trigger warning. this chapter contains in detail drug use at the end mostly. please please please if you are struggling let someone now. my dms are open. i love y'all. stay safe.

it was sad really.

at such a young age. it really makes you wonder about the world.

joshua was 18. had a good life. a good loving family. his parents made good money. he just got mixed in with the wrong crowd. it makes you think how it can happen to anyone.

he had the same routine every week. it's what he grew up to learn. i mean with brendon as his best friend, it's all he knew how to do.

every day. he'd wake up, grab his little box out from under his bed. it's where he kept his stuff. god his parents would kill him if they found out. but hey, maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing.

he goes to school. it's a blur for him. he's popular, but not for a good reason. everyone thought he was 'cool' because he did drugs. nobody cared that they were watching him wither away.

he just simply doesn't care. does anybody at this point? i mean what is there to care about.

today was saturday. the day he would tell his parents he was going to brendons. he went every saturday. he went to brendons. but after.

he got up, looking in the mirror at his shirtless body. he was skinny, more than he used to be. it wasn't necessary noticeable. his face was thin, dark circles accompanied his eyes.

he threw on a long sleeved shirt. he always wears those. the needle marks on his forearms just don't disappear.

he can't remember the last time he smiled. a genuine meaningful smile unlike the soft, fake ones he shows his parents.

he received the text from brendon, so he grabbed his phone and headed downstairs.

"going to brendons?" laura asked, frowning as she saw the dark circles under her sons eyes. he nodded.

"bye."she said, josh leaving without another word. he walked to brendons truck, climbing in. brendon has a nice truck. he was rich.

"hey josh. you ready?" brendon asked. josh nodded. he didn't buckle his seatbelt.

"here's some money if he asks. i don't think he will. but also incase you want something extra." brendon said, handing josh a wad of cash. josh took it. 

he stared at the holes in brendons inner elbow of his arm. brendon didn't care. he didn't cover them up. he was proud of them. it was sick in a way. he wanted people to see them.

they were 14, the day brendon brought home some weed. josh tried it. it didn't take the pain away, from just losing his little sister. his best friend.

that's when brendon brought home the good stuff. the day after joshs 16th birthday.

and that's how he ended up here. with an addiction that his whole life now revolved around. it took over his mind and body.

don't ask how brendon found tyler. nobody knows except brendon. and nobody needs to know but him.

tyler. tyler was 21. young, yeah. he was brendon and josh's drug dealer. tyler took a special eye to josh. the way the boy never talked really. he never blinked. he never moved other than drawn out motions. the way he stared at the ground all the time.

tyler was attractive. 5'11". thin, but built. he used to play football, until he dropped out of high school.

tyler was gay too. josh wasn't. not really at least. he didn't particularly find an interest in guys. he didn't mind tyler though. i mean at this point he didn't feel anything anymore.

it was fucked up. what they had. ever since the first time josh had to see tyler himself. usually brendon was with him, and paid for the both of them. again brendon was rich. but brendon was gone for one week, on a trip to his aunts house, and well josh couldn't wait. he didn't have the money, so he told tyler he'd give him anything.

and that's when it started. tyler liked the way josh looked. josh hated the way he looked. tyler gave josh stuff to make him feel good, and now josh gave tyler stuff to make him feel good in return.

josh really didn't mind. it felt good to him too. what little he could feel. plus, he liked having someone close.

josh never stayed though. tyler never let him. well, he never asks. maybe he will this time. it'd be easier. to just stay. just stay forever. he wouldn't have to his mom frown everytime she looked at him anymore.

he closed his eyes, as he listened to the quiet radio. he was kind of excited to see tyler. maybe just more excited to get his drugs. either way, he was ready to be there.

brendon pulled up, shifting into park and smiling.

"have fun." he smiled, before putting two pills in his mouth. adderall. for his adhd. or that's what he told people. god knows what they were.

josh stepped out of the truck, his phone and bag in hand. his bag had his money in it, and a change of clothes.

he knocked on the door of the two story house. two bedroom, one bath. the rooms upstairs were quite big.

tyler opened the door, a joint hanging down from his mouth. he smiled.

"come in." he said, josh nodding and walking inside. it was kind of cold in there.

"how's your day been?" tyler asked, pupils dilated. josh could only see black, unlike tylers usual pretty brown eyes. one glance at the man, and you'd know he was on something.

"good." josh said.

"can i get you something to drink or anything?"
tyler said, rubbing the tops of his fingers against the scruff on his chin. he needed to shave.

joshs mouth was dry. it always was. he nodded. tyler handed him his joint as he walked to the kitchen.

josh put the joint to his lips, as he took a long drag. he didn't even feel the affects of marijuana anymore. neither did tyler. but it gives him something to do. tyler almost always had a joint in his mouth.

