"How much? When do you need it?"

Daryl's voice sounded oddly cheery when he replied. He'd called me at the perfect moment, right when Elizabeth had pulled up at the parking lot and I was starting to run out of courage. I'd never picked up the phone so fast before. Thank god for brothers who constantly needed your money.

"No, no, I can do this now."

Elizabeth scowled, obviously not agreeing. Ignoring her, I turned away, walking around the BMW to a more shielded corner. The salty ocean wind had been attacking me as soon as I'd exited the car, and I was already getting sick of it. Actually, maybe I was sick, with the way my body was shaking and my throat felt dry.

"No, it's fine, Daryl. I get it. I — hey!"

Elizabeth didn't react, only brought my phone before her mouth and said clearly, in that business-like tone of hers: "Your sister's busy. She'll call you later." Without further ado, she tapped the red button and handed it back, her furrowed brows telling me not to protest. "No stalling," she said. "You had your chance to back out."

I swallowed. I had. She'd asked me exactly twice if I was sure I wanted to do this, and I'd said 'yes, of course' both times.

I was really, really starting to regret that, especially now that we'd arrived at the marina.

Before me, hundreds of boats huddled together, floating calmly, from tiny ships to yachts the size of a bus. Beyond, there was the endless ocean, the turquoise water blinking at me in the sunlight, pretending to be harmless.

I sighed. "For someone who wanted to fire me two days ago, you're freakishly intent on getting me out on the water today."

Something glimmered in her brown eyes, and annoyingly, it softened me up. She was in skin-tight yoga pants and a sporty jacket with fluorescent strips, her hair tied back in a braid, and almost no make-up. Seeing her in an outfit like this had been an adjustment, to say the least, and I had had to chastise myself for sneaking a glance at her butt too many times already. "You should've thought of that before you invited yourself on my boat, as you keep calling it. I take my sailing time extremely seriously, Jessie."

I tried to glower at her, only I wasn't as skilled as she was, so it had zero effect.

"Mom, Jessie, come on!"

Ari had come running towards us, jumping up and down, and Elizabeth nodded for me to go first. I swallowed, my legs shaking as I followed the kids to the pier. Cami babbled excitedly, her little hand enveloped in her mother's, and Ari kept asking her mom if she could be the one to guide the sloop out of the bay and if she was allowed to "perform a tack", whatever the hell that was. The idea of being on one of the bigger vessels seemed doable, but when Ari pointed out the small sloop, I halted in my steps, my heart flying to my throat.

That one? We were going to fit two adult women and three kids on that measly piece of wood?

I gaped at Elizabeth. "You've got to be kidding me."

A pointed look. "I thought you knew me better by now." There was a playfulness to her tone I would've appreciated at virtually any other moment, but right now, I could only shake my head.

"No. No. Absolutely not. I'm not setting foot on that... that... deathtrap."

Ari laughed at me, placing her hands on her hips. She'd been questioning us about pirates constantly during the ride here, and the memory of her asking what they used to do with dead bodies when out on sea didn't exactly help with my nerves. "Are you scared?" she taunted, dragging out the last word.

Yes. Yes. I was scared shitless, okay? And I was not ashamed of it. People did this for fun? Why?!

Part of me expected Elizabeth to snap and order me to take an Uber back to the house, or maybe that's what I hoped for. Instead, she handed the cooler to Ari and said: "You and Manon can go ahead, but stay away from the water. I mean it." Elizabeth's stern gaze was enough for them to meekly nod at her and set off at a subdued pace. The cooler was half the size of Ari, and seeing her struggle to carry it would've been hilarious if I'd still known how to laugh.

Elizabeth nodded towards them. "Come on, Jessie. I don't want to let them out of my sight."

Master manipulator. I gritted my teeth and walked after them, breathing in and out slowly in the hope it would calm down my frantic heart. The sloshing of waves against the side of the boats was louder here, and it was all I could hear as I stepped down onto the pier. The wood seemed old, worn, like it should've long been replaced — "No!" I flung myself forward and seized Elizabeth by her arm, pressing myself flush against her.

"Stop that! What on earth are you doing?"

Oh. Nothing had happened. I could've sworn the surface beneath me had moved, like it'd been about to collapse. In reality, I was just clinging to my boss while standing firmly and safe on the platform, with Camille giving me a confused look.

Elizabeth shook her head, pulling herself free. I couldn't bear to meet her gaze, see the disappointment. I didn't want to ruin her day. She hadn't mentioned our planned outing much, but I'd seen her busy preparing, selecting outfits for the youngest kids and herself and checking the weather app multiple times this morning to see what conditions we were going to have to deal with. And here I was, once again messing everything up with my stupid issues.

So, when she offered me her hand and said "here, take it", I almost couldn't believe it.

Still trembling, I took it. Hers was cool and strong, far more calloused than I'd expected. How often did she come here? I tried to ignore the way my small hand fitted perfectly in her firm grip, because that was not a smart thought to have. This was a massive mistake. Why hadn't I just let her fire me? If only she'd been an old conservative dude with too much wild chest hair, I was sure I wouldn't have volunteered to face my worst fears.

