"Remus, why did you go along with Roy's plan to fake his death? It was kind of mean," Isabella asked Lupin. I doubt Lupin caught the reference to Remus Lupin a werewolf in the Harry Potter series. It was the slow time of day; so, it was just the two of them at the bar. She must have been feeling really lonely to start up a conversation with Lupin.

It was several days after Roy had staged his death-by-werewolf plan to break up with Isabella. Lupin was the supposed werewolf. Roy figured if she thought he was dead and his body had been devoured by a werewolf, she wouldn't come looking for him. She didn't fall for it. She just didn't really care.

"You just now figurin' out I'm mean, Elvira?" Lupin responded. I doubt Isabella caught the reference to Elvira Mistress of the Dark. There's a bit of a generational gap between them.

"Bull! You're not mean. I bet you've never broken up with a girl by trying to deceive her, have you?"

"Ne'er had the luxury. They always break up with me."

"Never?"

"Well I did have ta give up on a woman once, but that was cause of her cat."

"Allergy? I had to get rid of my cat, because of allergies. Her name was Muffin. She was a Persian. Long hair you know." Isabella, as is common to her gender, was heading off on her own tangent which ultimately led to a swig of beer which caused her to miss the next part of the conversation.

"Nah, I was fraid it would eat me." Lupin loved delivering attention grabbing one-liners.

"Is this going to be another mountain lion story?" I asked.

"Bob cat," Lupin replied enigmatically.

"The cat's name was Bob?" Isabella rejoined the conversation.

"Bob would be a dumb name fer a pussycat," Lupin chided her. "Nah, she called it Pussy. Luce figured people would be less frightened by a pussycat; so, she called her bobcat Pussy.

"Lupin, I'm getting confused. The pussycat's name was Bob? And who is Luce?" I think Isabella was genuinely confused. This happens frequently in a bar. People are usually paying more attention to their drinks than they are to their conversations.

"Luce is the girl I was tellin ya bout. She called her bobcat Pussy. I called her Luce – my girlfriend not the cat, cause her name is Lucy Brogans. Actually, I sometimes would call her "shoes" cause Brogans are, ya know, shoes. That woman she was the best. All a man really wants, ya know?" Lupin was rambling now which meant a story was not far away. I don't think Isabella was paying attention to him anymore because several guys closer to her age were at the bar now.

"Did I ever tell ya bout how Luce came to acquire her pet?" Lupin asked.

"And here comes the story," I announced getting the attention of the newcomers.

"T'was the winter of twenty fifteen. We'd got o'er twenty feet of snow. Even the snow plows were snowed in. The weather was not fit for man nor beast. Luce had called me to brag about how she'd gotten her new heated toilet seat hooked up before the cold spell had hit. It was one of them fancy ones. All kinds of bells and whistles, bidet, air dryer, and even a remote. Magine that? I would've loved to try it out, but with the snow, there was no way I could get over to her place.

"Then, while we were talkin' on the phone, she suddenly lets out a blood curdlin' scream. I asked her what was wrong. Seems, she'd walked by her bathroom to admire the new seat she'd been tellin' me bout and found the seat had another admirer." Lupin paused to take a drink.

He continued, "Despite the cold, Luce would often leave her bathroom window open during the day, you know, for fresh air. Anyway, a Bobcat had found his way in, attracted to the heat of the seat, I guess. It was a young'un and it had gotten hold of the seat's remote. That cat had that toilet blowin' hot air and streaming water like nobody's business. Luce asked me what she should do.

"I asked her if she was up ta gettin' a broom or shovel and chasing the cat outside. She said she could, but she didn't want to put the poor young thing out in the snow. It was well below freezing and tornado caliber wind gusts. I told her to close the bathroom door and we'd figure out a way to sedate the cat until the weather let up some. We had to sedate it. I didn't want that cat breakin' out of the bathroom and feastin' on her in the middle of the night. I told her that was my job.

"It would'uv done no good to call the police or animal control cause they wouldn't be able to get out to her. I asked if she had any sleepin pills or the like in the house. She said the only sleepin aid she had was booze. I told her to put some in a bowl of milk and slip it into the bathroom.

"The weather continued for three days. Luce ran out of milk after the first night. She switched to bread, cereal, tuna, spam and whatever else she could find in her cubberd. The cat was okay with Luce's substitutions as long as they were sufficiently soaked in booze. Ya see, the cat had developed a taste. Me and the cat have that much in common.

"By the third day, the cat was completely plastered. I mean that was one tight pussycat. The weather had let up some; so, Luce tried to chase him out. That cat knew what a good thing she had and refused to leave. She has been living there ever since." Lupin having finished his story excused himself to go to the men's room.

"Wow, that was some story," Isabella remarked.

"One of Lupin's better tall tales," I replied.

"Why do you say it was a tall tale?" Isabella asked.

"Think about it. This was a story about Luce Shoes, a tight pussy and a warm place to sit. You are probably too young to know, but that was a famous line about all a man really wants. It was made into a song, a music video, a movie and even resulted in the resignation of Earl Butz as the U.S. Secretary of Agriculture. That's another story I'm not going to go into. You can google it. I'm sure Lupin remembers it. Propriety prevents me from explaining it further. Google it and spell Luce l-o-o-s-e.