-- Entry #26 - August 20th -- Friday --

It's funny how something so simple as memories could mean so much to you once they are gone. Like Nicholas and Anna said, I was trapped in my memories, clueless moments in my life that just came and went but never stuck. I forgot them as quickly as I saw them, but there is a prominent theme throughout them that scares me.

War.

Various battles, all on different battlefields and against different enemies. It is almost like I live to fight like I cannot function without having to be on a battlefield of some kind. And I don't know if that is a good or bad thing. But it does explain what Brice spoke of during my temporary visit to Estir and what Dianite was talking about with the whole blocked memory thing. Brice spoke of how I confided in him about having disturbing visions, and flashbacks to horrible times in my past that would distract me, especially in heat of battle. Dianite then went into insulting me about blocking memories like that and avoiding my problems and the funny thing is...I would still go out of my way to block my memory. Sure, what happened freaked everyone out with that episode I had but I'm not willing to back down in something like this.

War is not something I wish to remember but I think that is all that my life has entailed and that's just...sad. Fighting for survival just seems to be in my blood given how much I do it. I realize that isn't a life and it's horrible that it is my life. No wonder I'm having the mental problems that Brice had spoken about. My entire life revolves around death, murder, and blood.

That needs to change but how? Being a guardian means that will be all that life is...I'm trapped in this lifestyle with no exit in sight. There is no happy ending for me and I just need to accept that.

......

I woke up feeling all sorts of numb and heavy. My limbs didn't want to move and I couldn't help but agree with them since I didn't want to move either, I'm exhausted. I just wanted to go back to sleep, but there was fear of that. I felt a hand grasp mine, their thumb gently rubbing the top of my hand as silence was around us. Who is that?

There were no voices, no noise other than the ruffle of paper that sounds oddly like a page turning in a book. I felt a weight on my legs and waist, a weight that shifted onto my injured right side causing a sharp pain to hit me and an involuntary groan to slip through my lips.

"Seto?" the voice asked and I immediately knew who it is, it's Violet. "Kala, off." The weight left me making it easier for me to move, not that I wanted to in the first place. But my right side is burning along with my achy head and just general fatigue. I felt an indent in what I assume is a bed beside me, a hand touching my cheek. "Seto? Can you open your eyes for me? I need to know if you are awake or not." I really didn't want to, I wanted to go back to sleep but, for Violet, I force myself to crack my eyes open. My vision obscured beyond belief, I couldn't tell if it was Violet but I knew it was from her voice. I hear her let out a shaky breath as I felt her thumb caress my cheek. "There you are..." She sounds...upset. I would try to console her but I felt a wave of nausea hit me like a slap to the face. I close my eyes as a groan slipped through my lips. "Take it easy, according to the healers, you're suffering from magic exhaustion and overexertion. You're gonna feel like crap for a while."

I blinked a few times, clearing my vision slowly but only enough that I could see her semi-clearly. My eyes soften upon seeing her worried yet relieved expression. "I-I'm...sorry," I mumbled softly.

"You should be...you worried all of us to death. We thought you were dead when you collapsed," she answered as she took her hand away. "What were you thinking? Are you trying to kill yourself? How many times do we need to tell you that you need to stop acting like a one-man army? That you don't need to do things on your own because you have friends that are fully prepared and capable to help you with whatever you may need?"

"I-I'm sorry..." I mumbled since talking hurt and I just wanted to get my point across. I wanted to say more, try to explain myself, but I have a feeling that my words will fall on deaf ears. My actions aren't exactly easily explained away. I don't know exactly what came over me, I just...I needed to kill Makayla, it was a feeling that I couldn't push away and it overtook me. The hatred for that woman blinded me.

"You aren't alone in this fight...so stop acting like you are," Violet told me. I weakly grab her arms when I thought she was going to leave, forcing her to sit back down beside me.

"W-Wait..." I muttered.

