I used to think how beautiful the life of a normal believer is.

I wanted to live that life. I wanted to live a life of peace where I can make money through writing and make my parents proud of me. It was a good idea to me, but at that time, I was unaware of my hidden talent that God gave me. 

Writing, of course.

I used to sing. It was my passion, actually. I was deeply connected to music and wanted to learn to play instruments and all. 

You see, at that time, people were crazy about a Korean boy band group. I was one of those girls. I was obsessed with them. I had such weird dreams like I wish I was a Korean. Oh no! Today as I remember those days, I learn how crazy I was! 

I was madly obsessed with them, like any other girl and I don't want to give much details because it makes me pathetic and I'm going to laugh hard while mentioning it. Leave it. But it was really pathetic!

Because of them, I wanted to become a singer. Let's say, I wanted to become a Korean singer and I shared this thing with God. At that time, I couldn't hear God's voice. I just talked to Him randomly, that's all. There was a deep realization within me that I can talk to Him because He listens.

But I never knew I'd become a writer and discover writing as my real passion.

I may confuse some people now. May God help you. For God is not a God of confusion but of peace. As in all the churches of the saints, — 1 Corinthians 14:33, ESV.

You see, Satan is a liar. What God has planned for you, Satan will try his best not to let it reach you.

So many people die without knowing the will of God in their lives. Satan plays the role here. He keeps people in ignorance and they never learn why they were made and they die. God wants us to know why He created us.

See what God says here, For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. — Jeremiah 29:11, NIV. See, God has a plan for all of us.

Satan wants to distract us from that purpose. He first keeps us in ignorance. If not, then it is easy for him to lie to us and make us believe we are made for something else. If not, then he is ever ready to end our lives.

I don't say you cannot do anything except for what God has planned for you. You can do it. But the thing is, why were you even created?

I was made to glorify God through writing, not singing. There can be people He has chosen to sing for Him and worship Him. For me, it was writing.

I was unaware of it until God made me see it. When COVID-19 came and the lockdown happened, it was a moment given to me to explore myself and learn what my real passion was. There I found books to read, and while reading them, I felt this urge to write also. I was fourteen at that time and I knew I could do it. 

For someone who speaks less but has a mind full of thoughts, writing is like a blessing. I am glad God made me see it.

Yes, I can do other things, too, but writing is something different. It makes me feel I was actually made for it. 

But Satan here also did not let me do as God likes. I found romance books and I read them. I was new at that time, so I avoided reading smut. It was too much for me. Also, being unable to forget my past, I just stayed away from such ideas. 

But as I grew up and I learned more about writing, I also began reading those wrong books. I just spoiled my mind. 

You know, what I hated secretly—older men—those books made me go after them. I found this new obsession which was a lie pushed into my head through my ears by Satan that I was made for it.

I will not hide it, Satan's voice told me I was made for whoredom and in my life, I'll only be a second woman in someone's life. 

So many people find it awesome. How can I blame you? I was one of them. But sin tasting sweet for a moment cannot become nectar the very next instant, can it? It will remain sin. Does not matter how much Satan and people around the world glorify sin and represent it as something cool or awesome, it will remain something awful. 

Sin is a candy wrapped in a beautiful and fanciful wrapper to allure people but it cannot take honey's place. Do you understand me?

If talked straight, sin is filthy. If sin can be a person, you will not even walk near it. You can imagine that person like someone who has a disease of sores, wounds bleeding along with mucus, skin clinging to the bones, a hump on its back, and you can imagine the rest. Can you do it without muttering eww? 

I know some people do it. Then, of course, such disease clings to those who even touch it. Simple! But Satan has a way of wrapping this sin in silk and presenting before you as something beautiful. 

What God calls abomination, Satan calls amazing! He will make you do everything that God doesn't like and fill your mind with this thought; God hates you. But in reality, God never hated you. It was the only sin that He hated. 

That's the way I saw the wrong books. Stories with forbidden romance as tropes where a girl finds herself in love with her father-in-law, step-brother, uncle, or her own friend who is a girl!

This is wrong. Perverseness, wickedness, and abomination to the Lord. 

I have read such books and have even written them, finding it to be spicy, but in the end, it left a really bad impact on me. I ended up becoming horrible!

I spent years writing such things and I changed into a different personality. I wasn't what I used to be. 

I began spewing out profanities, began cursing my own parents, became prideful, lustful for girls—ow! I didn't want to share it! There was a friend of mine and I got attracted to him in a wrong way, and… I just became the worst person you'd ever meet.

Why? Because I got frustrated! All these things that I began to do, I did because something began clawing up my flesh, beneath my ribcage where my heart was. I don't lie here but speak the truth, regret touched my senses. I did all these things shamelessly at noonday and at night, I cried, wondering what was wrong with me.

