"Better eat something before I become African"

"Why are pirates pirates? Because they arrrrrrrr"

"What is the enjoyment of kids? They are tight"

"It's a great way to lose weight without sacrificing your foods"

"I guess AIDS was getting dull so they probably kicked it up a notch"

"Today I found my mother's head in the dishwasher, I really freaked out because I thought I left it in the freezer"

"It was all calculated. Calculated? You suck at math!"

"Why did the Columbine highschool lose the basketball tournament? They lost their two best shooters"