Chapter 15

“Hey Dad, look at me. Think back and talk to me. Did I grow up according to plan? And do you think I’m wasting my time doing things I want to do. But it hurts when you disapprove all along.” I sang loudly in the largely empty house with no audiences to judge, wiping the generally already-clean surface of the tables, chairs, display sets and everything that had a surface I could reach.

Jon was in his room, finally embracing his fashion designing dreams and blasting his own music through his earpieces. Mr. Elxa was outside on business, which meant that I had largely the entire apartment to myself, to the space to fill with my squawky singing voice.

“And now I try hard to make it. I just wanna make you proud. I’m never gonna be good enough for you. I can’t pretend that I’m alright. And you can’t change me.” I continued, trying to infuse as much emotions as I could to the song. Perfect was an old song from Simple Plan, but it was still heart-wrenching in the way it was sung, and paired with the touching lyrics, it never failed to make me want to cry. Disappointing the expectations of a father wasn’t something I faced –for I never knew my father –but it was a very real problem, at least here in Miami where I knew many teenagers my age having daddy issues.

Perhaps that was why Jon loved this song so much too. It was sad, how Mr. Elxa had totally failed to acknowledge Jon’s reaching out to him through the blasting of this song through the speakers. Had Mr. Elxa thought it was all just Jon being a rebellious teenager, and not thought about the choice of songs?

“'Cause we lost it all. Nothing lasts forever. I’m sorry, I can’t be perfect. Now it’s just too late, and we can’t go back. I’m sorry, I can’t be perfect.”

It was a sad song to sing, but it made me sad in so many other ways. While other kids outside had problems such as these with their dads, I had been alone with my mother. Yes, Kathryn Hurst was a perfect mother and father rolled into one –because she could literally do everything. She wasn’t afraid of cockroaches, knew how to fix the pipes and everything that went wrong; knew how to earn enough to support us; knew how to cook amazing food; knew how to bring me up alone. My mother was perfect, and I dared to say she was easy on me growing up –with no expectations except for me to be happy.

But it just wasn’t the same as having a father. Maybe it was because of the fact that I didn’t have a father figure in my life as I grew up, it naturally made me more uncomfortable around the boys when I first got to know the existence of the opposite gender. My awkwardness only made it worse, and things didn’t get much better as I grew up relying on my mother.

If I had a father –if he was around –perhaps I would have turned out different. Perhaps I would already to a popular, famous model, confident of herself and her appearance. Perhaps I would enjoy the sight of seeing my father deterring potential boyfriends, threatening them and making sure his darling daughter only got the best.

But they were all perhaps.

“I try not to think about the pain I feel inside. Did you know you used to be my hero? All the day you spent with me now seems so far away. And it feels like you don’t care anymore.” The second verse continued the heart-breaking theme as I grabbed the small vase placed beside the decorative lamp, pretending that it was my microphone, and that I was a superstar delivering my own heart-stabbing rendition of the song.

“Nothing’s gonna change the things that you said! Nothing’s gonna make this right again! Please don’t turn your back; I can’t believe it’s hard just to talk to you. But you don’t understand!” The third, most emotional verse hit as I sang with all my heart, fit to break in the moment. Still, I continued to rub the surface clean with the cloth in my free hand, for I wasn’t hired here to be singing my lungs out –adding to the noise pollution of the car horns occurring downstairs.

I would have continued the song right till the end, but a doorbell that sounded surprised me. Ever since the last time anyone visited –Ms. Ellen –the doorbell had pretty much never been any active at all, and I’d almost forgotten the strange foreign sound of it before it rang clear through the living area.

Leaving the cloth and embarrassing microphone/vase back on the table, I skipped quickly over to the door to answer the doorbell.

Upon opening the door to the visitor, I got somewhat of a pleasant surprise.

“Coz we lost it all. Nothing lasts forever, I’m sorry I can’t be perfect.” Hayden continued in a surprisingly melodious singing voice –a change from his generally deeper tenor voice. The grin that hung stupidly on his face wasn’t exactly apt to the type of song he was singing, but I understood enough to know he’d most definitely through the door, for he picked up where I stopped.

“Mr. Hayden!” I greeted, not sure how to reply to his tease of me. “Are you here to visit Mr. Elxa? He’s not in right now.”

