The responses I got on the last chapter was so heart touching, it got to me to the point that it got overwhelming😭😭
As I said I never knew I could pull it off like that.
Jazakallahu khairan✨💫🌹
You guys have no idea how much it means to me, wallah.

I wouldn't be here without you guys.
I say thank you from the bottom of my heart, to each and every one of you.
Maymunatu says THANK YOU.

This chapter is for you guys, ALL OF YOU.
I would have mentioned names but I don't want to miss out on someone to make that person feel less important.
I love you all fi sabillilah.
So if you have ever commented or voted, then.
This chapter is for you🤗🤗

And I hope you continue to support me as I do what I love☺️❤️💕

Jazakallahu khairan once again❣️💕❣️

JAWAHIR

When I finally told Aayan what I've been through it felt like some invisible burden has been lifted off my chest, and it feels good. My mind and heart are clear, I feel like I can finally breathe.

I was so scared of his reaction, what he might think of me. I learned long time ago to stop being paralyzed by what others think of you. It's your life and it doesn't matter what other people think on how you live and the decisions you make. Live your life your way. But Aayan has become such an important part of my life that his opinion matters, the most.

That's why I can't begin to explain the immense relief I felt when he reacted the way he did. If not then.... I-I'm just glad that he accepts me the way I am, scars, demons, flaws and everything.

His words hit home, hard. I can't remember the last time words touched me like this, he knew exactly what to say, how to say, and when to say them. He was so supportive and welcoming that when I started talking, I couldn't stop, even when I wanted to. I wasn't this willing with my therapist, he literally forced me to say everything, even when I was shaking, yelling, hyperventilating, he still forced me. But with Aayan, I willingly ranted everything off, he has this soothing and welcoming aura that makes you tell him your darkest, deepest secret.

But I couldn't bring myself to tell him exactly what I see in the nightmares, It's horrific. The only person I ever told was Mammie. I regret the way I told her though, we were arguing about my therapy and in the heat of the moment I blurted everything out harshly and I kinda threw accusations and blames on her. Her face lost all it's colors and she staggered backwards almost hitting floor. She locked herself up for almost a week, it was hard to persuade her to open up, Abu tried everything he could but she didn't budge, Mama and my siblings too. I finally got the guts and courage to go to her, immediately she heard my voice she pulled the door open, wrapping herself around me like a vice as she agonizingly sobbed hard. I feel bad anytime I remember, I never meant to hurt her.

And now I'm gonna tell you. Sometimes I'm taken advantage of, sometimes I never get to escape and I'm sold off to some old men, who do some ungodly things to me, sometimes I'm the one that gets shot, sometimes that old lady locks me up and torture me.....till I die. And the most horrifying one is when Huraira walks up to me, with blood dripping from her body and accuses me of being a murderer, for leaving her behind, for being a coward, for being weak. Sometimes she kills me then kill herself, and other times just me.

I don't want to think of it.

Aayan asked me what depression felt like. I said to him. "Depression is like a nightmare. I have no control of what's going on. There's no way out and it feels like no one cares. No matter what I do I'm never good enough. I'll always be useless, not good enough, worthless and hopeless. I'm scared and lonely all the time, no matter what I'm doing or who I'm with, the feelings are always there. It feels like an endless circle of pain, fear, worthlessness and weakness. You feel like there's no point in trying anymore. It's like an endless circle of failure, you feel empty, like you're not really existing. You're breathing but that doesn't mean that you're alive. It's when it hurts to smile, hurts to laugh, hurts to breathe. Everything you do hurts and there's no getting away from it. No one understands what you're feeling. You're silent but in reality you're screaming for help and no one can hear you, save you. You're on your own, everything you do leaves you tired. Things you use to enjoy don't bring you comfort anymore. But they don't understand what it's like living with depression. It's your throat tightening up with every sob as you cry making it harder and harder to breathe. It's hoping that every night you don't wake up, that maybe the pain will finally stop but you know that it won't. It's always lying when someone asks 'how are you?' It's always feeling tired even if you sleep for ten hours. It's feeling so weak, every muscle in your body is aching. Depression is all of those and so much more. It's unexplainable. Only you know what your depression feels like. You know how horrible it is. You feel like it'll never end."

You know what he said?

