"Waiting hurts. Forgetting hurts. But not knowing which decision to take can sometimes be the most painful . . ." 

~ José N. Harris, MI VIDA: A Story of Faith, Hope and Love 

>>·<<

June woke up from her recharge to a servo on her snout.

Optics flaring to life, she flared her armor only for Jack to yelp in shock and stumble backwards, falling back on his butt.

"Whoa, whoa! Mom, it's just me!" He waved his arms, the child terrified of her. The femme relaxed, transforming into her bipedal mode and scowling at the young man.

"You couldn't try to wake me?" She crossed her arms and cocked her hips, a move Jack knew all too well. His mother was preparing to thoroughly chew him out.

He stood up, instinctually placing a hand on the back of his helm. "I tried," he answered. "You were pretty out of it. Optimus said a lot was on your processor?"

Primus, do any of the Autobots keep any secrets? June thought bitterly, sighing. Optimus had probably only said such a thing when Jack inquired to where she was. He was her son, and he did worry. "I do. It's . . . complicated."

"Are you still 'confused?'" Jack looked incredibly worried at that. "Is there something wrong?"

"I don't know if wrong is the right word for it," she admitted. "I . . . well, do you want me to break it to your gently or outright?"

Jack eyed her with suspicion, wondering why on Earth his mother - who rarely kept him out of the loop on things - would ask such a question. "Just tell me, mom."

When the femme took a vent he wondered if he had made the right decision. "When I was a Predacon, Megatron was the first to make physical contact with me. Optimus and Shockwave believe that is why I am now so . . . weird around Megatronus. They think I imprinted on him."

"Imprinted?!" Jack shrieked, several octaves higher than what his vocalizer should have allowed. "Like, Twilight imprinted? Or ducklings imprinted? Please tell me it's the latter, please."

"It's neither," June rolled her optics a little, "and don't you ever compare our . . . thing to Twilight ever again. It's painful enough thinking about it in any other way. But, Optimus believes it is more territorial than anything else."

Jack let out a half-sigh, looking at his mother in disbelief. "So . . .?"

She shrugged at him, looking completely baffled. "So what? Nothing I can really do about it; I can ignore it sometimes, but other times . . . another part of me is constantly chasing the need to be around him, and protect him. I'm sure you heard about the Starscream incident?"

"Yes," Jack's optics brightened, becoming steely. "Are you alright? Ratchet said you were fine, but I know you can sometimes be . . . resistant to help."

June rolled her optics. "I truly am alright, Jack," she promised. "Aside from everything that has been going on, I've never been better. Now that I can make sense of why I'm feeling the way I do, I will give myself less headaches; and hopefully Ripclaw stops pestering me about checking up on him."

Her son raised an optic ridge. "Ripclaw?"

The femme nodded. "She is . . . My Predacon body. Another consciousness that is in my head, sort of. She isn't fully aware; it's more instinctual and sensations of thought rather than an actual, living creature."

"I see . . ." Jack furrowed his brow. "So she's the reason you can't not protect Megatronus?"

June sighed. "Yes, but . . ." Her optics sparkled. "That doesn't mean I still can't protect and care about you."

Jack smiled just a bit. "I wondered if you were still worried about me," he teased a little, "I was afraid I had been replaced."

His mother rolled her optics again. "Don't underestimate your importance to me; you are my son. Besides, I chose to like you, not him. You should feel extra special."

"Do I ever," he chuckled. "How are your energon levels? Do you need to refuel?"

June thought for a moment, then nodded. "Yes. I would like that."

"Come on, I need some too." Jack smiled up at his mother. "I don't think you'll be opposed to energon - it's all vegan, naturally."

"Excellent," June laughed, genuinely, perhaps for the first time. "Lead the way."

>>·<<

Starscream was put into custody rather quickly, the Decepticon surrendering with surprising and yet unnerving ease. While everyone suspected the mech had sinister intentions, Optimus wanted to believe that he was as sick of the war as they were, the Seeker unable to let go of his pride.