“That’s a pity.” Hayden’s grin didn’t even change at that comment. “But that would be only a lie. I was here to have a casual chat with him, but now that I’ve found out where he’s been hiding his plus-one all this while, surely this journey down here from New York isn’t a total waste?”

“Oh, I’m sorry you missed him.” I replied brightly, stepping aside to invite him in. Perhaps I shouldn’t be so trusting of men I met at the door, but technically Hayden wasn’t someone I met at the door. After the cruise had anchored on harbor, Hayden had insisted accompanying me and Mr. Elxa to the hospital, where Mr. Elxa, still unconscious, was treated and I was checked for any possible signs of trauma. “You should have called before you came.”

“I’ll be honest, Ms. Kaylen.” Hayden explained as he conscientiously removed his dress shoes in a quick movement. “I purposely didn’t call to make sure I could stay here a few moments longer. If he was here, then I would finally get to meet him ever since that function. If he wasn’t, then I would be able to take advantage and hopefully get an insight of what Mr. Elxa’s life is like within these walls.”

The open, unmasked curiosity of Hayden’s mirrored mine, for I had been wondering how a man could ever live such a mundane, hard way of life. Still, no one had dared to say such a thing aloud, and Hayden appearing at the door with such strange frankness was... well, refreshing.

"I would gladly put in anything to ease your curiosity, but I'm stumped too. I'm in all sense, simply Jon's handler. I stay here and do the housework and follow the boy around and make sure he stays sane and safe. Job scope doesn't exactly include Mr. Elxa anywhere in there." I explained why inviting the visitor to the sitting area, but he seemed to have other plans for he turned quickly, easily and comfortably to settle in the living area himself.

"Do see me a visiting familiar, Ms. Kaylen. I do not wish to be viewed with formalities." Hayden informed lightly, inviting himself to the couch as if he belonged there. "Though I do appreciate a cup of tea and a beautiful woman's company while I wait for Elxa."

The informality of Mr. Hayden was definitely something comfortable, and it did help that he had been nothing but caring and charming ever since I met him. Granted; I knew I would never fall for a man probably twenty years older than me, but no one could deny the fact that he had broad shoulders and a very handsome face. Add on to the fact that he must be pretty rich to afford hosting a cruise function for his business associates, Hayden was a perfect catch despite his age. Of course; it was all on the assumption that he was single, but the simple band of metal around his left ring finger seemed to claim otherwise.

"Do you need me to ring Mr. Elxa? I'm sure you are a busy man." I asked with concern while preparing the tea, pleasantly ignoring his comment about a certain beautiful woman. Hayden definitely knew his ways with words and women, for how could I be considered a beauty hiding behind summer shorts, a plain tank top and no makeup at all? My hair was all bunned up messily, besides it all. There were no aspects of me considered pretty at all, but Hayden still rained the flattering comments down as if they were free for the giving, spoken with his heart. Of course, he could only be harmlessly flirting with me, but I took all the flattering I could get anywhere. After all, my childhood had been one spent being awkward and unsociable –save with my mother.

“I’ve cleared my plans to come down to Miami. I need a break from New York, anyway. Things are getting really stuffy there, so I’m leaving everything to my sister and Jeremy right now.” Hayden breezed his reply quickly and I returned to the living area to see him settling easily on the couch as if this was his second home –as if he owned everything and was totally comfortable in it.

“You are taking a short break?” I clarified, setting the tea on the low table before the couch, then helping myself to a seat beside him, for it seemed only apt that I remained by him for company while he waited for Mr. Elxa to come back –which could be at any moment.

“You can say that. To my sister; I’m on a business call to make sure Mr. Elxa’s all recovered well after that fateful night. To me, however, I’m just looking for a place to unwind for a while. It’s been long since I’ve last experienced such freedom.” Hayden shrugged, sipping the tea and smacking his lips softly in appreciation.

“Surely you have some time set aside for resting, Mr. Hayden?” I enquired, for he had always struck me a man who was quick to find relaxation moments.

“Call me Hayden, please. Given the nature of my work, I’m kept forever on my toes. Everyone in our industry’s like that. I’m always waiting for the bomb to drop, waiting for the next call of death.” He explained in reply, rubbing his brows as if it could rub away the frown that had been quick to form on his forehead at the thought of his job.

