My dad is staring at me. I can feel it. Carl's sitting next to me on this stupid bench at this stupid picnic table. I've got a stupid plate of eggs in front of me. That's why Dad's watching me. He knows I'm not gonna eat it. I just bet he's waiting to see if I ask for something else or if I just throw it away.

This is embarrassing. Everyone else is eating their eggs. I wish I could. Well, I guess I could. It's just real hard. That's all.

I push the scrambled eggs in circles, staring down at it.

"The eggs are really good, June. I swear," Carl tells me, raising his eyebrows at me. I'm glad he's not mad at me. I snitched to my dad last night about the gun Carl stole. Turned out, Shane ratted him out earlier and I was stressing out about it for no good reason.

I huff. "I bet they are," I say, stabbing the eggs. Wish my brain would let me eat 'em. I really do. But I can stare at them as long as I want, and my brain ain't warming up to 'em.

"Juniper, honey, eat your food," Lori calls out to me. I look up from my plate and see her standing right next to my dad, watching me and Carl. Dad glares at her and I look down at my plate again.

I scoop up a piece of egg with my fork. I lift it up to eat it. And then I drop the fork back down and take a sip of apple juice instead.

Lori lets out a huff that I can hear from all the way over at this stupid picnic table. "Juniper, Carol cooked those. You wouldn't want to be rude and-" she starts to say. I hope I'm not making Carol feel bad about her scrambled eggs.

"Why don't you mind your own damn business?" I hear Dad snap. I bow my head lower, pretending I can't hear them. I push the eggs in circles again. "It's fine. I'll make her somethin' else," Dad mutters.

At that, Lori scoffs a bit. "She's never gonna grow out of this if you just give her what she wants every time," she says. I can tell by her voice that she's not trying to be mean or rude, but it does sort of hurt my feelings.

"She's my kid. I'll raise her how I wanna," Dad tells her. Carl eyes me, but he thinks I don't notice it. I do.

"Look at her," Lori says quietly. I'm sure she's gesturing towards me, and it makes me want to melt down into the ground and disappear forever. I shrink down lower, hiding my face with my hair. "She's malnourished. She needs to eat. Look- Hey, June, come over here," Lori raises her voice again, calling out to me.

When I look up, Lori beckons me over to her, but Dad shoves her hand down, getting in front of her. "Lady, I told you. I'mma make her somethin' else.  She ain't gonna starve," he says. He's getting more and more irritated. I can hear it in his voice.

"That's ridiculous. She needs to learn to eat what she's been given," Lori says with another scoff.

"Yeah, I've tried that. It ain't that simple," Dad retorts. He's using a quiet, hushed voice, but I can still hear him.

"It is that simple, Daryl. I've raised a kid of my own. I think I know-"

"Lori, there's somethin' wrong with my kid," I hear Dad tell her. He doesn't say it like he's mad or sad about it. He says it like it's a fact. I already know my dad thinks there's something wrong with me. I heard him talking to Maggie about it. It sort of hurts to hear it out of his mouth again, though. And this time he doesn't think it, he knows it. "I'm tryna figure out what's goin' on with her and you tryna make it your problem ain't fuckin' helpin'. Maybe if ya watched your own kid, he wouldn'ta' stolen a gun."

Lori goes quiet. I don't look up to see, but I bet she's staring at my dad, all offended and everything. My dad offends people a lot. I don't look up from my plate until I see my dad's hand grab onto the plate. He takes the plate away and eats the eggs for himself. He goes into the house and, a couple of minutes later, he comes back out with a plate of crackers. I don't mind crackers, so I eat as much of them as I can.

Still, I can feel Lori's eyes burning holes in my skin. Dad sits down across from me, blocking me from her view. So far, he hasn't proven himself to be a liar since yesterday. He hasn't hit me, or spanked me, or even yelled at me. And last night, before bed, he kissed my head and- even though I could tell he was hesitant about it- told me he loves me.

I look at Dad and I think about asking him what's wrong with me, Dad? But I don't, because if I did, then he'd know I was listening in on them. I don't ask. I eat my crackers.

Then, Glenn gets up in front of all of us and scratches his nose as he says, "Um, guys." He seems like he's gonna say something important, but I can't be so sure because he also seems very unsure of himself. All of our watching eyes probably make it even harder. "So... the barn's full of walkers."

And bam, we're all frozen in our spots, staring at him. We wait for him to go on; to tell us he's joking. But he doesn't and all our eyes go wide. 

Shane is the first one to shoot up out of his seat and go marching off towards the barn, and Dad and Rick are soon to follow. I leave my crackers behind and hurry to catch up with them, along with everyone else. 

Come to think of it, I don't think I've even been by the barn before. I've gone to the shed and the stables, but never the barn. No one ever invited me to the barn. No one even told me about it. I'm starting to think there's a real good reason for that. 

When I reach the barn, Shane is peering inside through one of the cracks and Dad's pushing on the panels. Me and a few others are just watching, waiting to see what the heck is going on and what the heck is gonna happen. 

