I'm out in the woods with Sophia, Carl, Louis, and Eliza. We ain't that far away from camp, 'cause we know better than to go running off. We're following a bunny rabbit. Carl wanted to learn how to hunt, so I'm teaching him. Sophia just wanted to come along, and I don't mind, 'cause I like Sophia. Eliza and Louis were playing tag at first, but when they saw us chasing the rabbit, they came running after us.

Anyway, I got my slingshot and a few small rocks. I don't like using my slingshot as much as I like using a rifle or my dad's crossbow. I'm not allowed to use either a' those without my dad right by my side helping me, though. Plus, Dad's got his crossbow with him now and he still ain't here, and I can't use a gun because firing off shots here would only lead the dead people right to us. So slingshot it is.

All the other kids are real loud when they walk. They don't mean to be, but they really are. They keep scaring off the rabbit and then we have to go chasing it some more, but I don't tell them that because I think they like chasing the rabbit better than they'll like killing it. I don't even like killing 'em that much, but Dad says we gotta eat. Circle of life, I guess.

The rabbit comes to an abrupt stop and starts sniffin' on some grass. I skid to a stop, which makes Sophia and Carl go ramming into my back, and Louis and Eliza go ramming into their backs. They all start giggling. I expect the rabbit to start running off again, but it's still sniffin', surprisingly. Carl hushes Sophia, and they stop giggling, even though I can tell that they have to try really hard to. I load a rock into my slingshot and I pull it far back, lining it up with the rabbit.

"Can I do it?" Carl asks me, forgetting to whisper. As soon as he says the words, the rabbit scurries off, fast as lightning.

"Aw man, you scared it off again!" Louis complains.

"Come on!" Sophia exclaims, jumping up and running after the bunny rabbit. I get up, too, then Carl, Eliza, and Louis, and now we're all running after the rabbit again. Sophia's in front, but then Carl starts catching up to her because he's a real fast runner. I'm coming up next to Eliza and Louis when Carl and Sophia make a quick turn to the right, behind some bushes. Then they start screaming, so me, Eliza, and Louis run even faster until we're around the bush, too.

When we turn around the bush, I see a dead man chowin' down on a deer. And I'm thinking, shame, we coulda had that deer for dinner. Apparently, that's not what the other kids are thinking, because they all screaming and calling for their mommas. I back away, too, but I don't got no one to run to, since Merle's gone and Dad's still out. Even if they were here, though, I probably wouldn't go running to 'em.

Merle's still in Atlanta. I was thinking about him when I went to bed last night, because the tent was all empty with both him and my dad missing. I felt like crying last night, too, because I'm real worried about him. But Rick says he's gonna talk to Dad about it, and they're gonna bring Merle back. So that's what I'm trying to remind myself. Teaching the other kids how to hunt is a good distraction, too, but now I'm looking at the dead man and I catch myself wondering if Merle's a dead man, and it's too late.

Now, one thing you gotta know 'bout me is that I ain't never killed no one before, not even a dead man. Before we got to this camp, whenever Dad and Merle had to kill 'em, I got left in the truck. So I don't even know much about these guys. I know they're dead. Dad made that real clear, 'cause when I first saw him kill one I thought it was an alive person. But now I know that they're dead and it ain't a bad thing to kill 'em twice. It lets them rest.

I'm staring at the dead man when I'm suddenly shoved backward by Shane. I keep behind him, watching as some of the men of the group- Glenn, Shane, Dale, Rick, Jim, and Morales- start beatin' the thing down with all sorts a' makeshift weapons until Dale finally slices off its head with an axe. Once the thing is dead, my eyes go to the deer instead. I'm thinking that, maybe, if we cut it up right now, we could still eat the deer without getting sick. Cookin' things kills the bacteria, don't it? I don't know. But now that I'm lookin' at the deer, I can see that its got some bolts in its body. In fact, those are my dad's bolts.

"It's the first one we've had up here. They never come this far up the mountain," Dale says. I step around the dead body and pull my dad's bolts outta this deer. He'll want 'em back, I know. I get all three bolts outta the deer's body before Dale pulls me back, holdin' onto my wrist.

"Well, they're running out of food in the city, that's what," Jim murmurs, making all of us get a nervous feeling in our bellies. The nervous feeling only gets worse when we start to hear some twigs snappin' and leaves crunchin' from behind some trees. Dale pulls me even closer to him, holdin' me against his side. Shane steps forward, raising his gun up. Everyone else raises their weapons, too.

