My tedious weekend came to an end and before I knew it, it was Monday again. That morning, the drive to school was tense and quiet. I had my headphones on the entire time, and I looked out the window. I didn't know how long that grudge would last for, but I had already made the decision that I no longer wish to join my father on Saturdays anymore. 

Is it normal to experience a toxic relationship with your own family member? Especially one who raised you? Families do fight, but I think that my father and I fight way too often and it's an issue that has been reoccurring since I was twelve. The age at which I started menstruating.

But when I got to school that morning, my family matters had become the least of my worries after receiving terrible news. The familiar nauseating feeling of guilt had returned. No one knows how it was triggered and no one had expected it to happen. How could we have expected it? She seemed happy when we last saw her.

Well...
I wouldn't say she was smiling when I last saw her. I could still remember the blank look on her face when I saw her sitting on the bench in Olivia's backyard. We were all clueless about her thoughts and we all felt terrible after realising that her thoughts slowly ate her inside out.

Kristine Floyd. May she rest in peace.

Kristine took her own life that passed Sunday which left all her peers in grief, disbelief and some had regrets. Her little click was in tears and were each in the arms of a guy who had no choice but to listen to them sob about the 'wonderful' times that they shared with Kristine. After the principle had announced the sad news on the intercom, we had observed a moment of silence then continued with classes. I was disturbed for most of the morning and was eager to leave school because being there was pointless. I could not focus, and I was so distracted by the thoughts of Kristine and her actions it started to become visible to Jessica. I knew that I couldn't leave school as early as I wished because my parents were very busy people and since I had asked my mother to pick me up at the end of the day, I had to stay at school a little longer than usual. 

I was strong enough to survive my first few classes but when we reached the first lunch break of the day, things didn't get any better. Just before lunch I decided to use the lady's room which was where I found Shannon and Trina drying their eyes and fixing their make-up. They froze like statues as I graced them with my presents. 

"Hi. M-my condolences," I stuttered. I didn't know how to stand or what to do with my hands. almost as if I didn't know how to be human. They said nothing and continued to apply their cosmetics. I didn't think anything of their reaction because I just assumed that they were just grieving. Not to be judgemental but if I lost a good friend, I wouldn't even think about touching up my make-up after spending a quarter of the day weeping.  

 I made my way to a free sink to wash my hands. It wasn't symbolic like Shakespear's Macbeth, but I did feel the need to wash my hands before eating. Shannon and Trina stood on either side of me then glared at my reflection instead of looking at me directly. "Do you know why she did it, Kourtney?" Shannon finally asked. I assumed that they were talking about Kristine and her passing. I suddenly felt this morning's cereal slowly creep up my throat. I locked eyes with Shannon then silently shook my head from side to side. "Think about it Kourtney. For months she tried to get what she wanted and the year that she finally gets close just so happened to be the same year you showed up at Bellevue."

It wasn't hard for me to put two and two together and realise that they were talking about her desire to be in a sealed relationship with Trent Carter. I suppose I was trying to wash 'blood' from my hands. Goosebumps raise in some areas of my skin. Shannon and Trina didn't harm me but the worst thing that they did to me was leave me to be devoured by my own thoughts. I had no appetite and wanted to leave school immediately. 

It didn't occur to me at the time, but why on earth would a teenage girl take her own life over a boy who wasn't paying any attention to her. there is so much more to life than trying to capture the attention of one guy. They lead me to believe that I was a murderer, that I was part of the reason why that poor beautiful girl ended herself.  

 ***

My day didn't get any easier. I spent lunch somewhere alone in a corner and I hadn't seen Trent the whole day. It was finally the end of the day and I dragged myself to the last class of the day, Art. I slowly unpacked my bag and prepared for the lesson. I was exhausted. Drained both physically and mentally. I almost jumped out of my skin when I felt two fingers poke either side of my waist. Why do guys do that?

I wasn't really in the mood to deal with him, and he could tell. "I'm sorry. Everyone just seems so bummed about Kristine and I thought you wouldn't be because you barely know her and... I guess I was just relying on you to change the atmosphere for me." Seeing him did make me feel a little better but seeing him also reminded me of Kristine and the way she glared at me that night. "I'm sorry," I said before taking my seat. 

"It's the last period. It's Monday. Let's get this show on the road." Mrs Harper appeared into the classroom with a stack of papers from which she had started handing out booklets. "We will be having a small class test on Thursday based on your general knowledge on visual literacy and you are also required to complete an assignment for me which will be due at the end of the semester; I advise that you take note of this," she continued.

