I'm sorry!
Believe me I wanted to publish this two days ago but couldn't find the time to finish up the chapter.
Here's chapter 50!
Someone said she's about to die, biko no dying please. Before they ask reason for dead and you'd say Maymunatu's novel; Jewels😂 tohm, I've said my own.

Jummu'a Mubarak✨🌹

Ignore the typos🙂

JAWAHIR

The rain, oblivious to the life it gives, drops steady and soft from a sky of white velvet. The sweet drops quench the soil, the grass becomes glossy, reflecting the light, a new bright glow to their wands, softly swaying in breeze. Crystal clear water drops on my skin, small pellets of it spitting on my hand as the rest join their brethren on the ground.

I so badly want to stand in the middle of the rain, the rain brings a freshness, each drop a heaven-given gift for each creation. I want to raise my head towards the sky, feel the water as it washes away my pain and sorrow. I want to see the droplets soaking my eyelashes like saltless teardrops.

Out of no where, a blanket was wrapped around my shoulders. Startled, I tore my gaze away from the field and turned around to see my stepmom. "You'll catch a cold." She scolded lovingly.

"Thank you Mama," I wrapped the blanket tighter around me. After that she didn't speak, just sat down and gazed at the field as the rain drops continuously. The pitter patter of the rain a background noise as it knocks on the door, roof, ground and window panes.

"What are you doing out here alone?"

Releasing a small sigh, I replied. "To feel some fresh air and I needed some alone time to myself."

Mama placed her hands on my knees, stroking the place in a comforting manner. "Your husband is here...."she informed. Against my will, the rhythm of my heartbeat changed. Aayan. "Send him here Mama."

"Okay," she stood up and left. Less than a minute later, I heard him walk in. I didn't turn. Aayan cupped my cheeks and kissed my temple before sitting down. I didn't protest, even if I do he's not going to listen. Believe me I've tried and I got tired.

Aayan has been weirdly romantic and affectionate for the past two weeks, ever since he came that day and I asked him to leave. When he returned, which was four days later, he came with a brand new iPhone for me, the latest one, I cannot remember the name.

He makes sure to check on me and during the days he wasn't able to visit, I wake up with a long loving good morning text and go to bed with a goodnight one, which is always but on those days they are particularly more tender and affectionate. One thing for sure is that they all end with the same sentence.

I love you and I'm sorry❤️

I cannot deny it anymore, he has started tearing down the wall I've built around myself, slowly.

If only you'd let him explain.

"How are you feeling?" he asked breaking me out of my reverie. "I'm fine," I replied but I could feel his burning gaze on me, my whole body lit up, my cheeks flushing. "well apart from the dull ache in my ribs and I get a migraine every now and then," I explained further, still he didn't stop looking at me, hell bend on tapping all the information out of me. "And the leg?"

I sighed. "It itches sometimes."

"Should we go to the hospital or should I call the doctor?" Aayan fretted. I shook my head, the only time I'll be returning to that hospital is when I'm getting this braces and cast removed. My gaze is still on the field where the rain is still falling, I haven't looked at him since he came in.

"Jawahir?" He called in an ardent tone, I couldn't help but turn to look at him. My gaze immediately clashed with his, his orbs are smoldering. The intensity in them became too much for me so I diverted my gaze. "Tesoro," he called again in the same tone, I shut my lids.

"Na'am; yes?"

"Anzur 'iilaya; look at me," he whispered. "please," he added.

I sucked in a deep breath and released it slowly before turning my head to look at him again. The same intensity in his gaze is still present if not more. Aayan shifted and took a hold of my hands, my sweaty palms. The pace of my heartbeat became even more erratic.

"My love for you," he started in an alluring voice. "is not like the rain, which comes and go away but like the sky, it moves with you all around."

I didn't know when a small chuckle escaped, Aayan grinned looking pleased. "How long did it take you to come up with that?" Aayan scratched his forehead in a sheepish manner. "I saw it on Pinterest," he admitted. I breathed a laugh.

