"I was stupid, to put it bluntly.", you had to laugh as the memories of your own foolishness crossed your mind. "I helped them escape but didn't think my plan through."

With a calm expression and his arms crossed behind his head, Joel looked at you, listening to every single word you had to say.

"How so?", he asked, enchanted by the light shimmer of the lamp that made the shape of your nose shine.

He would have liked to touch your face, let his fingers run through your (H/C) hair and place a kiss on that forehead of yours.

He didn't know why, but  this moment felt so peaceful, it made him realise how little human interaction he had experienced in the past few years.

Granted, he wasn't a social butterfly but even after trying to find somebody in Jackson, he had always been alone in the end. It had always felt like the people did not fit him, did not understand or judged the cruel path he had chosen to survive.

But you didn't. You were a lot like him, maybe even identical despite indifferent attitude from time to time.

The way you made jokes and related to his stories made him smile, feel understood. And at the same time he wished to listen to the misery of your past. He wished to know how you felt and why you had turned out the way you were now.

With a soft smile, you tuned to him.

Your eyes locked, hazel kissed (E/C).

"I thought they would take me in as if I'm one of them.", you shrugged. "But I forgot that I was the privileged one, the one that watched from afar while they were sacrificed for a cause that couldn't be achieved. They hated me like nothing else. The only reason they kept me alive was that they needed me. But that did not change them from leaving some gifts on my body."

"The scars."

You nodded.

"I was like a slave for them, tied up, only little food and water. The violence was like payback. Back with the fireflies I lived with my parents like royalty, while they killed the families and friends of the immune."

"They thought it could change the world."

"They did. And so did I. The misjudgement of their abilities was a surprise for all. And yet they kept trying. But when is a price too much to pay?"

He shook his head, let out a deep breath and turned his gaze back to the ceiling.

Shadows danced through the room, soft ones that could make a child giggle.

"I payed the price of humankind.", he said. "And I decided that I was willing to pay it all alone."

"For Sarah?"

"And for me. I had lost a daughter. And after spending so much time with Ellie I forgot that I didn't make her.", he chuckled softly. "She turned out so much like me. As if I raised her. And... I love her. She knows I'm not her dad, but she calls me so. She tells me all her stories, she spends time with me as if we are family. She even told me that she has a crush on Dina."

You let out a hum.

"Sometimes, the family that we chose is more powerful than the one we are born into. It can heal us. Or break us into the smallest pieces. Trust me. I know what I'm talking about."

Again, he turned his head to look at you.

But this time you did not meet his gaze. All of a sudden there was this feeling inside your chest. It felt like your heart was pulling together, making it hard to breath.
You felt embarrassed, ashamed even.

"You didn't have a good relationship with your parents?", he asked in a soft voice and grabbed your hand to give it a gentle squeeze.

A bitter smile appeared on your face.

"I adored them, wanted to be a doctor as well.", you could feel tears burning in the corners of your eyes. "But I chose somebody else as family."

"The immune?"

"No. I wished for them to take me in, but I never considered them family. They were too cruel, too hateful."

"So, who was it?"

For a moment, you hesitated. Only thinking about it made your stomachs turn and hate light up inside of you.

"Abby.", you said after a while. "She was like a sister to me. But... she betrayed me like nobody else ever did..."

Wrapped in silence, Joel eyed your face, followed the change of facial expressions.

There was so much hate burning inside your eyes. But underneath this hate, something else could be found.

Pain.

"Do you want to talk about it?", gently, he turned to the side, now properly facing you and placed a hand on your cheek to let his thumb stroke the (S/C) skin.

Surprised by the sudden tenderness, you let out a deep sigh.

"Not yet...", you whispered.

Closing your eyes, you turned to him and enjoyed this feeling of his warm skin on yours. It had been ages ever since you had allowed somebody to touch you. You would have expected it to feel strange, awkward even.

But it didn't.

As Joel let his hand caress your cheek a warmth filled your body. Taken by this feeling, you crawled closer to him, so close, that his warm breath tickled your face.

Smiling softly, he watched as the last bit of defence came crumbling down.

"You look so calm.", he chuckled and leaned forward.

You hummed, smiling.

"It's nice to not be lonely.", you returned.

"I know what you mean."

Suddenly, he was so close that his heartbeat filled your ears. You held your breath, not moving a single inch. This moment was too precious to destroy it.

He leaned down, one arm casually laying over your hip and placed a soft kiss on your forehead. It only lasted as second, his lips did not even really touch you. Suddenly shy, he pulled back.

As you opened your eyes to look at him, he grinned, embarrassed.

"I'm sorry if this was too much...", he tired to apologise.

But you cut him off, reached out to slide a hand into his neck and pulled him into a kiss.