Slowly, she led us down the pier, always keeping her eyes on Manon and Ari. Camille looked around her legs and flashed me a toothy smile. "It's okay, Jessie!" she said, her voice high in excitement. "Mommy won't let anything happen to us! She has a sea-tif-cut."

I didn't think I could talk at the moment, so I settled on returning a vague, confused smile.

Elizabeth sighed resignedly, throwing her head back for a second, like she was questioning her life choices as much as I was. "Yes, love, I have a 'certificate'," she said to Cami. Then, added, in a less soft tone: "I've worked as a lifeguard back when I was a teen."

Camille was a genius. Not because that piece of information calmed me down for a minute, but more because I was momentarily able to distract myself by picturing Elizabeth in a low-cut red bathing suit, a whistle dangling before her chest as she ran out to sea.

Ari laughed her head off about me, calling me a 'chicken shit' repeatedly, while Manon held Cami and me so Elizabeth could get the life jackets out of the 'lazarette'. I'd never been so relieved to see a set of orange floating devices. Elizabeth helped Cami in hers, adjusting the straps with expert precision, then checked Ari's and Manon's.

She seemed so sure of herself as she did it. How did she do that? I'd never trusted myself to do anything too complicated or life-threatening, especially not with three young kids in tow.

"Will you please check mine too?"

My voice was a barely audible squeak, but I figured my cool facade had already been smashed anyway. It couldn't exactly get any worse.

She held back a sigh as she complied, tugging at the buckles on my jacket. Apparently satisfied, she stepped backward, dangerously close to the edge. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew there was nothing to worry about, only it wasn't loud enough to prevent me from throwing my arms around her waist to pull her back as I yelped, her body crashing into mine. "Don't stand so close to the edge; you're gonna fall in!"

There was a second in which I realized the absurdity of the situation: her, frozen in my strange accidental embrace. Then, she pushed me off her. "Don't be ridiculous," she said, and if I didn't know better, I would've sworn a slight blush had crept up her cheeks."I'm not gonna fall in. I have perfectly good balance."

Oh, yeah. It was just me who couldn't rely on her own footwork.

This would be a good moment to find a hole to crawl into and hide.

Trying not to embarrass myself any further, I kept my mouth shut as she helped me into the sloop and commanded me to sit next to Camille. The boat swayed beneath me, waves crashing into the sides, and I buried my face in my hands, drowning out the excited chatter around me. Cami patted my back, telling me I didn't have to be scared. I would've smiled at her gratefully if I could've done so without puking.

I couldn't believe I was doing this.

So many people had tried, throughout the years, to get me to go swimming with them, and then this is the way I finally chose to confront my worst nightmares. On a boat. Right where it all started.

At least, there were life jackets this time and the smell of apple juice packets instead of cheap cans of beer. That was an improvement.

Before long, the boat began to rock more violently, and I clasped my hands around the edge, forcing my breakfast to stay where it belonged. Above us, some gulls squawked, and one laughed at me; Ari and Cami imitated them excitedly.

"Jessie, you're missing the spectacular view." It was Elizabeth, of course; yet, in a way, it wasn't. Her voice was so carefree, with a hint of teasing in there, and it was so unlike what I was used to from her.

"Yeah, come on, look at me. I'm a real pirate!" That was Ari, obviously.

"You're only going to make yourself more nauseous this way." Manon.

"Come on." Elizabeth again, in a soft, happy tone. "You're wearing a life vest, the ocean is calm today, and I have everything under control."

That she did. Always. Hearing her order her kids around had been strangely soothing, probably because it was so familiar. Well, I had made it onto the ship; it would be a waste to not enjoy anything about this whole ordeal.

Slowly, I opened my eyes, blinking against the light. Immediately, my stomach flipped, and I clutched Cami's arm. Elizabeth and Ari were both perched on the side of the boat, their butts above the water, holding a sort of stick in their hands. I wanted to warn them, tell them to get their asses into the boat asap, but then Elizabeth smiled, and like a miracle, I felt myself relax. It was the prettiest smile I'd ever seen on her, wide and open and directed at me, with her eyes sparkling like the sun reflecting on the ocean, and it was dumbfounding.

"See?" she said. "This isn't so bad." The words danced in her smile, and I couldn't do anything but nod.

"It's... kinda really beautiful," I said. It was. She'd promised me we wouldn't roam too far from the shore, and we hadn't: I could still make out the multitude of boats in the marina to my left. Behind me, a long strip of beach, a handful of tiny people flittering about. The most impressive was the sea itself, rolling wave after wave, gurgling and splashing, dark blue, hiding its contents in the depth of it. It almost looked... peaceful.

Ari's hair was flying around her head; it always managed to escape her braids. She pushed it back with one hand, miraculously managing to stay seated. "Mom," she said, "why are you being so nice to Jessie? I thought you hated her."