Aayan stood up from his seat and kneeled in front of me, holding both of my hands tightly. "Habibty, I said somethings that I can't take back and all I can think about, is rewinding the clock to that moment just before my stupidity took over. I made a mistake, now I'm living with the consequences. I regret it, I really do. I'm so sorry." For some reason I didn't like the way he's speaking. "Stop," I said quietly.

Aayan kept quiet, waiting for me to continue. "I thought about it, I've been thinking. I don't want you apologizing anymore. To err is human and to forgive is divine, I want to forgive you Aayan, I really want to and believe me I'm trying, I'm just not there yet."

I'm not ready to listen, I'm sorry but I'm scared.

Aayan stretched his hand to cup both of my cheeks, he leaned forward and joined our foreheads together. "I understand Tesoro, I do. You can take as much time as you need, I'll be here." Aayan leaned in to kiss me but I looked away and his lips landed on my cheeks instead. He sighed, his breath caressing my cheeks and the side of lips.

"I think we should go inside," I mumbled. Aayan pulled away and raised to his feet, I looked up to see him trying to conceal a smile. "Hayya; let's go." He walked behind and turned me around before he started pushing me inside, he stopped in the living room where Suhayl is watching SuperSport3. My married sisters have left a week ago, the house feels a bit empty with Ya Nana's kids gone.

My husband and brother greeted each other with their bro hug kind of thing, they sat down to watch the match highlights, imputing their opinions every now and then. Not really interested in what they're doing, I wheeled myself back to my room.

I suddenly have the urge to pee. Why now? I mentally cried, Mammie isn't home to help me, neither is Mama, as Suhayl informed me earlier and the maids have retired to their quarters. And I definitely can't wheel myself inside, believe me I tried once and I ended up on the floor. I received the scolding of my life from both of my mothers.

So what are you going to do now Jawahir?

My subconscious mind mocked. I released a heavy breath, isn't it obvious? Ya Allah! Choose one Jaw, it's either you pee here right where you're sitting or call your husband to help you.

With no other choice, I grabbed my phone and typed a message before hitting the send button.

Can you come in please?

Less than a minute later Aayan walked in looking panicked. "What's wrong Tesoro? Are you okay? What's hurting?" He questioned frantically, squatting in front of me, his eyes searching for any sign of discomfort.

"Relax, I'm okay. I just.." I paused. "I need your help."

"I'm listening," he urged.

"I need to use the washroom," I quickly said, closing my eyes. This is so demeaning, I can't even—

"Hey," he placed his hand on my cheeks and I involuntarily flinched. I opened my eyes and Aayan was frowning, clenching his fist. "Can you help me walk to the loo please." I requested in a small voice.

"Okay," Aayan nodded, raising to his full height. Instead of helping me stand up, he swept up into his arms. "Aayan," I shrieked, my hands automatically wrapped theirselves around his neck. We found ourselves in a staring contest, like always, I looked away first, feeling uncomfortable. He dropped me carefully on the toilet seat before closing the door behind, asking me to notify him when I'm done.

Ya Allah! I hastily did what I'm supposed to do then cleared my throat to notify him I'm done. Allah, this is so embarrassing. Aayan wordlessly picked me up again, ambulating inside before carefully placing me on the bed. He made sure that I was comfortable before taking a seat, not before kissing me on the forehead.

The atmosphere became tense and awkward, all I could hear was the beating of my heart. Aayan hasn't said a word, he's just staring at me which is very uncomfortable.

"I'll be leaving now," he informed after a while. Don't go. I wanted to say but instead said. "Safe journey."

Aayan smiled tightly. "Take care of yourself for me," he pecked my forehead tenderly. "I love you." He pecked both of my cheeks one last time before leaving.

****

My phone pinged, I picked it up to see a message from a new number.

