"Jungkook I just can't do this anymore!"

"Jimin please, we can talk about this!"

"No!" Jimin walked towards the door. "We can't! I-I just can't!"

"Jimin-"

"Goodbye Jungkook," Jimin looked at him one last time before closing the door behind him.

And the tears started flowing as Jungkook whispers, "I don't even know what I did wrong."

*

"J-Jimin?"

"Jungkook, hi," Jimin's eyes widen a bit. "I haven't seen you since-"

"Yeah," Jungkook stops him. "Since you walked out of my apartment two years ago."

"Yeah," Jimin repeated. "...So how have you been? I didn't know you uh, shopped in this area."

"I do," Jungkook nodded. "The convenience store by my place shut down. But uh, I'm doing...okay. You?"

"Uh, well, compared to last time you saw me pretty good," Jimin looked down.

"Hey, Jimin?" Jungkook took a deep breath. "Can we grab a coffee someplace? I have a couple questions that I've wanted to ask you for two years. I would've asked sooner, but you blocked my number."

"Oh, yeah, I did," Jimin's face turned pink, a bit ashamed. "Sure we can go out for coffee. How about two hours from now? The one we went to often back when were uh, friends."

"Oh okay, I haven't been there in a really long time," Jungkook huffs out an awkward laugh.

"Me neither," There was a long pause between the two of them. "Well...see you in two hours."

Jungkook looked at him one more time before going. "See you."

*

"You still like lattes, right?"

"Yeah," Jimin nodded as he sat down.

"Good because I ordered you one," Jungkook looked at him. "I didn't want you to wait long."

"Thank you, that's really nice," Jimin looked down. "You've always been nice. Much nicer than I've ever been."

"Jimin that's not true," Jungkook shook his head.

"Yes it is," Jimin pressed. "I left you, completely disappeared. The last thing we ever did was argue."

"...You did," Jungkook nodded slowly as their coffee was brought to them. "But that doesn't reflect you entire personality. I just...I don't know what I did for you to want to break up with me. That's haunted me Jimin."

"You," Jimin took a deep breath. "You didn't do anything. It's completely my fault."

"What?" Jungkook's eyes widen. "So I did nothing wrong and you all of a sudden leave me? After almost a year of dating, after knowing each other four years?"

"Yeah," Jimin started tearing up. "I'm so sorry."

Jungkook saw his expression and softened his tone. As much as he got hurt for what Jimin did...he didn't want to hurt him. "...Why? Why did you leave Jimin?"

Jimin wiped the tears from his eyes before they were able to fall. "I don't know if you were able to tell but maybe...three months before I left I started spiraling. I know you've always known I've had anxiety, but something must have triggered it and it just got a lot worse really fast. I tried to stay really strong around you though, so I don't know if you saw a change."

"...I didn't."

"Well, I never wanted you to know, because I thought it would just go away soon, but it never did," Jimin told him. "My thoughts started getting me sick. I couldn't even keep down food. I was getting malnourished, and it wasn't on my own free will, you know I really wanted to have a healthy diet, but I couldn't eat without getting sick. And that was when I decided to get admitted into a psychiatric hospital, but not before I left you so you'd never have to know."

"What?" Jungkook's mouth hung open in shock. "Oh my God Jimin."

"It wasn't like, 'wrap me up and protect me from myself I'm insane' or anything like that," Jimin explains. "The media portrays it all wrong. We weren't allowed to have pens or anything like that, because there were some violent patients, but, uh, it was a lot calmer than you might think. The staff were really nice, and they uh, gave me medicine and they really tried their hardest to help me. Within a couple weeks I could eat small meals again, and within about half a year I was nowhere near as anxious as I used to be. Obviously I'm still anxious sometimes, and I went to therapy even after I was let out, but I'm so much better now."

"...Why didn't you tell me any of this?" Jungkook finally said, staring at the floor. "You...even after you got out you could've shot me a text saying what happened but..."

"Well before I left I was terrified," Jimin confessed. "I never wanted you to think poorly of me. And after...to be honest I was really ashamed, and I was scared you'd be angry with me. Plus it's just a bit weird in general to contact an ex out of the blue. You weren't really at the top of my list of people to say, 'Hey, just so you know I left you because I wasn't mentally stable enough to live with myself at the time so I went to a psychiatric hospital for the better part of the year.'"

"Jimin..." Jungkook's eyes fell on him, soft and hurting. "I never would've thought poorly of you for something like that. If you would've told me I would've supported you, and I would've loved you throughout the entire process."

