction. A conman shouldn’t ever take so long to react; it made me wonder if Hayden was still alive at all. Was it possible that Hayden had done something stupid after he left my place? Had he been really so mad with grief and anger that he’d gone and done something irrevocable?

Surely it couldn’t be. If so, Hayley would be at my door now, exacting her vengeance twice-fold. Besides Jeremy, there was no man she cared more than her darling little baby brother. It seemed as if until he was safe in the hands of a woman who could control him, Hayley would never let him go. Initially, the woman had been Kristen Hurst, but she’d uprooted and all but left him 21 years ago.

I stared at phone I held in my hand. I hadn’t even been aware that I’d picked it up again until now. I stared at the keypad, waiting patiently for my thumb to slide over its smooth glass surface. What kind of an apology would this make if I called him? There was no predicting Hayden’s reaction. Would I still be slighted? Would I be forgiven –his anger giving way to the gratitude of finally giving him closure after 21 years?

I never thought Hayden’s forgiveness was so important to me. Had I gotten soft?

The display changed, and the vibrating started within my palms. A little startled, I saw that the screen now displayed the notification of an incoming call. It was from a blocked caller.

Breathing deep to brush aside weak thoughts, I picked up the call.

“Dal.”

“Ellen is on the move.” The voice was of it was of someone faintly familiar, but the report definitely sank in quickly. Ever since May’s sister left, promising my downfall, I had been keeping tabs on her. It was just another natural thing to do as a conman –to be wary of anyone who could potentially be their downfall. Throughout the month, all I’d known Ellen to be doing was only to amass her supporters –the conmen and women against me and my rule on The Circle. They were planning something against me, but I was Elxa Dal. Little took me by surprise anymore.

“They are putting their plan to action, whatever it may be?” I confirmed, and was replied by an affirmative grunt in reply.

“Good.” I answered with a hint of satisfaction. It was time Ellen understood that dealing against a conman like me wasn’t the best thing to do. It was time I reiterate the reason I was on The Circle. I was not a man comfortable being headlines and rarely made myself world famous –partly also the reason why I was one of the safest, most unknown persona on The Circle that had yet been catalogued by many large bureaus. “Let her come my way.”

“Mr. Dal, aren’t you worried? One of Ellen’s supporters just called in a crate of weapons. I am sketchy around the edges, but I heard there’s enough to power a small mob.” The worried voice came through the phone again, but I smiled –even though there was no one else to see it.

“Let them. Even if they were to order a hundred crates me; let them. They are simply little kids, playing around with pencils and thinking themselves adults. Keep me updated. War is coming again.”

“Yes, Mr. Dal.” Came the studious report, and I hung up the call, staring again at the empty keypad. Suddenly, I wasn’t so worried anymore. So what if Hayden hadn’t seen my mail? So what if he really was struggling with his demons, plotting something against me?

This was nothing. This moment of my life; it was nothing at all.

I have lived fifteen years alone, making my name for myself. I have lived as a young member on The Circle –nary just a teenager –and made my name known in the con world. I have lived fifteen years, keeping Jon safe from outside influence. I have lived fifteen years –getting shot, getting in bad deals, being betrayed. I have gone through the ups and downs any conman could ever be put through. Fifteen years of that –having only just escaped my teenage years after May’s death.

I had taken care of Jon alone since he was 4.

This was nothing.

I am Elxa Dal.