Hello love, it's Jahara. I lost my phone, I had to buy a new sim. How are you? I'm so sorry for not coming to visit in a while, wallah school has been so hectic. I hope you're feeling better now.

I smiled to myself. The girls are writing their first semester examinations so they are very busy, they were only able to visit me twice ever since I returned home.

I quickly saved the phone number before typing my reply.

Jahan Ara! I'm fine Alhamdulillah, everything is healing smoothly. How are the exams? Khair I hope, I wish you all the best, Allah bada sa'a.

I added Jahara's new phone number in our group chat then removed the old one, I even blocked the contact on my phone. We don't know in who's hands the phone will end up in.

A: Jahara idiot, no wonder I've been trying to contact you but it wasn't going through🤦🏻‍♀️

J: Kawar idiot; idiot's friend.

N: Hello sisters❤️ Jawjaw, how are you feeling now?

Jaw: Hey Beela, I'm fine Alhamdulillah.

K: IT'S OFFICIAL! I HATE SCHOOL😤🤬😡😩😭😭😭😭😂 Assalamu alaikum.

A: 🤣 Are you just realizing that now? I've hated school since I was in Nursery. Wa'alaikis salam.

K: Wallahi I cannot comman kee myself😩☹️

N: Kausar🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ you too like complain. Abeg sharrap!

J: Kausar is the laziest person I know.

K: 😩😩 Zawjatu Akhi! You see them koh😭

Jaw: Hey! Leave my sister in law alone.

The girls and I bantered, it was so refreshing. I love it and I miss them, this makes me miss my secondary school days. I dropped the phone after we agreed on them visiting me during the weekend.

My phone dinged again, I picked it up.

Aayan.

No matter how many times I try scolding my heart not to beat faster at the mention of him, my heart never listens. With sudden sweaty palms and irregular breathing, I picked up the phone.

I want to walk this journey of life with you. I know it won't be only happy moments and red roses all the time, there will be days where we'd feel like giving up, I'd be there. Whatever it'll be, at the end It'll you and me, strong as ever. Instead of burdening it all on you, I want to hold you close and tight during your weak days. I want to be your support system. No matter what, I'll stay, even if you don't want me to. Through thick and thin, in sickness and in health, I will stay. Throughout this journey, I'd be by your side. It'll be tough but it'll be worth everything and more. I got you, you got me. 

'Ahbak kthyraan❤️🔐

I love you so much

My eyelids fluttered close on their own accord. A new message came in right after.

Ana asif, it hurts so much Tesoro. It hurts to know that I'm the reason behind your pain, when I'm suppose to shield you away from it. It hurts so bad whenever I look into your eyes and see the darkness brewed deep within, eyes that used to be filled with so much warmth, love and life.... I extinguished that, myself. I'm beyond disappointed in myself, I can only imagine how you'd be feeling. But I want to make it better, please let me make it better. Let me give you all the happiness you deserve. I don't want give you false hope by saying I won't mess up and hurt you again because that'll be a lie, I'm human after all. By Allah, I miss you so much, so much, it hurts. I miss waking up next to you. I miss the way you play with my hair. I miss watching as you move around the kitchen like it was made only for you. I miss your mouthwatering food. I miss the way you bite your lower lips in concentration. I miss the way you flush and get all shy when I stare at you or compliment you. I miss your hair, I miss tangling my fingers in it. I miss the way your eyes light up whenever you ace a new recipe. I miss our daily session of Food Network and all other related channels. I can spend the whole day mentioning the things I miss about you. You know I love you right Jawahir? Don't you ever forget that.

It was only when I saw the drops of water on my phone screen did I realize that I was crying. If I'm honest with myself, I miss him, so much. I have no idea what to do. I dialed Ya Nana's phone number, she picked up after the fifth ring.

"Hey Jaw?"

"Ya Nanah,"

"How are you Jawahir? How's your body?"

