john tossed his bag down by the door, taking his coat off and hanging it as he toed off his shoes. his next destination was the sofa, but the pale man at the piano caught his attention and decided to make a small detour. he ran a hand softly across the man's back, kissing his cheek as he wrapped an arm around his neck softly.

"always so amazing." he muttered into the man's ear.

the man's fingers spread out on the piano, starting a new rhythm, an old upbeat tempo. "what would you like to hear?" he asked with a grin.

john stood and walked around to the side of the piano, gaining eye contact the cold, but love filled eyes across from him. "you make me feel so young." john said as he headed for the sofa. "and a special request for singing."

the man chuckled and started to play, the intro first then came in the sweet serenade of his voice filled john.

"you make me feel so young. you make me feel as though spring has sprung. and every time i see you grin. i'm such a happy individual."

john flopped down onto the sofa, lay on his stomach as he watched the man at the piano, belting out every cord just for his lover.

"you and i are just like a couple of tots, running across a meadow, picking up a bunch of forget-me-nots."

john had a smile on his face as he watched the man in awe, turning his head up to the ceiling and closing his eyes as he let his full body relax, letting us soak in every chord and every note of his boyfriend sitting at the piano, singing to him.

"hey, sleepy head." a voice whispered.

john opened his eyes, rubbing them with the back of his hand, "hmmm?"

"we should get you to bed."

"how long was i out?" john asked as he stretched out.

"an hour or two." the man said as he stood. "i went through the files lestrade gave you. was that why you were in late?"

"how many times have i told you not to go through lestrade's files, sherlock?" john asked as he sat up.

"i have the authority to." sherlock said as he walked into the kitchen.

john scoffed lightly and stood up, stretching his arms above his head. "how's your case? the one with the ex sniper?"

"i'm close to pin pointing his location." sherlock said as he packed up the files and put them into john's bag again. "i should be able to get it tomorrow then we'll head out, take him down, and call it a day."

john walked into the kitchen and opened up the fridge. "will i be allowed on?" he asked as he took out the carton of milk.

"we'll see."

john took a gulp of the milk straight out the carton before putting back into the fridge. "i'm top in my class, i should be allowed."

"you're only a cadet, john." sherlock said and looked at the blond. "don't get ahead of yourself. it'll be your third time in action, in full gear with swat."

john closed the fridge door and stared at his boyfriend. "but i was fine the first two times. and i took out the suspect the last time."

"john," sherlock said sincere as he stepped forward to the blond, "i believe that you can do it, i've seen you do it, but you're still in training and it's a serious case."

"i'm not in training any more."

"medical training. plus the sniper training."

john sighed. "so it's a no."

sherlock nodded once. "sorry, babe." he said and kissed john's forehead. "maybe next time."

"that's what you said last week." john muttered as he turned, heading for the bedroom.

sherlock sighed and dropped his hands by his side. he followed down the hall and poked his head into the room. "i'll be in, in a few, i've got some things i need to work on."

"whatever." john said as he kept his back to sherlock, pulling his jumper of his head and throwing it into the hamper.

"john, don't be like that about it."

john out on his night shirt before turning to sherlock. "i'm not a child, i don't need to be treated like one."

"you're not, you're right." sherlock said as he walked to john. he stood in front of the blond and culled either side of his face, tilting his head up so his eyes could meet with his. "you're my boyfriend. my significant other. i don't want to send you out and lose you. i'd put all the blame on me and i'd lose my shit. okay?"

john nodded once.

"i love you, and i don't want to lose you."

"i love you, too." john said softly. he took one of sherlock's hands off his face and held it. "next case then. promise?" he asked. 

sherlock smiled down at him. "i promise." he said and gave the blond a kiss.

4 months later

sherlock stepped into the west house, looking at his surroundings before taking a few more steps. "position, watson."

"on it, sir." john said through the earpiece. "got your back."

sherlock gave a slight nod and a wave of his hand and four team members came in and we opposite ways, heading for the stairs. he continued to walk forward, keeping his guard up as he looked around.

"i've got movement." john said through the earpiece.

there was a click then a thud and a small ball landed right in front of sherlock and he froze. "where'd they go?"