"I have to get your medicine," Violet clarified. Medicine? She pulls her arms out of my grip and went over to a table. I watch her, feeling pain pulse from my right side causing me to groan. Kala jumped up on the bed again, but was careful to avoid me and just laid near my feet. "Since you have magic exhaustion, it is too dangerous to use healing magic on you. Normally, we would take that risk but since your wound isn't too deep, they decided to let it heal naturally." I looked over at her, seeing her with a bowl and various herbs and vials on the table. I guess she saw me looking at her since she added "Aslac had some very helpful suggestions when it came to your treatment." Aslac was here? Lucilius must have sent him or something. She came over with the bowl and fresh bandages, moving the warm blanket off me much to my disagreement. It was nice and warm and now I'm cold.

The door opened as she was taking off my bandages. "How is he?" a voice asked.

"Awake and somewhat alert," she answered.

"He's awake?!" they exclaimed. Wait, what's with the shock? How long have I been asleep? My eyes look to her, seeing Phil come up beside her, looking down at me. He smiled. "Well, hello there sleepy head. How are you feeling?"

"Tired..." I mumbled and they both smiled.

"Well you've been asleep for six days," he answered and I flinched. No wonder I feel so stiff and numb, I haven't moved for a week! Violet applied some type of cream on my wound, it was cold and soothing to the pain that radiated from it.

"Okay, I need you to sit up so I can put a fresh bandage on you," she said much to my displeasure. I don't want to move at all but I know she isn't going to just walk away and forget. I force myself to sit up, only making it halfway without help before she stepped in and helped me up.

Phil gave me a small smile. "Still pretty sore I guess?"

"You have no idea..." I mumbled in response. My body feels like it was put through war and back, which might be accurate given my apparent history. I move over to the side of the bed, letting my feet rest on the floor as Violet wrapped a bandage around my waist.

"You aren't...getting up yet, are you?" Phil asked with worry very clear in his voice.

I shake my head. "Not right now, I stand up and I might pass out. Taking it slow," I told him. And while I am feeling a little woozy just from sitting up, I wanted to ask the burning question. "So...what's been going on while I was out? What happened to the academy?"

"The frontlines were pushed back on this side of Laenadur as we hoped...but we've been tracking a large force that is making its way to the city at a fast pace," Phil reported catching my attention. "Riley is keeping an eye on the army while Matt and Tom are rebuilding the campus. James and Shiro are helping students return home while Reed is dealing with the council."

"Reed is--"

Phill put his hand up momentarily as he looked as if he knew what I was going to say. "I know, I know, but Reed knows how to talk to people, it is part of his...very annoying charm," he said. I found it odd but I don't know Reed that well since he is very...loud sometimes. But I will admit that I have seen him talk and he is quite good at it.

"Is it Rodor?" I asked. Rodor Harleston, the leader of the Dark mages, I've heard of him here and there over the time that I've been here but nothing significant or at least that I deem as. But I have heard that he is dangerous, which is understandable given that he is the leader of the dark mages.

"We believe so, which is why it is Riley that is keeping an eye on them and not Shiro. We don't know if Katrina is among the ranks but we must assume so," Violet answered. Yeah, the last thing we need is Shiro and Katrina running into each other. I don't think that is something that he needs right now given everything that has happened.

"If we are going to face Rodor we are going to face Katrina. So....get used to the idea of that," Phil advised. I'm already used to that idea, it is everyone else that has me worried. I know that Violet never trusted Katrina but the others did, especially Shiro.

"I've never met her so I have no strings attached...it is you guys that have me worried," I told Phil. I could tell that they are conflicted about having Katrina be on the enemy side, I understood that once Violet told me about her and what happened between them. This is a sore subject but one they all are going to have to face. "I know she was your friend but—"

"I don't have a problem with being against her, I never liked her to start with," Phil admitted to Violet's and I's surprise. But I suppose that isn't a surprise since he and I didn't get off on the right foot either. Phil kinda warms up to people slowly. "It is Shiro and Matt I am worried about. Those two were the closest to her out of all of us. But I'll keep an eye on them so don't worry too much about it."