“Surely it is not so dramatic?” I asked skeptically. Yes, I understood the corporate business world was a dangerous one to be dealing with –especially with such huge finances running in and out of the system every second. A single moment could destroy a businessman’s future, but if Hayden had –obviously –made it big, then didn’t it mean that he was more or less secured of at least a comfortable future after all the profits he must have made thus far?

He replied me with a strange look, but erased it quickly when he turned his attention back to the tea cup, as if trying to avoid the fleeting moment.

“There’s much you don’t understand about our industry, Kaylen –I can call you that, can I? Elxa doesn’t want to involve Jon in it, and from what I understand, neither does he want you involved. So I’ll spare the details, and jump to the end to tell you that it’s a world you shouldn’t ever dabble with. If you do, you’ll never come out of it without restraints.” The cheerful, charming Hayden was gone in a quick second, and a serious man took his stead as he purposefully focused his intent on taking a composed sip from his teacup, refusing to let his gaze wander as it watched his progress of letting the teacup rest back on its saucer on the table.

“O-okay.” Wariness was in my voice, for what could I say? Mr. Elxa had made sure that I shouldn’t –under any circumstances –try to sneak into his office, or ask about his work. My job revolved around Jon, and anything related to Mr. Elxa unrelated to his son was totally off-limits to me. Thus far, the only thing I knew was the fact that Mr. Elxa was an important member in the society of his trading industry –as shown by the scene on the cruise –and that he had various, very strong and important contacts that made him powerful and strong.

“But there are tons more you can ask about me, tons more we can discuss. But first,” Hayden seemed to bounce back immediately, and then suddenly it was like the serious man had never been there. I learnt –only weeks after getting to know more of Hayden –that the man was pretty multi-personality, and he shuffled between them as quickly as a fashionista shuffled through her closet. “Perfect by Simple Plan? It isn’t something common I hear from beautiful women like you singing through doors. Surely you don’t have painful father issues?”

The way Hayden had asked the question –so lightly and breezing –made everything so easy. In all honesty, it felt as if Hayden was one of the world’s most easiest person I could talk to –my mother clinching the first place in that sector.

“No, I just like Simple Plan, and ‘Perfect’ is one of my favorite songs by them. I don’t really have father issues, but if the absence of one is an issue, then I guess I do.” I shrugged. I wasn’t really sure, but it was just something about Hayden that made me feel like I could trust him. It wasn’t only in the fact that Hayden had always been kind to me, showering me with flatteries when he –obviously –must knew that it bode well on my confidence level.

“You don’t have a father?” He asked, looking confused.

“Is that a problem?” The question wasn’t challenging, only curious why his expression was one of confusion. I wasn’t sensitive at all about the lack of a father. Probably because I knew my father really loved my mother, but my mother had chosen to be safe instead of sorry when it came to her daughter. I didn’t understand when I was young, but after I grew up and matured, I understood enough to not blame my father irrationally for not being by my side. As the daughter of a conman, how would I ever grow up right? I would grow up, scared of police, waiting for someone every day to come in to cuff my father up.

“How can someone as beautiful and self-confident survive without a father figure protecting you from lecherous boyfriend-wannabes?” Hayden asked, as if incredulous as this stroke of luck he seemed to find within me. Was he considering himself as one of those ‘lecherous boyfriend-wannabes’?

“My mother was pretty fierce at the ‘you better buck up or you’ll never have my darling daughter’ act, so she substituted for a father in that area.” I admitted with a blush. Would Hayden never get past the fact that I was ‘beautiful’? “Besides, I was never a sociable person, and every potential ‘lecherous boyfriend-wannabe’ thought I was too awkward and shy to even be a prey.”

“No way.” Hayden said, sitting up. My mind gave me a flash of image of a sorority girlfriend sitting up in her seat at the fresh piece of gossip, and I internally at the likeness that Hayden was displaying despite his obvious difference in status, gender and age. “You? Shy and awkward? Are you kidding me?”

“I try my best not to be now.” I admitted. “Mr. Elxa and Jon have both done much to help me discover how beautiful I really am. I get the crazy nervous jitters sometimes, but not so much now.”