"gone. lost 'em." john responded.

"do you know what's sitting in front of me, watson?" sherlock asked, keeping his eyes fixed on the ground and his back to the hidden sniper.

john looked into his scopes and focused on the floor in front of sherlock. "it's a bomb." he said.

"what kind?"

john looked back into his scope and focused more, seeing the distinct pattern and the little blinking light on the side. his heart dropped in his chest and he pulled back, looking clearly at the tiny man five floors beneath him. "it's a motion detector."

"correct."

"sherlock we have to get you out. now." lestrade said.

"tell everyone to evacuate except watson. i need him." sherlock responded, keeping his voice under control.

"you need to follow protocol." lestrade spoke.

"i need you to get the four out, keep watson in and turn the sound off." sherlock responded calmly.

"sherlock, i can't-"

"do it!" sherlock said, wanting to lose him calm voice and he knew he couldn't. "now."

"fall back everyone, watson keep your place."

"yessir." john responded.

"i'm giving you two minutes alone." lestrade responded.

sherlock took a deep breath and started to shake some as he knew what was coming. "are you listening, watson?" he asked.

"positive."

"okay. i need you to shoot the bomb."

"what?"

"i need you to shoot the bomb then jump out of the window behind you."

"sherlock, i'm not shooting it. no way." john said, his voice cracking.

sherlock took in a deep breath and held his cool. "the flashing light, you see it?"

"yes." john's mouth was dry.

"aim your shot there."

"sherlock."

"i've only got another minute to speak with you john. i need you to do this one thing for me."

"i can't."

"it's an order corporal." sherlock could hear john's soft cries and a few tears ran down his cheek as well. "i love you."

"i shouldn't have come on this mission. such a stupid idea." john said.

sherlock ignored john's comment and kept focus on what he wanted to say. "you'll do amazing things, john. there is a small chance that i'll survive this but there's an even bigger chance that they've placed other bombs in this building and they'll go off as soon as this one does." sherlock said and took a deep breath to steady his shaking. "i love you. i've always loved you, john."

"i love you, too." john cried.

"just do this for me. please." sherlock's voice was shaking. john knew he was scared. "shoot it then jump. leave the gun."

"sherlock."

"you make me feel so young," sherlock started singing softly. "you make me feel as though spring has sprung."

john sniffled and took a deep breath as sherlock continued to sing. he steadied his grip and leaned into his scope, using the laser to line it up with the flashing light. "i love you." john whispered as he pulled the trigger, instantly getting onto his feet and hurling himself out the window, falling down five stories into the pool of water as the building went up beside him.

john woke up in the hospital with a sharp pain in his head and an even sharper one in his leg. he opened his eyes and looked around his room, seeing his commander sitting at his bedside.

"how do you feel?" lestrade asked, looking at the blond.

"how long have i been out?" john asked, keeping his focus on the ceiling.

"three days."

"and sherlock?"

"they never found a body." greg said. "we looked. day and night, but he wasn't there."

john sucked in a sharp breath and gripped onto the thing blanket covering him.

"i'm so sorry, john."

"get out," he gritted through his teeth. "get the fuck out."

greg nodded and grabbed his coat, leaving the room quickly as john looked like he was about to bust into and emotional volcano. and he did. he got onto his side and hugged himself as he sobbed, trying to silent them so no one else could hear.

2 years later

john limped down the sidewalk, keeping his grip tightly on his cane as he entered the building. he never sold sherlock's apartment. as much as it hurt him to stay there, the bills were paid for a full three years and sherlock would've wanted him to stay. he never touched any of sherlock's things. he never slept on sherlock's side of the bed, never sat in his chair at the table, never went into his study, he didn't even touch the piano.

he stepped into the apartment, putting his keys into the bowl and hanging his coat up next to sherlock's. he walked into the kitchen, setting his bag on the table then making his way over to the stove, taking the kettle off, filling it with water, then placing it back onto the stove and turning the burner on.

john kept his job, but never went into the field. he stayed at his desk, helping with the cases, putting his talent to waste. when he returned after the explosion, lestrade tried to talk him into joining the field again saying it's what sherlock would've wanted. he ended up with a bloody nose and john not coming in for another week.