"The fact that you're struggling doesn't make you a burden. It doesn't make you unlovable, undesirable, or undeserving of care. It doesn't make you too sensitive or too needy. It makes you human. Everyone has struggles. Everyone has a difficult time coping and at times we fall apart. During these times we aren't easy to be around—and that's okay. No one easy to be around one hundred percent of the time. Yes, you may be sometimes unpleasant or difficult. And yes, you may sometimes do or say some things that make people around you sad or helpless, angry even. But those things aren't all of who you are and certainly don't discount your worth as a human being. The truth is that you can be struggling and still be loved. You can be difficult and still be cared for. You can be less than perfect—who isn't?— and still be deserving of compassion and kindness. All I'm saying is that you're not alone."

Like I said, he knows exactly what to say. He picks his words carefully and graciously that you can't help but listen.

I so understand what he's saying and it took a hell lot of time to realize that I wasn't alone, I never was. And with the help of my family and of course the Almighty, I overcame it. It wasn't easy, it took time, it was hard, painful and sometimes I felt like giving up, but I did reach my goal, the journey wasn't easy but definitely worth it.

The nightmares come back time to time, and I still don't know the particular reason that triggers it. They haven't been that bad in a while, but In sha Allah one day, bi iznil Allah they'll go away, for good in sha Allah.

I'm just glad I have another person to count on, who accepts the real me, my flawed self and he's okay with that. That means everything and more.

*************

Who knew coming up with a name for a business can be this hard. Gahhh!!! I've been trying to come up with a simple but unique name. I pushed the book and pen aside, and stood up.

I walked out of my room the same time as Aayan walked out of his. A smile automatically and naturally took over my lips.

"Hey Tesoro." He smiled back.

"Hey." I breathed with a sigh, like a teenager talking to her crush for the first time.

Get a grip on yourself!! Cue the eye roll.

He handed me his phone, I collected it giving him a confused look.

"Maheera wants to talk to you. She said she has been trying to call you but it's unreachable." He explained. Ohhh!! The stupid phone must have died, ugh.

"What happened to your phone?" He laughed when he noticed the phone in my hand.

I just rolled my eyes. "It fell, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again, again and again."

"Wow!" He chuckled. "That's a lot of again(s)."

You have no idea.

"What do you think she wants to talk about?"

"I don't know." He shrugged. "But she did say it's good news."

I wonder what it'll be. Aayan led us to the living room and I sat down beside him as he flipped through channels before finally settling on Discovery channel where 'How it's made' One of Abu's favourite.

The phone finally rang and I picked. "Hello Maheera?"

"Hey Zawjatu akhi. How are you?" Why is her voice hoarse? But I decided to ignore it.

"I'm fine Uktul zawj. Is everything okay?" From the corner of my eye I saw Aayan looking at my phone like a weird science experiment, smh.

I don't blame him tho. When the phone looks like this

I'm embarrassed seff.

"Jawahir F-fahad." Maheera's voice brought me back to the conversation.

"What did he do? What happened?" I hope he didn't mess up.

"H-he, he surprised me, I never thought he'll do it." She said emotionally.

Oh no! Fahad what did you do? I was cheering for you.

"Maheera talk clearly. I'm getting worried."

"Fahad, he sent his elders today! Jawahir I'm so happy I don't know how to explain it." Oh wow! Alhamdulillah. And true indeed, the excitement in her voice is loud and clear.

I wish I was this excited for my wedding. I subtly looked at Aayan. Well all's well that ends well. I may not have been excited back then but I am glad, very glad. And I am excited to see what the future has in store for, me and him, together as one, forever and ever. I know it won't be easy, but will definitely be worth it.

"That's amazing Mahee! I'm happy for you, congratulations habibty." She has always dreamt of this and I'm happy that it's finally coming true.

"Thank you Jawjaw. You know you have a hand in this."

I chuckled. "How Mahee?"

"That advice of yours worked. He talked to his uncle, bi iznil Allah everything worked out well. I was on the verge of giving up but you Jawahir told me to do otherwise. So thank you, love."

"I think you're giving me too much credit, but you're welcome. When is the wedding?"

"Bayan Sallah. Yayi nisa ma seff." She whined and I giggle.

"Don't worry. It'll arrive in no time. Allah dai ya kaimu."

"Ameen ameen. Uhm Jaw?"

"Yes?"

"Aayan told me about the catering service you want to start, and I was wondering if you'll like to be in charge of the pastries?"

Oh my Allah!! "Of course Maheera, I'll love to, it'll be an honor.

"Yay." She squealed. "I can't wait, I have to be your biggest gig tho."