“Enough to be talking to me so smoothly, I see.” Hayden observed with a stupid grin, and I couldn’t help but give him a grin back. I knew I shouldn’t trust just anyone I met –even if they were acquaintances to Mr. Elxa. I mean, Hayden had admitted that their world was a dangerous one. Cons and lies could be rife in their world, and Hayden could be putting only an act around me. Perhaps he was using me to get close to Mr. Elxa, or discover Mr. Elxa’s business secrets?

“Enough to be talking to you.” I agreed with a smile, deciding that it wouldn’t be too bad to entertain him. If he was harboring dangerous thoughts against Mr. Elxa and wishing to get to my employer through me, then I would be able to catch on quickly and hopefully grab some evidence from him to warn Mr. Elxa. If he was being genuinely nice and friendly, then I would have made a new friend in my strange new world after leaving my old, lonely secluded-apartment-uncherished-work-life World.

“You remind me of a special lady in my life.” Hayden commented suddenly after another sip of tea, in which he took delicately, as if he were the dining with the royalty of the United Kingdoms.

“Your wife?” I chanced a guess, giving a meaningful look at the ring around his ring finger when he casted a curios look at my question. He seemed to realize its existence only then, a faint smile drawing across his face as he brought the ring up, kissing it ever so gently in a loving motion that would make my heart break if my future boyfriend ever did that to any ring I ever gave him.

“I am not married, Kaylen.” He started lowly, looking lovingly at the ring. “But your guess was close. You remind me of my lover, my fiancé.”

“I’m sorry…” I rushed to apologize, but he raised a hand quickly as if to stop more words.

“Don’t be. Hayley always tells me I’m punishing myself by pretending that we married when we only got as far as to be engaged. But it works.” He looked down at the ring again, and gave it another kiss, looking back up at me when he was done with a gentle smile that finally made him look his age. “It’s been giving all interested women the idea that I’m not available, and that’s all I’m going to allow. I flirt heavily, Ms. Kaylen, but I’ll never settle down again.”

“What happened to her?” I ventured to ask, even though it might seem rude to pry. But he had given so many hints of a painful story that I felt compelled to listen. Besides, he wouldn’t tell me the shell of a story without filling in its contents, would he?

“She ran away with our infant daughter.”

“For a man?”

“Yes, me.”

“Excuse me?” I asked, a little confused now. He smiled faintly at my confused expression, as if trying to tell me with his clear blue eyes that it was okay to misunderstand the situation at hand.

“She left because of me. Because the nature of my work was dangerous, she packed her bags when my daughter was only a week old, and she never left an address. She changed her phone, her name, her address and disappeared into thin air. I never saw her again. I never heard from her again.”

“B-but… doesn’t she love you? She didn’t try to make it work?” It didn’t seem right to judge anyone as a third person, but wasn’t it such a pity that she never tried to make things work, for wouldn’t Hayden be a much happier man right now? I got the impression that beneath the lively, amiable and friendly façade, there was a man hurting inside. Was it influence from Mr. Elxa that Hayden kept his hurt and pain all beneath the mask of happiness?

“Rather, she tried too hard to make sure things worked. When she left, she left me nothing at all to worry about. No wife to worry about. No daughter to worry about. She left me with no one’s safety to think about, no child’s education to concern myself. Not even the minute things of seeing my daughter sick, or perhaps even just the thought of arguing with them. She took them all to consideration, and took those situations away from me, to give me leave to remain in my dangerous world.”

At that, Hayden looked a little sadder than usual, eyes focusing on his hands and fingers now as if he could not bear to hear or say more. The sad, painful pregnant pause of conversation settled between us, and though we were nowhere near best friends, I felt the compelling urge to do something to cheer him up. I reached out and closed my fingers over his hand, hoping he would understand that I was trying to give him support.

“If it takes your mind off things, my mother was like that too. She loved my father, but he was conman. She didn’t want our lives to be in danger, didn’t want me to grow up in an environment where running, cheating and lying would be the foundation of my youth. So even though they loved each other very much, she left with me.” I explained, but it must be something in the words I said, for Hayden –instead of being much more relaxed and comforted at the fact that I shared his feelings –stiffened even more. His breathing hitched, and eyes of clear blue pierced through me.

“Your father… is a conman?” His question was a soft whisper, a low breath as if he couldn’t bear to say anything louder than that volume.

“I hope he still ‘is’. I don’t know him at all. He could be dead.”

