JJ woke up in the middle of the night to see that kie was no longer there. He got up and stumbled his way through the dark. He threw on an old hoodie and went outside.

It was early morning. The sky was still dark, but light enough for him to be able to see. Like a deep blue color. It was silent. The wind blowing calmly, the dew on the grass, the smell of nature. JJ loved the way the cool breeze felt as it flowed through his hair.

He spotted kie laying down on the hammock. Her hair lightly blowing in the wind as she gently swung back and forth.

"hey" JJ said as he slowly crept up to the hammock.

"hey" kie sighed, giving him a small smile as she scooted over.

JJ sat down, opposite of her and leaned back. they lay there in silence, listening to the peaceful sounds of the morning.

"JJ.. why didn't you ever tell me that you had panic attacks?" Kie asked, breaking the silence.

"Uhm" JJ said, pausing as he took a deep breath to think. "I don't really know.. it's just not something I really talk about, y'a know"

They sat in silence for a minute again.

"It was really scary." Kie said seriously. JJ didn't say anything back. He felt bad that she had to see him like that.

JJ paused, waiting in the silence again.

"What are we Kie?" He asked as he began to bite the inside of his cheek. He didn't want to ask but he had been dying to know.

Kie paused. She didn't know how to answer. She had no clue what they were.

"Uhm." She took a deep breath. "I don't know." She said while shaking her head. "It's complicated."

They were both unsatisfied with her answer, but that was the best she could do.

"Be my girlfriend." JJ said with a "why not" attitude after another moment of silence.

"What?" Kie asked, starring at him, confused. She slowly sat up and put her legs over the ground.

"Be my girlfriend." He said once again, confidently. A smile began to form on his face.

"JJ" Kie said hesitantly.

"Come on, I mean why not" JJ said, trying to convince her to say yes.

"JJ..." She said again as she stood up. "Look I have to go back home." She said slowly through a sigh.

"Kie-" JJ said, sitting up. His face looked confused. Why wouldn't she just give him an answer?

"I'll.. see you at the party" Kie said as she walked away to her car.

JJ had totally forgotten about the party. They got invited to Kies cousins extreme Kook party. He threw one every 6 months when his parents would be away in France. They were always a blast.

He couldn't even think about that right now. JJ scoffed as he laid back down. He thought everything was finally okay. He was kinda Annoyed at her indecisiveness.

Later in the morning, when everyone woke up, JJ walked back inside and sat on the couch. Sarah was the next to wake up. She walked into the kitchen and saw JJ on the couch. He looked sad.

She grabbed a granola bar out of the cabinet while suspiciously looking at JJ

"Where's Kie?" She asked while opening the wrapper.

"She had to go." JJ said passive aggressively as he fidgeted with his lighter.

"Did, something happen?" Sarah asked innocently as she walked over to the couch and sat down next to him.

JJ glanced at her, hesitating. He stopped messing with his lighter and paused, thinking if he actually wanted to tell her or not. JJ, for some reason felt comfortable talking to Sarah about his issues. She was a very good listener and never told anyone. Sarah was definitely the group therapist.

"Uhh... yea" JJ said slowly while turning to look at her. "I probably did something stupid."

"Ohh Noo, what did you do this time?" Sarah said, teasing him since He was known for going stupid things

JJ laughed and pauses.

"I told her to be my girlfriend." JJ said though a deep breath as he cringed at himself. 

"Oh." Sarah paused, not understanding what the issue was. "And?"

"And.." JJ began "she walked away." He confessed.

"What?" Sarah said, gossipy "she didn't say anything?"

"Nope.. she just" he paused. "Left."

Sarah sat there, shocked as she ripped parts of her granola bar off and slowly ate them. She was surprised to say the least.

"But last night-?" Sarah said, defending her confusion.

"I know." JJ said, tisking his lips and raising his eye brows. He shared her confused tone.

"Wow." Sarah said putting another piece in her mouth.

"Yea." JJ said agreeing. Occasionally glancing at Sarah and laughing through a smile seeing Her surprised face.

"I mean- are you even ready to have a girlfriend?" Sarah asked suspiciously.