As the planet began to heal Autobots and Decepticons alike flocked back to their home, tensions high yet peace seemed imminent. It helped that most cities were still designated "Autobot" or "Decepticon" metropolis, and for now that seemed to be the best way to keep every one settled in. Iacon became neutral territory for both sides to interact and mingle with one another, a government slowly but surely being formed over time.

During this change, the former humans had to come up with a decision. They could remain on Cybertron with their Autobot (and some Decepticon) friends, but it would be at the expense of their families. Rafael quickly opted to return to Earth, Ratchet and Shovel deciding to do the same. The old and weathered medic felt his skills - though not diplomatic in nature - were better suited on the primitive planet, where his servos could finally rest and he could work in relative peace. Shovel accompanied him because the Vehicon could not seem to part with the Autobot he had become so fervently attached to.

Miko, on the other hand, decided she would much rather stay on Cybertron. Bulkhead was there, and the Spacebridge made it easy should she wish to visit her family in Tokyo. The girl was no stranger to studying abroad, and to her this was just another extended trip. Besides, she had planned on settling somewhere other than Japan, and though another planet entirely had not been on her initial agenda, it was what she wanted.

Jack was torn. He wanted to return to Earth, finish his education there, go to college, be human again, but such a thing would not be possible in the long run. He would need a job, he wanted a family, but his alien form would not allow it. The constant need for energon and the fact that his holomatter avatar was nothing but solid light made several things impossible.

And his mother . . .

June, perhaps, was more torn than her son. Earth had been her home for over thirty years, and yet she too could not return to the life she once had. She figured she could become comfortable on Cybertron, given time, however Jack's reluctance to join her worried her. To make matters worse, she knew for a fact Megatronus would remain on this planet, and if she was away for too long Ripclaw would drive her insane.

She had to choose between her son, whom she loved dearly, and a mass murderer her instincts would not let her release.

It did not escape any knowledgeable 'bot's attention what her predicament was. Rafael, Ratchet, and Shovel had already returned to Earth, and there were many moments on the Nemesis when June and Jack would argue with one another.

"I get it, mom. You have to choose: me or him. And I know who you're going to pick, because of what you are."

June buried her face in her servos, her backstruts against the wall of her former kennel as she sat there. Jack was becoming increasingly frustrated with her; he wanted to return to Earth with his mother, but the possibility of doing so was shrinking by the day. Megatronus had long left the ship, and she thought his absence would eventually allow her to trump Ripclaw's begging. But it instead made things much, much worse.

"I'm trying, Jack! I'm trying to be your mother. But I . . . I can't just ignore this. I can't pretend it doesn't exist because it does. It's a part of me."

"Then maybe you should just kiss me goodbye right now and go running to your master!"

Energon leaked from the corner of her optics. She hated fighting with Jack, because they would say things to one another they would most certainly regret later. It broke her heart every time they would quarrel; to lose her son would be to lose everything she had. Yes, June was proud of her ability to stay strong, be independent, but she realized she would be nothing without her son. He was the only family she had left.

And he was slipping from her fingers.

Jack's hate was not directed toward her because of her. He was angry at Megatron, Shockwave, and the Predacon within his mother. At the same time, he could not quite grasp that his mother could not just abandon what was now a fundamental part of her psyche. To lose Megatronus would drive her just as insane as if she lost Jack.

Her sensitive audio receptors picked up the doors to the flight deck opening, but the woman did not stir. Heavy footsteps clicked against the metal, footsteps her and Ripclaw knew so well.

An unwanted thrill ran down her back struts as Megatronus rounded the corner, quietly walking past her before he too leaned against the wall and slid down. She wondered why he was seeking her out - he had business on Kaon.

"I'm sorry," he broke the silence he had allowed to permeate for a few moments between them. "Jack . . . Made me aware of what I . . . Megatron, had done to you."

June finally found the courage to look him in the optics, realizing with a start the mech had a fresh dent on the side of his cheek. Ripclaw flared a little, demanding to know who had done this, but June immediately quashed and numbed the feeling.

"What do you mean?" She asked, realizing she was still crying a little and wiping her tears away. She knew darn well what he meant, but the femme wanted to hear him say it.

