Chapter 14

It happens in a blink of an eye. There is no time to observe, to analyze, and to assess the risk of the moment. There no time at all to think. My body moved on its own accord, replying to instincts sharpened by years as a con. My mind struggled to catch up, but by then, I was already overboard.

The blackness of the sea flew up to meet me, but still all I heard was not the waves crashing against the side of the ship. All I heard was her scream, the fear in her eyes. Perhaps it was due to my being generally heavier, and the fact that I'd gone over the edge in a diving motion, I caught up to her mid-air, and by some divine affinity that I have never thought myself to believe in, my hand touched hers. There were only milliseconds to do anything, but I took my chance and pulled her up towards my body as hard as I could. Fighting against gravity was a crazy war while we were both falling like heavy rocks through air, but somehow her smaller body wrenches into my embrace. I barely have the time to hug her to me before, turning.

Her scream ends just as the icy cold hits my back with the force of a body flatly hitting the surface. I force my gasp back down my throat as insane, numbing coldness crashed all around us, and pain radiated. Squeezing my eyes shut, my lungs felt ready to burst, every inch of my muscles screaming with ache.

The gravity and momentum of falling continues to pull us through the water, but we were finally beginning to slow our descent. My heart hammered loudly, furiously against its cage, and my lungs protested with the greatest intensity. In the darkness, behind my closed lid, and all around us, I felt our descent come to a stop.

Buoyancy took almost a moment too late to set in, but I reacted quickly when it did –finally giving me a direction as to where to move towards. Upwards, I faced and desperately kicked my legs. With one arm still kept tightly around Kaylen, who was scarily not making any reaction at all, I threaded my free arm through the cold, sharp water.

It felt like forever, and still my thoughts never caught up properly. The pure instincts for survival set in, and it was all I could do to hold on to the meagre breath I’d barely managed to suck in before we hit the water. Rapidly, the cold was permeating through us, and our clothes were getting heavier, harder to move.

Still, I kicked and forced ourselves up. It would definitely be so much easier without Kaylen, but it would have defeated the purpose if I let her go. It was to bring her up to the surface with me, or nothing.

Survival began to get bleaker as I forced my reluctant muscles moving, and yet there was no sign of my breaking through the surface of the water. It never struck me how far we must have sunk, and even before rational thoughts could come to me, doubts filled my mind.

What if we just sank here like a brick? What if I wouldn’t be able to break the surface? What if I lost my last ounce of breath?

What would Hayden do upon realization that the woman who had drowned was in actual fact his daughter? What would Jon do, in realization that I had drowned? What would everyone on the cruise say about the infallible The Circle member Elxa Dal? How would I ever be remembered?

What would May and Jed say about this, should I ever meet them in the Afterworld?

I didn’t want to know, and so I stroked with all my might. The pressure in my lungs felt like breaking point, and my heart hammered so painfully, I would be surprised if there weren’t any broken ribs. By the impact of my body on the water surface, I was pretty sure some bones had been broken, but right now the cold and lack of air was a bigger threat than simply broken ribs.

With rational thoughts starting to come back was signs of optimism, and renewed determination. With a last bout of strength channeled to my limbs, I kicked harder, and stroked harder. The dead weight caught in my other arm refused to move, but still I refused to entertain thoughts. She had been screaming when we hit the water; it was only the impact of the water that had shut her brain of. She’s not hurt, I told myself sternly as I stroked once more, attacking the cold water hard. She’s just drowning.

It was not a nice thought, but nothing I could help as long as we were still underwater.

I was beginning to feel a little light-headed with the expiring breath kept tightly in my chest, and I knew I was going to succumb to the skipping of beats of my heart soon. In a few seconds more, I would be forced to let my breath go, and involuntarily, my lungs would take in water.

And then we broke the surface.

The first breath I tasted upon coming back into the atmosphere was probably the best that I had ever tasted, and I took relentless gulps of it, my hammering heart relishing the new intake of oxygen. I was no lifeguard, but I knew enough to tilt Kaylen’s head back to refrain from letting her breath in more water, letting her limp head lie on my shoulder as I did my best to keep us both afloat. The sharp sting of coldness was now a mere prick, but if we didn’t get out of the water soon, our body warmth wouldn’t stay for long.

