J A M E S

Her legs were everywhere.

James couldn't stop looking at them- which was bad. Very bad. Because they were supposed to be friends, right? And friends didn't stare at other friend's legs.

Even if the legs were Lily Evans'.

They were sitting at their desks, revising, but every time Lily moved James' concentration was ruined.

(Not that it was very good in the first place. Lily Evans was voluntarily in the same room as him. Alone.)

'Expecto Patronum,' Lily tried, waving her wand in the air and producing nothing but wisps of silver and gold air. She was perched on the desk, legs swinging, with a little crease between her eyebrows, concentrating.

'Lily,' James said, enjoying the taste of the word on his mouth- Lily Lily Lily-  'Maybe your memory isn't strong enough. You've been trying for an hour.'

Lily flushed. 'I can't think of anything else, James. I've tried, but I... I don't know. It's hard.'

'Let me help,' James suggested. 'Look, I know how to do one- watch- expecto patronum!'

The familiar silver stag erupted from James' wand and swooped overhead them, ducking its head at Lily and then cantering out of the window into the darkening sky.

'See? Simple.' Walking over to Lily and standing behind her, James put his hand on hers, guiding her wand. 'Now, think of the happiest memory you can remember.'

'I've tried,' Lily said, frustration seeping into her voice. 'It just isn't working-'

'So? Practise makes perfect, Lily. You know that better than anyone.' James leant a little closer to her, his breath stirring her hair. 'Now, focus on the memory. Think of being warm, and safe, and happy.'

Lily breathed out. James breathed in.

'Expecto patronum,' Lily whispered.

A silver puff emerged, forming slightly to reveal small, delicate hooves- Lily started to grin in delight- but then the hooves vanished, leaving the same silvery cloud.

'Almost,' James urged. 'Look, just keep on trying. Did you see the hooves on that one? It was practically formed!'

'Practically,' Lily said, disappointment all over her face. 'Yours was perfect, James! How do you manage it?'

'Lots of practise,' James smiled, remembering the year he'd tried, straining and straining, yelling at Remus when he tried to help, yelling at Peter when Peter brought him a cup of tea, throwing a book at Sirius' head when Sirius managed to do his before James did...

'And several tantrums,' James told Lily. 'I threw a book at Sirius' head... and he threw one back... So I hexed him.'

Lily laughed despite herself, a tinkling sound that made James smile. I did that, he thought. I did it. I made her laugh, I made her smile.

'What, sixth year?' Lily asked, and when James nodded sheepishly she laughed again. 'I always wondered why he ended up in the hospital wing. But I thought it was because of a broken nose that he'd gotten in a fight.'

'The broken nose was from the book,' James admitted sheepishly. 'But don't tell anyone- Sirius'll kill me.'

Lily didn't master the patronus that night. Or the next night, or the next. Those nights were spent with James Potter in that classroom, but they weren't studying.

They were chatting. Talking. Laughing. Smiling.

Being friends.

Falling in love.

****
L I L Y

'I don't know,' I say, and I walk back and forth between the desks... back and forth, back and forth. 'I don't know what to feel, what to think, what to do.'

'It's simple,' Marlene says softly, her long legs stretched over the desk in front of her. Moonlight turns her hair silver and transforms her into a creature of mystery, of intrigue, all silver and white and black.

Black skirt, white blouse, shining hair.

She looks perfect.

I feel fake.

'You don't know what to do because you're overthinking. You're thinking too much about what people will think, what they'll say, what they'll do. When you look at him, when you look at James, what do you feel?'

I count the steps between the wall and Marlene. Twenty six.

When I go back, it's thirteen.

'I feel..' I pause.

My footsteps echo. Marlene's breath clouds in the air. I notice everything.

'I feel happy when I see him. He makes me feel happy.'

'Then what are you waiting for?'

  *****
J A M E S

'What are you waiting for?' Sirius hisses to me as we jot down notes for Transfiguration.

McGonagall moved me last lesson from my seat next to Lily because we talked to each other too much. The only other available seat was next to Sirius, so here I am.

'Waiting for?' I whisper back. My fingers are smudged with ink, and it spreads onto the paper as I try and write.

It reminds me of Lily. But then again, almost everything does these days.

'You're a lovesick fool,' Sirius says bluntly. 'You always have been. But these past few months you've become even more of one.'