That shouldn't sting the way it did. Elizabeth didn't hate me, did she? She wouldn't have let me live with them if she had, right? Not to mention gone through all this trouble to help me confront my fears?

Elizabeth seemed just as taken aback. She didn't look at me, pretending to be busy checking something with the sails, before saying, very decidedly: "I have always been nice to Jessie."

"No, you haven't."

Leave it to Ari to put you on the spot.

Manon, who had been writing something down in her notebook, looked up. "Mom just isn't a people person, Ari," she said. "It's not something personal. She's like that with everyone. It's why she doesn't have any friends."

Ouch.

To my astonishment, Elizabeth laughed, throwing her head back like she'd never heard anything funnier. "You see, Jessie," she said, "if you ever want free therapy, just have kids."

I snorted. "Nannying someone else's kids works fine too."

Ari frowned at me. "You don't have friends either. Do grown-ups not have friends?"

Honestly, I had no idea. I used to have them, until that dumb rumor messed it all up, and drama ensued. Maybe it was easier to have straight friends, though I had no idea where to find those. Or what to do with them, for that matter.

"Grown-ups have friends," I said. "Your mom and I are just very busy with our jobs. Doesn't leave much time to hang out with other people."

Camille nudged me in my side, her eyes wide. "What is your job, Jessie?"

Everyone laughed then, even Camille herself. I threw my arm around her to pull her close, pressing a kiss on the top of her head. She was such a cutie. "Your mommy pays me to take care of you, sweetie. I'm your nanny. That's my job."

"Ooooh," she said, grinning sheepishly. "Well, I like your job."

My heart. "I like my job too. Very much."

My eyes connected with Elizabeth's, who gave me a barely noticeable nod, smiling that fond smile she reserved especially for her youngest. She seemed so much more at ease here than she ever did at home, no tension in her features at all. "Look," I said, "your mom and I might've not hit it off immediately. I mean, she can be a bit of a pain in the —"

"Excuse me," Elizabeth interrupted, though there was humor in her voice.

Oh, yeah. Kids. Language.

"But," I continued, "that's behind us now, and I'm pretty sure she likes me."

Manon rolled her eyes. "Duh. You're on mom's sloop. Of course, she likes you. You wouldn't be here if she didn't."

"I'll have you know that Jessie invited herself," Elizabeth said. "She was annoyingly persistent."

Despite the smile still present on her face, I couldn't help but worry. Had I gone too far again? People had told me so many times to stop being so extra. Why do you always take it too far, Jessie? Why do you always cross the line, Jessie? This was nothing like when I proposed Lennox to get married and adopt her parentless nephew, with the ring wrapped in the clean diaper, right? Apparently, that had been too much too soon as well.

"Wait," Manon said, and I was sure she was going to chastise me for forcing myself on her mom, "I thought you were scared of water?"

Oh. Not what I'd expected.

Before I could respond, she veered up, dropping her pencil. "You're doing the Trust Test!" She all but shouted it, eyes growing big as she looked from her mom to me, like she'd just uncovered the most exciting secret of all time.

"The what?" Ari said.

Elizabeth wasn't looking at them, commanding Manon to do something with the ropes that were attached to the sail. I supposed it was an attempt to distract them, though she could've just as well not bothered. Had she met her own kids? "This is so great," Manon said when she was done. "Now you'll both have a friend!"

I laughed at that. Wasn't that pathetic? My employer was my only friend. Elizabeth seemed to be thinking along the same lines, because she frowned, the smile wiped away. "I don't think it works like that," she said. "It's not magic."

"Mom, come on," Manon said, in an exasperated tone she'd definitely learned from Elizabeth herself. "You've brought her on a family outing. You never bring anyone with you."

"You don't?"

I couldn't hold my surprise in. I hadn't exactly mulled it over, but I'd assumed I wouldn't be the first non-Miller/Canfield to set foot on the boat. Until then, I thought Manon had been exaggerating with the whole 'no friends' thing. Surely, a woman like her had friends or at least people to have a drink with? She was sometimes gone in the evenings, and although she said she had to work, I'd figured she was just going out and didn't want me to know.

Elizabeth kept her eyes on the horizon. For a while, it seemed she wasn't going to answer — then: "No. There aren't many people who'll volunteer to spend time with three kids in such a confined space. You're an exception when it comes to that."

Ari opened her mouth wide, offended. "Well, their loss! It's awesome. Right, Jessie?"

Her mom smiled, again. I'd never seen her smile as much as today, and it looked so good on her. Maybe, just maybe, we could do this again sometime. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Until now, I'd completely forgotten that I was out on the ocean, surrounded by water on all four sides. "Yeah," I said, "yeah, it's actually not so bad. You like it too, Cami?"

Cami grinned, nodding fervently. "I love it!" she said, throwing her small hands in the air. "Now, can I have an apple, mommy?"

I laughed and pulled her close. Hungry pumpkin.