"You will all be paired up. Since we have eleven students there will be one group of three but together as a class you will create an 'art gallery'. You and your partner will take up an area in the school hall and fill that space with the artwork you both designed. No plagiarism. The subject matter is: 'A slice of life'. That includes everything in your life as well as your partner's, in simple terms; whatever aspect of your life which you choose to emphasize on.
Try to go for something that includes deep meaning as well as thought. No changing of partners after I've taken the names down. If there are any further questions regarding this assignment, please don't hesitate to ask me in our free time. I don't bite. I will finalize and announce the due date closer to the time but for now understand that you have the rest of the school year. At least fifteen art works or more with any medium, both you and your partner must agree on it and will keep track of the progress in your art journal."

Hearing about the assignment did help take my mind of the Kristine incident just a little.  I jotted down a few ideas in my notebook to further distract myself. "Can we work together?" Trent whispered over my shoulder. It was obvious that he was walking on eggshells. I just nodded my head because I wanted to work with him.  He rubbed my back still under the impression that I was deeply affected by Kristines passing. Which was partially true.

"Are there any questions you would like to ask me now?" Asked Mrs Harper.

She looked around the room then looked in my direction after I raised my hand. "Yes Kourtney?"

"Is there anything particular that we should include in our art journals?"
"The journals are entirely up to you. Before you create each final piece, you must include the source of that art piece, what inspired you to create that piece and the journey you took to get there. My advice though; please refrain from the internet pictures. You will lose points. Take up photography, it will increase your points as well as gain extra credit." She explained.

I expected Mrs Kooper to drill us with work for that last period, but she didn't. She was very understanding high school teacher and therefore gave us the rest of the lesson to either discuss our upcoming assignment in our groups or do whatever work we needed to get done. I tried to force myself to do my geography homework, but I was still distracted. More than before since I was sitting next to my partner in crime'.  I blankly watched him twirl his pen while we were both in a completely different world.

As soon as the bell rang the entire class started shuffling around before finally leaving. Trent and I took our time to leave the class. Trent only moved slower than I did because he didn't want to leave the class without me. 'Does he know? Did they tell him? ' I constantly asked myself questions about the whole situation. I know it sounds selfish of me to say this but at the time I didn't want to feel the guilt alone.

He walked me to my homeroom, and I thanked him. I kept my head down the entire time because I didn't want to face Shannon. Jessica and I said our goodbyes because she wanted to leave school earlier than usual while I had no choice but to wait for my mother. Instead of sitting in a cooped up indoors venue like the library or a study room, I went down to the sports track to do my homework. Sitting outside in open air helped a lot especially with clearing my mind. everything was fine until a football came flying out of nowhere, bounced right in front of me then bounced again over me.

 I furiously looked around to see where it came from while knowing exactly who it came from.

  "What if that hit me?" I yelled as Trent ran towards me.  

He laughed uncontrollably then walked towards me. "I'm sorry. I just needed your attention," he grinned. I simply rolled my eyes and ignored his immature behaviour. There was silence for a while. "Pack it up," he commanded. "For what reason?" I replied. He said nothing. He just took matters into his own hands and started packing my bag for me.

"What do you think you are doing?" 

He ignored me and walked off with my bag leaving me with no choice but to follow him. 
"I'm not saying that you can't don't your homework, but I would prefer it if you did it here," he said once we reached the bleachers. 'Watching the football team practise wouldn't be a bad idea,' I thought to myself. 

"Fine." I took my bag from him then climbed up a level on the stands, making me the same height as him. "Good girl," he smiled. I forced a smile then sat down to continue with my homework. Or at least tried to. "Keep my bag please." He handed me his duffle bag then ran onto the field before I could complain. He has a nerve. Making me some kind of water girl...

Moments later he returned with his football asking for exactly that asked. "It's in the side compartment, "he said.

Without questioning or arguing, I did as he asked. As I pulled out the water bottle, I noticed a very interesting item. A box of unmentionables. The more I thought about it, the more I felt sick to my stomach.

But was I even surprised? Jessica did warn me. Why him? Why couldn't it be Chad or Brady? "Are you okay?" He asked. I immediately broke away from my thoughts and without saying a word, I give him his water bottle. "Thanks, short stack. I'm just going to the say goodbye to my teammates quick. Wait for me?" 

Once again, I agreed by simply nodding my head. He ran off onto the field to join the rest of the team. I started to feel uncomfortable and anxious once again and I had second thoughts about waiting for him. It wasn't long before I changed my mind. I packed my bag got off the benches and carried Trent's belongings to him.

 "Here's your bag." I rudely shoved it into his chest and walked away. Maybe it was more than just being anxious. Maybe it was anger.