1

A man got hit hard in the head with a can of 7Up. He’s alright though, it was a soft drink.

2

Q. Why do the French like to eat snails so much?
-
A. They can’t stand fast food.

3

Tonight I dreamt of a beautiful walk on a sandy beach.
 
At least that explains the footprints I found in the cat litter box this morning

4

8 p.m. I get an SMS from my girlfriend: Me or football?!

11 p.m. I SMS my girlfriend: You of course.

5

"Wait for me honey, I’m just finishing my make-up."
 
"You don’t need make-up, Jane."
 
"Oh, Richard…. really? That is so sweet of you!"
 
"You need plastic surgery."