Life is good.

Taking a long deep breath, I readjust myself on the seat in the lunch room.

I feel so much better than I did last night. With my sister and almost girlfriend out all night fighting vampires, I was a little nervous. There was a good chance that Faith could mention what's been happening between me and her in the heat of the moment or something. It was really hard to sleep knowing that my life could change without my knowing it if I went to sleep.

Eventually though, I had to go to sleep. I'm pretty sure I passed out around 3 am. When I woke up, Buffy was home and making breakfast. My first reaction was to ask her everything there was to know about Faith and the things they talked about. That would've totally given everything away though, so I had to hold back. I asked whether she was all right and whether there were any inklings of some big evil rising somewhere. Thankfully, there weren't. She was okay and it was just a routine, simple patrol with a vampire here and there.

Faith was okay too apparently. They had a little trouble with a couple of vamps and she got a little bruised, but nothing serious. A part of me wanted to go see Faith and make sure she was all right, I had school though. And after the whole Sunnydale debacle where I kinda skipped half a semester of school, I didn't need my new school calling Buffy and asking where I was. Buffy's liable to ground me for a couple days if she found out I skipped any classes. She wants to make sure I get an education the way Mom would've wanted me to, and I love her for it. But some part of me still worried about Faith.

So now I'm here, at school, trying to decide whether I should go by Faith's place after school and see if she's all right. I'm sure she is, she's got the whole slayer healing thing. I'd still feel a whole lot better if I could see it for myself though. Just to know with my own two eyes that she's okay. To hug her and feel her hug me back. Maybe give her a kiss to let her know she's still alive.

Feel her lips against mine in that soft, passionate way I felt before. Have her hands on me, touching me and teasing me the way she did in the back of the movie theatre last night. That felt so good. What I wouldn't give to have her do that to me again, knowing that she really is fine. It'd be such a good feeling. I'm not sure I could do it without getting a barrage of questions from my sister when I came home. Or when she came home even, depending on how long it'd take.

Faith's place is about a 15 minute detour from home. Buffy would wonder where I went and I'm not sure I'd have an answer for her. Maybe I could tell her I went for an afternoon snack at Joe's Pizza or something. Course, then I'd hear it from her about how I'm ruining my dinner and all that. She's such a mom that way. Do I really want to hear a big long lecture like that? On the other hand, how much do I really want to see Faith? It might be worth a lecture for a chance to kiss Faith. And I'm sure Faith would appreciate it very much if I did.

Like they do every day, one of the teachers walks past me, eyeing me suspiciously.

It still bugs me that they do that. But then I can't really blame them. The last demon attack to happen here about a month ago, I was right in there. Heck, I all but jumped right on the demon's back when I saw it. Probably one of the more idiotic ideas I've had since we moved here, but it was big and hairy and I couldn't see a slayer in sight. It's not like I had any other kind of plan. I keep a stake and holy water in my locker just in case, but from the look of it, I didn't think either would help.

So I jumped it, actually held my own for the five minutes it took for Farah and Tess to show up after all the commotion. They took out the demon pretty easily after a while. It wasn't exactly  one of the biggest thinkers. Later we found out it was a Karlak demon. Mostly just out to smash and kill things. The official story in the school though was a giant bear got into the school. So a bunch of students and a couple teachers think I jumped a pissed off bear. That hasn't really helped my reputation. But that's okay, it's not like I wanted to run for homecoming queen or something. I'm not that shallow.

Still, it's not fun to get suspicious looks from just about every person in this school who's not a slayer and knows what really did happen. Maybe it's genetic. Buffy wasn't that popular in school. A fact I like to remind her of whenever the subject of school activities comes up in our dinner conversations. Maybe I'm not popular because I have some gene in me that forces me to make a total ass of myself in front of anyone who might be my friend. That's probably why. It's all Buffy's fault.

Just then, Candy walks into the lunch room, Tess and Carmen in tow like they always are. They walk into the room and head over to the food to get their lunches.

Speaking of things that are Buffy's fault...

I look down at my lunch to focus on something else.

