Because I'm feeling very generous😌😁

JAWAHIR

"Aayan?" Ammiey gasped. Aayan shook his head at his mother. He kept panting like he ran a marathon.

He shifted his gaze to me. My heart feels like it's about to come out from my throat. His gaze was so intense I could feel it prickling my skin. He marched towards me like a predator will to it's prey.

"Tesoro," he breathed huskily. I clenched my eyes shut, I could feel the echo of his voice deep within me. "Jawahir," he breathed again.

I've always wondered how I'll react the day he returns. Will I be the vulnerable type and throw myself at him? Will I yell, shout? Will I throw things?

I found myself doing none, I became completely numb.

Aayan hesitatingly raised his palms to cup my face. He joined our foreheads together still breathing deeply. "Tesoro, Tesoro......." he kept chanting like a mantra.

He leaned down to place his lips on mine, it's at that moment my senses came back and I pushed him away without a second thought.

HOW DARE HE?!

I don't and can't love you, ever!!! You are a liability forced upon me, I will never love you!

I took pity on you!

I didn't ask you to mix your emotions in this, you cannot blame me!

YES! My plan was to blissfully ignore everything, I never asked you to involve your feelings!

—was a mistake! It meant nothing—

Everything came rushing back with full force, the hurtful words, the heartbreak, the tears, the pain, everything.

"No, no, Jawahir don't, wait! JAWAHIR!" He yelled but I was long gone. Two drops of tears escaped my eyes. I angrily wiped them.

You will not shed a single tear, you've cried enough. You're not weak, you're strong! You will NOT cry.

"Jawahir wait, please wait."

All eyes were on me when I went down. "Jawahir!" Aayan yelled and their attention shifted to him.

Aayan came to stand beside me.

Ammiey was the one to first break the silence. "I think it's best if you go home."

No please!

I wanted to yell but it's like I lost my voice.

"But Ammiey," Kulthum objected.

"No Kulthum, they should leave."

"But space is what she needs. He should be the one to leave." She argued further, glaring at her brother.

"I said NO Kulthum." Ammiey snapped. "The driver is waiting for you."

"No I'll drop her, he should leave with the driver." Kulthum said. She dragged me by the arm, I don't know what to do or what to feel. I'm so confused.

Kulthum opened the door for me and made me enter before doing the same. We drove to our destination in absolute silence.

We arrived the same time as them. Kulthum walked me inside. "I know you don't want to speak or even see him right now, just close yourself in your room. Tomorrow when your heart calms down then you talk, okay?" I nodded wordlessly. She said goodnight and left.

Just being in this house makes me angry, knowing that he's here with me makes me furious. My hand was held as I was climbing the stairs. "Habibty,"

I shrugged off my hands angrily, I turned around to glare at him. The fury came flowing with full force. "Don't you dare touch me."

"Jawahir—

"—don't even say my name. Just what do you think of yourself Aayan Abbas Abdullah? Huh? Tell me!" I asked with so much anger. "You think you can just saunter back and expect everything to be okay? To be the same?!"

"Jawahir...

"Tell me why are you back? Why did you come back? Go back to where you came from you're not needed here!"

"Let me explain—

I cut him off again. "Explain?" I laughed sarcastically. "Explain you said? Nobody asked for it. What was it you said?

Ehen! You took pity on me? I'm a liability to you? You can't love me? Isn't that what you said? I don't see why you'll want to explain yourself to a liability, to the person you took pity on. You know what?! It would have been better if I had married Magaji—

"JAWAHIR!!!!" Aayan roared. "I don't want to hear you say that ever again, DO YOU HEAR ME?!"

"Why shouldn't I?" I equally shout back. "Because with him, I know what kind of a man he is, I know what to expect. I wouldn't have set my expectations high but you...you. You're worse than him. You're a chameleon, I was very cautious, afraid to let go. But you did what you did and I became relaxed, I became free thinking that you'll catch me but you pulled away at die minute and reality crashed on me, hard.

If you think about it, it's my fault. For thinking you're different, for assuming you're what you appeared to be. You were one person I thought who could never hurt me, guess I was wrong."

"I feel so ashamed that I showed my worst side to the best thing that has ever happened to me, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry baby, I'm so very sorry." He looked down his face displaying regret.

"You know what Aayan?" I looked up to stop the tears from falling. "I might not be worthy of somethings in this world but I know for a fact that I deserve a husband that'll love and cherish me here and in Jannah in sha Allah, I know I deserve to be loved. If you cannot offer me that then let me find it somewhere el—

"—I love you." He whispered in a dejected voice but I heard him loud and clear. "so much it hurts."

Everything halted, my heart, my breathing even the air around me stopped blowing.