"Good," I mumbled as I put my hands on the bed. I want to get up but I'm not completely sure just how reliable my body is at the moment.

'I would tell you to lay down but we don't exactly have time for that. The army is closing in on the city fast,' I heard Kala tell me. That's what I figured, I push away Violet's hands on me, wanting to get up on my own. I grip the edge of the bed for a moment as I let out a shaky breath.

"Don't do anything stupid," Phil said and I stopped to look at him.

"Seto, I don't think you should get up yet--"

"You are probably right but you need my help," I told her. If I'm being completely honest with myself, I just feel sore. My side hurts the most out of everything which I guess is understandable given the injury. I rub my right side, hoping to push the pain away from my body but of course, that is just a hopeless venture. Then it hits me, my eyes look around for my stuff seeing my bag and jacket on a chair but Nicholas's staff is gone. I slowly stand up, my balance off so Phil grabbed onto me to keep me from falling.

"Take it easy, man, you--"

"Where's my staff?" I asked ignoring Phil's concern. And once I dropped that question, I felt the air tense up as I looked for answers. "Guys?" I remembered throwing it because I got frustrated with the fact that it refused to work for me but...surely they were able to retrieve it.

"That enforcer you fought--"

"Makayla..." I mumbled.

Phil nodded. "Yeah, after you passed out...she took it," he said forcing me to stiffen up as my gaze locked to the floor, my hands balled into fists. "She claimed to have stolen it for Rodor's gain and planned to give it to him so that the dark mages can destroy us."

Violet stood up, touching my arm. "That's why we think there is that massive army marching towards Laenadur. We believe that...Makayla gave Rodor your staff and they figured out how to harness its power. She must have told him that you were unconscious so Rodor is trying to finish this while you are still incapacitated so he doesn't have to worry about you taking it back--"

"That's impossible, only a guardian can use items designed for the Guardians. Mages do not have the mental capacity for it...only Athar wizards and guardians can use items crafted by Notch," I said to the two. There is no way in hell that Rodor found a way to use Nicholas's staff...but why is he so cocky with this sudden surge of movement? He's been silent since I got here so why is... "No...there is something else at work here that we don't know. Rodor is not an Athar wizard nor a guardian."

"How do we know that for sure?" Phil asked me.

"Well, I assume you and your brothers would be the first to know if he was an Athar Wizard but you've never confirmed that," I pointed out.

"And he can't be a guardian, he doesn't have the same aura that Seto has," Violet also pointed out. So how can he use the staff? It doesn't matter, I need to get it back...no...we need to get it back.

"We need to retrieve it," I stated.

"We?" Phil questioned with an eyebrow raised.

"What?"

Phil shrugged his shoulders. "Oh, well...I assumed that you would go by yourself to go get it. I didn't think you would want us to tag along with you," he said.

I shake my head. "No...like Violet and others have pointed out, it's time that I stop being...a one-man army..." I gave in. I saw them both smile at me. I pause as I felt a presence poke at my mind in which I smile a bit and look towards the chairs. "And I have an apology to make."

"Indeed you do for you have screwed up big time," a voice said confusing the others before Dianite drops his invisibility showing him sitting in one of the chairs with his arms crossed at me. Violet and Phil jump as Kala gets to her paws on the bed.

"Why is Dianite here?" Phil asked shocked.

I turned towards the deity. "You are right, I am a coward. I should just deal with the trauma in my past head-on instead of hiding from it. But...I'm a coward and too...afraid to do that. I'm not going to lift the block I placed on my memories, I will do that on my own time. But...if you are willing, I need your help...and the help of your siblings."

"Why do you want all of our help--"

I stepped towards him. "I can't protect an entire city even with help from wizards. I'm not asking you to fight a dark mage army, though that would be helpful, that's not what I'm asking. No...I'm asking you and your siblings to protect what is left of Nicholas's legacy," I told him and I saw him look away from me the moment I spoke of Nicholas. "Listen, I know that you and Mianite have your differences and you would rather be at each other's throats than work together. But I promise you that I will make it so that you two don't even have to look at each other or be in the same room! All I ask is that you push aside the bickering or quarrel or whatever is going on between you two for one or two battles." Dianite paused as he tapped his fingers on the table. The silence honestly felt like an eternity until he hefty a heavy sigh as it seemed like he gave in.