'No, I haven't,' I say automatically, my mind on spells and Lily, always Lily.

'Yeah, I didn't think it was possible either, but you're not even listening to me now. You're thinking about her.' Sirius scowls, black hair and black eyes and is it bad I'm wishing he was Lily?

God, he's right. I'm a lovesick fool.

'Just talk to her,' Sirius urged. 'Come on, Prongs. You've been doing it since first year.'

'Yeah, but then we weren't friends,' I argue. 'If she said no, it didn't change anything between us, you know?'

Sirius looks unimpressed. 'Man up, mate. She's just a girl.'

But Lily had never been just a girl to me.

****

L I L Y

That day there's a note on my desk when I slide into my seat.

MEET ME IN THE CLASSROOM BEFORE DINNER. I THINK WE NEED TO TALK.
- JAMES

I fold it and slip into my shirt pocket, next to my heart. As I do so, I can feel my pulse beating ten times faster than normal.

****

He's already there when I arrive, and I spend a minute by the door, watching him.

I don't normally get a chance to properly look at him without him seeing me, and I take this opportunity.

My mum always says you can tell a lot about a person by what they do when they think nobody is watching them.

And apparently, when nobody is watching James, he...

He's the same as when I'm with him. He's sitting on a desk, doing the same messing-with-his-hair action he always does before he's about to attempt a tricky spell.

I cough, and James startles.

'Lily,' he says, and there's something in the way he says it... something in the way his voice softens on my name that makes me suspect what he wants to talk about.

My heart is beating so fast I can feel it in my chest, like it's alive, like it's giving me encouragement. Or like it's telling me to stop right here, to leave.

I step forwards. 'Hi, James.'

I realise as I say it that my voice has gone all mushy, and I wish I could stuff the words back in my mouth.

'Lily,' he begins, and then stops. 'Lily.'

I can't breathe.

And then he steps forwards, and then again, so he's right next to me and looking right into my eyes. 'Don't interrupt me,' he says quietly, 'because then I won't be able to finish what I'm about to say. I won't have the courage. So just... let me finish, would you?'

I know what he's going to say before he says it.

'I love you,' he says. 'I love you, and I've loved you ever since our first year, where we both small and young and naïve. I loved your hair, and the way it was a colour I'd never seen before, and that made you interesting. I loved the way you hated me, I loved the way it seemed like a challenge to get you to go out with me. That shows how much of a dick I was, doesn't it? That I liked bothering you.'

He smiled, a sad smile.

'I loved you before I knew what love even was. And I kept loving you, on and on, even when I was older and changed, and hopefully a little nicer. I stopped bothering you, and gradually we became friends, here in this very classroom. I looked forwards to our little meetings here like I looked forwards to nothing else. You were- you are- beautiful and kind and smart, and you understand me like nobody else, apart from maybe Sirius. You don't know how much it's killed me, sitting here every day, smiling at you and being your friend, when all I've wanted to do is kiss you. But friendship is better than nothing, and so I kept quiet, until now, when I realised that it's almost the end of the year, and if I don't do anything now, I'll never know. Never know how you feel.'

He's so close to me that I can see the tiny flecks of green in his eyes.

I take a deep breath, and I see hurt flash in James' eyes- he thinks that I'm going to say that we're friends, and nothing else. He starts to say something, but I interrupt him.

'I love you too.' I say quickly, before he can say anything. 'I didn't love you before. I didn't love Potter, the boy who played pranks that were mean and harmful. But recently, over the past year or two, you have changed. You've grown up. You're Head Boy, for goodness' sake! You... you're James, now. You're kind and you're funny without ever being mean, you're clever and you're so so amazing that I don't know how I managed without you before. So I love you, James. You don't need to worry about me not loving you back, you don't need to worry about me rejecting you like I did all those times before, because this time... this time, if you did ask, I would say yes.'

James' face was open and honest, and shining with joy... and a little disbelief. 'Lily Evans,' he says slowly. 'Would you do me the honour of accompanying me to Hogsmede?'

I say yes. Of course I do, because he's James.

And then I smile, and then I kiss him, and it feels so ridiculously perfect that I'm almost sure I'm dreaming.

If this is a dream, I don't ever want to wake up.

Word count: 1764

Holy SHIT I'm nervous about this advent calendar and it's day 1. I've only got about ten done so far.

Whoops. 🎄