most people didn't know about the relationship between sherlock and john and the ones that didn't started making fun of john for overreacting about what happened and the ones that did baked john casseroles and gave him hugs and sweets.

when the kettle went off, john grabbed his mug from the cupboard, leaving sherlock's where it was and poured himself a cup then put his tea bag in it. he sat at the table on his side, taking out the vanilla files from his bag, laying them out on the table.

after eating dinner and finishing the cases, john started getting ready for bed. he was in the bathroom brushing his teeth when he heard the highest key of the piano get played. he dropped his tooth brush into the sink and went into his room quickly, taking his gun out of his night stand and loading it. he cocked it then walked out of the bedroom, walking down the hallway slowly as he kept his gun pointed.

he stopped in the kitchen, seeing the silhouette looking out the windows with their arms crossed behind their back. "you've got two seconds before i shoot." john said lowly.

the person turned, looking straight at john. the street lights gave enough luminosity to make out the face of the man. the thick curls, the sharp cheekbones and those cold eyes.

john froze and lowered the gun, mouth hanging open as the tears started to come. he had hallucinations of sherlock before, but they were always in his dreams or when he got drunk enough he would see sherlock sitting at the piano, but this one was getting closer. he reached john and touched him, hand on face and john lost it. he kicked sherlock's feet out from under him and stood over him, pointing the gun directly at his head.

"who the hell are you?!" john shouted, placing his foot on the man's groin, putting slight pressure on it.

"it's me, john. sherlock." he said.

john took in a deep breath and shook his head. "sherlock died two years ago on a mission in afghanistan."

"and there was no body." he said. "they kept it under covered that they found a body because it needed to be kept a secret. i had to stay undercover because if not they would've went after you and everyone else i loved." sherlock said. "it's me, john."

john took a deep breath and turned, to the side, sniffling. he walked over to the wall and rested a hand against it as he controlled his crying and anger. he went over to the door and turned the light on, setting his gun in the bowl with his keys. "you're a cock." he said as he turned to the man standing now. "you fucking cock!" he shouted, charging at the man, taking him down.

sherlock was much more quick than john and grabbed his wrists, flipping them over and pining them to the floor above his head. "i know you're mad." sherlock said as he held the blond down, keeping him pinned tightly to the floor. "stop struggling. it'll only make it worse!"

john stopped fighting a took deep breaths in and out. his face changed slowly as tears started to form in his eyes. "you left." he sniffled. "you left me." he cried.

sherlock got off of john and sat next to him, pulling him into his lap as he cried. "i'm so sorry." he muttered into the blond hair. "i wanted to tell you, i really did, but i couldn't." he said and kissed his forehead. "i'm so sorry."

"i hate you," john sniffled. "you utter cock." he sobbed as he wrapped his arms around sherlock's neck. "i'm tempted to choke you out right here." he threatened.

sherlock chuckled, sniffling as he hugged john back. "i deserve it."

sherlock sat on his side of the table, watching john as he hesitantly grabbed his mug out of the cupboard and set it on the counter top. he wasn't used to pouring two mugs of tea, but he automatically put a spoonful of sugar in sherlock's like he liked it.

john set sherlock's mug a little aggressively onto the table, spilling it a bit. john didn't mind. he sat down with his mug as sherlock took a napkin from the holder and wiped the liquid off the wooden surface. "explain. please." john said as he leaned back into his chair, taking a sip of his tea.

"the ex sniper case that i was on a few months before the... explosion, his name was sebastian moran." sherlock said as he stared down at his tea, his thumb gently rubbing the outside. "we successfully took him down and that created a spark between me and a man named jim moriarty." sherlock paused to take a sip of his tea before staring again. "the increase in cases was all because of that man in those months between the sniper and my so called death. i became face to face with him once. the night i came home with that cut on my forearm was from him, not the suspect i had told you about." sherlock said as he gently rubbed his left forearm.

"so this man, jim. what'd he want?"