But the only thing that comes walking out from behind them trees is my dad.

"Oh, Jesus," I hear Shane mutter. I don't think he likes my dad all that much.

"Son of a bitch. That's my deer! Look at it. All gnawed on by this..." Dad complains. He goes up close and starts kickin' the poor thing. "Filthy, disease-bearing, motherless poxy bastard!" he swears. I don't know what a poxy bastard is, but I'm sure it ain't good.

"Calm down, son. That's not helping," Dale says, staring at my dad like he's crazy. That was a bad idea, I think, because my dad already doesn't like Dale all that much, and he's just gonna like him even less.

"What d'you know 'bout it, old man?" Dad says, walking quickly over to me and Dale. He grabs me by my arm and tugs me away from Dale, making me stumble on my feet. "Man, get your hands off my kid!" he shouts. I don't know why he's gotta be like this. Why he's so mean to people. Especially nice people, like Dale. "Why don't you take that stupid hat and go back On Golden Pond?" he sasses.

I'm looking at my shoes now, because I get the feeling that Rick's staring at me and my dad. He's probably wonderin' how he's supposed to tell my dad what happened to Merle without my dad trying to kill him. But there is no way. I know my dad and I know what he's gonna do. I told Rick. I warned him. I said, My dad's gonna try to kill you, and I'm real sorry. But Rick seemed sure that he would have a calm conversation with Dad. I tried to warn him.

Dad snatched all the bolts I collected right outta my hand. "Been trackin' this deep for miles. I was gonna drag it back to camp, cook us up some venison. What d'you think? Think we can cut around this chewed-up part right here?" Dad asks, using the tip of his knife to circle around the spot the walker was chewin' on.

"I would not risk that," Shane answers, a look of disgust on his face.

"That's a damn shame," Dad says with a sigh. He steps around me and looks around at the rest of the group. He doesn't like being around so many of 'em at the same time. "I got some squirrel- about a dozen or so. That'll have to do," he says.

Just as he says it, the dead guy's head by my foot starts snappin' its jaw open and shut, open and shut. I think it's tryna chew on my foot. I kick it away because it's really freakin' me out. It goes rollin' around the grass like a soccer ball, and I feel like throwing up, but I don't.

"Come on, people. What the hell?" Dad says. He aims his crossbow and shoots a bolt right into the thing's eye. Then he puts his boot on its forehead and pulls the bolt back out. It makes this gross squishing sound and I have to look away. "It's gotta be the brain. Don't y'all know nothin'?" Dad says to them.

He starts walking up to camp, which means that he's gonna find out Merle ain't here real soon. And I'm thinking that maybe, just maybe, if I tell him instead of Rick telling him, he won't get as mad. Plus, if I tell him, he's not gonna go tryna kill me, like he would Rick. So I start following behind him.

"Dad," I say, walking quickly to catch up to him. He doesn't acknowledge me. I think he didn't hear me.

But before I can repeat myself, Dad shouts, "Merle! Get your ugly ass out here! Got us some squirrel! Let's stew 'em up."

"Dad," I say as he sets his crossbow down against a wooden log.

"What?" he asks.

"Merle ain't-"

"Daryl, why don't you slow up a bit?" Shane interrupts, walking towards me and my dad. Dad turns his attention to Shane. "I need to talk to you," Shane says.

"'Bout what?" Dad asks. His tone is already worried and slightly angry, and that makes me nervous.

"I'll tell him," I tell Shane.

I'm trying not to look as worried as I am, but I think everyone can tell I'm feeling nervous, 'cause everyone's staring and Shane puts his hand on my shoulder and squeezes it before saying, "It's ok, June," he says. I shake my head. It's not ok. Dad's gonna try and kill Rick.

"Hell's she talkin' 'bout?" Dad asks, tugging me away from Shane by the wrist. He doesn't like when other people try and comfort me like that. Especially guys. I think he thinks they're tryna replace him. I stumble on my feet as I'm lightly pushed behind Dad.

"There was a- there was a problem in Atlanta," Shane tells my dad. He puts his hands on his hips, standing like all cops do. That'll probably piss Dad off even more. He hates cops. Says they act all and mighty.

So far, though, Dad isn't blowin' up. He's looking around at everyone, and his hand is still holding onto my wrist loosely. I can feel it shaking. Everyone's real quiet. They're all watching like a bunch a' owls, 'cause their eyes are all big and they're just staring. Must make Dad feel angrier.