"You cannot tell me you're alright with this," Shane mutters as he turns away from the barn. 

"No, I'm not, but we're guests here. This isn't our land," Rick says in a gruff, irritated voice that matches Shane's. 

"Oh, God, this is our lives, man!" Shane nearly shouts. 

"Lower your voice," Glenn hisses, his face full of worry and anxiety. I bet this is the thing that's been making him act all weird since yesterday. 

"How many are there, Dad?" I ask. I'm about to go walking up behind him in order to see what he's seeing, but Lori manages to catch the back of my shirt before I do. She pulls me back towards her and keeps a hand on my shoulder. 

"A shit load of 'em," Dad answers, scrunching his face up to block out the sun.

"Ok. We either gotta go in there, we gotta make things right, or we just gotta go. Now, we have been talkin' 'bout Fort Benning for a long time-" Shane says, talking mostly at Rick. 

"We can't go," Rick insists. He's sorta become our leader. It used to be Shane, but then Rick showed up and he's in charge instead. I think that might be what's bothering Shane, but I can't be sure. Maybe I'll ask him. Not now, but later. 

"Why, Rick? Why?"

"Because my daughter's still out there," Carol says solemnly. We still haven't found Sophia. I know my dad will. He's the best dang tracker in the state of Georgia. He just can't go out today because Hershel said his knee ain't better yet. But he'll go out again after and he'll find her. 

I know he will. But Shane? Shane doesn't seem to think so. He scoffs and rubs his face. "Ok. Ok. Carol, I think it's time that we all start to just consider the other possibility," he says, and it makes my stomach churn. He doesn't even say it like it pains him to say it. He says it like he's been thinking it for a while now. Long enough for it not to bother him. 

"Shane," Rick scolds, "We're not leaving Sophia behind."

Dad comes up next to Carol, abandoning the barn walls he's been checking out. "I'm close to findin' this girl. I just found her damn doll two days ago," Dad says, getting annoyed with Shane for not trusting him. 

Shane doesn't seem to care what my dad says. "You found her doll, Daryl. That's what you did. You found a doll," he scoffs. 

For just a moment, my dad pauses, glaring daggers. Then he steps forward and swings his arm up, shouting, "You don't what the hell you're talkin' 'bout!"

"I'm just sayin' what needs to be said, here! You get a good lead, it's in the first-!" Shane keeps going and going after that, but I just stop listening. The shouting makes my head hurt and it makes me feel panicky. I turn away and plug my ears with my pointer fingers.

I don't look up from the ground, but I can see everyone's shadows in the dirt. First, just my dad and Shane's shadows are moving, and then it's everyone's shadows, and the shouting is so loud it overpowers my effort to cover my ears. They're fighting. I know it, and I hate it. 

Merle and Dad used to fight sometimes. And sometimes Merle, Dad, and Grandpa Will. It always scared me. I'd scream at them to stop, but they wouldn't stop until their faces and fists were all bloody. 

Lori's hand leaves my shoulder and I step even further away from everyone. Shane's shadow starts to walk off, but then it stops and turns back. Then I hear him shouting so loud that it makes my ears ring and my body tense up. After another moment, I jump, feeling a new hand on my shoulder. I look up and see that it's Glenn, and past him, I see that no one's fighting each other no more, so I let my hands drop back down to my sides. 

"Hershel sees those things in there as people. Sick people," Dale is explaining. It makes me understand the idea of keeping them a bit better, but it still freaks me out, having had close calls with 'em. "His wife. His stepson."

"You knew?!" Rick asks, his eyebrows raised.

"Yesterday, I talked to Hershel."

"And you waited the night?!" Shane asks, getting all worked up again. 

"I thought we could survive one more night. We did," Dale says firmly. He's right. I don't blame him. I don't think I could be mad at Dale if I tried. He's too nice. If it were me, though, I would have told almost immediately. I'm a real bad secret keeper. "I was waiting till this morning to say something. But Glenn wanted to be the one."

"The man is crazy, Rick, if Hershel thinks those things are alive or not!" Shane shouts. I turn my head away again, moving to stand behind Glenn. And I'm glad I did because, now, the barn doors start rattling. The walkers are banging on 'em, just itching to be let out so they can tear us all apart. 

Soon, my dad grabs my arm and starts pulling me away. But then Lori grabs my other hand. "Why don't you come and do some more math, huh? I've got a few more workbooks," she says, pulling me towards her. 

"No thanks," I tell her, shaking my head. 

She glances up at my dad for just a second. So quick that I almost didn't notice. But I did. "How about a game instead, then? We found some playing cards," she says, not letting go of my hand. 

"No thanks," I say again.

"Honey, I just-"

"Mom," Carl murmurs from behind her. He's got a guilty look on his face.

"Carl wants to play cards. Don't you want to play cards with him?" Lori goes on. 