"No" JJ admitted "but I hate whatever we're doing now. We act like we're together sometimes but then act like we're not other times and I just- I don't know."

"Thats just the beginning of all relationships" Sarah explained "it can get messy. I feel like you just need to slow down"

"I don't even know what I want anymore." JJ sighed, sinking into the couch.

They sat there in silence as Sarah processed the shock. They heard a door close and Pope walked into the living room.

"you get lucky last night J dog?" Pope teased while giving JJ the pouges handshake.

He laughed. "Yea that's not a thing anymore." JJ said.

"Uh-" sarah shrieked "no. JJ. that does not mean y'all aren't a thing anymore." She laughed at his oblivion.

"Okay then what does it mean, sarah?" JJ asked, kidding around but seriously wanted an answer.

"I don't know, but it doesn't mean that-.. what ever you guys had.. is over" she said, trying to convince him.

"I'm lost." Pope said, standing there with his eyes squinting.

JJ sighed "don't worry about it" he said while standing up and patting Pope on the shoulder.

Sarah laughed and watched him as he walked out the door, then finishing off her breakfast.

"Okay, what just happened?" Pope asked.

"Ohhh, JJs just having girl issues" Sarah laughed

JJ got outside and started smoking a blunt. The only girl issues he had ever had before was trying to figure out the names of his one night stands the morning after.

He started getting more and more pissed at Kie. He didn't understand why she wouldn't just give him an answer.

Once night came around, all the pogues headed to the party. It was crawling with kooks. The house was huge, and ofc.. had a koi pond.

John b, pope, and Sarah all road together while Kie and JJ took separate vehicles. JJ pulled up to the party on his dirt bike.

He wore a black leather jacket with a white shirt underneath it. He had on black jeans that were cuffed at the bottom and his usual boots, with a toothpick sticking out of his mouth and a black pair of sunglasses.

He walked into the party like a total douche bag. He was already high and went straight in to get a drink.

He met up with John b and Sarah who were already at the party.

"JJ.. what the hell are you wearing?" John b asked, disturbed.

JJ was about to come back with a cocky response, but spotted Kie talking to a group of people. 3 of them being guys.

His blood boiled and heart shattered. Is this why she wouldn't give him an answer. JJ began to kinda think that she was actually using him instead of it being the other way around.

He couldn't stop overthinking.

He watched as she got all giggly while directing her attention at one of the guys specifically. he watched in disgust. He wouldn't admit it, but he was extremely jealous.

He stopped and starred at Kie with jealousy and anger very visible on his face. Kie turned around as if she was almost waiting for JJ to arrive. They make eye contact from across the crowed.

He scowled at her until she looked away. He wanted to punch something so he wouldn't start crying. He continued to stare at her until she looked back over at him.

He quickly spotted a girl walking past him and introduced himself to her, while making sure Kie was watching. He looked back and saw Kie get confused and pissy. He saw her scoff and turn back around, continuing the conversation with the guy.

He looked away, trying to hide his pain and started following the girl. She was hot and blonde wearing a tiny red bikini. She led him seductively to the open bar. He followed slowly behind her, occasionally glancing over at Kie.

An hour into the party, JJ and the girl ended up on the porch hanging out with a bunch of her other kook friends around a table.

"Alright guys" one of the kooks say suspiciously after a while. "We ain't got no snitches here right?" He asked jokingly.

The whole group laughingly says no. JJ follows suit, trying to fit in while looking around. He didn't know what they meant by that. The guy then secretly pulls out a bag of coke and dumps it out onto the table.

JJ started getting anxious. He began looking for a way out of the situation. Addiction ran in his family. He knew he would be throwing his life away the second he took a bump. He looked around frantically, knowing that he fell into peer pressure easily.

"Come on slick, why do you look so nervous?" The blonde asked, her arm around his neck and hand on his chest.

He looked around trying to find an excuse to leave.

"Hey man, this ain't your first time, is it?" One of the guys asked, making fun of him.

"Nah nah" JJ said convincingly while shaking his head.

