Chapter 10:

After mom dropped me off at home, she and Matt went to the doctor for a checkup. I removed my shoes and went to the living room, slumped on the couch after this long school day. I turned on the TV to some random show when my phone rang. I looked at the screen to see that it was a number I did not recognize. Reluctant to answer, I slid the icon to the right. "Hello?" I answered in a hushed voice.

"Hey," the voice on the other end stated.

"Who is this?" I asked with caution.

"Shane."

"Oh, hi." I sat up from the couch. I forgot to save his number. 

"I haven't talked to you all week."

"I know." I've been avoiding you, but I know.

"Are you home?"

"Yeah."

"Is everything ok?"

"In general. How about you?"

"In general."

"What are you doing right now?"

"Uh. Watching TV. You?"

"Same." I laid on my stomach to stop the fluttering, flipping channels while I thought of what to say and waited for him to speak. Great, we had to resort to the generic questions on the phone.

"I was wondering if you wanted to go out this weekend," he said finally, "if you want to."

"Like a date?" I poked my tongue out the corner of my mouth. Is he asking me out?

"Do you want it to be a date?" he questioned. He is asking me out!!

"Not really."

"Then it's two friends hanging out."

I agreed, "all right." I nodded with a big grin.

"How does seven sound?"

"Good. See you then." My stomach flipped more when we hung up. I'm hanging out with Shane. I sighed and dropped my shoulders. It's not a date, I reminded myself. But what am I gonna wear?

+++

I wasn't sure about this hangout tonight. I'm nervous, like projectile vomiting nervous. It's been like this since yesterday. I was too nauseous to eat, I drank a glass of warm water to calm down. Shane was really sweet and charming, but not perverted charming like he wanted to sleep with me. He listened to me and actually looked into my eyes instead of my chest. I told mom about it, she asked who it was. I explained that he was a friend from school. She said she wanted to meet him before I go. I unraveled my ponytail for the third time, deciding to leave it down and put on my shoes.

When I heard the doorbell, I jumped off my bed and took a deep breath. I left the room and jogged down the stairs. Mom was already there, waddling to the front door to let him in, "I got it!" She yelled out, I slumped my shoulders and slowed down my stride.

"Shane, I presume?" Mom wondered.

"Yes, Mrs. Baker," he answered when he entered.

"Just Ms. For now."

"Mom, you don't have to tell him. Hi." I tucked in a strand of my hair behind my ear.

"Hi. You look nice," he complimented.

"Thank you. You look nice too." I guess we had the same idea and went for simplicity.

"So where are you two off to tonight?" Mom asked.

"Just to get some food," Shane answered.

"You look a bit too casual for dinner," mom told him, crossing her arms. He looked alright tonight, a simple black shirt, brown leather jacket, and jeans with Vans shoes. He looked cute, as he usually did.

"The place is more diner casual," he replied. 

"Oh, we're going to a diner?" I asked.

"Yeah, it's a nice one." He nodded when he turned to me.

"This date will be friendly, right?" Mom questioned.

"It's not a date," I told mom, "just friends hanging out."

"Oh. Is that what you kids call it now?" She winked. 

"No, it's literally friends. I told him that too."

"Right. Ok. I don't have to worry about him?" Mom whispered in my ear. I shook my head.

"When are you due, Ms. Baker?" Shane asked.

"In a few months," mom answered, rubbing the front of her belly gently.

"Well, you look beautiful."

"Thank you, aren't you a sweetheart." Mom's face glowed at his compliment and pinched his cheeks.

"Where's Matt, mom?"

"He's on his way home. He had to pick up my medication and Epsom salt. You two should be heading out now."

This was the second time she met a boy I hung out with. She met Jason when we went out. I didn't tell him he was the one that led me to the drug haze. Before we left, mom told him about my curfew and no hand stuff.

"Mom, please," I begged, wringing my fingers around.

"Don't worry, I will bring her back before that," Shane assured.

"Thank you. Have fun!" She rumpled his hair, he chuckled, and we exited the house.

"Sorry about that," I told him.