"Jesus, she said she doesn't wanna. Hell's your problem?" Dad snaps, tugging me away from the woman. My hand finally slips out of hers and Dad pulls me to the other side of him. 

Lori's mouth is open a little. She looks back and forth between me and Dad. Carl, though, is staring at me. When I finally look back at him, he bows his head down low, all guilty and regretful. And then I finally realize it. I think Carl snitched on me- or my dad, rather. Lori wants me away from him. 

"I'm just gonna talk to Maggie or... or maybe Beth," I tell Lori in order to ease her mind. I don't want her to be worried about me, but I don't wanna talk about it either. 

"Stay with 'em. I'm goin' out," Dad says, pushing me off towards the house, where Maggie's watching from the porch. 

That's a whole new problem, though. I quickly spin back around, looking at my dad with raised eyebrows. "Hershel said you ain't s'posed to. Not until your knee's better," I remind him. I'm sure I look real worried. Probably because I am real worried. 

"You mean the crazy old man who keeps walkers in his barn? I'on give a shit what he said," Dad scoffs, turning away to go off to the stables. 

"He ain't crazy! He just doesn't get it! He can learn," I argue, grabbing my dad's hand and stopping him from going off. I really don't want him to leave. Not with the barn full of walkers and not with his hurt knee. "And he's a doctor, Dad. He knows what he's talkin' 'bout."

"No, go ahead and look for her. Juniper, you can come with me. I wanna talk to you," Lori says, wiggling her fingers towards herself to try and beckon me over. They're all stressing me out today. Every single person. 

"I don't wanna, Lori. Thank you, though," I mutter, turning back to her for just a moment before turning back to my dad. I tug on his arm. "You can't go, Dad. Ya gotta stay."

"You want me to find Sophia?" Dad asks, raising his eyebrows at me. 

That question ain't fair. Of course, I want him to find Sophia. But I don't want him to die doing it. I need him. He should know that now. "Well, yeah, but I-"

"Then I gotta go find 'er. I'mma be fine. I promise you," Dad assures me. I don't really believe him. I don't think he can make that promise. I think he can tell what I'm thinking just by looking at my face because he puts both of his hands on my shoulders and says, "I'mma be back. I'll be careful."

"Dad," I sigh, pinching my eyebrows together. 

"I came back every time so far, haven't I?" Dad asks me. I nod because, yes, he has. "And I'mma come back again. Don't follow me this time. Be good," he says, kissing my head before turning and going off to the stables. 

I watch him go, chewing my lip anxiously. I'm sure he'll come back. He always does. But it still scares me because, without him, I'd have no one at all. No family. No dad. No momma. No Uncle Merle. No Grandpa Will. 

Good news is, I see Carol following my dad to the stables. I think she's gonna get him to stop. He'll listen to her better than he'll listen to me, I bet. I'm just a kid. Plus, Carol is Sophia's momma. She knows what's best. 

"Juniper," Lori says, breaking me outta my thoughts. I turn to her quickly. "I wanna talk to you," she says. And Carl's still standing all guilty behind her. 

I know it's rude and I know it's not what I'm supposed to do, but I turn and run off toward the house. I really, really don't want to talk about any of the bad stuff. Not to Lori, not to anyone. It's getting better. Dad promised he'd stop. He promised he's getting better. And I believe him, so far. I don't wanna think about how we were before. It just makes me feel sad. 

When I get to the house, Rick comes storming out of it. He apologizes quietly for swinging the door open like he did, but he doesn't say nothing else. He goes walking off. Bet he talked to Hershel. 

Hershel is probably stressed. Maybe I can help. I knock on the door, and there's no answer for a moment. And then I hear Hershel say, "Come in." But he doesn't sound very happy about it. I go in anyway. He seems less irritated once he sees that it's me, luckily. "Oh, June. How is your head?" he asks, sitting himself down at the kitchen table. He's got a plate of food and a book out in front of him. 

"Alright. Doesn't hurt so much if I don't touch it," I tell him, giving a small smile. 

"I'm happy to hear that," he tells me, giving a smile that I can tell is fake. I don't think he's faking about being glad I'm feeling better, but I think he's faking about being in a good mood. "And your father?"

"Well, he ain't a good listener, so he's tryna go out to find Sophia. But I think Carol's gonna talk him out of it," I explain, shrugging my shoulders. Hershel nods. I can't tell whether or not he likes my dad, but I know better than to ask. "I was just wonderin' if you want any help with anythin'," I tell him. 

"Maggie was just talking about making some lemonade. I'm sure she'd appreciate some help with that," Hershel tells me.

"Alright," I say, giving another polite smile. 

"But, would you do me a favor first and run a bottle of water out to Jimmy? He's out checking on the cows. I'm sure he'd appreciate it," Hershel says. I nod quickly. I'd love to see the cows. "Thank you," Hershel says. 

"No problem, sir," I say. I go get a water bottle from the fridge and make my way outside. I'm just glad to have something to keep my mind off what Carl told Lori.