JAWAHIR

When I stepped into the dining room the first time after that dreadful night, I felt everything rushing back. I could feel my heart being shattered all over again. When I entered the kitchen, I lost it, it hurts. The first thing that came to my mind was to walk out and close myself up again. But I couldn't do that, the kitchen has always been my safe place and I refuse to let Aayan or anyone else take it away from me.

It has been a week since it all happened and I still can't wrap my head around all that happened. I still can't believe that Aayan could do this to me, I trusted him, blindly.

Do you know what scares me most? Humans!! Because they are unpredictable. One moment they'll treat you like you're everything in this world and the other second you will mean nothing to them.

So confusing, I'm telling you.

I pushed all thoughts related to Aayan away and focused on the dough I'm kneading. Today Kausar and I felt like having homemade bread, which is what we are making right now. Kausar being the klutz she is spilled half of the flour on her body so she went inside to change.

Kausar came in as I was about to put the dough into the oven. "Oh men! You're through, I'm sorry I took so long but getting flour out of your hair and some unspeakable parts of your body is hard."

I rolled my eyes with a laugh in response. "I'll clean up, you go take a bath."

"Okay." I nodded and went to also take a shower. I decided to take a long relaxing bath instead, after putting the bath bombs I sunk into the water. I couldn't resist moaning out loud.

I stayed there for about thirty minutes till my fingers started getting wrinkly and the water turned cold. I washed myself up in the shower stall then wrapped a huge fluffy towel around my body before ambulating to my closet.

Do you ever wake up and suddenly have the desire of not wearing proper clothing? I don't feel like wearing any atampa, lace or anything heavy that'll make me uncomfortable, I grabbed a random light cotton camisole and slipped it on. It's just me and Kausar in the house anyway.

I wrapped my hair in a messy ponytail and went down. Kausar has already tidied up the whole kitchen. "Wow Kausar, well done." I grinned at her.

"Thank you." She bowed playfully at the same time the oven timer dinged. "Ohh looks like our bread is ready." Kausar squealed, putting on the mittens. She carefully brought out the bread and carefully placed it on a white tray then kept it on the kitchen island. "Ya Salam, Jaw do you smell that. The aroma is enough to fill up your stomach wallah." She exaggerated more by sucking in a huge breath.

I laughed at her silliness but silently agreed with her. The atmosphere smells of caramel apple bread. Kausar got an apple from the fridge and sliced it, she placed the sliced apple on either side of the bread. She then sliced the bread thrice before taking a picture.

"My hand work." She mumbled as she typed away on her phone. She's most likely going to post it on her social media accounts, definitely.

I received a call notification on my iwatch, it was Jahara calling. Seeing her call made me realize how long it has been since we've spoke, with all of my friends actually with the exception of Kausar of course.

"Hello Jahara."

"Jawahir Malik Zayyad rayuwa batace haka ba. So now that you're married, you've totally forgotten about us. I'll have to have a serious talk with my brother in law, he is keeping all to himself."

I rolled my eyes but said nothing. "Anyway I called to ask you if you guys will like to accompany me to friend's sister's anniversary lunch."

Interesting. Friend's sister's anniversary lunch. "Which friend are we talking about?"

"Please Jawahir, keep your introversion to yourself," I can bet my whole life that she rolled her eyes. "Do you remember those two ladies you met at Kausar's house long time ago."

"You mean the girls you ditched me for," I scoffed with an eye roll. "We said we are sorry!" Jahara whined like a baby. "Anyway, Halima's sister is the one celebrating her anniversary today."

"Jahara," I called in exasperation. "We can't just intrude on their affairs like that, we weren't invited."

"I'm inviting you know, am I not?"

"It's not your place to invite me. I don't know them, kawai se na kwashi kafa in tafi anniversary celebration, no thank you."

"Why are you being difficult Jaw, Sadiya said I could invite anyone so please. We are very close now, it turned out that her father was my Baba's good friend."

"I'm sorry but—

"—ughhhhh! Jawahir! Give the phone to Kausar please." I silently did as I was told. Kausar was busy stuffing her face with bread, I handed her the phone and she raised her brows to ask what.

"Jahara...."

She collected the phone and placed it on her ear, the used her shoulder to support the phone. "Yo Jahara, how far. Yes.......it's so delicious I'm telling you.........of course I made it........What is it you want to talk about?......yau ne; is it today?.......wallahi I totally forgot........it's my fault for not informing her earlier.......in sha Allah. Of course we'll come, definitely. Okay....okay toh shikenan. Uh huh, bye."

"I'm not going anywhere, you can go if you want to." I said, collecting the phone.

"Billahi alaik; oh common. Nahnu dhabwn wahadha huwa nihayiyu; we are going and that's final. Banson jin komai; I don't want to hear anything else. You think I haven't noticed? You've been gloomy Jaw, I understand you miss Akhi. But we are going out."

Who told her that I miss her brother, scoff. With no other choice, I accepted. And if I'm being honest with myself, I really do need a change of environment.

We finished our breakfast whilst chatting. As I concluded earlier, Kausar did post the picture now people are asking for the recipe and she doesn't know what to do. I laughed out loud before typing it for her.