The immediate danger of getting air was over, but the circumstances were equally dire; especially with my very-broken ribs and the old ache in my overworked leg.

Finally, I allowed myself to open my eyes, glad that I hadn’t been letting salt water rush into them. Blinking excess water out, I looked around for the nearest help in the form of the ship in which we had just abandoned deck from.

Perhaps replying to the scream belonging to Kaylen, or in answer to the fact that Hayden –who had been walking with me –must have reacted when I went jumping over the railing, the ship had stopped its course not very far away. It wasn’t considered a far distance, but it was no distance anyone would be able to swim to –especially with a weight in his arm.

The light of the ship was a blinding signal, and I squinted to see figures standing at the deck, peering worriedly in the dark. The side of the ship was in the processes of letting a lifeboat down on the sea; a lifeboat out to look for us. Relief coursed through me as I did my best to keep the both of us afloat, waiting for help to come while battling the painful fight against the strong hold of icy coldness.

I didn’t want to think of what marine predators could be lurking in their nightly hours, waiting for overboard guests from passing cruises.

Instead, I composed my mind quickly for I could not compose my physical self at the moment, letting my thoughts finally settling in the place where they all belonged.

Myriam had settled an agreement with me whereby I would provide him with the appropriate contacts that would help him in his next con, and he would set me up with a quarter of the shares he would eventually obtain, and include my involvement in his credits. After that, I had gone trying to look for Kaylen, bumping in her father on the deck instead. Realizing that I was looking for my beautiful plus-one, Hayden had been delighted to get the chance to talk to her again, on a more comfortable position on the deck, and thus had embarked on the searching with me.

We had been rounding the side for any signs of the woman I’d brought along with me on the cruise when I saw the scene unfold before me. A man, dressed all black, had been holding her roughly, forcing her leaning back as he leaned forth. Hand over her mouth, he’d forced down any screams she might have made. His intent had been clear when he shoved her, letting her go and stepping back in satisfaction when she pivoted over the edge.

I had never left a single moment of thought ever since I ran diving over the railing to chase after her in her descent.

The lifeboat had finally begun moving away from its mother ship, and flashlights were beginning to scour its surroundings, looking for the two guests who had apparently decided to take a dip in the freezing temperatures of the sea water.

“Elxa! Kaylen!” I was unsure to be surprised or honored to hear Hayden’s and Jeremy’s voice both calling for me and my overboard companion. Rather, I’d expected for only ship crew members to be sent. Who would willingly risk crumpling their well-pressed suit to come climbing to the lifeboat to search for their missing guests?

There was no sense wasting my voice calling out too early, and thus I waited as they drifted near and in hearing range. The cold must have made my voice hoarse, but I no longer felt most of my limbs. I couldn’t see in the dark, but I would easily have lost a bet if someone bet on my hands and legs being blue with cold.

A stir came around at my call for help, and it took the efficient team of rescue members only a short time to find me. The light almost seemed blinding as it shone upon me –a stark contrast to the dark, star-lit sky. The lifeboat floated by my side, and I squinted enough to make out the silhouette of a pair of familiar figures of my hosts of the night.

Hands lifted the unconscious Kaylen from me, and I was hauled quickly out of the water. The cold felt doubly real as the water came in contact to air, and my muscles seemed to finally understand what the use of shivering was for, for the contractual spasms of muscles took me involuntarily as I sat huddled and heaped in warm blankets.

The crew members were checking Kaylen’s vitals, having made sure that I was out of life-threatening danger’s way. They must not have liked the result, for a crew member called for space to be given around the unconscious body. The sinking feeling deep within me wasn’t instilled by the previous experience as I watched Jeremy tilt her head back, pinch her nose and latched his mouth over hers.

My heart hammered again –this time for entirely different reasons –as Jeremy traced the location of her diaphragm with his fingers, then pumped with strength. The procedure repeated, and the anxiety heightened with every passing second. It was like waiting for the doctor, who had no news to say. It was like waiting for the world to end, but it never came.