"Okay then" the guy said slowly, while dealing it with a card. He pushed a line to JJ on the table and handed him a rolled up dollar bill.

JJ sat there hesitantly. He leaned back with his arm around the blonde, while fidgeting with the dollar bill in his finger tips.

He paused for a moment, zoning out and thinking about how he was seconds away from ruining his life. He thought about how much he hated his dad, knowing that he would turn into him eventually if he did this.

He zoned back in and noticed the group starring at him like vaulters. Like they wanted to ruin him. He sat up straight, pausing every time he adjusted his body, his tongue fidgeting around in his mouth.

He starred cold and numb at the line of coke in front of him. He couldn't focus. He quickly looked up at the group and a light bulb went off in his head.

"Ayy don't make me go first pussys." He teases, hyping them up. They laugh and all start asking the guy who brought it for some, while placing money down on the table.

JJ could finally relax. He leaned back again and put his arm back around the blonde. faking a smile to her.

"JJ?!" He hears a familiar voice say as he turned his head and saw Kie. She looked devastated.

"Oh hey princess" he says, smirking and taking a sip of his drink. "Nice of you too join us." He pulled the blonde closer into him and smiled passive aggressively.

Kie paused, starring at JJ so disappointed that she looked like she was about to cry. She shook her head and turned around and started walking quickly away from him .

"Okay Kie- chill out" He said, not actually wanting her to leave.

"Kie!" JJ hollered as he got serious. He realized she wasn't going to come back, and quickly got up to follow her into the house. leaving the blonde who didn't even notice because she was so wasted.

She shut the door on his face, and charged upstairs to get away from him.

"Kie!" He said again, following her up the stairs. His loud voice echoed through the giant house.

"Go away JJ!" She yelled back finally as she ran into one of the guest bedrooms, slamming the door in his face again.

He quickly opened the door, rolling his eyes and followed her into the room.

"JJ. what the fuck!" Kie yelled, turning around to face him. "I can't take this anymore!"

"Can't take what?!" he yelled back

"THIS!" Kie yelled, frustrated. "This constant back and forth. I mean one minute you're kissing me at parties, and the next minute you're mad at me! And-"

"I'm not mAd at you" JJ defended himself

"Oh so that slutty blonde chick was just what?! What... your FRIEND?!" Kie yelled sarcastically. 

"What? You jealous" JJ shot back, being cocky.

"Jealous!?" Kie yelled "why the fuck. would I be jealous of you throwing your life away!"

"Oh yea, cuz you know me kiara, I was totally doing coke!" JJ yelled, still being sarcastic. "better watch out princess or I'll corrupt you too! and soon you'll end up being a DRUGGY JUST LIKE ME!" He yelled, passive aggressively mocking her mom.

"What?!" Kie yelled, bothered that he even brought that back up.

"I mean be honest Kie. You know she was right!" He yelled, his voice getting scratchy. "I'm not good for you. I know it and you know it." He said firmly while his face dropped, looking sad. "That's why you couldn't give me an answer this morning."

"is that was this is seriously all about?!" Kie sighed. "You put yourself in that STUPID situation, because I wouldn't say I would be your girlfriend!?"

"NO Kie, I put myself in that stupid situation, because I saw you talking to that fucking KOOK!" He shouted, while pointing his arm out. "Like we were nothing! Like- like all of this BULLSHIT that we've been through was nothing!"

"Oh so now you're jealous!" Kie yelled, mocking his earlier accusation.

"YES KIE. maybe I AM jealous!" He yelled, admittingly. "But imagine how it made me feel, seeing the girl I love FLIRTING WITH SOME OTHER GUY!!" He yelled. His hair shaking and falling into his face as he got more mad.

"JJ I WASNT FLir-" Kie paused in her tracks and looked at him. "The girl you what.." she said quietly.

"LOVE. KIE." He yelled "the girl I love!!" He paused, looking at her, making sure she understood. "IM IN LOVE WITH YOU."

[ there's part 4. Sorry for the cliff hanger. I promise I'll have part 5 up soon. Please give me any feedback you may have. Thanks for reading <3]