If it weren't for Buffy, Candy wouldn't know who I am and she wouldn't feel the need to badger me and make my life less bearable. She'd be completely out of my life and I wouldn't have to worry about her watching my every move for my sister. That would be so much better. But, there isn't much I can do about it now. Candy's a thorn in my life and she's going to stay that way until I can find a way to get her out. It's not going to be easy. Especially with the way she hangs off my sister and does everything she can to get in good with Buffy.

She's not about to let such a juicy piece of flattery get away without a fight. Buffy's just too self centered to do that, definitely not as bad as she was before Sunnydale, but still pretty self involved, at least when it comes to work. She's a lot better in other ways though. I guess I'll have to hope that today is one of those days where Candy doesn't feel like getting on my nerves.

Catching her out of the corner of my eye, I notice Candy and her entourage coming this way. They've got lunches in their hands.

My day is about to get better. I just know it.

Candy sits right across from me. Her right hand, Carmen, sits next to her while Tess sits next to me, almost blocking my escape.

"What's up Dawn?"

Gee, like I haven't heard that pathetic joke before.

"Lunch, apparently."

With my words, an uncomfortable silence falls over the table. The bitchy slayer decides to break it.

"Don't you want to know how I am?"

Here come the pleasantries.

"Not really."

I was never much for pleasantries though, especially when it comes to people like Candy.

"Well, I was at Slash last night. I didn't see you."

"That's because I went somewhere else."

"Where?"

She doesn't really expect me to think she cares does she?

"Why? So you can tell my sister?"

She makes a bad attempt at being nice to me.

"No, I'm just curious... trying to be friendly."

"Yeah well, don't strain yourself. It's not something you're known for."

Candy tries to hold back the sneer she desperately wants to send my way. Tess decides to weigh in.

"Come on Dawn, she's trying to be nice."

My eyes meet Tess' for a second.

"I guess."

Carmen speaks up to continue Candy's annoyance of me.

"So where were you? Now I'm curious."

All right, I'm not sure why they want to know so badly, but I'm not going to tell them. Whatever I tell them, they're just going to find a way to use it against me, so why even bother?

"I was somewhere that wasn't Slash, are we going to drop it any time soon?"

Another moment of silence follows my question.

Having friends is a lot of fun.

"Well it's too bad you weren't there. We had a great time."

"Isn't it funny how you had a great time without me? It's almost like you'd have a better time if I left the table. Let's try it."

I start to stand up, my tray in hand. Tess tries to stop me.

"Hey Dawn, don't be that way."

"This was fun girls, let's do it again some time."

With that, I take my tray off the table and leave.

I'm not sure why they were trying to be nice to me but I don't like it. Candy has never wanted to be nice to me before. Why would she want to be nice to me now? It doesn't make any sense. And I'm not going to play along if it's some kind of game. When I first came to this school, Candy tried to play a few games with me and I've done whatever I can to stay away from them now. I don't need that kind of aggravation in my life. I've got enough to think about with everything that's happening with Faith.

I think I will actually go see Faith.

* * *

Well, here I am. I'm at Faith's. Trying to work up the courage to walk up to the door and knock. I'm not sure what's going to happen when I do that. I feel a little nervous about it.

Tugging at the bottom of my shirt to straighten it out, I take a deep breath.

Faith and I are going to be alone in her place together. All the other times that Faith and I have been in a kissing situation, we've been in a public place. If I go in and knock on the door, we'll be alone. There's no telling what will happen when we're alone together. Something might happen between us, which kinda scares me. Not that I think Faith would force me into anything I didn't want to. The problem is that I kinda want to.

Except I'm not sure I'm ready just yet to do anything that big, but when... if I go in there, something big might happen. At the very least, Faith and I will have some fun. A little happy fun could be good for me. Being around Faith is always fun. I guess it's now or never.

My feet finally decide to work under me and I walk down the rest of the hallway to Faith's apartment door. When I get to the door I stop in front of it and knock. At first, there's no answer. With every moment that passes, I get a little more nervous.