"I want to deny your request...but I just can't," he said before he stood up. "I just owe you guardians too much, especially Nicholas, to deny you. Nicholas and two other guardians are the reason why the Nether is Herobrine-free. That and he did help me learn my powers when I had trouble way back when so..." I saw his hesitation but he held his hand out to me. "I promise not to make any attempts on Mianite's life during this operation and to go along with whatever plans you make." I smiled and shook his hand, happy that he could see my side of things. I honestly thought that he would be harder to convince.

"I guess we should take down that anti-god barrier around the city--"

Dianite just smirks. "Oh that never worked or existed to start with so don't bother. That was a lie that Nicholas fed you all for centuries to give you false peace of mind," he said.

"What?!" Phil shouted. I just laughed lightly as I rubbed the back of my head.

"Yeah," I said before I looked over at my shoulder at Phil. "I thought it better to never correct anyone of that given how at ease it made everyone." I turned my attention back to Dianite. "Can you take me to Mianite's realm entrance? I can talk to Ianite in my head but not Mianite." The deity nodded before I went over and grabbed my stuff from the chair.

"W-Wait, Seto are you sure you are well enough for--"

"I'm fine, Vi. A little shaky yes, but I'm fine. Come on Kala," I said ushering my companion from the bed and to my side. Violet and Phil just stared at me, looking lost and confused. "Keep doing what you have been doing but update everyone on this but keep the gods' involvement a secret from the council. I have a feeling they won't like it. I'll be back in a few hours."

......

"And he agreed to this?" Mianite asked me shocked. I nodded to him. Dianite landed me outside the entrance to Mianite's realm, well, a mile or two away given that there are guards and he isn't exactly welcome near it. Luckily Mianite answered and allowed me to enter. We are standing at the same place as before, an empty and vast pure white and blue plain, almost like we are standing above the clouds with what I assume is his castle shrouded in mist so I can't see it.

So far, reasoning with him isn't exactly going well. Mianite doesn't seem to believe that Dianite agreed to this. "I know it is a stretch but he...he's not exactly as you described him as. He's--"

"Oh I do not doubt that he is nice to you given your status," Mianite said. "I just cannot believe that he would agree to a ceasefire given how little he cares for life."

"He cares about Nicholas much like you and Ianite do," I told him. I saw the deity look away from me, seeming pained. From what I understand and assume, Nicholas is a touchy subject with Mianite much like it is with Ianite. After all, Nicholas died protecting Mianite. My eyes soften as I stepped toward the troubled god. "Dianite has promised me to not make any attempts on you as long as you don't make any attempts on him. Nicholas is the reason why the Nether in Vienna is Herobrine free, surely you must understand why Dianite is so willing to help given all the things that Nicholas has done for him."

"We wouldn't even be gods if it wasn't for you guardians," Mianite said.

I stared at him for a second, trying to make sense of that. "What do you mean? Surely you were created by Notch with that purpose and--"

Mianite shakes his head at me. "I'm afraid that isn't exactly how it works, Harvey. Yes, my siblings and I were created but much like how you must learn to be a guardian, we had to learn how to be gods. Surely Ianite told you about this?" he asked.

"She mentioned it...but she said that he just helped you learn new spells," I said. Wait, how much did Nicholas and the rest of the guardians teach these three? Is that why they have such loyalty to them? "Wait, are you saying that once this world was created, Nicholas was here to teach you to be gods?"

Mianite nodded. "They were here at the beginning. While the humans and wizards aren't aware of that given that Lord Notch created Vienna with blinders on to the mortals, the immortals aren't so blind," he clarified. That's...interesting. So as soon as Notch created this world, Nicholas was here guiding it. I guess I did underestimate Nicholas's involvement in this world. "I'm telling you this to make it clear to you that the trust in Lord Notch's Guardians of Estir runs much deeper than you are aware. It is that trust that is the reason why us immortals are so willing to bend over backward for the guardians...and why we are so against your involvement with the Athar Brothers."