"Of course, but—"

"Don't dare say it'll be a gift from you blah blah blah. I won't take it, you can find me some other gift, not that you have to. But this will be purely business, do you understand me?"

"Yes Ma'am." I rolled my eyes.

"Good. Okay bye love, I have go share the big news."

I chuckled, her excitement knows no limit. "Bye soon to be Mrs."

"I love that!! 'Mrs Maheera Fahad Yakasai' eeeh!!!"

I laughed out loud. "Bye Maheera." I ended the call while shaking my head. If you meet Maheera for the first time you'll think she's not social, Ok maybe she isn't but with her family she's very vocal and jovial. And she isn't afraid to voice her opinion, just look at what happened during the new year party.

I handed Aayan back his phone.

"Just tell me how on earth you use this phone."

"Hey!" I exclaimed snatching my phone infamously known as scrap. "It works perfectly fine." Okay that's the lie of the century, I can't even see clearly.

"Perfectly fine?" He asked shooting me a 'do you think I'm stupid' look.

"Get up and go get ready, we are going out." He instructed.

"Where are we going?" I whined.

"Just go and change."

"Why can't I go like this?"

"Because we do not go out in our pajamas Tesoro." He said slowly as if he's talking to a toddler. "Beside I'm not letting anyone see you in that, la yumkin; no way." He added in a much more serious note.

Awwn!!! Is he being possessive? I think he is.

"Okay." I dragged myself to my room. Since I didn't know where we are going, I decided to put on something simple and a bit classy.

We walked to the car, and he still won't tell me where we are going.

The car finally stopped in front of a building that says 'Pac centre'

"What are we doing here?"

"Just wait and see."

We walked into the building and I finally understood what's going on.

"Aayan what are we doing in a shop for phones, computers and other accessories?"

"Isn't it obvious? We are buying new phones."

"We?"

"Mhmm," he hummed. "You and I."

"Bu—"

"La! No buts." He interrupted placing his index finger on my lips.

I pushed the hand away. "But you don't even need a new phone." I pointed out because his phone is pretty much new.

"Yeah I do, I've been meaning to change it for a while, now is the perfect time."

"What type are you buying?"

"Uhm I'll go with IPhone X max, for the both of us."

"What?!!!' I exclaimed, my eyes bulging out of there sockets. "Why do you need to buy two iPhone X?"

"Haven't you been listening?" He sighed. "For the two of us."

"I do not need it. I'm okay with you buying me another galaxy S5."

Aayan scoffed. "Me? Buy you a Samsung?" He finally turned to look at me.

"So? What's wrong with them?"

"Ana la ahabahum; I don't like them."

"Wa kazalika; and so? You are not going to use it."

"Tesoro," he called sternly. "That's what we are buying and that's final." He said in a final tone leaving no room for argument.

I kept quite and followed him and one of the sales man started showing us different types.

"Choose the color you like." Aayan instructed.

Oh well. I mentally shrugged, since I have no choice I might as
well choose the one I like.

A few minutes later Aayan and I finally selected the ones we like.

He picked a black one with black case. I picked a golden one but with a rose gold case. We thanked the man and walked out.

"I don't even know how to use this IPhone or any other iPhone." I grumbled as Aayan opened the door for me.

"Simple. I'll teach you." He answered before closing my door.

He went the other way and entered.

"I really don't see the reason for buying this."

I saw him gripping the wheel tighter. "Jawahir." He called.

No not Jawahir, Tesoro. He only calls me Jawahir when he's about to say something serious. I prefer Tesoro, tho I don't know what it means, but it's his nickname for me, that makes me feel special. Beside I've always being a sucker for pet names, I grew up with my parents having one for one another

"This is the first time I bought something meaningful for you and you're not being appreciative. I could have just bought a regular one but I wanted you to have the best in my opinion. Is that wrong?"

"Ana asif, I didn't mean to make you feel that way."

I picked up his right hand and entwined our fingers. That was a bold move, this is the first time I'm actually making the first move.

"Thank you Aayan, so much. I really appreciate, very much."

He glances at me and smiled. "That's all I need to hear." He gave my hand a loving squeeze.

Hello my beautiful people 💖💘

How was the chapter?

It felt good to write a simple light hearted one. Tho the first part was a bit heavy. (Serious feeling are not my forte😭)

We are done with the serious ones.......FOR NOW😈😈👻👻

Don't forget to tap that little star and make it orange, and maybe drop a comment or two😊😽💖💖

Until next time in sha Allah✨🌹

Yours truly
Memzyb✨🌹