"Well I hope you can understand my entire mindset at that point in time was fight or flight, nothing else," The smaller couldn't make eye-contact. "You didn't deserve what I did, and I know I probably broke your heart, but I hope someday you will forgive me."

"Of course I forgive you," Jungkook continued to stare. "Jimin...I've really missed you. I've been worried about you since the second you left."

"I...I've missed you too," Jimin looked up. "But you were so quick to forgive. I don't understand that."

"...I thought I was over you," Jungkook admit. "But seeing you today...it made me realize I'm still in love with you. And it hurt at first, but hearing your story and having you explain made it feel better. Because in the end I'm really glad you're doing good now. I wish you didn't leave me Jimin, I want you back."

"I-I'm still in love with you too," Jimin told him. "That's the biggest reason I didn't contact you. I didn't want the feelings to come back since I was sure they'd be unrequited."

"Well...they're not," Jungkook took a deep breath. "So you still love me?"

"Yeah, and you still love me?"

"Yeah," Jungkook's eyes never once waivered. "You're not an easy guy to get over."

"Oh, well thank you," Jimin blushed. And they were silent for a little bit, and that was okay.

Until Jungkook said, "Hey, you wanna just start over?"

"Start over?" Jimin's voice was soft. "What do you mean?"

"Like put that nasty break up behind us, we can just pretend it doesn't exist," Jungkook tells him. "We can ease into a relationship we once had, but this time better and better for us."

"Y-you want that?"

"If you promise to me you won't run away again," Jungkook and Jimin's hearts alike were beating at an aggressive pace. "If you promise this time we'll work hard to have a healthy relationship where we trust and communicate with each other."

"...I'd really like that," Jimin nodded slowly. "I want to prove to you that I've changed. I was terrible to you back then, and don't say I wasn't because I was. It was 100% a give situation on your end and a take on mine. I want to give everything to you now to make up for it."

"I really appreciate that," Jungkook smiled a bit. "You...you never would've even said something like that back then. And back then I was more than happy to give and give and give, but I just can't anymore. I need someone to be there for me too, you know?"

"And I will be that person," Jimin promised. "I learned a lot over the past two years, I know how to deal with things now, but I've also learned how to help others from those who have helped me."

And Jungkook just stood up, sitting down next to Jimin and kissing him. It was crazy how familiar yet foreign it felt, like lost souls coming back to one another. "I love you Jimin, I've missed you so much. Thank you for coming back."

"Thank you for taking me back," Jimin responded, voice soft. "I was terrible to you and you still want me."

"You're someone I just can't get over," Jungkook confessed. "And...now that's okay."

"Thank you," Jimin couldn't help but kiss him again. "I'll make it right this time. I promise." 

A/N: My Favorite Murder~

A little PSA for you: Eric Nam looks like a Korean John Mulaney. 

Look;

I dunno if they look so similar side by side, but in that music video (Paradise) the lighting and his clothes make him look a ton like John Mulaney.

Anyways I'm gonna talk about BTS and other Kpop idols today, you don't hear that from me very much, but there will be multiple instances of Kpop idol talks, so if you want to say yay say yay.

Anyways, guess what I'm proud of? I spelled psychiatric correct twice, without the little red line showing up! Oh my God I hope you know how huge that is for me!! I can't even spell hospital correctly but psychiatric?? Now it's been four times!

What a coincidence when I wrote this I started reading a book about a psychiatric hospital so pretty cool ig lol~

Oh! I forgot to apologize! I haven't uploaded in 11 days without warning! So I'm very sorry, I did not intend it to be this way, but it happened to be this way and I wasn't even gonna upload today, but here we are because your girl changed her mind~

Anyways, let's have The Queen test the waters a little bit, I'm not going to get into anything necessarily controversial, well..maybe a difference of opinion but the BTS thing isn't controversial in these parts because of reasons you'll learn later, you'll just get angry but not at me so.

Let's talk about ATEEZ.

An entire group of my readers then go "Um actually, let's not"

Don't worry, I'll shut up about Yeosang.

For now.

Cuz I thought of a super funny thing and I'll share it later.

Anyways, ATEEZ are still technically rookies until the end of the year, that's crazy cuz they have a billion albums already but..

Okay for real how many albums do they have? 8? Let me look it up lol

Ha! I was right! My estimation skills are pretty good~

Anyways, I was watching a TXT live stage, also rookies, but I'll be honest. While TXT look like a rookie group, ATEEZ doesn't in the slightest bit. They haven't since debut if ever. And that's so crazy to me. They just never looked like a rookie group, they've been so amazing since day 1.

