I've been feeling so weird lately. I'm in a weird place, a lull. I don't know anything anymore. I would say I'm depressed, but it's not that. It's more like I am just nothing. I can't see the future or picture it but I can feel it.
      It's all quite hard to describe.
      I feel like change is on the horizon but I can't see it over the hill in front of me.
     In a way I am tired and don't even want to go over the hill but I know I must at some point. Something's coming and I've been feeling it for a while now. For almost a month now and it should be here soon.
      Call it a premonition if you want to. I don't know how to feel. I feel almost "down" for lack of a better term. Like I don't care. I don't care about anything really, besides the obvious things like family and friends.
      I hate this feeling of waiting. I've always been patient but this feels like purgatory. I don't want to be in this lull anymore.
      What does life have in store for me?
      The funny thing is that I feel something special on the other side. Something different though. Something that makes my stomach almost churn but not in a bad way. It's a feeling that touches my heart and soul. It's a little taste of the what's to come. The thing is that I am kind of scared of it as well.
      I think that's why we aren't told of the future, because if we knew about it we would run from it most of the time. I'm grateful I don't know but I don't want to feel this way anymore.
     Please let this moment pass and please let me experience life as it comes. All I want is to be present and to be okay.
      If I could pray a prayer and have it be answered it would be this, Please let life unfold as it's meant to and give me the strength I need to survive, accept, and cope.