song(s) for the chapter: STUPID by Ashnikko and Yung Baby Tate; Better By Myself by Hey Violet

T/W: Swearing

The light from my candle is dimming as I continue with my note-taking. There's a slight breeze coming from the cracked window beside my table; the cool, springtime air is refreshing to breathe in.

I turn another page in my History of Magic textbook, writing more of the important events onto my parchment. My hand begins to cramp up, so I set my quill down, rolling out my wrist and hand.

My eyes shift around the library. Most everyone is studying, many of the fifth years cracking down on harder material as the O.W.Ls are in less than three weeks.

Ever since the incident in Transfiguration a few days ago, I've been prioritizing my schooling more, spending any free-time I have studying and reviewing notes.

Massaging my palm more, I bring my attention towards the window. The sky is finally showing some shades of blue, but there's still some clouds that cover up most of the sunlight. I don't mind overcast weather; it makes it easier to stay inside and study.

I let out a sigh, taking one more moment to enjoy the crisp air before picking my quill up again and continuing my note-taking.

"Jo? I need to talk to you."

I don't say anything as I pack up my things in haste. This is the third time he's tried to get me to talk to him, having done so at lunch yesterday and Herbology a couple days ago. I had asked Professor Sprout to move him, to which she did immediately.

Apparently she had heard from McGonnagal about Draco's behavior towards me earlier in the week, so she was more than happy to move him. She absolutely despises him...and I can't blame her.

I hear him dramatically sigh as I stand up from my chair and step quickly towards the library exit.

I keep my pace quick as I make it into the hall, hearing the familiar clicking of his shoes behind me. I make it down to another corridor before he catches up to me finally, tugging my arm so I'm facing him.

I anticipate meeting his steely, gray eyes, but I'm met with softer bluish-gray ones instead; his eyes are slightly watery, and based upon how much he's blinking, I think he's trying to cover it up.

I want to pretend he cares about me, but, deep down, he doesn't.

"I have nothing to say to you," I say, breaking the silence. He shifts his eyes to the ground briefly.

His eyes find mine again. His expression is unreadable; well, it looks like he's feeling sadness and guilt, but those emotions are too foreign for a boy like him.

"Well, I have something I need to say to you." He sucks in his bottom lip, glancing off to the side before bringing us closer to the wall. I clutch onto my books tighter, not liking how close we are.

Whenever he's this close to me, I lose all my common sense. I'm weakened, but I have to be strong right now.

"I wanted to say that what I had said to you in Transfiguration the other day was not true." He pauses, his hand slides down my arm, holding my hand in his. "I was proving an idiotic point to Pansy."

"What point was that? To see how badly you could hurt and embarrass me in front of everyone?? You're pathetic, Draco." I can't help the venomous edge in my tone. I hate calling him pathetic, but he has called me worse things...much worse.

His face is rigid, clearly not liking my words.

"I'm trying to apologize, Jo. I have to—"

"Clear your guilty conscience? If you're even able to feel guilt, that is."

His hold on my hand tightens. "Whatever it is, guilt or some other emotion, I need it gone from my fucking system. I feel dreadful."

"Ditto." I tear my hand from his hold. He can't even properly apologize to me. I feel hot, angry tears stinging my eyes. "Do you know how humiliating that was?? I don't even think you understand how much you hurt me. I just want to leave and never come back... that's how much pain I'm in."

"Jo—I didn't mean any of those things—"

"Then why would you say them?"

That shut him up.

"Whatever this was... is completely over with. I'm not letting you hurt me again." With this, I leave him.

Before I get too far, he yells, "I've been done with you anyway."

I turn around, expecting an angry, flushed faced Draco, but I'm met with the image of a teary-eyed boy. He scrunches up his nose, causing the tears to fall before storming down the opposite hall.

—————

"Did you hear??"

"Did I hear what?" I glance up from my half-written Potions essay; It's my third time writing it, having not liked the other two I had written.

Hannah slaps her palms on the table. Her eyes are wide. "You really have been hibernating here in the library—" I'm about to protest, but she continues, "—Harry, Ron, Hermione, Nevy, Ginny and Luna all were at the Ministry of Magic and Deatheaters were there!! It's all everybody is talking about!"

"What?? When did this happen??" Have I really isolated myself that much?

"Well it happened last night, but people just found out about it today. I'm surprised your sister didn't tell you...she was there—that's what I heard from Megan though—" She scratches her chin in thought, while I immediately take out another piece of parchment, swiftly writing a note to have Luz send to my family immediately.

"Oh my Merlin! Can you do my Potions essay next? You're so fast!"

"Not the time, Hannah. I have to make sure Nymphi and Remus are okay."

"Oh...they're fine—but—" I finish writing my note, and get up. "—Where are you going?"

I throw my bag on my shoulder, giving her a look as if she should know. "The Owlery."

She stands up too, slapping her hand on her forehead. "Of course. How silly of me to ask. I'll walk with you there."

We leave the library quickly. I now see students gathering in the corridors, all chattering about the latest news. Even some of the professors are gathered at McGonnagal's office, lowly whispering to themselves.

I glance over at Hannah as we turn down another corridor. "What else happened?"

"He Who Must Not Be Named was there. He's back." I nod solemnly. My family and I have known about this for awhile, but now hearing it from someone else not in our close knit circle causes a wave of nausea. "Oh! And Malfoy's father was there. He's a deatheater."

I stop. The information doesn't surprise me, but still is odd to hear out loud. "What else have you heard?"

She shrugs. "That's pretty much all I've heard. They're trying to not reveal too much. Everyone is scared though. This isn't good...at all."

"No...no it's not." I look down at the letter in my hand. "Which is why I need to make sure my family is okay."

Because now...Voldemort and his other followers now know who are for sure against him. And he won't stop until they convert over...or are all dead.

———
**next update: 10/11/21**