"my corpse." sherlock replied swiftly, instantly making eye contact with john. "and that night when we met, it was either me or he would take you away from me like i did sebastian. and i couldn't let that happen." sherlock said, a crack in his voice. "from that day and between the afghanistan case, my brother, lestrade and i talked through a way of my possibly surviving the explosion. we knew what was going to happen. but the motion detector bomb was not part of the plan, i'm lucky to be here right now."

john slurped his tea loudly before setting it on the table with a thud. "what have you done for the past two years? besides lying to me about being dead."

sherlock sighed and rested his elbows on the table, leaning forward more. "for the first seven months, i was recovering. after that, i took down moriarty and his entire network. that's basically it."

john nodded once and crossed his arms over his chest, leaning back into the chair again. "why didn't you tell me? we were dating for two and a half years. you made me believe that you were dead for two fucking years. and i hate you for that. i really do, sherlock."

"i know you do." sherlock said with a sigh. "i wanted to tell you, trust me i did, but i couldn't risk anything."

john's gaze fell to his mug where he studied the ceramic piece carefully. "and i still love you." he admitted softly, making eye contact with those cold eyes that broke and turned into the warm eyes that john remembered waking up to.

"as do i." sherlock said.

john sniffled as he stood. "okay." he said softly, taking his mug and setting it in the sink. "do you have a place to stay tonight?" john asked as he washed his mug out.

"nope."

"sofa still pulls out. i'll get you some blankets and a pillow." john said as he set his mug out to dry before limping down the hall.

sherlock stood and went to the sink, washing his mug out as well then setting it out to dry next to john's. he looked over everything clearly, seeing the thick line of dust on everything that wasn't frequently used by john which was all of sherlock's things.

"here." john said as he set a blanket and sherlock's pillow from the bed on the pillow. "i'll see you in the morning. try not to leave again." he said as he walked back down the hall.

sherlock sighed heavily before taking the blanket off the table and turning the kitchen light off. he set the blanket and pillow on the floor then pushed the coffee table out of the way before pulling the sofa out into a queen wizard bed. he spread the blanket out then tossed the pillow on top, turning the light off before he lay on the uncomfortable pull out mattress.

he looked around the living room, seeing that everything was in the same place as it was two years ago. he sat up and looked out the windows then fixed his gaze on the piano. he had examined it when he first walked in and saw the thick layer of dust on it. sherlock rose from his spot and walked over to the grand piano, pulling the bench out then sitting on it. the photo of him and john that sat on top was face down now. he grabbed it and held it in his hands, looking at the photo of him sitting at the piano with john sitting next to him, resting his head on his shoulder, watching sherlock as he played. sherlock set the frame back up.

he spread his fingers out along the keys, starting a slow melody.

john heard it from the bedroom, holding himself as he listened to sherlock play the song slowly, starting to sing along softly.

"you make me feel so young." sherlock sang slowly. "you make me feel as though spring has sprung."

john sat up and let his feet hang over the side as he listened to the slowed down melody of their song.

"and every time i see you grin, i'm such a happy individual."

john rose from the bed and made his way out of his room, standing in the kitchen and watching sherlock.

"the moment that you speak, i wanna go play hide and seek. i wanna go bounce the moon, just like a toy balloon."

john walked over to the piano, getting sherlock's attention as he sat next to him.

"you and i are just a couple of tots, runnin' across the meadow, pickin' up lots of forget-me-nots." sherlock continued to sing slowly.

"you make me feel so young." john sang along softly with sherlock. "you make me feel there are songs to be sung, bells to be rung."

a grin splayed out on sherlock's face, looking over at the blond next to him.

"and a wonderful spring to be sprung." they sang together. "and even when i'm old and grey, i'm gonna feel the way i do, today. 'cause you make me feel so young."

john reached out and took sherlock's hand before he could play the next chord. "i'm still mad at you." john said softly as he leaned closer to sherlock.

sherlock nodded, "i know." he cupped johns cheeks and kissed him gently.

john kissed back before getting up and saying, "i can't do this." he ran back to his room, slamming the door.

sherlock sighed angrily and slammed his fists on the piano keys before getting up and sitting on the pull out bed.

horrible ending so there may be a part two if y'all want it.