"It's cool, my mom is kind of the same thing." I nodded, he unlocked the door with his alarm. I opened the car door and entered. He asked if I wanted the air conditioner on, I shook my head.

Minutes later, we arrived at the Silver diner, we sat in a booth by the window. In my favorite Vans shoes with bootcut jeans, a v neck shirt, and a hoodie jacket I tugged on the collar. He sat across from me, laid his arms on the table. He looked adorable in his messy coiffed hair. "The Silver Diner?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"It's one of my favorite places," he said, adjusting his posture and took off his leather jacket.

"The atmosphere is nice." I took in the green and blue wallpaper; I spotted the red and silver jukebox near the kitchen. Very 50s' retro.

"I just thought we could come here and chat, privately." I knew the personal questions were coming, I shouldn't waste any time.

"Is this going to be an interrogation or what, because we're in a booth alone?" I asked turning back, I squinted at him. His gaze fixated on me.

"Not many people come here. The place is quiet enough for me," Shane replied.

"Hmm."

"Can I start you two off with a drink? Maybe a milkshake or parfait?" The waitress asked, I turned to the right to the waitress and then looked down at the menu placed in front of us.

"Oh, uhh." I didn't know what to order; with all the choices I wanted them all. From strawberry, chocolate, blueberry, even the blended ones looked good.

"Try the Vanilla strawberry, it's very good," she suggested.

"OK, I'll take your word for it and have that."

"I'll have the chocolate," he told the waitress.

"You got it, Shane," she said with a big smile on her face.

"Thanks, Megan," he said.

"Wow, you are a regular here," I said surprised.

With a shrug, he said, "I come here to study sometimes."

There was a brief silence before Shane asked, "besides, your last name being Baker, do you like to bake?"

"I would love to try," I said with a sheepish smile looking down. He smiled as well. The waitress came back with our milkshakes and then asked if we were ready to order. I ordered a cheeseburger with onion rings; he ordered the same but with plain fries. I twisted my napkins around waiting for the food to come, Shane asked if I was all right. I smiled with a nod and said, "just, you know."

"I don't," he said, leaning his elbows on the table.

"It's hard to explain." I hugged around my stomach, leaning forward. Megan the waitress came back with our food, we thanked her.

While eating, he asked about my parents. Mostly I told him the important things, like their careers, known hobbies, and their divorce. "They divorced a while ago, dad remarried, and mom is engaged. It's a type of blended family."

"How are you coping?"

"I'm still coping." I dipped my onion ring in ketchup. He sipped on his drink before he started again with his food.

"I know this is probably a lie, but I have heard about the stuff about you."

"What stuff?"

"About you. And Sunny Gardens."

I sighed, "what do you want to know?"

"You don't have to tell me."

"Thank you. I was there for anxiety. I was diagnosed recently; I didn't know I had it when I was younger. And anger."

"And Jason?"

"An ex. That I have to stay away from."

"Is he that bad?"

"For me, he is." I was almost done with my onion rings and then started with my cheeseburger. "He was my first." The first that I wanted to erase from my memory. It wasn't fun, sweet, or intimate. It was done in 30 seconds, he was done and fell asleep. I stared at the ceiling, figuring out what the hell happened. I thought it would get better if I tried cocaine with him, it made my mind wired and my heartbeat rapidly. He didn't seem to care as I laid there until it was over most of the time. I had hoped he would change, he didn't.

"Do you have any brothers or sisters? Besides your mom's pregnancy?" he asked while drinking his milkshake and ate his burger. Good thing he changed the subject.

"Yeah. Jim, my younger brother, is 14. He lives with my dad and his new wife. Now can I ask you some personal questions?" I asked, feeling exhausted answering my own.

"Go ahead, I don't have much to hide anyway," he said with confidence.

I shook my head, "what's your last name?"

"Wilson."

"Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

"Yeah, one little sister. Sarah."

"Parents together?"

"They are actually. They separated for two years when I was ten but they came back together." I nodded. I wished my parents did that instead.

