Chapter 13-

'Eternal Sunshine of A Spotless Mind' was on cable tonight, starring Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet. It's one of my go to movies. The scene was where the characters had their fight at the flea market. The memory was distorted as it was getting erased. I wondered if I could erase everything from my mind: Jason, my parents' divorce, the drugs. It's why I loved the movie. Joel and Clementine erased each other from their memory, however their attraction was still strong with the next meet cute. Closure type or something. Maybe I could have changed him into something better instead of going with the flow of his reckless lifestyle. It was futile. I didn't want him back, just some answers.

An hour later, the movie ended, I picked up the remote and scrolled through what else was on. I had done all my homework. Mom and Matt were upstairs while I was in the living room watching TV. I heard my phone ring. Myra's name lit up the screen; I answered. Myra spoke in an excited tone, "You should come with me and Kyle for dinner."

"Hello," I responded.

"Hello. What do ya say?"

"Wait, what's happening?"

"Kyle is taking me out for dinner for our date."

"Wow, that's great."

"So come with us."

"Um, no. I'm not third wheeling your date." I continued to flip through the channels.

"You can bring Shane. A double date!" I heard her clap twice.

"I don't know, it's kind of new for us." We just had a semi date or hang out recently.

"Please. We could use the company." I stared at the tv, switching my mouth from side to side. I still wasn't sure.

"When and where?" I needed details before I said yes.

"Saturday. 8pm. Red Lobster."

My heart raced again, my hands were sweaty. "I'm not so sure. I don't think Kyle likes me anymore."

"What? Yes, he does! That's why we should all hang out to get closer. Pleeeeeease? It will be fun for all of us."

"Oh, my God, fine I'll go!" I groaned in defeat.

"Yay! We'll see you there. Bye!" I hung up, rolling my eyes, and texted Shane if he was up for dinner Saturday night with Kyle and Myra. He responded that Myra already informed him of the plans. She thought ahead. What if I said no?

What if I said no?- J

I would charm you until you said yes- S

Like you're my snake charmer?- J

More like a handsome prince- S

Wow. Are you from a royal background?- J

Maybe... 👑- S

😛- J

Pick me up at 7 your highness- J

See you then. Princess- S

I locked my phone, pocketed it in my pants and stood up heading to the kitchen for a snack. A double date? The more the merrier, as the saying goes. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

+++

Dr. Brett informed me about NA, Narcotics Anonymous, Fridays. 4 pm at the community center, it wasn't a choice; I had to come. Matt dropped me off, I'm taking an uber home when it's over. I folded the form he gave me in my pocket after it got signed. Ms. Kenan was leading the circle. I sat in the circle, picking at the undone thread on my jeans as I exhaled. Over ten people were here, roughly 25, 30 people. I sat next to a woman that looked like in her mid-twenties and another teenager. He had a sullen look on his face; I crossed my arms over his chest. Does he go to my school? Or my old school? I tried to get a good look; he had his septum pierced brown eyes and low-cut hair. He turned to me with a stink eye expression. I smiled tightly. He faced forward again. Ok, rude. An older man in front of me pulled out a lighter and cigarettes. "Oh, there's no smoking inside," a woman with curled ringlets in her hair, and in a burgundy suit told him.

"Shit, sorry," he said with a small smile. He pocketed them both. The woman in a suit sat in the middle, opening her notebook.

"Hello, hello. I see some returning faces, some fresh faces. Welcome." Ms. Kenan grinned, waving to us. I tilted my head to the side, looking for some familiar faces from rehab. "For you Newcomers, we start off with introductions, how we are, our goals. I'll start. I'm Ms. Robin Kenan, certified therapist, biologist. I like to swim and drink the occasional red wine before bed. I'm a Taurus, married for three years. My favorite dish is noodles." I moved my mouth to the side, crossed my leg over my knee. I sank lower in my seat, kneeling my head into my chest. Please don't call on me.

A person next to me got up. She said her name was Marie, "I'm an addict, clean for six months. Uh, my favorite show is the Great British Bake Off, I like to try to bake one of those desserts," she laughed, "um, that's it."

"Thank you, Marie."

"Hello, Marie." Everyone said, except me. I nodded.

"Would you like to go next?" She pointed at me, crap.

"Oh, uh," I stuttered, waving my hand side to side.

"Don't be shy, safe space." She gestured her hand for me to get up. I stood on my feet. Like I'm with Dr. Brett in the sessions. Just with more people dealing with addictions. I'm on display.

"Hi. I'm Jordan. I have been clean for nine months and ten days. Uh, I enjoy cinema," I giggled to myself, wringing my hands together, "my parents divorced, I live with my mom. My favorite food is as long as it tastes good." I sat down.

Everyone greeted me, I heard footsteps coming closer inside the room. "Sorry I'm late, I had to deal with some stuff with my mom." My eyes widened, shit. That's not him. Don't look up, don't look at his direction so he won't recognize you. I swallowed, ducking my head into my chest.

"No worries Jason, glad you could make it," Ms. Kenan told him. He comes here? Am I being tricked? Are cameras gonna pop up? "Why don't you introduce yourself to the fresh faces."

"I see a familiar face," he chuckled. Shit, he's not talking about me. I shook my head, "hey, Jordan."

"Damn it," I muttered to myself.

"Oh, you know Jordan?" Ms. Kenan wondered.

"Know?" I scoffed, "We know most people, meet people all the time. Know, do we really know anyone?" I sputtered, bouncing my knees, looking away. "Sorry." Ms. Kenan let out an uneasy laugh.

"Jason, please."

"Thanks, it's nice to see new people. My name is Jason. I've been clean for four months." I mouthed a wow to myself, looking down at my shoes. "I'm a big Spike Lee and Tarantino fan. I help my mom most days. Got a new job, part time. I see clearly."

"Thank you, Jason." He sat back down in a lounge position. Everyone else finished their introduction. As I sat to myself in the chair, I could feel Jason's eyes on me. It could be my paranoia. One more look won't hurt. I snuck a look. Smirking. he was smirking at me. His stare unmoved, I swallowed my spit and stayed quiet for the rest of the session. An hour later, Ms. Kenan gave us information to contact her Monday through Friday.

As I was getting ready to leave, someone grabbed my elbow. "Jojo," his scratchy voice sent chills down my spine.

"Let go of me,." I pulled myself away from him, pushing the door open.

"Jo, please listen. I want to talk to you." He followed behind me with heavy steps.

"About what?" I turned around, hugged my stomach.

"What happened between us?"

"We don't need to. It's over," I shrugged.

"Well, we should try to have some type of closure." Funny thing, that's what I wanted. There's a shift.

"I don't know, I don't trust any of this."

"Let's go somewhere to talk, in a public place."
"No, I'm not getting in the car with you.."

"We'll walk, there's a Starbucks nearby." He pointed in the opposite direction.

"I don't like coffee." I shook my head.

"You know there are other beverages. One hour. Tops," he begged. His eyes went wide, like a puppy.

Oh my god, I lifted my head up to the sky and groaned. What's with the begging today?

"I'm not trying anything. really," he chuckled.

Should I believe him? My impulse was telling me to go with him. However there was this cold feeling that hit my gut. I walked in front of him. I heard him skip, walking to my side, hands in his pockets. I shook my head, holding back a laugh. I looked at his appearance, and he cleaned up. He seemed coherent. He didn't smell bad. I made sure to keep my distance. Two feet at least. I'm making a mistake. I know it.