Three months ago I would have been on cloud nine if he said what he said but now I detest those words, I never want to hear them again.

"Don't," I smiled painfully. "Do not say what you don't mean."

He carefully but confidently stalked towards me. "I mean it baby, I've never been so sure of myself like I am now. Ana ohbuki,"

I kept shaking my head. "La; don't."

"I love you."

"I said stop, don't come near me!"

"Tesoro Ana ohbuki."

I used my palms to close my ears. I don't want to hear anything. He's lying. "'Ant takdhib; you're lying." I whispered brokenly.

"I am no—

"I SAID YOU'RE LYING! STOP LYING TO ME!" I got hysterical.

"Calm down—

"Don't you dare tell me to calm down, I'm very calm. Stay where you are don't come near me." I shouted. "ITARAKNI WAHDIY; LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"Okay, okay," he raised his hand up in surrender. "I'll leave you alone, for now. I'm sorry and I love you." He quietly walked into the guest room downstairs.

I slipped down to the floor and let out a heart wrenching cry, hugging myself. Ya Allah make me strong.

I sat down there for good thirty minutes before abruptly standing up. I can't stay here with him, I won't stay here. I snatched the car keys and went to my room upstairs. I waited until he left for the masjid, I left without a destination in mind and the sun has already fallen.

I was driving when I suddenly received a message. The message was sent five days ago but because I didn't on my data ever since I'm receiving it now.

It's the same number that has been sending threats. I opened the message whilst driving, it was a picture.

No way! What in the name of Allah?!

AAYAN

I left Jawahir alone not because I wanted to but because space is what she needs, like Kulthum said.

I know I shouldn't have said anything when we returned home but I needed her to know that I love her, she's the best thing that has ever happened to me. But it's going to take a long time to convince her because I messed up badly and I hate myself for that.

I made her feel like she's not worthy of love, I'll regret that for the rest of my life. I was so blinded with anger and fear that night that I spewed out nonsense. She wished she had married that drunkard instead of me.

I messed up really bad.

Only if there's a way to turn back time I'd have done that in a minute, to take back all the pain I caused her, all the tears she shed because of me.

I was supposed to protect her, she has been through enough.

It's all over now Alhamdulillah. Everything is going to be fine, in sha Allah.

I came out of the shower but I didn't have any clothes with me. I know she doesn't want to see my face so I put on the ones I removed. I quietly went to the kitchen to get water, Jawahir is no where to be found. She must be in her room, I concluded.

The fridge looks lifeless. There's nothing inside except few bottles of water and a few drinks, it clearly shows that she hasn't been in the house for a long time. You'd always find at least a piece of cake or a box of chocolate and cupcakes in the fridge, always.

I picked a bottle and a tumbler before I ambulated to the dining room. I was hit with a strong force of the words I said to my wife. Ya Rabbi! The cake she made with so much love and affection.....

I can't stay here, I walked to the backyard till it was time for salatul maghrib. I went to the masjid and stayed there till it was time for isha.

When I returned home it was still eerily quiet, it feels empty. "Jawahir?" I called, as I expected she didn't answer. I sighed and sat down but I couldn't help but feel restless, it feels like something is wrong.

"Jawahir?" I called again. The silence began to scare me, I raced upstairs. I barged into her room, nothing. Bathroom, nothing.

I checked all the rooms upstairs, nothing. Okay now I'm really scared. I checked the rooms downstairs, the same thing. I checked the whole damn house and she's nowhere to be found. Curse this big house.

I rushed outside to ask if anybody saw her leaving.

"Yes sir, she left after you went to the mosque."

Shit! I cursed inside my head. Where could she be? Home? Who do I call? What do I say? Think Aayan, think!

I dialed Suhayla's number.

"Assalamu alaikum Ya Aayan?"

"Wa'alaikis salam Suhayla, how are you?"

"I'm fine Alhamdulillah, are you back? Jaw will be sooo happy. She's at your family house."

She's not there. Suhayla sounds okay, she's obviously not faking the excitement of her sister's useless husband finally coming back.

"Okay thank you Suhayla, eid Mubarak."

"Eid Mubarak." And the line went dead.

Could she have gone back to the mansion?

Now how do I start calling them? I called Kulthum.

"What do you want?"

"I know you're mad and rightfully so. Is Jawahir there?"

"What kind of stupid question is that Aayan? What do you mean is Jawahir here? I literally just dropped her off at your house."

"I can't find her."

"Inna lillahi wa inna lillahi raji'un." She gasped in horrification. "What are you saying Aayan? Are you sure? I told her to close herself so she wouldn't spe— wait did speak to her Aayan?"

"I had to Kulthum." I whispered.