She should be home. Buffy told me once that she usually lets Faith go an hour before she leaves. Nothing really happens in the extra hour. The classes end when Faith leaves, Buffy just prefers to stay with the younger students until their parents come to pick them up. I'm in school for about 30 minutes after classes end at the dojo, so Faith should be home.

Waiting a few more moments, I hear someone coming to the door. The door opens and Faith is standing on the other side wearing... not much. She has on a very low cut, spaghetti strap t-shirt that barely covers the top of her stomach and a pair of black lingerie style panties. It's... very distracting.

"Hey Dawn..."

She's talking to me. She's saying things to me.

"What are you doing here?"

I should say something. A something that would answer her question would be nice.

"Oh... uh... hi Faith... I... I just, you know, wanted to see how you were."

Faith half leans against the support beam opposite the door, only her shoulder touching.

Wow she looks sexy.

"Oh yeah? Why?"

It's really hard to think when she's looking like that.

"Umm... well, because, Buffy told me how you guys had some trouble with a couple vamps last night. I... I was... worried."

She just smirks at me and raises an eyebrow.

"Are you okay?"

"Well, I feel okay. But you should probably come in and make sure."

Faith steps back out of the doorway to give me a path inside.

She wants me to come into her apartment when she's looking like that. Well... well it would be rude not to I guess.

"All right..."

With my words, I make my way into Faith's apartment, a couple books in my hands, my backpack hanging off my shoulders. She closes the door and all I can think to do is stand in the main hallway and shift my weight from foot to foot.

"So how was school?"

"Uh, okay... you know, it was school."

She chuckles happily at my words before turning towards the kitchen. As she heads away from me, I can't help but notice how great her butt looks with what she's wearing.

Or not wearing, more accurately.

"Did you want something to drink? I was just going to get myself some water."

Something to drink? Umm...

"No, I think I'm okay."

She disappears into the enclosed kitchen and I feel a little flushed as I tear my eyes away from where her butt was a second ago.

Her place isn't that much different from ours. The main hall and the living room are one room, separated only by the carpet on the living room floor, a room for the kitchen, one for the dining room, and another for the bed... room. The bedroom.

After a minute or two of listening to Faith move in the kitchen, I decide to break the rest of the silence.

"How was work?"

She raises her voice so I can hear her from the kitchen.

"Same old, same old. We're teaching the girls a lot of defensive moves lately, they're doing really well."

"That's good."

The sounds in the kitchen stop with the closing of a fridge door. Faith comes out from the kitchen and I notice she's empty handed.

"I thought you were getting a drink."

She keeps making her way toward me as she answers with a smile.

"Well, that was before you came over. Suddenly though I'm thinking cooling off isn't the best idea."

The beautiful woman in front of me walks right into my personal space. A nervous but happy feeling comes over me as I smile. Her nail traces itself over my collarbone as she looks in my eyes.

"Besides, I thought you wanted to check me for injuries."

As soon as the last word leaves her mouth, those same lips are on mine, kissing me passionately. With the sudden taste of her lips to mine, I'm kinda swept up in the feeling and kiss her back just as passionately. She takes my hands in hers, my books dropping on the floor around us, while we continue to kiss. It isn't long before they're on her sides.

Mmm... Her naked sides.

I let my hands rest where they are comfortably and we break the kiss. Both of us have grins on our faces. She speaks first.

"Find anything?"

The only response I can think to muster at first is to shake my head gently.

"No, but I should probably keep looking."

Faith's grin gets even wider as I feel her hands on my lower back, pulling our hips together.

"Feel free..."

And with that, she kisses me again. This time I kiss her back almost immediately, letting my own hands travel to her lower back while one of hers slides it's way up my back, catching on the bottom of my shirt for a second, to between my shoulder blades. Our kiss deepens as I leave my left hand on Faith's back and let the other come around to Faith's stomach, running it gently over her exposed skin. Her hands start to pull me with her when she walks backwards slowly. I follow where she's leading me.

Mmm, this feels so good.