"I'm getting better Alhamdulillah." I kept quiet not knowing what to say. "Is there something you want to tell me Jawahir?"

I started crying, ya Allah. It's like a lever has been flickered, all the emotions I've been trying to tamp down came back rushing at the same time. All the pain, anger, sadness, disappointment, everything. Ya Nana listened as I let it all out, soothing me with her words every now and then.

"Tell me what happened Jaw?"

I briefly explained as subtle as I can, omitting many things. I don't want my sister disliking my husband.

"Jawahir, all the happy couples you see out there fights, there are no couples out there that never had some sort of misunderstanding but what matters is how you resolve the conflicts. A happy marriage is about three things: memories of togetherness, forgiveness of mistakes and a promise to never give up on each other.

Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Remember when you forgive, you heal. When you forgive someone that hurt you, what you are actually doing is accessing the wisdom inside of your anger, integrating that wisdom into your life, then choosing to let the anger go. Forgiveness will have a ripple effect in all of your relationship. You'll have find it easier to set boundaries and to do so with love and compassion.

Nobody is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes in life, but it doesn't mean they have to pay for it for the rest of their lives. Sometimes good people make bad choices. It doesn't mean they are bad. It means they are human. We all mistakes, don't let that be the reason you give up on somebody.

Mammie once told me 'when you and him are fighting, you both need to remember that it's you two vs the problem, not you vs him.'And Jawahir that hit me hard. Relationship last not only because they were destined to last but also because two people made a choice to keep it, fight for it and work for it.

Communicate Jawahir, communication in a relationship is very important. Communication to a relationship is like oxygen to life. Without it...it dies. Lack of communication ruins everything because instead of knowing how the other person is feeling we assume. Communicate even when it's uncomfortable or uneasy. One of the best way to heal is simply getting everything out.

Jawahir are you listening?"

I sucked in a deep breath and croaked out a small yes.

"When communication starts to fade, everything else follows. Communication, compromise and consistency are needed in all relationships, not just romantic ones. Baby sis, I can't tell you what to do, I can only advice you. But I believe you already know the right thing to do. Your relationship should be like Tom and Jerry. No matter how many times you fight, you will never be apart."

I let out a small chuckle at the last statement. "Ya Nanah th—

"—you don't have to thank me Jawahir. I'm so happy you decided to speak up about it, Jaw if you never let us know what's wrong with you there's no way we'll help. Take care of yourself."

"I love you." I said, hoping she can hear the sincerity in my voice.

"I know and I love you too. Aayan does too, that I'm very sure of."

"What?" I said, dumbfounded.

"Believe me everyone sees it, his eyes say it all. When you were..." she paused. "when you were in the hospital, you should have seen him. He was so pale and wasn't eating properly, he didn't leave your side till Ammiey practically forced him to. Aayan loves you a lot Jawahir, don't you ever forget that."

I had nothing to say. Ya Nanah cut the call when I didn't make any sound. I can faintly recall whatever happened when I was in coma. I can faintly recall him holding my hands, caressing my cheeks, declaring his love and desperately asking me to wake up.

I can remember everything now.

I've made my decision.

***

Later that day, I was surfing through the net on my phone when the door was pushed open and my father walked in.

"Abu," I squealed, I haven't seen him in a week. He traveled. My father smiled softly at me before ambulating inside the room. I spread my arms, indicating I want a hug. Abu is a tough soldier but believe me, he's a softy deep down. My father embraced me and a sense of security washed over me, I felt safe.

He kissed the top of my head, then sat down at the foot of the bed. "How are you feeling Jawahir?"

"I'm feeling alright Abu, I just can't wait to get the cast removed." I replied with a smile.

My father and I chatted for a while before he said he wants me in the living room now. Curious as to why the conversation diverted to that, I requested he place me on my chair. He did just that and pushed me to the living room.

There I met my mothers, and Aayan. Aayan? What is he doing here?

