1
My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

2
What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.

3
Instead of "the John," I call my toilet "the Jim." That way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim first thing every morning.

4
A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?" "That's disgusting. Don't talk about things like that over dinner," the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?" "Oh, nothing," the boy says. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone."

5
That awkward moment when everything is quiet in class, but there’s no way you can stop yourself farting.