The eternity felt longer than the length of time itself, but suddenly, she jerked into body-wrecking coughs, water pumping from her body. A few crewmembers cheered softly, and Hayden finally breathed a heavy sigh of relief, dropping to the floor of the lifeboat with relief written easy on his face. Jeremy’s face of tight satisfaction was hidden behind concern as he helped Kaylen clear her lungs from the seawater.

Danger was over, and Kaylen was soon wrapped up in the same warm blankets as me, shivering but wrapped in a tight bun of cloth. The lifeboat began its return back to its mother ship.

“Thank Goodness Elxa and I were walking around the side. We caught the guy. He refused to say anything, but Danaus and Hayley are currently with him.” Hayden reported, and if I could have breathed a sigh of relief, I would have. But at the moment, my broken ribs were making breathing hard, so I took all could in breathing deep breaths, and letting them out slowly.

“Thank you all for saving me…” Kaylen replied, her voice sounding hoarse and weepy. It was a natural instinct; to cry at knowing how close one had been to meeting Death.

“If you want to thank anyone, Ms. Kaylen, it is Elxa. Without him, you’d probably be at the bottom of the sea right now.” Jeremy reminded, and with a smile, directed the woman’s attention to me. We sat at different ends of the lifeboat, facing each other, each wrapped in our own protective cocoon.

It had how it had been all this while. I wrapped myself up in my world, and so did Ms. Kaylen. I should never have involved her in this; I should have just let her stay in Jon’s world, in her own world where men dressed in black wouldn’t be pushing her off ships.

“Elxa? Don’t you want to say anything? Be modest and a hero, and say it was nothing?” Hayden put in teasingly, trying his best to lighten to mood –despite the fact that it was now very obvious that Ms. Kaylen was somehow a target because of her acquaintance to me.

Eyes turned to me, as if suddenly realizing my silence. I shook my head and closed my eyes, signaling a refusal to talk. Rather, it hurt too much to talk, and so I preferred not to. Besides, there was nothing more to say. If it hadn’t been me, Kaylen wouldn’t be on this ship in the first place.

“Are you hurt?” Jeremy asked, coming over to my side as if my silence had alarmed him. Of course Jeremy was the more observant between the two men –he was the lover of Hayley Seyfried, after all. Seyfrieds were best at running, and when Hayley ever ran, it was up to Jeremy to look at all possible clues and chase after her.

“I hit the water on my back.” I said in a small voice, refusing to betray the pain. “I might have a few broken ribs.”

“Hold on.” Jeremy said, placing a hand over where my shoulders would be –under the warm blanket covers. “We’ll be back on the ship soon, and we’ll get you looked over. We’re turning back to harbor.”

I nodded, and closed my eyes, thinking to let myself relax in an effort to keep the pain at bay. In the silence of the night, Hayden was recounting to Kaylen how ‘heroic’ I had seemed when I dived down to save her. It hadn’t been conscious thought –I wanted to put in –and if it had been anyone else, I would have jumped too.

Or at least I hoped that was true.

There was no point trying to prove that point anyway.

The light-headedness crashed in on me again this time, and it wasn’t due to the lack of air.

Barely aware of the fact that my skin was turning feverish and clammy hot, I passed out by exhaustion.

____________________________________________________________________________________

"Mr. Elxa." The soft whisper of angels drifted through my ears.

"Elxa." The voice was slightly different now, and alarm seem to find its way, working in an undercurrent beneath my comfortable sense of darkness. Distantly, I understood what I heard, but on the forefront I was still floating in comfortable nothingness.

"Elxa, my darling, please wake up and listen to me." The voice came again, more urgent this time. Realization finally pierces through hazy darkness, and I opened my eyes. Soft lamplight illuminates the side of her face, accentuating her soft features.

"May," I greeted in a lazy smile. "You scared me with that tone."

There was a hint of a faint smile hanging in reply to my comment and she cupped the side of my cheek, smoothing her fingers over unterrained skin.