My hands balled into fists at my sides briefly. "The Fyre Brothers are going to help and there isn't anything you, Dianite, or Ianite can do that will change it, so you are going to have to get used to it. If you aren't aware of how stubborn I am, ask Violet and them because they have had to deal with it since I got here firsthand," I told him and all I saw was an amused look on his face.

He shook his head slightly. "Oh trust me, I'm aware," he said with a smile. "And if Dianite is jumping on board, I will also agree to aid you and protect Nicholas's legacy. But know that the wizards will not be so on board with our appearance as you and your friends are."

I shrugged my shoulders as I did not care what the other wizards think on the matter. "Ah you are probably right but they are just going to have to deal, besides, they aren't in any position to be rejecting aid."

"Going to speak with Ianite are you?" Mianite asked me and I nodded. Yes, I know I could just speak to her through our mind link but I want to talk to her face-to-face about this.

"Yes, I...have a lot of explaining to do and apologizing as well to her," I admitted. Honestly, I don't believe that Ianite would help and I don't blame her but...this is Nicholas's staff and I know how she adores him so...I don't fully believe she would be against helping. "Can you...teleport me to her?" Mianite just stared at me for a few seconds and seemed offended by my requesting it. "Oh come on, it would save so much time and we don't have a lot of that right now. I'm trying to save up my magical energy and not use spells since I only recently woke up from a coma." Mianite sighed annoyed before he waved his hand at Kala and me. I felt the ground disappear under my feet as my stomach dropped for a moment before the ground was under my feet again. Kala landed beside me stumbling but regaining herself.

"You alright?" I asked her.

'Yes, just a little dizzy from that,' she told me. I looked around, seeing the same vacant small city. I walked around with Kala beside me, trying my best to avoid areas I know she probably won't be at. I immediately went for the castle and was surprised to find the gate down, cutting me off from entering on foot. I can tell that Ianite is in the castle, I can sense her magical energy emitting from it, and yet...she won't open the gate and I can't blame her. After everything that happened, I would also be hesitant to trust anyone.

'Ianite, can we please talk face-to-face?' I asked her through our mind link. A few moments pass before the gate opens seemingly by itself and Kala and I go in. I immediately went towards her signature, not interested in taking any detours. She's in the throne room which is luckily very easy to get to since there is no door, it is just an open room with a giant opening near the courtyard. She looked at me as I entered and looked as if she was going to speak but I put my hand up to her. "No, no. Let me talk first, please. I have a lot of apologies to do and you deserve an honest explanation."

She stared at me for a few seconds. "I'm listening..."

"You were right back then," I admitted which made her raise an eyebrow at me. "I should have listened to you but my stubbornness makes me learn things the hard way. I'm sorry that I ignored your advice. I need...to work on listening more rather than ignoring and thinking I know better."

"Wow..." Ianite said stunned. "I'm amazed that got through your very thick skull."

I couldn't help but chuckle lightly at her comment. "Yeah, I...I'm sorry that I'm such a pain."

She gives me a small smile. "You are going through a lot right now, I cannot imagine trying to make sense of the world in a short period when you have no memory at all while also trying to save it," she pointed out. I guess she is sort of right but that isn't a good enough excuse for my behavior at all.

"And I'm...very sorry that I lost Nicholas's staff to the dark mages," I apologized and I saw her mood shift instantly. "I'm going to get it back and return it to you immediately. It belongs in your hands, never mine."

Ianite shakes her head. "No...it's intended for you. I would get no use out of it other than as a painful keepsake and dust collector," she said before she paused for a moment. "You have recruited my brothers, an impressive feat. They never agree on anything."

I chuckle. "Well, I should thank their favoritism towards the guardians for that. They truly do admire Estirians."