After Asr prayer, Kausar and I started getting ready. I decided to wear a pink ankara with a touch of green sewn into blouse and skirt. The clothe is decorated with pink satin. For the blouse, it's a peplum blouse with long sleeves. The satin was used as a bow, at the edge of the blouse and sleeves and finally the whole right shoulder. As for the skirt, it's a simple six pieces skirt.

I applied a very light makeup, stained my lips with a peony pink color. I took my veil, bag and shoes, which are all green in color before going down. I stood by the console to tie my head tie, satisfied with everything, I took a seat as I wait for Kausar.

Kausar emerged from the room she's using downstairs, also dressed in a multicolored ankara. It's sewn in a similar way as mine, the difference is the sleeves and the slight off shoulder.

"How do I look?" Kausar asked and twirled around. Her makeup is also light but heavier than mine, she stained her lips with a maroon lipstick. She stood in front of the console and also tied her head tie. "I'm done, let's go."

"You look beautiful." I complimented. Kausar smiled and said. "So do you."

We sauntered to the Kausar's car since she knows the address. Few minutes later we arrived at. I covered myself with the veil properly, from my shoulders down while Kausar just carelessly threw the veil on her right shoulder, the slightly off one.

"Kausar what's the use of the veil if you're not going to cover yourself properly with it?" I demanded.

Kausar looked at me with an expression that says 'you're kidding me right?' I shook my head and sternly said. "Wrap that veil properly around yourself."

She grumbled under her breath but did as I said. "What did you say?" Kausar raised her head to look at me. "I said you're definitely my brother's wife, you sound exactly like him, I'm sure he would have said the same thing."

I couldn't help but feel annoyed. Does she have to bring up her brother up in everything? Completely ignoring what she said, I told her to lead the way instead.

The hall is decorated extravagantly, is this a wedding or what? Kausar spotted Jahara and yelled her name. Jahara excused herself from the people she was talking to and hurriedly walked towards us. The first she did was enveloping me in a huge hug. "Bakida kirki, I missed you."

Reciprocating the hug, I told her I also miss her. Amani and Nabila are also here, we took turn hugging one another. Jahara led us to the couple, though I found out it's only the wife with her friends and family.

We congratulated her and I gave her a wrapped gift. I didn't feel comfortable showing up unannounced with no gift. The gift is a cute frame I got during my own wedding.

We whiled away time enjoying ourselves, well a little bit for me. Jahara's fried Sadiya is a very loquacious person, she can talk for Africa. I felt like a sore thumb amongst them even though they tried to include me in their conversations, they attend the same university so most of the things they talk about revolves around that. A particular lecturer they dislike, the cafeteria food and so on, I just kept throwing fake grins their way.

"I think he loves me, no scratch that, I know for sure he loves me." Hindatu, one of their friend, sighed with a gooey smile. She's talking about a guy she's dating and she came to the conclusion that he loves her.

"Did he tell you that?" I couldn't help but ask. Their attention shifted to me since this is the first time I said more than a word since they started speaking.

Hindatu shook her head, she adjusted the body hugging blouse she's wearing. Her breasts are practically spilling out of the shirt, and I doubt she's breathing properly. Allah ya shirya. "He didn't say so but I know for sure he does," she stated confidently. She threw her fingers up a bit. "I mean the way he looks at me and treats me says it all." She hi-fived a girl close to her.

"Hindatu, I know they say actions speak louder than words but sometimes the words are also very much needed. You mind have taken it the wrong way maybe that's not how he feels, do not make the decision for him, do not jump to a conclusion without him uttering those words to you. Who knows if he's just being nice? Maybe that's how he is. How sure are you that he's truly in love with you without him saying it? How sure are you that he's not being this way just because he wants something for you?"

They all looked at me stupefied with my bluntness. "Excuse me," I said and left not waiting for any of their reaction. I was not more than ten steps away when I heard Hindatu's screech. The hall has a balcony so I went there, I put my elbows on the railing as I look down at the city.

"Jawahir." I heard my friends calling. I felt them standing behind me. "Please if you're here to lecture me on my bluntness, save it. All I did was tell the truth."

I turned to look at them. "How could you not tell her the truth. Do you really care about her? Do you even see her as a friend?"

"We tried," Nabila rolled her eyes. "But she got angry and looked at it as of we're jealous of her, or we want the guy for ourselves. So we let her be." She shrugged at the end.

"But it doesn't work that way Beela. If you really do care about you'll tell her the truth, you'll want her to rectify her mistakes and strive for her akhira. I don't know what's in her heart, I don't know what's between her and her Almighty, that's between her and Him only. But what I'm seeing with my naked eyes, from the obvious, what she's doing is wrong.

And as her friends, it's your duty to tell her the truth, heck it's also my duty as a stranger. Tell her the truth, she can get angry, throw a tantrum, she can even stop talking to you, whatever but at least kun fita ha'kin ta. You've done what's expected of you, it's left for her to make use of it or ignore it.