"He dead?" Dad asks. He's still calm. He doesn't know what happened yet. He thinks Merle got himself killed, I bet. But that's not what happened. What happened is that Merle's locked up in Atlanta because he attacked T-Dog. And they left him there. It was on accident, and I get that, but I know my dad won't care.

It takes Shane a moment to answer. "We're not sure," he eventually says.

Now Dad's getting worked up. His grip on my wrist gets very tight for a moment, and then he lets go of it completely. I take a few steps back, 'cause I know this ain't gonna be good. "He either is or he ain't!" Dad spits, circling Shane like a predator and its prey.

"No easy way to say this, so I'll just say it," Rick says, walking up to my dad. Dad can't tell Rick's a cop yet, because he's just wearing a plain white shirt and some blue jeans. But Dad's gonna find out real soon here and it's gonna rile him up even more.

"Who are you?" Dad asks.

"Rick Grimes," Rick says.

"Rick Grimes," Dad says it like it's an insult, "you got somethin' you wanna tell me?!"

"Your brother was a danger to us all, so I handcuffed him on a roof, hooked him to a piece of metal. He's still there," Rick explained. I wish they woulda just let me tell him this. I really do. Because I know my dad and I can see his temper like it's a fuse in front of me and the little spark is getting closer and closer to the bomb, just waiting to explode.

"Hold on. Lemme process this," Dad says, pointing at his head. He paces around for a moment before finally stopping and staring Rick in the eyes. "You're sayin' you handcuffed my brother to a roof? And you left him there?!" he's really, really shoutin' now and it makes me nervous. He's shoutin' like he shouted at Merle when his bad friend, Joeseph, came over while he was supposed to be babysitting me.

I was only five at the time, so I don't really get what was so bad about Joeseph. He didn't talk to me. He was looking at me weird every time I came into the living room, but he ain't ever came near me. Merle told me to go to my room, anyway. But when Dad got home and saw Joeseph sittin' on the living room couch, he was shoutin' like he's shoutin' now. He hurt Merle real bad that night. I remember watching Dad punch Merle's face over and over and screamin', Daddy, stop it! Stop it! 'cause I was so scared. I don't even know what Merle did that time. Guess he gets hurt for no reason sometimes, too. I should be more grateful that I don't get hurt like he did.

Anyway, I can see my dad's face heatin' up as Rick bows his head and says, "Yeah." All quiet and guilty.

Dad takes a few angry breaths and I think he's actually calming down for a moment. But then he whips his string a' squirrels right at Rick and lurches forward, ready to tackle him down. But before he can reach Rick, Shane shoves Dad to the ground.

I've got my back up against the front of the RV, trying to stay outta the way. T-Dog's coming closer, ready to either intervene or take the blame. But then I see my dad pulls his hunting knife outta the sheath he's got on his belt, and my heart starts beatin' real fast. I step forward, still outta the way, but now in my dad's field of vision.

"Dad, stop!" I shout. But Dad doesn't stop. He jumps up and swings his knife at Rick's throat. Rick dodges it, of course, because he's a cop and he knows what he's doing. When Dad tried to slash him again, Rick grabs him and restrains the arm he's holding the knife with while Shan runs forward and grabs him around the neck. "Daddy!" I find myself screamin'.

I think I'm worried about Dad, too. Not just Rick or Shane. 'Cause if Dad kills one a' them, we're gonna have to leave. Or maybe they'll kick Dad out and they won't let me go with him. I'd hate that. I'd really, really hate that. I don't think Dad will let that happen, even if they tried.

"You'd best let me go!" Dad growls.

"Nah, I think it's better if I don't," Shane says, calm and, as Dad puts it, all high and mighty. He starts pulling my dad to the ground in a chokehold.

"Shane! Please, please, let him go!" I shout. I'm pressin' my nails into my palms, and then out of my palms, and then back into my palms again. It makes me feel a little better.

"Choke hold's illegal," Dad grunts.

"Yeah, well, you can file a complaint," Shane sasses. Dad keeps fightin', trying to get away, but Shane doesn't let him. "Come on, man. We'll keep this up all day."

"Officer Shane, you're hurtin' him!" I shriek, worried. I know Shane doesn't care. I just can't help it.

"You're scarin' my kid!" Dad shouts.

"You're scarin' your kid," Shane retorts.

I think they're both right.

"I'd like to have a calm discussion on this topic. Do you think we can manage that?" Rick asks, getting all up in my dad's face. I don't know what to do. I wanna help Dad, but I don't want him to hurt Shane or Rick. "Do you think we can manage that?" Rick asks again.

