1.
My phone's low battery warning is the only warning I take seriously.

2.
MATH
Mental
Abuse
To
Humans

3.
If Plan A fails, remember that you have 25 letters left.

4.
If train x leaves London at 187 Kmph and train Y leaves New York at 160 Kmph then...

Then at what point in my life will this help me?

5.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.

6.
I tried to catch fog yesterday, Mist.

7.
10 facts about you
1. You r reading this right now
2. You r realising that is a stupid fact
4. You didn't notice I skipped three.
5. You're checking now
6. You r smiling.
7. You're still reading this even thought its stupid
9. You didn't realise I skipped eight.
10. You r checking again and smiling about how you fell for it again
11. You r enjoying this.
12. You didn't realise there's supposed to be 10 facts.

8.
Dad: I want u 2 marry a girl of my choice
Son: No
Dad: The girl is Bill Gates' daughter
Son: Then OK
Dad goes 2 Bill Gates
Dad: I want ur daughter 2 marry my son.
Bill Gates: No
Dad: My son is the CEO of the World Bank.
Bill Gates: Then OK
Dad goes 2 the President of the World Bank.
Dad: Appoint my son as the CEO of ur bank
President: No!
Dad: he is the son-in-law of Bill Gates
President: Then OK!
This is BUSINESS.

9.
Sorry I can't today

My sister's friend's mother's grandpa's brother's grandson's uncle fish died.
And yes, it was very tragic...

My excuse #01