Mammie stood up to push me instead but Abu stopped her, saying it's okay, he'll do it. He sat down on a single chair and I was beside him. Aayan's sitting down on the rug even tho Mama kept insisting he takes a sit.

"Why I called you all here is to inform you that Jawahir will be going back to her husband's house today." Abu stated in a plain voice.

"What?" A voice exclaimed, which wasn't mine. It was Ya Akram. When did he return? "Abu we agreed till she recovers completely," he argued, walking into the living room.

"And now she isn't? All that's left to do is getting the cast and brace removed in a week time. She has been at home for a long while now, it's time she goes back to her own house and continue building up her home."

"Abu he lef—"

"Akram," Abu cut him off in a stern voice. "My decision is final." All this while, I and the rest of the people in the living room are just mere audience. Nobody said a word.

It was Mammie that broke the silence first. "Your father is right Jawahir."

Ya Akram left the living room.

Mammie and Mama did their usual nasiha, with Abu adding on what they're saying every now and then. I still haven't said anything, I don't know what to say.

"In sha Allah, I'll return later today then we'd leave together." Aayan's statement brought me out of my reverie.

"No," Abu said. "You can leave now, there's nothing left to do I believe. Let's go and pray then you'd leave." The men stood up to go to the masjid.

"Jawahir?" Mammie called. The water works began. "Mammie I don't want to go back." I wailed. Mama glared at me and Mammie just shook her head. They wheeled me inside, Mama helped me perform ablution while Mammie started packing my clothes.

After I prayed and everything has been packed, Suhayl peeked in to inform us that Aayan is back. The water works began all over again. By Allah, I don't want to leave. Nai'a, Affan and the twins bade me goodbye. Ya Akram didn't come out.

"Abu," I sniveled holiday his hands. It feels like the first time I left. Abu patted my head lovingly. "Allah maki abarka; God bless you," he turned to Aayan. "Aayan please take care of my daughter."

"In sha Allah Abu, I promise." He vowed.

I was placed in the car and we drove out of my parents house. I let out another cry. What is wrong with me?

"Tesoro min fadlik tawaquf ean alsiyah; please stop crying," he pleaded. "what do you want me to do?"

"Take me back," I sniveled. I heard him smile. "I can't do that love, don't you want to be with me anymore?"

I pouted and turned my head, looking outside. Aayan slipped his fingers into mine and interlaced them together, he held our entwined hands to his mouth and softly placed his lips on the back of my hand before placing our hands on his laps. I turned to look at him.

"You have no idea how much it hurts to see those tears falling from your eyes, tell what to do to make it better please Jawahir."

I just sniffed. He tightened the hold of our hands, he raised our hands and placed it on his chest, where his heart is thumping loudly. "Please."

I used my other hands to wipe my tears, I myself don't know why on earth I'm crying.

"I don't know if I'm the one you deserve. I don't know if I will be able to keep you happy and smiling always but I promise I'd die trying. I don't know if I'm capable to be a part of you or not. All I know is that every time I raise my hands in front of Him, I beg Him to give me the strength to keep you happy, to keep you safe and content. I love everything about you, the way you are, the color of your eyes, everything. You are someone I fear losing, someone I love, with the whole of me."

Ya Allah! Next time before he starts speaking like this he should at least give me a warning. Does he want to undergo cardiac arrest.

Aayan turned around and smiled, mouthing I love you.

I looked deeply into his eyes, then I genuinely smiled.

Sigh😍😍😍😍

I'm not feeling to well, so I don't have anything to say. I hope you loved the chapter. I'm sorry for the late update, school.

Jewels have hit 100,000+ reads😩😭 I don't have the words to thank you guys anymore. Just know I love you all Fi Sabillillah❤️❤️🥀

You guys, look at what batooul made😩✨❤️ I love the second one more😌🤗 @batooul_tj thank you babes❤️