Dad doesn't way anything, but Shane can tell he's calming down because he finally lets him go. Dad jerks away from Shane as he catches his breath.

"What I did was not on a whim. Your brother does not work and play well with others," Rick tries to explain.

"It was an accident, Dad," I say, my eyebrows pinched together.

"It's not Rick's fault. I had the key. I dropped it," T-Dog admits, stepping closer with a nervous look on his face.

"You couldn't pick it up?!" Dad asks immediately.

"Well, I dropped it in a drain," T-Dog says. He even sounds angry at himself. Even after Merle beat him up.

After a long sigh, Dad pushes himself up off the ground. "If it's supposed to make me feel better, it don't," he says, tossing dirt as T-Dog's shoes.

"Well, maybe this will. Look, I changed the door to the roof, so the geeks couldn't get at him. With a padlock," T-Dog explains.

"It's gotta for for somethin'," Rick says.

I think him talking is just making my dad more mad again, so I decide to say something. "He tried, Dad. Really," I tell him. Dad looks at me and I think... I think his eyes are watering. But then he scrunches his face up and wipes his hand across his eyes. Is he crying?

I've never ever seen my dad cry before. Never. You've got more chances of catching Bigfoot than you do of seeing my dad cry. But here he is, crying right in front of my eyes.

"Hell with all y'all!" he shouts, his voice cracking and shaking like mine did last night. I want to run forward and hug him because I like gettin' hugs when I'm feeling how he is now. But I know Dad doesn't like hugs at all, so I don't do nothin'. "Just tell me where he is so's I can to get him!"

"He'll show you. Isn't that right?" Lori says. She doesn't sound too happy about it, though.

"Rick said Merle's gonna come back. He told me last night," I tell Dad, tryin' to make him feel better. Something about seeing him cry like that makes me feel sick. It gives me this real bad feeling in my stomach and I wanna make it go away. Make his sadness go away. He looks at me, and he still looks sad.

Then, he looks at Rick. In fact, everyone's looking at Rick. "I'm going back," he announces. Lori sighs and goes inside the RV. I don't get how she doesn't understand. If Rick got stuck in Atlanta, I'm sure she'd wanna go get him. I'd even go get him and I barely know him. Just because I know it hurts to have someone missing in your life. But I guess Lori don't think Merle's much of a loss. She's wrong. Merle's important, even if he messes up sometimes.

Dad takes my wrist again and we start walking a little ways away from everyone. He sits himself down on a log and I sit on the log beside him. He starts cleaning off one of his bolts. I think it's the one that was in the walker's eye.

He doesn't say anything for a few moments. I think he's tryna get his emotions under control. He can't do it as easily as I can. All I gotta do is think 'bout the good things and think 'bout how at least I'm still breathin' and the suns still shinin', and then I can make myself feel better, usually. But sometimes none of that works, so I just gotta think 'bout how if I start cryin', it'll make other people feel bad. Then I can suck it up and move on.

My dad, though, can't help but feel angry. I don't blame him. He's got a lot to feel angry about. He grew up with a bad dad. He lost his momma when he was real young. He always had to work real, real hard to get enough money to pay for everything we needed. He has to raise a kid all on his own. And now his brother is stuck on some roof somewhere. Those are all things I bet he's angry about.

"Dad," I say.

"Hm?" he hums, still not looking up from the bolt he's cleaning.

"I'm sorry 'bout Merle," I tell him.

"He shouldn'ta' left. Told him to stay here with you," Dad grumbles.

"He wanted to help," I say, even though I don't really think that's true. Dad doesn't think it's true, either. I can tell because he just scoffed. "I bet you're gonna get him and he's gon' be fine," I say, trying to reassure him.

"Yeah," Dad says. He glances over at me and just looks at me for a moment. He does that sometimes. I don't know why. He looks like he's thinking real hard about something. Like he's trying to decide something. I don't know. Like always, he turns away after a few seconds. "Skin these squirrels while I'm gone, will ya?" he asks, picking up his rope full of squirrels and placing it on the log between us.

I nod and hum out a yes, even though I don't really wanna skin them squirrels. I don't want Dad to go into the city, either, because what if he doesn't come back, like Merle? Then I'm all by myself. I don't know if I'd be able to handle that. I don't tell him any of that, though, because I don't wanna make him feel bad. Besides, he's gonna go whether or not I want him to.