Honestly, nights came like I'm caged and I'm in a dungeon where something is threatening me from the corner, ready to rip me apart. I felt this horrible kind of pain in my chest at nights and restlessness troubled me a lot.

It was like I'm getting allured by the devil by day because he looked beautiful when he showed that he could shine, but at night when reality dawned upon me, I learned about his darkness that he did nothing but hate me. 

Oh please! I wasn't one of those romanticizing even the devil but I don't blame such people, too. There are some people that are fascinated by the devil. It's not their fault. I told you the devil has wrapped himself in silk before coming in front of people. Mistaking him as some angel isn't a huge thing because people are blind. And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. 2 Corinthians 11:14, NIV.

So, this way I fell into sin and I did horrible things. 

You remember the woman who washes Jesus' feet in Luke 7:36-50? I was that woman and I knew about it when I came back to Jesus.

I was as filthy as her. Or I say, even worse! 

I did things that I shouldn't have done, and the greatest among them was that I hated my parents and cursed them behind their backs. 

If looked upon the law of God, I deserved to die because I cursed my parents but how merciful He was to forgive me!

We shouldn't do it. We should love our parents. They brought us into the world. But I hated them, just look at my mentality! The truth that I cursed them is shameful to me.  

I am glad that God has forgiven me or else, how could I show Him my face on the judgment day?

Anyone here, who hates his parents, God is not blaming you for anything. He knows your pain, your frustration and the reason you did it but God can forgive you if you are sorry for it. 

Even if you are not, I'm telling you the truth, tell Him everything honestly and then if you ask Him to help you in loving your parents and forgiving others—if you're genuine and know it is wrong but the feeling of regret comes from nowhere—God is still able to help you.

When I believed in Jesus wholeheartedly, I read it, Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you. — Exodus 20:12, (NIV), and I told God everything honestly that, “God, I don't like my parents at all. You know how I'm treated in my house and what goes on me when I keep listening to them and reply to them not a word because I have no strength! I just don't like my parents but you say, love them. It's impossible for me, but with you, it becomes possible. So, help me.”

And it happened!

He filled my heart with love. First, it was God whom I loved and as days passed, I learned there was no resentment left in me for my parents. There was only peace and love, and I could love my parents, too. It became possible!

Loving people becomes possible when we love God. The first place in your heart should be for God only. He makes everything possible. 

Just give your heart to God, and He repairs it. He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds. — Psalms 147:3, KJV. He is a Healer, a lovely one. 

Now, I hope you understand how the devil makes you believe in lies. 

Just like that, he whispers into boys' ears that they should be attracted to boys, and to girls, he talks about girls so they end up becoming gays and lesbians. 

You know what the Bible says? So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. — Genesis 1:27, KJV.

So, in the beginning, they were created male and female. There was nothing like gays and lesbians besides male and female. 

And this is the truth. The Bible is the truth. For the word of the LORD is right; and all his works are done in truth. — Psalms 33:4, KJV.

God doesn't condemn those people. He knows the devil has filled their minds with lies. If you too lurk around somewhere like this, know that Satan has lied to you and you believed. 

Don't you know that Satan is a liar? You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father's desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies. — John 4:88, ESV. 

Satan has mastered lying to us. He speaks sweet to the people and makes them believe in something where sin is found. 

If leading me astray felt less to him, he also filled my mind with lies that I fit better with girls. After all, “men weren't good enough” to me, that's what Satan said to me, and I believed, thinking that it was my conscious mind. 

But you know what? Even our conscious mind knows when we sin. Our conscience tells us about the sin we commit and how it creates a huge difference between God and us.

Sadly, we accept those lies and accuse God in the end.

No, come out of this mentality. To know the truth, get the Bible. Whatever you find written there is the truth you need to accept and shun evil. 

After the wrong books that I wrote, I read the Bible and I was shocked to learn how wrong I was to write forbiddance, homosexuality, cruelty, prostitution and even taking God's name in vain!

To keep us away from God, Satan comes to lie to us. Once we accept, he grabs another sheet of a lie and puts it upon us. We tolerate the weight of it and now he will bring even seven more to cover us with it unless our real self has been crushed under the weight of it and the layers have hardened us enough to disobey God. There we accuse God and Satan grabs his chance to hurt us, because we have cursed and accused God, our very Creator.

And in the end, God never did anything against us. Our own sins dragged us down and Satan laughed all the while. Brilliant planning, Satan!

Soon enough, he will tell you that now God hates you but you know what? God still waits for you. 

As much as I have experienced God's mercy, I am sure about my words when I say God waits. 

It is only us who need to humble ourselves and ask God to forgive us.