"How did you become friends with Kyle?"

"Two years ago, we were in gym class together."

"He seems like not the type to be friends with you," I scoffed.

"What do you mean?" He wondered.

"Just, i don't know. He's so conceited. I thought he was nice, now he gives me the stink eye. Maybe it's just me. Sorry."

"Kyle can be a bit cocky. He's cool."

"What's the most embarrassing thing you are scared of?" I changed the subject.

"Horses." I spit out my food and started to laugh abruptly.

"Are you serious? Horses are majestic and proud."

"I fell off a horse once and it almost trampled me," Shane said, holding back fake tears.

"You have a point there." I was almost finished with the rest of my milkshake.

Shane finished as well, I had some leftover and wanted to take the rest home.

"Are you scared of anything embarrassing?" he asked.

"Clowns," I exhaled. He just stared at me with his mouth agape and started laughing very loudly. I crossed my arms and scoffed.

"Why clowns?" he asked while getting over his laugh.

"It's the makeup and high-pitched laughter, it scares me ok? Reminds me of The Joker." I replied throwing my hands in the air.

He chuckled again, "you're funny." I laughed as well. Our eyes locked for a second, I wiped my hands with the spare napkin.

He asked if I wanted dessert, I looked at the time as it was 9 pm. "I should head home. I don't want my mom to worry."

Shane asked for the check, Megan came around with it. I asked for a to-go box, she nodded and seconds later she brought the white box. He counted the bills, leaving them in the pouch and we left.

As he was driving, I gazed out the window to avoid conversation. I could feel Shane's glances whenever we stopped, I forced myself not to look. Tugging on the hem of my shirt, I cleared my throat. He made a turn and stopped, I turned to him and the surroundings to see where we were. "This isn't my house," I said pointing to the window.

"Yeah I know," he said while coming out of the car.

"I have pepper spray!" I yelled out as I got out of the car.

He laughed, "come on." Taking my hand, we cupped palms. I wanted to resist but Dr. Brett's words swirled in my head. Be positive and cautious. We stopped at an abandoned lake, but it wasn't some dirty pool of water with trash. It looked like an ocean, Incubus lyrics of 'I wish You were Here' popped into my head.

"Wow," I said in amazement as we stood on the edge of the bank, "where are we?"

"The local park near Greenbelt, not many people come through here because they think the water is tainted," Shane answered. Looking at the water, I just saw beauty.

My mind went blank, all the drama just drifted away when I stared at the lake. It was peaceful. "I'm sorry for asking all of those personal questions," Shane spoke suddenly.

"Thank you. I'm glad I answered them, you know a bit more about me. I tend to shut myself out from anyone," I told him hugging my arms, the wind breezed by quickly. My skin grew goosebumps.

"Are you cold?" Shane asked.

"A little. It's fine," I responded. He began to remove his jacket, I protested but he insisted. Wrapping it over my shoulders I held it close to my body. "Thanks."

"No problem." His eyes glistening from the moonlight, he stepped forward, and then his index finger crooked under my chin. My eyes widened, he licked his lips, I licked mine too as he leaned in. I backed my head away at the last minute.

"Did I do something wrong?" he frowned, inching back a little.

"No, you didn't. This wasn't a date." I reminded.

"I know we've only known each other for a short time, the stuff about you. I don't mind any of it. I like talking to you, being around you. You're pretty and funny and smart. I like you," he finished while brushing my face with his callous thumb.

I wanted to kiss him as well, to see what it really felt like instead of the fantasy.

Goosebumps began to form all over me, prickling all over my skin and not from the wind. He cupped my face. I turned away again. "Shane, I like you too. You're so sweet and caring, and cute. I can't. Right now." I looked down at my shoes. I didn't want to keep him on the hook, I liked having him around. I didn't want to mess it up.

"Can't or won't?" he asked. I looked up into his eyes.

I answered, "both, maybe." His hands were on my face, which made my skin warn, like the way Jason made me feel. This was different. I held his wrists tenderly, "I'm sorry. We should go." I moved his hands and stepped back.