What's the essence of the friendship if you won't correct her? What's the essence of the friendship if you won't put her on the right path when you see her getting astray? That's the meaning of true friendship. Correct each other, your true friends are those that will never support your sinful actions just to make you happy in this delusional world. The truth is bitter especially to someone who knows what he's doing is wrong but decided to turn a blind eye to it."

I huffed after the lengthy lecture I gave them, I couldn't help but laugh mentally. But seriously I'm not the type of person that'll see you doing something wrong and just let it be because you don't like hearing the truth.

Jahara is the first one to speak up. "I agree with Jawahir, we'll try our best." The rest nodded their heads in agreement.

We went back to the hall, Hindatu has left apparently. We said goodbye to Sadiya and her sister before we also left. Jahara, Nabila and Amani came together in Amani's car. We also said our goodbyes and promise to have a picnic this weekend. I miss my girlfriends.

*****

We arrived home a little bit after Maghrib. Kausar went to her room and I did the same. I took a quick shower, changed into my pjs and performed wudu'u. I prayed Maghrib.

After saying the final salam, I grabbed my Qur'an. I stayed there till it was time for Isha. I heard from a Muslim scholar that it's very beneficial to remain sit after completing your Maghrib prayer till the time for Isha.

"Ameen." I breathed after completing my prayers.

I went downstairs to prepare a light dinner for us since neither of us is that hungry. I met Kausar in the living room all by herself staring at the television but the television isn't on.

I ambulated to where she's sitting. "Kausar," I called, but it's as if she didn't hear me. "Kausar!" I called louder while tapping her shoulder.

"Huh?" She turned to look at me in a startled manner.

"Kausar?" I frowned. "Are you okay? What happened?" I sat beside her.

"It's nothing Jaw, ana bikhayr; I'm okay."

"We all know you're lying but if you don't feel like speaking about it I understand, whenever you're ready." I patted her thigh before standing up. "Jawahir....." Kausar held my hand.

I sat back down and carefully looked at her, she looked troubled. "Talk to me Koko." I urged softly.

She gulped and released a huge breath. "When you were talking about Hindatu and her boyfriend, I couldn't help but feel you were indirectly talking about me too. You know having a boyfriend and everything. Jawahir, I need you to be very frank and blunt with me, forget about hurting my feelings, I need to know this," she sighed again. "What are your thoughts on having a boyfriend?"

"Total waste of time." I replied immediately without thinking. "Total and utter waste of time keeping aside the fact that it's haram. But people now a-days think if you don't have a boyfriend, you aren't civilized." I scoffed. "Kausar, I don't see the point in entertaining something you know has no place or any benefit to your future. Something that keeps adding to your sins instead. So it's a total waste of time and to me time is very precious."

Kausar nodded her head. "Carry on. Explain yourself."

"I know for a fact, most of the men/boys following ladies around have no intention on marrying any of them. It's as if, they're some toys they use to while away time. And in anything you do, if you have to hide it from certain people then know that it's totally wrong. Bare in my mind that, when a guy and a lady are alone the third companion is always Satan. If you really want to know the intention of a guy towards you then ask him to meet your parents, believe me if his intentions aren't good that'll be the last time you'll see him. Islam didn't make it haram to fall in love, it's what you do with that love that makes it halal or haram. Everyone falls in love but it's only the strong ones that can keep it halal."

"What if he does?" She asked quietly. "What if he's willing to get married to you?"

"Then you let him meet your parents, from there they'll do what's needed to be done. Do it the proper way." I shrugged.

"You once said a girl shouldn't attend suitors till she's ready to get married right?"

"Mhmm," I nodded. "While some don't have the best intentions at heart, ba duka a ka taru aka zama daya ba, some love you fisa bilillah. So yes, if you aren't ready for marriage you let him know, don't string him along."

Kausar suddenly threw herself on me. "I think I'm in the same dilemma zawjatu akhi," she cried. "I know for a fact if I tell Jamil to present himself today, he'll do it this instant but I don't think I feel the same way Jaw." She pulled away. "I like him, wallahi I do but I don't see my future with him. I'm not ready for marriage at all."

"Then you let him know." I simply said.

"I know," Kausar groaned in a sign of frustration. "But I don't want to hur—

"—by not telling him, you'll hurt him more. Yes he'll feel hurt when you tell him the first time but he'll get over it eventually. But to string him along while you don't feel the same way, now that's wrong. Believe me it hurts pretty bad, so bad, when you find out the person that showed you love and care never felt that way, at least not how you took it to be. It's not fair to have him thinking that you love him and feel the same way when in reality you don't. I agree he'll be hurt when you tell him but he'll be even more hurt when he finds out that all this while you have been pretending. So let him go, he'll find someone who feels the same."

Kausar scrunched her face at the last sentence. Don't tell me....oh Allah! She got jealous when I mentioned him finding someone else. I mentally shook my head, what is it you want Kausar?

"Leave him Kausar, if he is truly yours then you will have him in Halal eventually." I said to ease her mind more.

And it did, she smiled sadly and said. "If it's meant to be, it'll happen."

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Yours truly
Memzyb✨🌹