~Jiwoo~

I didn't reach out to anyone. I couldn't.

Through the three days that I've spent alone in my old apartment, I thought back on everything that's happened. How could God give me Jungkook only to take him away from me again? That was the reason why I didn't let anyone close—because I fear that I will die one day and because I'm afraid they'll leave me.

Jungkook and I met when he was placed in a hospital because he broke his leg at a concert. I became curious of the celebrity who would cry alone but smile and laugh when others are around. I wanted to know why he was like that since I'm the kind of person who doesn't bother trying to pretend to feel something I don't. Jungkook later told me that it's because he had to smile or else people will worry about him. I told him that I don't need to do that because there's no one to care about me to begin with.

We kept each other company until I had to leave the hospital and Jungkook left a few days afterwards too. I never thought we'd see each other again but we did. As our friendship grew into something more, I was afraid of what will become of me—someone who does not suit Jungkook at all. He was a celebrity after all and I'm just a nobody. I have no one left in this world that I care about or love enough anymore. I was just living and waiting to die.

After tragedy struck me a few months prior to meeting Jungkook, I wanted to die but I wanted to leave behind something good for someone. So, I spent all of my money for my surgery. Instead of saving for my surgery, I started donating to the sick children, giving them hope and wishing that they'll keep living and dreaming. That was how I've always lived until I met Jungkook.

Jungkook tore down my walls and he eventually gave me a reason to fight for life. I fought him for a while until I realise that I was fighting him because I was scared. I was scared to live and I was even more scared to die too. His sweet smile and warm embrace was what kept me going. I eventually let him in and agreed to spend forever with him.

Why is it that when I've finally decided to be happy with life, that something has to come and ruin it? I let Jungkook in, only to lose him a month later.

I leaned my head against the wall, eyes on the ceiling, "I should have walked away," I whispered. Maybe then, it wouldn't hurt so much.

My phone rang, bringing my eyes towards the screen where Yoongi's name lit up. I debated ignoring it, just like I did with Namjoon and Seokjin but decided against it.

"I'm alive," I murmured.

I heard Yoongi heaved a sigh, "Jiwoo! Are you trying to kill us or something?!"

I chuckled weakly at that, "I'm sorry."

Yoongi was silence for a while before saying, "You... are you okay?"

Was I okay? Was I ever okay?

I nodded even though he couldn't see me. "I will be." At least, I hope anyways.

Yoongi sighed again, "Alright, good. You going to come home any time soon? The members are worried about you."

I didn't say anything in response to that. I didn't want to be anywhere near Jungkook right now. I'm not sure I can even be around the members too.

As if he could hear my thoughts, Yoongi said quietly, "Don't suffer alone like that. We know you're hurting too so come home, okay? We'll be here for you too."

It's not like Yoongi to say something like this so I teared up at that and nodded, "Mmn."

"Do you need one of us to pick you up?"

"I'll be there tonight," I wiped the tears that were starting to roll down my cheeks. "Will you guys be home?"

"We will," he hesitated for a bit, "Jungkook will be home too."

I closed my eyes at that. How can I be under the same roof as someone who can't stand to be around me? How can I be around him after what he'd said in the hospital too?

"Jiwoo-ah."

"Yes?"

"Come home, okay?"

I opened my eyes, "Okay."

"You promise?"

"Yeah," I whispered.

"Good because Jimin is seriously worried about you," Yoongi said. "We all are, but if you're not home then he and Hoseok will hunt you down and drag you back."

I laughed softly at that, "Okay, Yoongi."

"See you tonight then."

I hung up on him, dropping my hands to my laps. I closed my eyes, trying to tell myself to wake up from this nightmare even though I knew really well that it wasn't a dream.

Jungkook was gone.