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Carmella's P.O.V {June}

I run into the hospital with Ryder, I only came to Orgeon three says ago and today something happened. I didnt expect it to happen, but I should've. "Excuse me where is Mrs.Coltberry. I'm her daughter I came as soon as I could." I rush out the words but the lady still hears me.

"Yes down the hall take three doors down take a right and the second door to the left." She says, I take the directions and then open the door. "Mom, mom I love you." "Hey honey." She whispers, her breathing is critical and it sounds like she is going at any minute. Ryder is by me with an arm wrapped around my waist trying to comfort me.

"You finished your first year of college." What a good girl. You're so smart and beautiful I'm going to miss you. I think I'm leaving tonight" "Mom don't talk like that, you'll be okay. I know that." I say, my dad walks in and stands with us.

"Honey you'll be okay, do you need anything?" "No, I'm fine." She says, "mom you're so strong." "I'm afraid not strong enough", she says, "no mom don't talk like that." "You'll be okay, Karlie needs you and you'll be there for you."

"I know honey, I'm here, I'm here." "Please don't go mom." "I don't think I can hold on any longer." She holds my hand and smiles. Her eyelids start slowly closing and a long beep from the machine accrues, her grip is no longer there and tears fall down my cheeks. "No mom! Mom come back, please mom come back please!" I start sobbing.

Ryder holds me close and warms me with his body warmth and tries to comfort me. I sob into him and feel my breaths shorten. He tries calming me, "Carmella it's okay, it's okay. Breath, just breath. It's okay she's in a better place. She's in paradise with her dad and mom now." He whispers to me, "Ryder take her outside and give her some fresh air." My dad says, we walk out and when I get outside the cool air dries my tears as they keep pouring from my eyes, "Ryder I need her."

"I was so horrible! Why did she go, Ryder why?" My words still come out as sobs and he tries to calm me again. I feel like my words are all caught in my throat and my heart can't process to beat. He wipes my tears with his hands and kisses my lips.

His lips bring warmth to mine, I see him talking but no words seem to come out, he leads me to a bench and we sit. My mom died at nine at night. She's gone forever, and I don't think I can live through it. It gets harder to breathe and I hold Ryder's hand and feel him hold my hand ever so tight and he tries to hold me and comfort me but nothing helps.

I take some deep breaths and Ryder holds me and I press my face into his chest. "Ryder why was she taken from me? Why the hell did this happen! What did I do to deserve this!" "Sh, sh, you didn't do a thing. It just happens Carmella." "But why?" I ask.

"It's natural, it happens, I'm so sorry firefly. But I know she's in heaven right now looking down at you. And she's so proud of her little girl and how she is an amazing cook, successful, pure, and the best girl ever. And she's safe and away from any harm that can get to her down here." He says, I feel a smile tug at my lips a bit from that comment "thanks Ryder."

"I think we should go back and check on my dad." I say with tears still rolling down, "are you sure?" I let out a sigh and shake my head crying again. I crumble to the ground and Ryder sits by me. His arms wrap around my body and he sets a kiss on my head, "is there anything I can do firefly?" "Bring her back." It comes out in a very silent and soft whisper, he frowns and starts crying. "Babe, I'm afraid I can't do that."

"RYDER PLEASE! I was so horrible, and if somehow I could've known earlier when I was sixteen or seventeen I could've changed something about it." Guilt piles on top of me and I feel pain in my heart. "But you couldn't and you would've changed so much. You might've never had met me or maybe never even moved or it could've been worse. Who knows, but dont think you should feel so bad when none, and I mean none of this is your fault." His tears are gone now but his eyes are still stained red.

Yet I can tell how badly he's trying to be strong. I nod at him and he gets up to help me up, we walk back to the room and I see a white sheet over my now gone mother's body. Ryder takes my hand and squeezes it as comfort, my dad walks over and hugs me.

"If you want to go back to your place I understand. Okay?" He asks, I nod and look at Ryder. "Do you want to go back home?" I ask, "if that's what you want, is it?" I don't think I can stand staying another day at dad's house knowing I will never see my mother's face there again. I nod and at this he smiles and pulls me in, from all the hugs and kisses and comfort I feel like a kid again.

Just the fact, my mom will never be here on this earth again. And as much as I'd love to hope this is a dream or she'll come back, she won't. Ryder takes my hand and I wave goodbye to my dad, as we head to the car to go get our luggage and head back to San Fransisco.

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