We keep walking together as her hands leave my back and reach just above my shoulders. After moving her hands up my neck and cupping my face for a few seconds, she moves them down again, this time over my shoulders. She hooks the straps of my backpack with her thumbs and takes them off my shoulders. The bag falls to the floor behind me while we make our way to where it is we're going. My hand slides its way up from her stomach until my fingers are under her shirt, the tips of my nails brushing against her bra. It causes a moan out of her as we stop. I break the kiss and notice that we're in the living room and Faith is leaning up against the couch.

"Anything yet?"

All I can do is smile and shake my head no. She gets this really sexy and wicked grin on her face.

"Well, I think I'm fine then. But I had another idea of what we might do."

I'm pretty sure I know what that is, but I'll play dumb.

"You did?"

She nods suggestively. Then suddenly without warning, Faith kinda sits down on the edge of the couch, but only long enough to grab the underside of my knees and pull them out from under me, using her other hand to hold my back as she picks me up. As quickly as she just swept me off my feet, she turns to the couch and all but drops me onto the seat. I land butt first on the couch and once the bouncing stops I look up at Faith with a huge grin of my own. She climbs over the back rest and almost lands on top of me, if she weren't held up by her hands and knees. The only thing I can think to do is look up at her happily as she speaks.

"I hope you don't mind."

Rather than answer her, I just reach up with both hands and pull her lips to mine by the neck. We kiss passionately and it's like a fire goes through me as I feel her body lean down on mine a little. Her tongue presses against my lips as we kiss and I open my mouth to let my tongue meet hers.

I never thought it'd feel like this when I came here. I love it.

The fire in me gets hotter and I kiss her harder when I feel her hand slip its way under my shirt to touch the skin on my stomach. A moan escapes my mouth and into Faith's as she teases me with her fingers. Our hips meet when she leans into me more and her hips move against mine gently. Every instinct in me makes my hips move back at hers. We continue to kiss passionately as I feel her hand move down my stomach towards my hips and the waist of my pants.

God, I think we're going to. I think I want to. I didn't think it would be like this, but I don't care. I love the way this feels and I want to feel even better.

The tips of four of her fingers slip their way under my waistband and her thumb plays with the button on my jeans.

I have to tell her.

Slowly, I get it out between kisses.

"Faith... I, I want to... with... with you. I want my, first time to, be with you."

As soon as the words 'first time' leave my lips, Faith freezes in her tracks. She opens her eyes and they meet mine while pulling her head away from the kiss. The look on her face is a confused and shocked look.

Did I say something wrong?

"What did you say?"

She didn't hear me?

"I... I said, I want to be with you."

"After that..."

"I want my first time to be with you."

Then like I'm some repelling magnet, she gets up off me and puts a few feet between us. All I can think to do is sit up on the couch and look at her.

"Oh, crap..."

Oh crap?

"What? What, did I say something wrong?"

She faces me from half way across the living room and I'm just as confused.

"No, no, not wrong. Oh crap..."

Why does she keep saying that? What did I do?

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No, you didn't do anything wrong."

I don't understand.

"Then what's the problem?"

"You did everything right, that's kinda the problem."

That didn't explain anything.

"Faith, what are you talking about?"

"I... we... Dawn, when you say first time... do you mean, like, first time with a woman or...?"

She doesn't finish the question.

Is that what this is about?

"No... I mean my first time."

She turns around and runs a hand through her hair nervously. That makes me get up from the couch so we're eye to eye when she turns around.

"God, B's gonna kill me."

What?

"What does my sister have to do with anything?"

"Dawn, this isn't going to happen."

Not going to...

"What do you mean? What's not going to happen?"

"The things we were just about to do. The things you wanted to do."

Where is this coming from?

I cross the distance between us and get into Faith's personal space this time.

"What? Why? I thought everything was going good. I know it felt good."

Faith gets this predatory look on her face and I could swear I can almost hear a growl from her before she turns away.

"We were. It did feel good, really good."

Not giving an inch, I keep the space between us to a minimum as she tries to increase it.

"Then what's the problem."

A long moment of silence passes between us and I put my hands against her chin to keep her looking at me.