This is no disrespect to TXT by the way, I love TXT, and I don't like all of their songs, but they're good, this last comeback was by far their best. But they still look like rookies, and mind you they have a four month debut difference. But again, TXT look like rookies while ATEEZ don't and never did.

BTS looked like rookies, for a long time! Even in 2015 they looked a bit like the rookies they basically still were, and I mean after three years they had five albums, while ATEEZ has 8 in less than two and all their songs slap. This just shows I'm not putting any other group down ATEEZ is just that good.

Anyways I made my peace, it was a short thing, I'll stop talking about them for now.

I know I'm darting around a lot, sorry about that haha, but you know~

So let's talk about Non-Shipper ARMYs.

You know who they are. Basically just the ARMYs who don't ship the members together, should be simple enough. I get where the basic premise comes from, some people just think it's odd to ship two real people together.

But oh my God, they act so superiors.

Like they turn their noses at us.

I mean I don't like YouTube ARMYs, I'll just tell you that right off the bat. There are not many good ones, I don't subscribe for the person, because most of them are just the most cringy ARMYs, and then we have people like ChimChimTrash and Taekook-Lives, but this weekend just further caused me to dislike them.

So I had this video in my watch later. And it was titled, "Let's talk about ships...(Jikook vs. Taekook)" And I am all for videos that will explain the difference between the two ships. It helps me feel like we're one ARMY, and it solidifies my confidence in Jikook once again.

But that's the thing, to make a video like that you have to be unbiased. It's a touchy subject in the ARMY, because Taekookers and Jikookies are always defending themselves against the other, there's always conflict between us.

But guess what? This person was a non-shipper. So you know what they said? "These people are so stupid and delulu to believe that so and so was in so and so's room!" Which I understand, that is delulu and far fetched, I'm sure you know the theory I'm talking about where I've decided to part from unless proven true because it's so crazy. But then they also said, "They are really stupid enough to think GCF Tokyo could be about Jimin and it's some romantic video for him."

And then they go on and on saying how it's so disrespectful, and we're disrespecting and disregarding the countless hours Jungkook put into his GCF, and they went "It's so stupid, they really think that certain lyrics could mean something! Can you believe these people?"

Holy shit let me break this down and tell us how we're elevating Jungkook's work, and respecting it so much by what we say.

First off, before I get into it, I wrote a lengthy comment (disclaimer I lied I don't respect this person they have given me no reason to respect them);

And if you see, I'm being very rational. Just a simple, "Hey, this isn't very kind, here's why, maybe consider looking at things again." And maybe since this is from myself I might be using a biased lens, but I think it was factual, unemotional, and kind for someone I was extremely angry at.

So let's talk about them making fun of us believing for what we do in GCF Tokyo.

First let's talk about what it is.

GCF Tokyo is a video Jungkook made, adding his own little name, Golden Closet Film, showing us a beautifully filmed and edited video, consisting of Tokyo and Jimin, from a trip the two took together.

Now let's talk about what we believe and why.

Well Jikook is real. Duh. But from the video we make these notes.

First off, the video is almost all Jimin. There is more Jimin than B-Roll. That alone is not enough for us to go "OMG JIKOOK ARE BOYFRIENDS ANYONE WHO SAYS DIFFERENT IS DISGUSTING AND DELULU AND IM NOT WRONG!" Like apparently the non-shippers see us as. But think about the song. Jungkook had to pay money for that song, that's how bad he wanted to use it. The song is about a gay couple, talking about how as long as you're here for me I'll be here for you too, I won't let you go, I'm running to keep my hands on you, I was so sad before I met you.

And then, as I mentioned in the comments, love is a road that goes both ways. At that exact time he showed two shots of a Farris Wheel, one white, one rainbow. What are we supposed to see that as except the minimal "I'm showing you all I support the LGBTQ+ community" if not, "I'm part of it." And if not that, "I'm part of it with my beautiful Jiminie." And that's our own thing, but to deny that being prominent is basically you waving the ole' "I'm homophobic and/or delulu, probably both" flag.

And if that doesn't satisfy you enough, looking up both "Jikook edits" and "Tokyo couple vlog" will give you GCF Tokyo. And I saw someone, and let me stress this is not a fact, it's delulu, I'm just saying this because GCF is coming up in this author's note, there are invisible tags people can put in their videos that won't show up publicly. Someone said Jungkook could've put something like "couple vlog" as a tag, just so it would show up. I want it to be true, I hope it's true, but let's look at the likelihood of that, not much.

So the simple facts, Jimin, gay song, rainbow wheel, the hours and hours Jungkook put into it.

And think about it. He also chose just Jimin to be the GCF to start it all. There's no other GCF of just one member, just Jimin. 