"here." tyler said, taking his joint back in exchange for a cold bottle of water. josh opened it, and took a sip.

"you out?" tyler asked, josh arching his brows. tyler raised his, and then he understood. he nodded.

tyler sat down next to him on the couch. joshs legs were crossed. they always were it seemed like. the tv was on. josh watched it.

tylers hand came to rest on joshs thigh. he pulled josh's leg, uncrossing them. he scooted closer, sliding his hand up further. josh watched tv.

tylers house reeked of weed. it always did. every room. it was a comforting smell for tyler, but a torturous one for josh. it reminded him of how this all started.

but it's okay, because it was tyler.

"i missed you." tyler said, now pulling josh's leg over his own. josh blushed. "you miss me?" he asked.

josh nodded.

"cmere." tyler said, patting his lap. josh sat up, scooting over and setting himself sideways in the mans lap. "leg on either side." he said. josh moved one leg over so he was now straddling him. he looked anywhere but the mans eyes.

"look at me." tyler said. josh did. tyler blew out a puff of smoke. josh breathed it in. he gave josh another hit, before putting it out on his coffee table.

"off. let me see." tyler tugged on the bottom of josh's shirt. josh grabbed it, sliding it over his head and throwing it to the side. tyler smirked. he ran his hands up joshs thighs, and up his chest, leaving chill bumps.

he ran them down joshs arms now, josh feeling his heart rate increase. he didn't like to be touched there.

tyler ran his thumb across the holes. josh flinched. tyler noticed, and slowly leaned forward. he pressed his lips to his skin, softly kissing the tainted flesh.

josh relaxed. tyler wasn't gonna judge him or make fun of him. josh somehow felt, that tyler understood his pain.

"so pretty." tyler said, hands running over joshs spine as they moved down further. he abruptly stood up, josh panicking and grabbing onto tyler tighter. tyler chuckled, as he carried the boy up to his room. he laid josh on the bed, softly.

"you prepped for me?" tyler asked. josh nodded.

tyler climbed on top of him, and kissed his cheek, and then neck. he grabbed josh's hands, pinning his wrists above his head as he kissed down the boys chest and stomach. josh closed his eyes.

he felt tyler lean over, and then suddenly tylers thumb pulled down his bottom lip. "swallow it."
he mumbled, josh feeling tyler put a pill in his mouth. he didnt open his eyes.

he swallowed the pill without thinking. it was dangerous. he could've just swallowed something fatal. and frankly, he didn't care.

tyler connected their lips, josh closing his eyes and whimpering slightly as he felt tyler pressure his hips down.

he disconnected them, now focusing back to his neck. he kissed and bit the skin. josh laid there. he knew what was happening. he could feel it. but at the same time he was gone. he wasn't there anymore. he was sitting, watching. it's like he was trapped inside his own mind and he couldn't get out.

tyler sighed contently, as he hooked his fingers around josh's black shorts. he pulled them down, smiling at josh's bulge.

"you okay?" tyler asked. josh just nodded. he didn't have the energy to open his eyes. he would let tyler do whatever he wants.

tyler knew josh wanted him to hurt him. he knew that he wanted him to tie him up and abuse him. he wasn't going to though. he could never hurt someone.

tyler sat up now, sliding off his shirt. he grabbed josh's hand, setting it on his stomach and letting him feel. tyler had his own scars.

"lower." tyler said. josh moved his hand lower, and lower until he felt the heavy weight of tyler in his hand.

josh squeezed and rubbed. he knew what he was doing. he's done it plenty of times. tyler moaned quietly.

"open your eyes, babydoll." tyler whispered, his tongue dragging itself up the side of his cheek. joshs eyes fluttered open, tyler staring into his dilated pupils. tyler chuckled, before rolling his hips down.

"use me." josh said, barely above a whisper.

"what?" tyler asked.

"abuse me." josh said. louder this time.

again. it was sad. nobody should feel this amount of internal pain. no one should be so numb on the outside, that they need something to make them feel again. it's fucked up.

tyler didn't answer. he didn't need to. josh knew he wasn't going to. tyler didn't like that kind of sex. tyler liked it slow, and soft, and he liked it quick. he wanted to get it over with.

josh wanted it rough. he wanted to be hit, bruised, cut, burnt, and scratched. he wanted to be able to feel something again.

josh bit his own lip. hard. tyler pulled down his joshs boxers. he smiled, before his tongue came out to lick across the head. josh shivered.

"who's are you josh? who do you belong to?" tyler said. josh stayed silent.