"I want this, you want this. That's all that really matters."

Her hands take hold of my wrists, pulling them away from her face. She keeps her eyes on mine.

"That's the problem Dawn. I don't want this, and I know you don't want this either."

What the hell?

"Faith, you're not making any sense. I just told you I wanted this."

"But I know you don't really mean it."

"I don't understand."

She puts my hands against her collarbone and covers mine with her own.

"Is this really how you pictured it? Is this how you wanted your first time to be?"

"Well I..."

My eyes leave hers and search around the room a bit before falling on her hands on mine.

"No, but..."

"I didn't think so."

All I can think to do is just stand there and listen to her.

"And that's why what we were doing a second ago can't go any further."

What?

"What are you saying? You, you don't want me?"

A small smile appears on her face and I'm a little confused by it.

"I do."

She pauses.

"I do want you Dawn. But if this really would be your first time... then this isn't how I want you."

And now I'm confused again.

Letting my hands drop from Faith's, I step back.

"I don't get it."

"Dawn, how did you imagine it? Your first time I mean?"

She wants to know how I thought my first time would be?

"Well, I... I dunno. I guess... I guess I always kinda pictured... candles, soft music... stuff like that."

Her hands slide gently up to my shoulders.

"You should have that Dawn. All of it."

She moves her hands up under my chin and makes me look at her.

"It wouldn't be fair of me not to let you have that. I've done it before, and I regret it."

She really cares about me. God I feel like I almost want to cry.

"This thing between you and me, whatever it is, I don't want to ruin it by doing something stupid like I've done before. I want you to have what you deserve. And as much as I would love to have you right here and now, it's not what you deserve. So we can't."

Faith pulls me to her and puts her arms around me tightly. Almost instantly I hug her back.

How can I argue with her when she talks like that? She's right. This isn't how I would've wanted my first time to be, and it means so much to me that she saw that and stopped it.

We both take a step back from each other, letting go. Our eyes meet and she smiles at me.

"Besides, if your sister came by here looking for you and caught us, she might have to stab me again. And that would suck."

That just cracks me up.

"Yeah, we definitely can't have that."

I try to poke her in the stomach but her slayer reflexes catch my finger.

"Gotta be quicker than that babe."

"I'll work on it."

Silence passes for a few moments as Faith and I just look into each other's eyes and the look in her eyes gives me a warm, happy feeling.

Okay, if I stay here any longer, Buffy might actually come looking for me here.

"I should go I guess."

"Yeah... otherwise I'm not going to let you."

Her words make me chuckle before turning around and walking around the couch towards where my stuff is. I pick up my bag and sling one strap over my shoulder, then head for my books. As I bend down to pick up my books, a hard smack hits me in the butt, making me jump. Looking behind me, I see Faith standing there with a grin on her face.

"Told you to be quicker."

That sexy evil grin on her face just makes me smile at her. With Faith standing behind me, I decide to crouch down to pick up the three books I left on the floor and then turn to face her as I stand back up, walking backwards with my stuff. She follows me as I head to the door with a slightly less evil smile on her face, but it's just as sexy.

"So, I'll see you soon then?"

The smile never leaves her face as she responds.

"Count on it. How bout Saturday at Slash? Or we could go to a restaurant or something."

Hmm...

"A restaurant sounds nice. Which one?"

I stop just before the door and wait for her to answer.

"Don't worry, I'll think of one."

We smile at each other as I move to the doorknob and open it.

"Okay, see ya Saturday."

"Good..."

I leave Faith's apartment and start walking down the hallway.

"Oh, before I forget."

My eyes meet Faith's again as I walk backwards a little down the hallway.

"Buffy might ask you to help her with something. We were talking about it today."

Help her with what?

"What is it?"

"Buffy wants to tell you, just thought I'd give you the heads up in case she comes off like she's gonna yell at you."

For the umpteenth time since I came to Faith's, I smile at her.

"Okay..."

"See ya Saturday."

All I do is keep smiling at her before turning and heading to the elevator.

Wow, I feel totally weird.