"I told you not to call me that." She chastisied, as if she hated her name being called. Still, she did not harp on the matter as she sat gently on the side of my bed. "I love you, Elxa, and I respect whatever choice you make. But you must know your conviction to have our family side Hayley is dangerous and on shaky conditions."

"This is what you woke me up to say?" I asked surprised in reply as I sat up in the bed.

"I came to make sure you understand what is at risk. You, Jed and Jon are all that I have and love. I will fight to the ends of the Earth if you believe this is the way, but please be careful." May cradled the side of my cheek again, eyes glittering with almost unshed tears. In my life, I would never forget this face; the face of a beauty I had come to recognize for hee greatness and love.

"Did Jed tell you his mistrust to Hayley again?" I questioned evenly, not even betraying a single tone of shock or anger.

"He means well. He is thinking for the best of everyone." May defended quickly, and I only smiled. Was there ever enough that May would do for this family of hers?

I drew her in a tight hug, pulling her head in the crook of my neck to give her a false sense of security. Rubbing her back to give her comfort behind the scared eyes she had made, I placed a kiss on the top of her head. We had our age differences, but there was no less love I had for her, no less admiration for her devotion to us all.

"We will be fine. If anything happens, you have either Jed or me. One of us will take care of Jon, and make sure he grows up right and strong. There will be someone, May. Someone who will ultimately come from this war victorious, and the side we choose will win. Don't be afraid, and have faith in Jed and me." I reassured, and it was a strange scene, for it should -by any normal rights -May comforting me.

Still, I was strong and I loved her. She drew out of my embrace with a slightly uncertain smile, but still she managed it. My words must have stilled the worries in her mind, for her eyes were bright again.

"Thanks, Elxa. You and Jed are the strongest men I have ever met." She said with her beautiful blinding smile, and she gave me a quick kiss on my forehead before she stood up and made out to the door.

"Sleep well tonight, Elxa. We have a big day tomorrow. Tyler's going to be wary for us and dangers are going to get only greater." She expressed with a smile and she closed the door behind her.

The next day, a car crashed, and dead in the shotgun seat was May.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“May!” I gasped, eyes shooting open.

The pain of realization that I was finally back in reality set in along with the drumming inside my mind, and I dragged a hand up to my head, holding it. The dull ache of my chest was still there –definitely less than what it had been.

“Mr. Elxa?” A quiet, concerned voice emerged in the silence of the unfamiliar surroundings, and I turned my head groggily to find Kaylen sitting by the bed, a composure of vigil as she leaned forward with a worried expression written easily on her face. “Are you alright?”

“Where are we?” I asked softly, for it felt as if anything more than a soft sound would aggravate the headache busting all in my brain.

“We are in a suite on the cruise, on the way back to harbor where there’s going to be an ambulance waiting.” She informed quickly, sitting even closer, a hand softly placed on my forearm as if the contact could help alleviate the pain. Still, I appreciated the effort, as I took her in –the fact that she had changed out of her stunning, wet dress into something slightly tamer, but still complimenting on her body. I had no questions who the dress belonged to, for the only woman on board who relatively had the same body shape as Kaylen was Hayley Seyfried herself.

“Are you alright?” I asked softly back in reply. She didn’t seem to have come out of the situation with much injuries. Perhaps the trauma would stick, but at the moment she seemed tame and sane.

“I’m fine, Mr. Elxa,” She reported quickly with a smile, “Thanks to you. I really haven’t thanked you for saving me, and I don’t know how I will ever make it up to you.”

The sight of her smile returning, the smile I had never failed to see every day, was an indication of how Kaylen had taken this incident. She wasn’t going to break down; no. She was only going to get stronger from this. I shouldn’t have expected anything else from the daughter of Hayden, the niece of Hayley. She was a Seyfried right down in her blood, after all.

“I invited you to the cruise; it is my responsibility to see you safe.” I replied tiredly. Even though I must have woken up from a long bout of unconsciousness, it seemed as though the lethargy hadn’t totally left. It might be due to the broken ribs too, but mostly the banging in my head persisted.

