Requested

L I L Y

I gritted my teeth and tried to smile at my reflection. She glared back, her stormy green eyes flashing.

I looked away hastily. My expression was a reminder of what I was about to do.

Become a Death Eater.

I wanted to punch the mirror, suddenly, shatter it into tiny pieces so my reflection would stop looking at me, stop staring so judgingly even when I tried to look away.

Maybe the mirror was enchanted to show the viewer's real self, maybe it was enchanted to show me what I was doing was a huge mistake- maybe I enchanted in my sleep-

'Lily?'

I gripped the sink with both hands and shook my head, meeting my reflection's eyes. Don't be ridiculous, Lily. This mirror is just a mirror.

The voice called again: 'Lily?'

I opened the bathroom door, and breathed a sigh of relief at the sight of James Potter. His hair was sticking up all over his head, his glasses were perched lopsidedly on his nose, and his hazel eyes were squinty and half closed.

I stepped forwards into his arms, breathing in the smell of him... Aftershave, Quidditch brooms, and parchment.

'Why are you still awake, love?' James asked softly, and I reached upwards and twirled my hands in his soft hair.

'I can't sleep,' I admitted, and he kissed my cheek softly, resting his fingers on my neck. 'I'm nervous. What if it all goes wrong?'

'Just try not to think about it,' James suggested, sighing deeply. 'That's what I'm trying to do, anyway. Come back to bed, sweetheart.'

I let him lead me back to our double bed, and we lay there, him breathing deeply and evenly, asleep, but me staying awake, staring into the dark.

Even James, who normally comforted me, couldn't sort out this mess.

***

T H E  N E X T  M O R N I N G

'It'll be fine.' James breathed a kiss into my hair as we stood on our front step, hands intertwined.

'It'll be fine,' I repeated. 'It'll be fine.'

'Six months,' James whispered slowly. 'Six months of this, Lily, and then we can go back. Back home. Get married. Have kids.'

I blinked slowly. 'That'd be nice. As long as I don't have to invite Petunia.'

'You won't,' James promised quietly. 'Just six months. Anyone can do anything for six months.'

I held onto his words, kept them close to my heart. Anyone can do anything for six months.

When the car comes for us, I try not to be afraid.

Only his hand in mine keeps me sane.

***

Two months pass. It's easier than I expected, because he's by my side. He always is.

I kiss him before I go to sleep, and when I wake up, just to check he's still there. To check he's alive.

To check we both are, maybe.

It's cold here, and it always seems to be dark. We're at the Malfoy Manor, but minus the Malfoys. Thank Merlin, else they'd probably figure out that me and James aren't real Death Eaters, and never plan to be.

Every day, I thank Merlin that we're still alive. That nobody has figured out what we're doing, and that every day that passes brings us one step closer to coming home.

*****

Four months and fourteen days. That's how long it takes before James starts to get restless.

We sit in our small bedroom with the creaky springs, and talk.

'I don't feel like we're doing anything,' James tells me. 'We sit here and we talk, and we try to not be found out. And it's easier than I expected, because we haven't tried to find anything. Four months, almost five, and all we've found it is that Death Eaters like toast for breakfast and don't seem to be doing anything!'

'Keep your voice down,' I hiss back. 'The walls have ears here.'

He lowers his voice obligingly. 'Lily, nobody here trusts us. They keep us in the dark. You-Know-Who never comes here. Nobody of any importance seems to. Nobody here even has the Dark Mark!'

I shake my head, but inside I know it's true. Maybe I just don't want to accept it.

In fact, I know I don't want to accept it. A small part of me hopes that me and James will make it out of here alive and kicking, but... But it would be almost impossible to find anything and be able to get a message through to the Order without getting caught.

Maybe this was a suicide mission all along.

How will they get us out, anyway? I suddenly realise.

The Order didn't talk about getting us out. They talked about getting us in, and us getting information out... but nothing else.

James' eyes shine, even in the dark. He knew.

He fought so hard for me to stay behind. He begged, pleaded, tried to bribe me.

'James,' I whisper. 'James. What have we done?'

He shakes his head, and a tiny lock of brown hair falls into his face. I used to hate it when that happened, because I always wanted to brush it back, and never could.

I brush it back now, my heart thudding so loudly I'm afraid the Death Eaters can hear it through the walls.

'I wish you hadn't come,' he says softly.

'Wish I hadn't come?' I say back, raising my voice as much as I dare. 'Wish I hadn't come? What about you, James? What about you? Did you not think of how I would feel if you just vanished?'