“How old are you, Kaylen?”

The sudden direct personal question tripped me as I hesitated, staring at the man who seemed to be starting to grow both excited yet suspicious. His gaze on me, if possible, only sharpened as if trying to spot things he had never seemed to spot before. I don’t know if he liked what he found, but his big eyes –similar to mine –tagged quickly back on my face.

“Um… I’m 21?” If my age was something to be surprised of, he was definitely surprised as his eyes only got brighter, his contained smile getting bigger. Some form of strange hope bled quickly to his eyes.

“Is your mother Kristen?”

Kristen? I had never heard of that name before. Well, even if I had, I most definitely didn’t remember it well, for my mother’s name was most definitely not Kristen. My mother was Kathryn Hurst.

“I don’t know why you’re asking for it, but my mother’s name was Kathryn. She passed away five years ago, Mr. Hayden.” I replied uncertainly, suddenly a little wary that Hayden might have gone cuckoo in the head.

Anything more I could have said was interrupted by the sound of doors opening, and clear footsteps stepping into the house. There was no asking who had returned home, for only Mr. Elxa and Jon, besides me, had the keys to the house and both Jon and I were at home.

What took my attention more at his arrival back home was the fact that there was no sharp tap when his footsteps came in. Hayden knew well too that his business associate was back, for we let silence pass between us as clear footsteps walked briskly to the living area. Jumping up to greet my employer, I watched with great delight as he walked in –without help from his cane. The cane was still held in his hand, but it did nothing to aid his walk.

“Mr. Elxa! You can walk by yourself again!” I exclaimed, forgetting the previous conversation with Hayden that had dangerously been going in the wrong direction. I wasn’t sure if I was happier being saved from an awkward conversation with Hayden, or the fact that Mr. Elxa could now walk on his own again.

There was a curt nod from Mr. Elxa, a very subtle hint that he wasn’t in the mood for exchanging light chatter. His tight expression didn’t change as hard black eyes travelled quickly from the standing me to Hayden sitting relaxed on the couch.

“Hayden, come to my study. We’ll talk there.” He announced in a strict voice, and it was one of the very few times I heard the sound of displeasure in his voice. I had heard frigid hostility in that voice against Ms. Ellen before, but this time was slightly different as Mr. Elxa was slightly less hostile, mostly more unhappy at Hayden for some reason.

Hayden, for his part, didn’t even show a single inkling of acknowledging Mr. Elxa’s displeasure. With a nonchalant expression, Hayden finished his tea, thanked me for the beverage as if we hadn’t almost been about to enter into a stranger area of conversation, and stood up to follow after Mr. Elxa.

Both men turned around the corner to make towards Mr. Elxa’s study, and disappeared without a second look backwards.

Shrugging, I turned back to continue my chore of brushing the place clean before I saw the black device sitting comfortably on the white leather couch. Wedged between cushions, the phone barely poked through to show itself, and since it was an unfamiliar design, wedged at the area that Mr. Hayden had only just abandoned, it was easy to assume who it belonged to.

Thinking to chase after the man, I reached forward to retrieve the phone between its comfortable wedges between the two plump cushions. I might have brushed a button, for the display lit up and showed a lock screen.

If Hayden’s strange questions hadn’t been raised only just moments before, I wouldn’t have been curious enough. If Mr. Elxa’s strange disappointment hadn’t been a cause for worry for me, I wouldn’t have been curious enough. But I wanted to know what it could be that upset Mr. Elxa, who must have heard our conversation from outside –since we hadn’t really bothered to keep our voices low. What was it about my and Hayden’s family that Mr. Elxa wasn’t happy about? It wasn’t his business, but somehow he seemed to make it so.

It was understandable that my curiosity was piqued, and fate had the moment of my fingers brushing the buttons to light up the lock screen.

On instincts, I turned the phone display up to take a glimpse at the screen, for there was no way I knew Hayden’s password to his phone.

But what I saw was enough to shock me.

A picture of a definitely younger version of Hayden –probably when he was in his teenage years or early twenties –standing beside a woman, smiling happily. She must be the woman he was speaking about with such love in his eyes, the woman who he pledged his ring to. The ring which he kissed ever so lovingly.

The woman in the picture was… without a doubt, my mother many years ago.