“You didn’t have to jump overboard to save me, and still you did. Jeremy says you got some broken ribs from protecting me in the landing. It would’ve been me with the broken ribs, if it weren’t for you.” She insisted, the gratitude clear in her eyes. Something like tears glittered in her clear blue eyes as she bore her gaze at me, worry and gratitude taking equal precedence on her face.

“Don’t cry.” I sighed, closing my eyes to deal with the pain of the throbbing in my brain.

“I-I’m sorry.” She stuttered quickly, and soft sniffling could be heard as Kaylen pushed away the rising grateful tears. “I didn’t mean to do all this.”

“What do you mean?”

“All this.” She replied, and I was sure she must have made a gesture which I didn’t see. “I just wanted to attend this and do my best to not embarrass you in association to me. I didn’t mean to get all the attention, didn’t mean to upset Hayley, didn’t mean to get myself in trouble and have you save me. I just wanted to be normal.”

For the first time, I laughed the cold laughter that Kaylen had never heard. I must have shocked her so very much, for when I quietened down, the silence of her held breath was loud in the room.

“If you want to be normal, Ms. Hurst, you will pack your backs and leave me the moment we lower the anchor. You will never be normal with me. And if this scares you, you should know what is wise and take your distance away from me.”

“I-I just didn’t want to embarrass you, Mr. Elxa. I just didn’t want to be your liability, just someone like Yvette to Myriam, to just smile and get admiration.”

It was a slightly disturbing analogy, for Yvette, under the façade, was simply one of Myriam’s many sex partners, but Kaylen wouldn’t have known about it.

"I was the one who invited you on this cruise. You are my responsibility." I repeated stonily, pinching the bridge of my nose in an effort to relieve the headache. I didn't want to ask who had helpfully undressed me, leaving me in a bathrobe that must have been provided by the suite. "Besides, all you had to do was smile and be yourself. To be known in association with you, awkward instincts and all, is my choice and honor."

The silence dragged on in which she decided if she would be flattered or grateful. I guess she must have thought a little too far, for she settled on shame and embarrassment.

"I'm so sorry, Mr. Elxa! I'm so sorry I failed in just smiling and being myself! I really tried!" She begged, and yet again, I sighed.

"In all sense..." I muttered beneath my breath. "You are almost similar to May."

It wasn't meant to be heard, more of an expressed inner thought but the effect was lost in the silence of the room, where Kaylen picked up the words clearly.

"I'm sorry?" The apology was a question this time.

"It's nothing..." I muttered, not wanting to pursue this more than I already have. It was just something about her that made me want to say such things, something about her that reminded me of the unfaltering, caring warmth of May in which I once reveled and thrived in. Kaylen and May were so similar in the way they made a family out of nothing. May had made a family out of emotionless conmen, Kaylen out of a frigid relationship between the man she hired and the rebellious teenager she was supposed to watch after.

"Mr. Elxa?" She asked again after a long moment of silence, as if doubting herself. The rumble of engine was soft in the background, setting a smooth rhythm between us, filling in the pregnant pause that replied her.

"Can you tell me about May? Why Jon blames you for her death?"

Again, I sighed. It was not a wise question to ask, and it wouldn't be wise either to answer her truthfully. If I exposed her to the real truth, then she would be in a danger larger than she would understand. Still, who was I to lie? She had given trust to me sitting her by my side, waiting for me to wake up. It could be gratitude putting her in place, but at the moment, I saw nothing but trust there. Trust, and a Seyfried's desire to learn everything she didn't understand.

"May was a loving mother, a wonderful woman rolled in one. She loved us all, and there was no length that she wouldn't go to protect us all. In that sense, I loved her dearly. She gave up her family, endured the hatred she received from her family of Lorrens for betraying their loyalty. I was in the accident that took May's life -as you understand -and it was on an official duty that I convinced her to attend. Jon hates me for that forever; the fact that it was because of me that she went out, and the fact that I was the only one alive from the accident." I replied vaguely, in a tone that made certain of the fact that I would not oblige in giving any more information. She took the advice well.

