When I started writing, I went astray from God.

The innocence of our relationship was gone. I didn't seek him as I used to.

I used to wake up at four in the morning to read the Bible. I had to hide from my family members and read the Bible and for this Book, I could do it flatly, without any remorse. You know, it was fun!

But after I went into writing and exploring new books — immoral and dark — I had to create a distance between me and God.

Let us say, Jesus and I walked along and came to a point where the paths split into two. I left His hand and left without saying anything and did as I enjoyed. 

It took me years to learn to write neatly like a writer. All because of Jesus, I must say.

I still remember the moment I was a kid. I was in second standard and a teacher called my father and insulted me because I didn't know English and I couldn't read it well. 

I don't remember if he said anything to me. But as he came back home, he started spending time with me and teaching me how to read English. He corrected my pronunciation and made me revise spellings. 

After that, it changed. I remember who actually set this discipline in my life to teach me well. Of course, Jesus.

How do I know this? Actually, He keeps revealing things to me and I enjoy learning things. 

Even as I grew up, He took care of my studies. I already wrote how He put me under strict teachers to keep in discipline. It wasn't always about discipline. He had a plan for my life.  

Even when I used to write, He spoke into my ears corrections. He led me to the websites and apps where I could find and learn more about writing. Even through the Bible, yes, the Bible taught me writing, a beautiful way of describing one's feelings. 

Through David, Solomon, and Hosea. Not only these three but other prophets, too. I would read their pieces of art and feel my heart melting within my chest. Wow.

So, you see, Jesus was my Tutor. I can say, walking with Him has taught me countless things and I'm still learning. It feels lovely. This is the only relationship where I'm not controlled. I'm free, and Jesus is the only person to me with whom every second feels even more beautiful. 

You all know, we learn about people and we end up disliking them even more but it is not so about Jesus. Even the more you know Him, the deeper and strongly you fall in love with Him. 

No addiction can be as sweet and intoxicating yet lively as being with Jesus, I'm telling you. 

Or else why did David say, O taste and see that the LORD is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him. Psalm 34:8, KJV?

When I was depressed and the devil started showing me his true color — how horrible he can be — I fell so deeply into melancholy that I'd overdose on my medicine just to have a good nap. 

Those days—uff! 

If I tell you honestly about the condition of my mind, I still remember the time of heavy summers. After twelve, it was bright outside my house and I'd look at the brightness from my room, sitting in a corner with my arms hugging my legs. 

I used to see that all with blankness and wonder when rain would come and cover this sky so that the sun might be concealed through the heavy clouds. I waited for the sky to mourn so that I'd behold it, but you see, in summers, it doesn't rain. It takes a few more months for rain to arrive. 

Until then, one thing kept rewinding inside my head like a broken tape record that I'd see myself running to the balcony of my house and jump from there. 

I used to see myself on the ground, blood spreading around my lifeless body and my eyes closed in peace. 

I thought it was peace. I thought dying is peace. Never knew Satan was only spoiling my mind. Because not even for once that image stopped floating through my mind. I saw myself constantly doing the same thing over and over again until I literally got up on my legs and walked over to the balcony to hold the railing and look down from it. 

But always, a force stopped me. 

You see, I'm still alive. It is not my ghost that is writing this book! Praise my Lord, my God, Jesus Christ.

But putting in my head that dying is peace was such a pathetic idea given by the devil. Ah, dumb thing, I know. But now I know what peace is and how beautiful this peace is. 

Jesus, of course.

While writing, the Holy Spirit told me to write how to attain this peace, too. So, I'm going to write it here. 

Knowing Jesus is peace, note it down, [Isaiah 26:3. Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee, KJV]. 

When you begin knowing Jesus, you will learn about His goodness. You know Him and that's how your heart and your mind will not be afraid of anything else. 

Set your focus on Him. I repeat it, set your focus on Him. Like a newly wedded wife's focus is set on pleasing her husband, and so does a newly wedded man—do like them. 

Never let your heart deceive you into believing the relationship is going to be old and boring. Nah, dear! Rather, this relationship is the only relationship that will be everlasting. 