"do you know that you're mine? i'm in control. i control your life joshua. doesn't that scare you?" tyler asked.

josh shook his head. tyler smirked.

"you're always gonna be mine. til the day you die. til the day i die. you're mine. do you got that?" tyler said. josh nodded.

tyler now pulled down his own shorts and boxers. he was heavy in his own hand.

he didn't use a condom. josh didn't care. at this point, an std was the last thing josh was worried about. josh stared.

tyler didn't like that. he didn't like josh to stare. he turned joshs head.

he pushed in. all the way. josh let out a soft, quiet whine. he closed his eyes.

this was joshs favorite part. just, drifting off. feeling tylers presence. tyler dropped his head, pushing in and out of the boy. josh pulled his own hair.

"don't hurt yourself." tyler said. he knew too much about that.

he grabbed joshs hand away from his hair. he thrusted harder and faster. josh moaned.

"why can't i hurt myself?" josh asked. tyler stopped. josh never talked back.

"because. you don't need to." he said.

"you give me drugs. those hurt me." josh said.

"cause that's my job baby." tyler said, his pace quickening.

"i-"

"shhh. don't talk." tyler pressed his finger to josh's lips. tyler let out a moan. josh closed his eyes again.
josh whimpered, back arching off the bed. tyler licked and kiss his chest.

it was hard for josh to finish. tyler was the only one that could do it really. he was close now.

"call me a slut." josh said.

"you're my slut." tyler said. it was true. josh really was.

tyler hated to say it. josh was needy right now though. tyler wanted to give him some pleasure too. the pill was kicking in. josh was living. this is what he liked to feel. he was happy. he felt happy.

"you gonna cum for me?" tyler mumbled. josh nodded. tyler didn't slow down. "open your eyes baby. see?" he said. josh opened his eyes, looking back into tylers.

josh felt like he was floating. he looked around the room, seeing all the bright colors. he was livid.

"whatd you give me?" josh asked, crying out when tyler pounded into his prostate.

"ecstasy." tyler said in his ear. josh got chills.

josh dug his nails into tylers back, his back arching. he came. it was different. this time was different. maybe it was the pill. he could feel it. he felt the way the sparks travelled throughout his body. he felt his toes curl and his mind go cloudy, his vision blurred for a few seconds.

tyler watched his face. he watched the way joshs eyebrows arched, and the way he bit down on his lip. hard.

tyler thrusted a few more times, before he was cumming himself. he released inside the boy, with a grunt.

tyler let his head hang, as he pulled out. josh closed his eyes again. letting the warm feelings swirl throughout his body. he came down from his high. reality settled back in. he needed something stronger.

"good?" tyler asked. josh nodded. tyler knew he needed some. tyler grabbed a tissue, and cleaned up the boy as well as himself. he pulled on his own clothes, before dressing josh.

"come on sweetheart." tyler said, josh standing up and following tyler into the other bedroom.

josh started scratching his arms, tyler stopping him. "sh shh shh." he whispered, opening one of the drawers in the room. he pulled out a shoebox.

tyler lit himself a joint, resting it in between his lips.  josh grabbed the needle.

"go ahead." tyler nodded when josh looked up for approval. josh grabbed the spoon.

this was normal for him. he did it everyday. he can't remember a day where he didn't. he needed it. he craved it.

he put the water and other liquid in along with the rock. tyler had the good stuff. the expensive stuff. not the laced toxic kind of stuff.

josh sucked it up the syringe. tyler watched. watched every little thing. josh knew exactly what he was doing. at only 17.

josh handed tyler the tourniquet. tyler tied it around his bicep. he watched as josh's veins became prominent.  josh flicked the needle

tyler frowned at how content josh looked.

he pressed the needle into his skin. he didn't even feel it.

he pulled back, watching the red of his blood mix with the drug. he pushed it in slowly, filling his vein. he closed his eyes, leaning back against the headboard. the feeling was indescribable.

"better?" tyler asked. josh nodded. "you need help joshua." tyler said. josh hated being called that.

"don't we all." he said. wiping his arm and taking off the band. tyler nodded, standing up.

"can i stay?" josh asked.

"what?" tyler said.

"can i stay? the night?" josh repeated. tyler thought.

"sure." he nodded. "stay as long as you want." he said.

"okay." josh said.

"josh?" tyler said.

"hmm?" he asked, eyes closed.

"i'm here for you." he said. "for more than just drugs. you're important to me." tyler said.

josh opened his eyes.

"don't give up on me. please. you matter." he said.

josh nodded.

"i love you." tyler said.

josh smiled.

A/N: okay this was intense

i think i did good.

what did y'all think?