It had been three days since Castiel's death. Dean's house was officially a crime scene, so he was staying with Sam and Gabriel a few blocks away. He didn't come out of the guest room. Gabe brought him food regularly, but it was always taken back after Dean ate only a few bites.

Right now Dean was staring at pictures of himself with Cas, back from happier days. Their wedding, their first house together, their honeymoon.

Dean scrolled through his playlist, past the hundreds of classic rock songs he loved, and selected one song that had been Cas' favorite.

Someone's always coming around here, trailing some new kill

Dean remembered this song as the one he and Cas had slow danced to at their wedding. They had even sung along, and the guests were apparently brought to tears by the sweetness.

Is one
Of real skill
So glad to meet you
Angeles

Dean wiped away a tear. He hated this. There was too much crying and not enough doing, but Sam and Gabe wouldn't let him return to work. That was probably a good thing though. Dean was a complete mess.

And you add up all the cards left to play to zero
And sign up with evil
Angeles

Dean poured himself a drink. It was his third glass of whiskey today, but he didn't care.

I'm all over it
Angeles

Dean downed the rest of his alcohol and went to sleep. He couldn't really do much else.

~~~

He didn't expect to have good dreams, but he realize his nightmares would be so bad.

He was in a field of flowers, and Cas was with him. Cas was running and leaping around Dean, who couldn't seem to move. Eventually, Cas stopped and took Dean's hand, tugging like he wanted Dean to come with him.

Dean wanted to go, but his feet wouldn't move. He tried to speak, but his vocal cords wouldn't work.

After a few minutes of pulling at Dean, Cas finally gave up. He stepped back, and as he did so, the sky darkened, and a deep gash appeared along Cas' throat, the way it was when Dean found him.

Cas stared at Dean with hollow and betrayed eyes. Then he disintegrated, leaving only his trenchcoat lying on the ground.

Dean woke with a start.

He fumbled for the glass of whiskey and was pouring himself another drink when he heard a voice behind him.

"You shouldn't drink so much."

Dean whirled around, almost spilling the alcohol. "What the-"

Cas was lying on the bed next to him, propped up on one elbow. "I said," he repeated calmly, "You shouldn't drink so much."

Dean put down the glass. "Are you- are you really here?"

Cas laughed a little. "No, but I wish I was. I'm merely a figment of your imagination, Dean. I'm not really here."

"Oh." Dean was disappointed. "I wish you were. I need you, Cas."

Cas smiled sadly. "I wish I was here too."

"What am I supposed to do without you?" Dean asked. "You've seen me. I'm a mess."

"Do the only thing you can." Cas tried to lay a hand on Dean's shoulder, but it was ice cold and Dean flinched slightly. "Put down the bottle. Go to work. Try to act as normally as you can, and don't forget me."

A tear traced its way down Dean's cheek. "It's not that easy."

"I know," Cas whispered. "But you should try."

"I love you, Cas," Dean choked. "And I should have protected you."

"Don't blame yourself. Neither of us could have foreseen this."

"Yes, but-"

Cas put a finger to Dean's lips. "Stop beating yourself up about this. Just remember that I'll always be here with you, no matter what."

Dean held back more tears. "Okay. Okay, Cas. I will."

Cas stared at him sadly as his form began to flicker. "Dean, I, I lo-"

Then he disappeared entirely, and Dean was left alone, with only the sheets and the alcohol for company.