He closes his eyes for a second. 'I'm sorry, Lily. I truly am. But us- me- what we're fighting for is bigger than that. Freedom, freedom from You-Know-Who. We always wanted kids, Lily, didn't we? Would you rather not have them at all, knowing we did something, that we helped other people's children, or have them, and have them live in fear? What about your sister's kid, Lily? She's expecting. Do you want that child to grow up afraid, to grow up at risk from You Know Who, or do you want to save him?'

I blink, and rest my hand on James'. 'What should we do?'

*****

It takes a while, of course, for the moment to arrive.

We're in a meeting where, predictably, nothing really happens. Nothing we say here will be relayed to Voldermort.

But there are documents that came in a few weeks ago. They've been sitting in a drawer in the kitchen ever since they arrived, a drawer with a lock. Nobody's been allowed in the kitchen alone for weeks.

But after the meeting, a Death Eater grunts and trundles upstairs, leaving me and James alone.

The fire burns brightly in the fireplace, perfectly. I set it up whilst James whispers 'alohamora,' and takes the documents from the drawer.

'It's too easy,' I say as the fire turns green.

'Hogwarts,' James whispers, and tosses the paper into the fire.

It vanishes just as the biggest Death Eater enters the kitchen, wand waving.

'Stupefy,' he yells, but James dodges, pulling his wand, and a vase falls off the mantlepiece with a clatter.

'You really thought we would be stupid enough to leave those in a drawer with no protection?' The Death Eater snarls. 'It was a test, you idiots! A test, to see if you were loyal or not; and you failed. Those documents were worthless. My bank details, if you must know. I'm sure whoever you sent it to will be pleased to see them!'

I have a second to see the look of horror on James' face before two identical jets of red light fly from the doorway and I see nothing but black.

****

When I wake up, I'm lying on the floor.

'Nagini,' a cool, quiet voice says slowly. 'Our guest has awoken.'

I blink, and see I'm lying on a cool, dark surface. There's a huge chandelier above me, and a figure in front of me...

I stifle a scream.

Long, pale fingers are wrapped around a wand pointing directly at me, but that's not what terrifies me. It's the face.

Pale, with blood-red eyes and no emotion whatsoever.

I know who he is with no introduction.

This is Lord Voldermort.

'Such a shame your little friend woke earlier than you,' he says softly.

I notice the snake. It's huge, with sharp yellow eyes that won't leave me. It opens its mouth to reveal long, thin fangs and sways back and forth beside Voldermort. If I didn't know better, I would swear it was smiling.

'My-' I can't breathe. James. James.

'At first he wouldn't cooperate,' Voldermort says smoothly. 'But once we brought you into it he was quite willing to meet our demands.'

James.

'Unfortunately, that means we have no use for you, Miss Evans,' Voldermort continues. 'Apart from...'

My breath is caught in my throat. Don't make me do anything. Don't make me do anything. Please.

'A message,' he says quietly, and leans forwards. 'A message for your friends back at the Order. We do not take kindly to spies.'

I can't breathe.

Is he- is he letting me go?

His smile is like an animal's. Wide and cruel.

He is not letting me go.

'Bring him in,' Voldermort calls, and a burly Death Eater drags a figure in-

I can't breathe.

It's James, his hair hanging in his face, being half-carried by the Death Eater, because...

Because he has bruises all over his face. His hand hangs at an awkward angle, and I know that his wrist and all ten fingers of his are broken.

How long did he withstand the pain before giving in? He only gave in because of me.

Because I was brought into this.

I remember how the Order only wanted strangers to volunteer for this mission. They didn't want any emotion attachments between the spies, but me and James were the only volunteers.

Now I know why they wanted that.

'Lily,' he coughs, and blood splatters the floor.

'Send this message to the Order,' Voldermort says calmly. 'We are stronger than them. Fighting is useless. They would do well to give up their struggle. We have already won.'

He raises his wand, but I'm dizzy and too disorientated to notice who he's pointing it at before it's too late.

My mouth shapes the word as a jet of green light shoots from Voldermort's wand and hits him squarely in the chest.

'James!'

He sags in the Death Eater's arms. His eyes don't even close, just stay open, staring at nothing.

James.

James.

Voldermort vanishes with a loud crack, but I barely register it.

I'm too fixed on him.

James.

G O N E.

Word count- 1799
Sorry not sorry. Somehow I don't think this is quite what you meant when you said 'spy au'

WHAT ARE YOUR NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS PPL IM NOSY