So this is why.

So I haven't seen my Abuelito in a week.
I ask my abuela today if I am going.
AND I FUCKING KNEW I WOULDNT GO IF I LET MY GREAT GRANDMA FUCKING GP FIRST!
But NOO!
My abuela had to say let her go first because she is gonna visit him.
I asked if I am going too
Yes
WHAT A FUCKING LIE
JUST A PURE FUCKING SHITTY LIE
I was not able to say bye to Jose.
I haven't seen Abuelito
And I get dressed
And I ask my mom if I am going to see him
She said fucking no
Because we had no time
We'll go tomorrow
YEAH BITCH YOU NEVER WAKE UP EARLY ENOUGH!
So why should I believe you?!
Out OF ALL people!
Yeah, no!

Then my mom is like why are you so mad at me.

ATLEAST YOUR FUCKING FATHER DID NOT DIE WHEN YOU WERE 7!
ATLEAST THE PERSON YOU CARED ABOUT THE MOST DIDN'T DIE!
ATLEAST YOUR FRIEND WAS SUICIDAL!
ATLEAST YOU GOT TO SEE YOUR FRIENDS FROM KINDERGARTEN TILL YOU WERE 18 AND SOMETIMES NOW TOO!
ATLEAST YOU GOT TO SAY GOODBYE TO THOSE YOU LOVED THE MOST BEFORE THEY DIED?

My father died.
I said bye to him in like March.
He died in December
My grandpa died
I said goodnight to him on Saturday
He died on Monday
Not even bye
Abuelita bellha died.
I said goodbye to her
About three years before she died.
Amen was my best friend
Last time I saw her
Was when she was dancing with Max
Later she moved to Texas and I never saw her again.
My friend Jasmine
She was suicidal
Me and Meghan had to stop her.

I could talk to Abo about anything.
ANYTHING that came to my mind and he would listen
But no one listens in my FUCKING family!
Everything is just them!
No one thinks about how I am feeling!
My mom is like am I good mom?
I say yes.
Why?
I'm just lying to myself.
My own cousin annoys me
Treats me like shit
But when I do something about it
I GET yelled at
I PAY for my cousin's fucking actions.
I used to call my uncle father because I had no father and he was the closest thing to me
I think he cares more about Brenda.
Should I just run away?
I just suffer from this everyday.
Should I just find a friend to help me?

Yeah my mom takes me on vacation
But she wants something in return
She wants me to act as if she is queen
For me to kiss her ass.
Like I will ever do that.
I recognized it by myself
But she even told me that's what she wanted.