So see why that's not too terribly hard to think of as a possibility? Especially since Jikook are inseparable even when they're with all of BTS? They call us delulu but it's a belief. It's not like we're going around screaming Jikook is real, we're just saying, "Hmm, they kind of seem like they could be a couple. I believe that they are a couple."

And what does this say about the way we see Jungkook's work? We think he's so amazing that he pays such amazing attention to detail from the song to the b-roll to Jimin! It is not disrespecting him to say he's putting so much work and thought into the stuff he does! And isn't it suspicious that in the first three GCFs are overwhelmingly filled with Jimin? And when they were in Finland the staff asked why he filmed Jimin so much. If Jungkook was friends with all of them and loved them all equally in the exact same way, why would he film Jimin the most? That's all I'm saying and it seems pretty rational along the lines of thinking to members of a boyband could be dating.

And yet some people who just look at surface level ships before saying, "These people are all delusional and stupid ew." 

Why do they feel like they're so superior to us? What makes them go, "Oh because you believe this thing that hasn't been confirmed you're stupid and we're better than you because we believe BTS are all good straight friends that love each other." Like they all turn their noses up to us only to go read fics of Jungkook kidnapping y/n and forcing her to become his slave. 

What the hellllllllllll.

I just hate it so much, that's all I'm saying. Just respect we think differently than you, it's not hard, especially if a lot of us are being very respectful about it. 

Anyways.

I'm racking my brain trying to figure out what I was gonna talk about but I don't know. I'm pretty sure it was about Jikook. But I don't know.

I guess if I remember it I'll tell you, but for now, I did something~

You know I like crafts hopefully you know I like crafts lol. Anyways, I have something called a smash book. I got it when I was 11 I'm pretty sure, yeah that would make sense in 2015 I turned 11. Anyways, most of it is pretty cringy, like "I love My Little Pony and Warriors omg!" Like the warrior cats, I still love that series, I wish Erin Hunter would stop writing those books, they're older than I am and there's 88 or 89 books, and they're still coming! For my sake please stop so I can finally read them all in chronological order!

Anyways, I thought since it basically showed my childhood, I should add more so that I'll have it when I'm an adult and I'll see my entire teenage years in front of me. So I made pages for BTS ^^ nine to be exact. And I'd like to show them~

So here;

So those are all my individual ones, but I also did this;

Which is basically every single BTS ship pairing, there are twenty of them.

Except there's 21.

So where's the 21st?

I think you already know;

So how did I do? I labeled them too but you can't see them cuz my handwriting is tiny.

Oh I also did ATEEZ;

But they only got one page for the eight of them. 

I love doing stuff like this ^^ it's so amazing and calming and I have so many crafts I've done.

While we're looking at pictures, I finally found my ID card from my Freshman year and oh my God let me show you something-

I hid my school information and the barcode and whatever, but anyways. Look at how different I look! And I mean the first one is faded, but, I dunno just saturate it in your mind. Don't I look different?? I was not as cute a year ago as I thought I was poor girl! I dunno my eyes look kinda crazy in that one. In the second one I'm chewing gum tho lol, the guy took four different pictures of me cuz he wanted it to be perfect so like bless his heart. I'm aging like Jungkook thank God I hope I'm as hot as him by 23. 

Sorry I just wanted to point out how different I looked. Back then too I didn't get hundreds of views in 8 hours and at least 60 comments-

You guys are so amazing I had nowhere near as many friends than I do now! I love you all so so so so so much! 

Like you don't understand how happy you make me. I smile at you all daily, you guys are constantly in my thoughts. I have people thanking me for my stories and for helping them, or just being an inspiration which I don't think I deserve in the least bit but nonetheless I am so grateful for! You guys help me as much if not more than I do you guys! Because while all I'm doing is sharing a story I've written, or talking to you in the comments or in private messaging, you're going out of your way to give me love and I love you guys so much for it.

Thank you so much. Cannot put into words how happy you all make me feel.

Don't ever forget that. When you're having a hard time, remember I'm here, and if no one else loves you in this world that I do. And I will be here for you.

Wow I got sappy. Like I mean it but man I've been missing cheese lately so I guess I just projected it onto you guys. 

I'm not joking. My dad was going to a wine place to pick up some non-alcoholic beer, and I told him to get me cheese there. And there was none. Why wouldn't you have cheese with wine?? It made me so sad I just want some good cheeseeeeee.

But that's all for now.

I said just said it, but I'll say it again and forever, I love you guys.

I still haven't remembered that Jikook thing.

So sad, it's because I'm listening to a murder podcast.

-Mikayla