↠Tuesday, December 10, Directly After School

I stood at the place Beckett and I had agreed to meet at: behind the school. I was pacing back frantically, my breath was uneven.

I was freaking out. Um, just a little bit. Maybe. Okay, I was completely terrified that I was wrong. If I was wrong, Beckett might not look at me the same way.

I wondered how upset Beckett would be if I just left and texted him that something came up. 

But it was too late for me to act on my fear.

Beckett seemed to appear out of no where, but one moment I was alone and the he was suddenly standing in front of me.

"B-Beckett, um... hi." I stuttered, staring down at the snow.

"Hey," Beckett was perfectly calm. As always. "So, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?"

"I j-just wanted to ask you in person... if you were really okay... I-It's just that I don't think you've been acting normally and I can't h-help but feel like something is wrong..."

Beckett suddenly took a step forward. He put his hands on my shoulders, and I continued to stare downwards. He then dropped down to my height and looked me directly in the eyes. I desperately wanted to look away.

"'Acting normally'...? Spencer, how many times do I have to tell you? I'm perfectly fine. You're always worrying about me, even when I tell you time and time again that there's nothing to be worried about."

"Are-- Are you sure?"

"Is there something specific you're trying to say?"

"Um, well... N-Not exactly, but--"

"Spencer, Spencer. Be honest with me. Are you trying to ask me if I'm... cutting?"

That, in fact, was the one singular word that I would never use to describe what I was trying to ask. But, more or less, that's... what I was getting at.

"I never said th--!"

"Okay, okay, okay. I see. So that's what this is REALLY about."

Beckett suddenly paused, taking a step back again. Running a hand through his hair, he let out a sigh.

"Listen, Spencer. I appreciate you being so worried about me. Really. But please... I promise. You don't have to worry about me. I'm okay."

"B-But, I thought..."

I trailed off as I realized Beckett was taking off his jacket. I had never actually seen Beckett without his jacket on before, so seeing his arms was just weird.

But that was beside the point.

Beckett was showing off both of his wrists to me. Despite the fact that they were paler than anything I'd ever seen and covered in goosebumps from the cold, there was nothing worth mentioning.

"See? Nothing."

I blinked a couple times, and before I knew it I was crying.

"S-Spencer, wait! It's really n-not that big of a deal...!"

"It is though! I made a-- a stupid assumption and..." I cut off into sobs.

"Pl...Please, Spencer. It's okay. Everyone makes assumptions. Don't... Don't get so worked up about it." 

"B-But--!"

"No," Beckett said with a surprising amount of firmness in his voice. 

I wiped at my eyes, but I had lost control of myself by that point. I tried to fight the tears that were rapidly falling down my cheeks, but I couldn't stop.

I just about gasped in shock when I suddenly felt two arms wrap around me. I started to cry even harder as Beckett pulled me into a tight embrace. My arms were limp at my sides.

In a soft, low tone that sent a shiver down my spine, Beckett whispered, "If you don't stop crying right now I'm going to start crying too. So I'm not letting go until you stop."

A part of me was very curious as to what Beckett looked like when he was crying. But, I took a couple deep breaths, and then he let go of me.

I shuddered from the sudden cold and wrapped my jacket tighter around me.

I watched as Beckett took more than a couple steps away. He was staring at me in a really weird way. I tilted my head slightly, and he suddenly blinked. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, then back again.

"So..." Beckett said slowly. "If that's all you wanted to say then I should probably get going?"

"Well, I--" I paused, glancing at the clouds of frost-breath coming from his mouth. "I'll see you later then."

Beckett nodded before turning and walking towards the parking lot. I looked after him for a moment, before deciding that I should probably get going on my way as well.

I had a library to be at, after all. I wanted to be early today, seeing as I was almost late yesterday,