Satan will come and deceive you but you don't have to believe him. Just know, because it is the truth that your relationship with Jesus will never rot like other relationships. The freshness of this relationship will remain even after the world ends. The fragrance of this relationship never fades away. 

Well, it comes to ‘love’ every time. The more you know Jesus, you love Him even more and in a stronger way. And in love, there is peace. 

But how do you know Jesus now? Through the Word, of course! 

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. John 1:1, KJV.

Once again, Jesus is Word. You know about Him when you read about Him. 

You know very well that a person can't be understood by his way of talking. But when he comes to write, you know this person even in a better way. 

So is with God.

You understand Him well through His Word. 

Remember how the Israelites saw all the signs and wonders of God yet believed Him not. Rather, tested Him ten times. However, to Moses, God revealed Himself and that is the reason Moses even knew God. Even the Bible says, Moses talked to God face-to-face. It's such a huge thing, isn't it?

Even I wonder how deeply Moses knew God that he even made God repent!

When the Israelites saw that Moses stayed on the mount Sinai and thought he'd be gone, they asked Aaron to make a golden calf for them so they could worship them. 

Then the Lord said to Moses, “Go down, because your people, whom you brought up out of Egypt, have become corrupt. They have been quick to turn away from what I commanded them and have made themselves an idol cast in the shape of a calf. They have bowed down to it and sacrificed to it and have said, ‘These are your gods, Israel, who brought you up out of Egypt.’

“I have seen these people,” the Lord said to Moses, “and they are a stiff-necked people. Now leave me alone so that my anger may burn against them and that I may destroy them. Then I will make you into a great nation.”

But Moses sought the favor of the Lord his God. “Lord,” he said, “why should your anger burn against your people, whom you brought out of Egypt with great power and a mighty hand? Why should the Egyptians say, ‘It was with evil intent that he brought them out, to kill them in the mountains and to wipe them off the face of the earth’? Turn from your fierce anger; relent and do not bring disaster on your people. Remember your servants Abraham, Isaac and Israel, to whom you swore by your own self: ‘I will make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and I will give your descendants all this land I promised them, and it will be their inheritance forever.’” Then the Lord relented and did not bring on his people the disaster he had threatened. — Exodus 32:7-14, NIV.

It was all about His relationship with God. 

Because Moses knew but the Israelites didn't, Moses never had to grumble secretly that he needed water or meat to eat. No. I never saw him talking nonsense in his tent that he wanted to go back to Egypt.

Only because he knew his God, he trusted in Him, and he knew that, And he humbled thee, and suffered thee to hunger, and fed thee with manna, which thou knewest not, neither did thy fathers know; that he might make thee know that man doth not live by bread only, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of the LORD doth man live. — Deuteronomy 8:3, KJV.

When you know God; know that the One Who created the earth in six days is with you, you don't worry about petty things and live a tension-free life. You don't consider your problems to be bigger than your God. You don't keep talking about others in front of your God or in your head. You literally know that everything is in control!

So go ahead and start a relationship with Jesus! How long are you going to worry about things that are today and shall vanish tomorrow? 

God is waiting for you, dude!—always remember this thing. 

Because when I came back like the prodigal son; when I lived a horrible life and almost destroyed myself and walked back to Jesus being all weary, I found Him at the point I left Him. He was there waiting for me. Still. 

And honestly I'm telling you, I received no rebuke, no chastisement, no harsh word or a rod of discipline when I returned. No, rather the opposite!—Hugs and kisses.

When I came back, He rejoiced. 

I wasn't really expecting it because I fell into a deep pit. I was filthy. So, dreaming of hugs and kisses was a far-fetched thought when my own people forgot me, left me, betrayed me, and even wished evil for me. 

I'm glad Jesus never treats sinners this way or else, what's the hope for the sinner?

For a sinner, his only hope is Jesus. If we dream someone will save us — family, friends, spouse, children, or even the most famous and powerful personality in the world — we are delusional. 

Wakey, wakey!