I see her smile. "Well, Estirians have something that Viennans don't."

"Oh? And what's that?" I questioned her.

"You don't give up without a fight. The people here, give in too easily and are so fearful that they fear everything they don't understand," Ianite answered. Oh well...now that I think about it, that is right. I've noticed this about Vienna, the people here are very fearful about things that they don't understand but saying that Estir doesn't have that isn't completely true.

"Well, I wouldn't say that but I do understand what you mean," I said. Truth be told, I think that Estirians are so different from Viennans because magic is rare and more powerful in Estir than it is in Vienna. Magic here is so abundant that it is everywhere while in Estir it is so rare that there is a whole territory dedicated to it. But Estir is not the matter worth speaking of and I can tell she wanted to change the subject. "We can discuss this further later, right now, we have Rodor to worry about. Can I ask you something?"

"Of course?"

"Is slaying Rodor what will fix the problem or can there be another way?" I asked her what I can tell piqued her interest.

"I've been looking into what has been affecting the world during your travels..." Ianite said. "And Rodor is at the center of it all. Whether or not slaying him is the right thing to do is purely up to you...but he cannot have the staff."

"Is he using it?" I asked her and she shakes her head.

"I'm not sure, he isn't an Athar wizard and certainly not a Guardian," Ianite said. I paused, thinking it over. There isn't a way that he is an Athar wizard given that only the Fyre Brothers were passed that torch through some ritual...but...

"...Are we sure he isn't an arcane wizard?" I asked her.

"I..." she started but stopped since I don't believe she knew the answer to the question. Arcane magic was indeed taught here and while it is assumed that all those learning it were wiped out...that's all it was, an assumption. But even then, given what I have learned and believe...there isn't any way that Rodor should have unlocked the potential of the magic given his body cannot handle it. But since he could be one, does that mean he can control the staff?

"Notch said that only guardians can use it since they are the only ones who know the magic to properly wield it..." I started. "The staff was created with arcane magic...you only need to know the magic to wield it."

"But is that possible? Can a fledgling arcanic wizard properly wield a guardian artifact?" she asked me and I did not know the answer to that. But one thing is answered, this explains why the Fyre Brothers are so obsessive about destroying Rodor.

"James knew Rodor...he must know something but he said that Rodor knew nothing."

"Could James have been lying to you to protect Rodor?" Ianite asked.

I shake my head. "No, James would never lie to protect Rodor. I believe Rodor lied to James...to everyone. He knows more, that's why Makayla is helping him."

"Makayla?"

"One of Herobrine's Enforcers. She's here and attacked me for the staff and...well I lost that fight," I admitted. It was true that I lost that fight but that wasn't a fight I was going to win to start with so. "Yeah...Rodor knows about Estir, he has to and just didn't tell anyone else for some reason."

"Well it is a farfetched idea to those who haven't encountered an Estirian themselves, I don't blame him for the silence," Ianite said. I guess that is true. Even the history books here paint Nicholas as a Viennan in his origins when he isn't. Is it better to make a hero relatable than foreign one? "And you still need to fix the core...I'm not suited for battle in my present condition. So allow me to look into how Nicholas fixed it before."

Oh, right I still have to do that. "Right, thank you. Oh, wait before you send me back I wanted to ask you something else."

"What is it?"

I hesitated for a second. "Can I borrow your dragon?" I asked her.

Surprise crosses her face as well as understandable worry. "Oh, can I ask why first?"

I couldn't help but smile a little. "Nothing strikes fear like a dragon and you said yourself, he is immune to magic since he is a magical creature and not a beast of mortality so technically speaking nothing is safer for him than a wizard battle sooo...can I?"

She stared at me for a solid second and just let out a deep breath before she nodded. "Yes, you can borrow my dragon for your escapades, Seto. Be careful, he can be quite the show-off."

I just smiled at her. "That's exactly the type of attitude I need for what I have cooking up."

"Do I want to know?"

I shake my head. "Given that you are not going to be a vital character in it, no, I don't think so."

"Well good luck with that."