Megatronus took a deep breath. "I somehow activated a bond between us," he was carefully dancing around several choice words. "And, essentially, forced you to . . . Desire to protect and have an attachment to me. I do feel guilty, June, despite what you or others may think. I have put you in a terrible predicament."

The Predacon femme dropped her gaze to her servos. "Not like it can be fixed," she murmured bitterly. "Or broken. I just . . . Need time to sort out my thoughts, and I'm sure going to Earth will help."

"Yet you have not gone."

June felt anger flare in her spark; not necessarily because of what he said, but because he was right. And she knew exactly why. Going to Earth, being away from Megatronus, would be too much. Her thoughts would never sort themselves out as long as Ripclaw pestered and worried over her companion; it would be like an anxiety, leaving June sleepless and breathless 24/7 until she either took sedatives or returned to Megatronus' side. Even now, and she despised the feeling, his presence alone was soothing her spark.

"I can't," her voice broke as truth, painful though it was, came out. "Because I can't be without you."

Megatronus looked at her, shocked. The torment in her voice told him all he needed to know about her struggle and personal opinion on the matter. If she could, she would leave with Jack without a second thought. But the body he had so selfishly placed her in was preventing her from doing just that.

There was a long silence after her proclamation, in which the gladiator attempted to come up with something to say or do. Finally, metal clinked against metal as he moved his arm, and gently placed his servo against her shoulder.

"I am sorry," he said again. "Is there . . . anything I can do to help, to alleviate your pain?"

June wanted to hit him, and then herself. I don't know. That was the only answer she could seem to come up with nowadays. I don't know. Ripclaw barely knows. Together we somehow understand and know even less.

"If there was, I would tell you," she replied bitterly. "But I am in the dark . . . about everything. Even things about myself that I wish I knew. This body was not meant for a human mind. It wasn't meant to handle complex feelings and emotions; and it's glaringly obvious now."

He listened quietly, letting her vent her frustrations without fear of judgement, the gladiator well aware of inner turmoil and struggling. Though June was not alone, her situation was unique and needed its own special attention. Her face returned to her servos as a small helmache formed between her optics. The femme did not know how many more mental circles her processor could take before it overheated and imploded on itself.

"I understand you wish to be with your son, your maternal instincts are every bit as natural now as they were before," the gladiator spoke slowly. "I am also aware Jack wishes to return to Earth, to continue his life as a human until it is no longer possible. But I ask you, June, what is it that you want? Not Ripclaw, not what you believe is morally right, but what you would chose if you had nothing to pick between except for Earth and Cybertron."

June looked through the slits of her digits, staring at the grey floor at her pedes. If she eliminated all other variables, ignored Ripclaw, her motherly instincts - both of which were incredibly hard to ignore - and only selfishly thought about herself, where would she go?

The answer was obvious, for several reasons.

"Cybertron," she answered. "It's where this body belongs; it's where I belong now. Both planets suffer no gains or losses no matter which one I chose anyways. And I would never be able to just . . . pretend to be human. I don't have the capacity for it."

Megatronus nodded quietly, gently squeezing her shoulder before letting her go and standing up. "I think, that, if you made such a case to your son, he would understand. He would not be happy, but you cannot allow yourself to think of others in situations like this, June. Sometimes, as much as it kills you, you must be selfish."

She shook her helm. "I . . . I can't . . ."

"Don't do it for me," he answered. "Do not ever do anything for me again, June. You deserve a life not governed by something outside of your control; and if Cybertron is the best place for that, then so be it."

He left her, then, the femme returning to a silent staredown with the wall, processing what she had just been told. It seemed so easy, despite both parts of her still screaming at the tops of their lungs, begging to be recognized, tearing her spark apart in anguish. But Megatronus had given her an excuse, a reason to part with Jack. As much as it killed her, it was a logical decision, and perhaps the easiest. They had already known that, eventually, Jack would set out on his own; go to college, get a job, visit his mother every once in a while. 

Yes, she would be a planet away, but the Spacebridge technology, and the long-range communications networks that had been revived along with the planet, could keep them in touch.

Be selfish.

June stood up, dusting herself off unnecessarily. Sighing softly, she steeled herself and went to find Jack. They needed to have a family meeting.