"Thank you once again for saving me, Mr. Elxa. I owe you my life." She said respectfully, and I opened my eyes to look tiredly at her. Even in guilt and shame, she looked like an angel sitting at the side of my bed. Even in a soft simple black dress loaned by the curvaceous Hayley, she looked every bit the beautiful angel who had once made May.

The headache seemed to fade into the background as I watched her. As if afraid that I was about to reprimand her or, worse, fire her from my employment, she looked back at me with the composure of a scared bunny. How she was a Seyfried, considering the interaction I had with the other Seyfrieds, was a mystery to me, for as far as I knew, she was a bad runner. That was a fresh change as to what I knew of Hayden and Hayley Seyfried, for they were the best runners anywhere in the world.

I moved to sit up, wincing at the tight pain in my chest but managed to do it with enough determination by myself. The clear blue eyes that tagged on me spoke that she very much wanted to help me, but was deathly afraid that I was angry at her -for probing into my life, for being a trouble. The sweet innocence of Jon was reflected ever so clearly within her, and I wondered if there would ever be a time where contempt would take those features as she look as me in the future.

And then, I kissed her.

It was a gentle yet firm movement, without hands for I would never intend to hold a woman against my lips against her will. The shock of a pressure on her lips made her freeze, and as a conman I only took advantage of the position as I pushed the pressure harder, more insistent. Obviously unfamiliar with such actions of intimacy as she was, it took her awhile to find some sort of reaction. A form of protest; a hard scolding, a slap on my face -it would all be understandable for a woman her position. The terrorized, angry expression at the man who had violated her trust and crossed her personal distance -I expected all of it from her.

None of it happened as she kissed back. She was no moaner, simply a silent lover as she warmed up to the idea of a man on her lips, a moist pressure on her. The initial shock faded away and with increasing, inexperienced insistence, she pressed back, her hand cradling the side of my face as if she couldn't trust herself to hold on.

Quick as the kiss came, it ended as she ran out of air, moving her head back ever so little. Still keeping her eyes closed, she took in deep breaths, fingers lightly trailing over moist, reddened lips. I hadn't sucked on them enough for them to be swollen, and yet they were the sensual redness that could easily turn a man on. It would be a lie to say that the kiss hadn't bothered me, but I would not go as far as to say that she was a great kisser. She had loads more to learn, but her foundation was there; her intensity was there.

“Mr. Elxa…” My name came out in a shocked breath, almost a whisper as big blue eyes filled with confusion and wonder tagged on me. I returned it with my emotionless expression, bearing eyes straight at her –almost through her.

“Thank you for being here with me. Just smile; that’s all I ask. But for now, let me sleep, and wake me when the cruise reaches the harbor.”

Instructions seemed to sit well with her, as she nodded absently, stood up –on bare feet –and walked towards the door. With a hand closed around the door knob, she looked back, free hand still trailed softly on her lip.

“Rest well, Mr. Elxa.”

I nodded, and she left. Rest well. That had been what May said that night too. That night before we left to meet Hayley, that night before the crash. Had I known fifteen years ago, I would never have let May go, would never have proceeded on. We would have found another way to destroy Tyler; would never have gotten on the car.

There were things I could have done if I knew fifteen years ago.

Fifteen years later, there were things I could have done to prevent this accident from happening. The result of this hadn’t been catastrophic –perhaps only a few broken ribs that I could bounce back quickly from. Kaylen hadn’t gotten too much a shock, and it made reality only more painful –the fact that there would always be someone out there, acting against Kaylen for hatred and retaliation against me. In this world, the only love that lasted was the love for oneself.

The exception was –of course –the love between Jeremy and Hayley Seyfried.

But I couldn’t ever wish for that. For one, how could I find a woman who would understand my life thus far? For two, where would I find a woman who would see through the painful, emotionless façade of a man that I had been thus far, who would love a man who never smiled, never frowned, never showed anything at all upon his face? Who could accept a conman without a heart?

May had.

And in turn, May was killed for that reason. Killed for believing in the man –no, boy –she trusted. Killed for placing her trust in her family, and understanding that I was a man who needed a support at my age fifteen years ago.

Only she understood.

And now she was dead.