"I thought I told you to give her space, didn't you see the look on her face Aayan? Why? Whatever happens you compelled her to take this drastic measure, if you had just let her cool down." She snapped in a furious tone. "I'll ask Kausar to call their friends and find out if she's with them. I pray nothing happens to her." She whispered the last sentence to herself.

Please be okay Tesoro, please.

I kept pacing back and forth waiting for my elder sister's call. Common Kulthum, what's taking you long?

The phone rang and I sprang up. "Yes? Is she there?"

Kulthum released a heavy breath. "No Aayan, she's not there."

Ya Allah! I racked my fingers through my bushy hair. Kulthum was speaking but I couldn't even hear her.

"Aayan?!"

"Huh? What?"

"I said we should inform the elders, they'll know what to do."

"They'll be no need for that. I'll find my wife myself."

Kulthum hissed. "It's not the time to show your bravery or whatever please. What matters the most is where Jawahir could be, the world is no longer safe."

"I know that Kulthum, I'll inform them. Can you inform Baba and Ammiey I'll take care of the rest."

"Okay fine," she sighed. "Be careful please."

I rang Uthman next. "I cannot find my wife."

"What? What do you mean you can't find your wife? Is she an object you misplaced?"

"Uthman I'm serious, I just returned from the masjid and she's not here. I've called every place I know she might go to, nothing."

"What did you do? Did you act irrational again?" He sighed in exasperation.

I briefly explained the situation to him.

"When will you stop being irrational huh Aayan? Three months? Are you stupid?! All these while you didn't....and upon all that you left on a very bad note, you could have calmed down the storm you started before leaving. Sometimes you act as if you've never entered a class, even an illiterate knows to never say that to his wife, especially when he knows she's very delicate. What the hell Aayan?!"

Releasing a sigh, I wiped my face using my palms. "I know I messed up and you can scold me however you like just not now, I need to find my wife and make sure she's save. I'll start looking around, you do the same please."

"We will find her in sha Allah."

"Uthman what if...."

"No! Don't even go there, nothing like that will happen. It's over remember?"

"Yeah." He promised to keep me updated and we ended the call.

I hoped onto my car and zoomed off. I went to every single place I could think of but she's not there. Parks, bakeries, restaurants, I even went to the orphanage but she isn't there. Yeah, I know about the orphanage.

It's already 10 o'clock now, I've been roaming round Abuja for almost three hours. I've always wanted to explore the city but not this way, not when I don't how my life is doing, is she okay?

I tried calling her phone one more time, it rang and rang still she didn't pick up. Dammit Jawahir, where are you baby?

My phone rang and it was Mammie calling. Ya Allah! I forgot to inform her parents. Stupid Aayan, so stupid of you.

"Aayan any news?" She asked in a broken voice.

"I'm sorry Mammie," I whispered, disappointed with myself. "Ya Allah, my daughter. Where could she be?" Mammie sobbed. I clenched my eyes shut, I could feel her sobs breaking my heart further more.

"Hello Aayan it's Yusuf."

"Yes," I croaked.

"You should come here, everyone is here, your family included."

"Okay," I disconnected the call and turned around. I arrived at my in laws in a short amount of time because I was already around the area.

I entered the house with a heavy heart. If they ask, how will I start telling them I hurt their daughter's feelings so bad that she felt the need to leave. Ya Allah.

"Assalamu alaikum." I announced my presence. The faces in the room looks so dull and gloomy. My family with the exception of Kulthum and Amal are all here.

Abu is on a call, pacing up and down. Mammie is sitting down on the floor hugging her knees with tears streaming down her face, Ammiey is consoling her even though her face is also red from crying.

Yusuf walked to where I was standing by the door. "Anything?"

"La; no." I shook my head.

I took a seat beside Suhayl, we just shook hands nothing was said. Affan quietly sat himself down on my laps, he wrapped his arms around my neck. "Ya Aayan?"

"Yes champ?"

"Ya Jawjaw. She'll be okay right? She's okay right? Everyone is crying, why? Is she dead?"

I clenched my eyes shut tightly. Putting on a brave face, I smiled. "Of course she'll be okay in sha Allah. Just pray for her okay?"

He nodded and ran to his room to pray. The door was suddenly pushed open in a rough manner. "Where is he? He must answer me!" A gruff voice yelled.

My back was backing the door so I couldn't see who it was, I turned my body a bit to see who it was and a punch was landed squarely on my jaw. I fell back because of the force used to deliver the blow.

"Ya salam!" The ladies shrieked. "Akram what's wrong with you?" Mammie yelled.

Yusuf helped me stand up, I massaged my jaw. I can feel it bruising. "Akram what's this nonsense?" Abu yelled in a stern voice.

