It was hard to fall asleep with the icy wind brushing your skin and a stranger lying next to you with a knife hidden in his hand.

But despite Joel's caution toward you, you didn't feel threatened.

Instead, it was even a little easier to relax your shoulders and close your eyes without having to keep looking around. His presence made your feel like you could rely on someone to take care of his and your safety.

You couldn't deny that there were advantages to traveling with someone. But whether you wanted to get used to it again was questionable. The past had taught you that trusting people came with the price of being vulnerable.

And most of the time the very same people you put trust into took advantage of that vulnerability.

Only the thought made you growl.

Memories flashed before your inner eye, corrupted your mind. Faces appeared, voices sounded and the feeling of bodies on yours crawled down your spine. For a moment, your body started twitching, caught by the long forgotten pain that came with those memories.

Whimpering, you threw your head into all directions, still trapped in the world of dreams.

Disturbed in his sleep, Joel raised his head. When your restless state caught his eye, he frowned.

"(Y/N)?", he carefully reached out to touch your shoulder.

The tip of his fingers were not even completely on your body, when you tore your eyes open. A surprised cry escaped your lips.

Startled, he flinched, his grip on the knife tightening.
Sweat shone on your forehead as you lifted your head, breathing heavily, and looked at him.

"A bad dream?", he asked, more confused than concerned.

You swallowed hard.

"No.", with a shake of your head you got jumped on your feet. "Memories."

"Looked bad."

Without answering, you grabbed one of the rifles and took a quick look out the window.

Joel sat up.

"What are you doing?", he sounded like he was afraid you were going to shoot him in the face.

You rolled your eyes.

"Relax and go back to sleep.", you opened the door, cold air hitting you. "I'll look around. Patrolling. That's what you do for safety in Jackson, isn't it?"

With a scowl on his face, he nodded.

The knife danced between his fingers.

He relaxed.

"I'll go with you.", he groaned, getting to his feet.

"No! I- I mean... I need a moment to myself."

"That doesn't sound very trustworthy."

"I know. But... I can't lie here and pretend nothing's wrong."

"Abby brought some things back to light, huh?"

Lips pressed into a thin line, you nodded.

"A lot of crap. Things I wouldn't have liked to have back. But it is what it is. I can't fight it."

Understanding, Joel nodded and dropped onto the couch. Dust swirled as his weight compressed the old cushions.
He had to cough.

The sight of him fighting the dust while nothing but curses left his mouth made you smile.

"You can clean while I'm gone.", you joked.

He pulled a sarcastic face.

"Very funny. But in case you haven't noticed, I'm not one for the clean stuff.", he hit a pillow and coughed in the exact same moment.

"Neither am I. Maybe that's why we get along quite well."

An approving hum made his chest quiver.

For a moment, the two of you remained silent. You even avoided looking him in the eye.

For some reason, it was easy to be in his company, to befriend him. You would never have admitted it openly, but you liked Joel. He was good company.

If he had been a part of the group back then, maybe your past wouldn't be as dark as it was.

As the silence began to grow uncomfortable, you cleared your throat, gave him an embarrassed smile, and turned toward the door.

But before you could pull your hood over your head and disappear, he called out to you.

Surprised by the sound of your own name, called by another person's voice, you froze.

"I can cook.", Joel sounded embarrassed. "Well... not really cook, but the food is edible. I'll search the house to see if there's anything to find. Would you be willing to eat with me?"

It was an attempt to find a compromise.

You could hear the will in his voice to give you a chance. For some reason, that made you smile.

"If it's not too much trouble.", you glanced over your shoulder at him. "I'm getting hungry."

A soft giggle escaped him.

"It was pretty stupid to go on such a long mission without packing provisions."

Now you had to laugh, too.

"Rookie mistake."

"Except we're not rookies. At least, I'm not."

You shook your head.

"Ditto. At least that's what I would say."

"I don't doubt that. Hm, and take care of yourself when you're out there. Don't go too far away. I still need you.", he made the last part of the sentence sound like he was joking.

But even if it didn't upset you, you knew it was the truth at its core. He needed you for this moment. And you needed him. And as long as neither of you objected, you would be content.

"I'll be right back.", you assured him, and slipped through the door, out into the cold.

As the lock clicked, assuring that the door was closed, a heavy sigh left your lips.

"Maybe it's time...", you muttered to yourself, examining the rifle in your hand. "A small town wouldn't be bad. Maybe I can get used to people again..."

A bitter laugh brought you back to reality. All these were just ideal thoughts. You knew what it was like to live in a group of people.

It would only bring disappointment and betrayal. At that time you had sworn never again to take the risk of trusting anyone.

And yet.

Joel made it so easy. Too easy.

"Ah, shit! I'm getting sentimental, that's all...", with a grim look on your face, you shouldered the riffle and set a step into the deep snow. "I'm fine. I was fine all this time, I'll be fine for the rest of it."

Grumbling, you made your way across the farm, through the gate and towards the small forest that was close by.

If anybody would have wanted to take you two by surprise, they would wait in the dark and safety of the trees.