"He must answer me this instant, where the hell is my sister? Huh?! Where is she? What did you do to her?" Akram looks very furious, his  veins are very prominent.

"Akram have you forgotten she's his wife? He's also worried."

"I know that Yusuf, that's why I'm asking because I know for a fact that Jawahir wouldn't leave just like that, he must have done something. Tell me what did you do?!"

I just stood there, feeling guilty.

"Akra—

"NO YUSUF! Let me speak. I know my sister and I know she wouldn't leave just like that. He must have done something so grave that she felt suffocated, she felt choked up that she took this drastic step and left. He suffocated her, TELL ME WHAT YOU DID?!" He came to punch me again but Yusuf and Suhayl held him back.

He's speaking nothing but the truth. She felt suffocated that she felt the need to leave. What did you do Aayan?

Mammie is hysterical telling him to stop. Abu and Baba look clueless, they are not even making any attempt to interfere.

"Ya Akram please!" Suhayla yelled. "Danallah stop it."

"Wallahi, wallahil azeem if anything happens to my sister wallahi you're dead. Even if it's a single scratch, I'll kill you. You hear me I'll ki—

Akram didn't complete his sentence, Mammie slapped him hard. "Shut up! Shut up I said!" she cried. "What is this? Jawahir is out there, we have no idea how she is and you're here saying nonsense. This is not the time to blame each other instead we need to work together and find her. I understand how you must be feeling, Aayan is going through the same thing if not worse."

"You can never understand how I'm feeling. He can never understand how I'm feeling." Akram whispered. He raised his bloodshed eyes to look at his mother. "You all can never understand how I'm feeling, never." He set his eyes on mine, I gulped. He looked murderous.

"Mammie you didn't see her on the hospital bed looking so scared and fragile with a broken leg and bruises on her body, she looked so small. And most especially, none of you, none of you saw her hanging lifeless by the ceiling."

I felt my body going weak. Tesoro habibty.....

"STOP IT YA AKRAM!"

"DON'T AKRAM!"

Suhayla and Mammie yelled closing their ears with their palms.

Ammiey staggered backwards, she doesn't know how Jawahir attempted to... in details, she only knows about it in bits and pieces. "Hanging? From the ceiling?" She whispered.

"Yes Ammiey hanging. Jawahir hung herself."

"Akram that's enough." Abu spoke for the first time.

"No Abu,l He said to his father. She used her favorite veil, I bought it for her. She looked so pale as she dangled, her body was soo soo pale and cold, you wouldn't understand. You didn't hold her." For the first time I saw tears streaming down Akram's face but he quickly wiped them away. "And I hope you never do, never. I rather go through military school torture a million times than ever see my sister in that condition, ever again. So wallahi Aayan pray nothing happens to her." He left the living room banging the door harshly.

"Ya Allah!" Mammie cried out. "Please let my daughter be safe, please God."

I can't stay here doing nothing. I ran out, I could hear them calling me back but I didn't turn around. I jumped into my car and drove away. I lost count of the times I circled the city.

Jawahir you can torture me, punish me however you like but not this way please. Where are you?

I let out a painful scream. Ayna anti habibty; where are you my love? Allahuma arzuquha min fadhlik. La 'astatie 'an 'afqidaha, sa'amut; Allah please keep her save, please. I can't lose her, I'd die.

I am just mindlessly driving around. The ringing of my phone bought me out of my reverie, I blinked back the tears that blurred my vision.

"Yes Uthman?"

"Are you driving?" He asked.

"Of course I'm driving, have you found her?"

"Park the car."

"The hell is wrong with you? Tell me where my wife is!" I yelled.

"I'm not telling you anything till you park that car!" He yelled back.

"Uthman I'll kill you, the f**k is wrong with you?! This is not the time to play games. F***KING TELL ME WHERE MY WIFE IS!"

"I'm not saying anything till you've parked that car." He equally shouts back.

Little piece of shit. I took a rough left turn, thankfully there wasn't a car behind me. "SPEAK!"

I didn't like what I was hearing.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Not her too, not her too. Ya Allah you can't do this to me! Not her too, not her too!

"JAWAHIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

🙊🙊🙊🙊🙊🙊🙊🙊🙊🙊 CLIFFHANGER?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Lemme quietly come and be going🚶🏻‍♀️🚶🏻‍♀️

Ya Akram is 💥🔥👌🏻sigh, elder brother goals😍🌹

What happened to Jawahir 😩😪💔

I didn't like Ammiey's decision of sending them home😒😒

What could possibly be in that message🤔🤔🤔

If you want to know

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I've said my own🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Yours truly
Memzyb✨🌹