Idea: me after I remembered hanahaki exists
Words: 5007
Warnings: blood, death, long, heavy angst,

This is easily the longest oneshot I have ever written, just so you know. Do you like longer or shorter one shots more?

When Regulus woke up, he felt like he was going to throw up. He shot up from his bed and ran to the bathroom. He heard steps coming closer, but he was focused on leaning over the toilet. "Regulus?" Evan asked, "Are you okay?" He heard a soft knock against the door.

He opened his mouth to tell Evan he was fine, but out only came blood, that fell into the toilet and made the water red. "I'm getting concerned" Evan said from the other side. Regulus coughed. Blood shot into the toilet with one single rose petal. Regulus could taste blood in his mouth. He didn't like the iron flavour. He flushed the toilet and stood up. His body started to shake and he fell against the sink. "REGULUS OPEN THE DOOR" Evan shouted from the other side. He was hitting the door. Regulus heard Barty say "alohomora", but the door stayed closed.

Regulus breathed loudly and tried to calm down. He knew what was going on immidately from the moment he saw the rose petal. He had read about Hanahaki before. It was a disease, where a flower starts growing inside of you. It fills your lungs, until you eventually die. You get it when you believe to be in love with someone, but they don't love you back. There were only two cures. One, where you confessed to the person and they confess too, but if you get rejected, you immidately die. The second cure is a spell, that removes the flower from inside of you. The side effect is, you forget everyone you love. The third option was to wait for death. The flower took a week to grow.

"REGULUS ARCTURUS BLACK! YOU OPEN THIS DOOR IMMIDATELY!"

But he didn't. He took a glass and filled it with water. He brought it to his lips and filled his mouth with water. He moved it around and then spat it in the sink. The water had became red. Regulus drank the rest of the water and washed the bloody water away.

"Evan, go away. I'm trying to fucking pee" Regulus said back. He looked at himself from the mirror. His hair was messy and his face around his mouth was bloody. "Oh, sorry. False alarm." He heard stepts get farther from the bathroom door. He washed his face and tried to fix his hair, but it didn't work.

He sighed heavily. He had had a crush on James Potter for what felt like forever. James had started dating Lily recently and Regulus had lost all the hope. For him this meant he had 7 days to live.

He walked out of the bathroom and went to his bed. Barty was already asleep, but Evan was laying awake on his bed. "Are you sure you are okay?" Evan asked and turned to face him. Regulus sat on his bed and pulled the blanket over himself. "Yes" he said and took his book. "You are not going to read, are you?" "Oh shut up Ev and let me read" he rolled his eyes and opened the book to continue from where he had left it. "Regulus, it's 3 in the morning..." Evan said carefully.

"Just piss off" Regulus wasn't in the mood. "I'm trying to take care of you!" "Well thank you, but put it on someone else. It's going to waste with me" he started to read. "It's not waste if I take care of you! You have full life ahead and I want it to be good for you. We have classes tomorrow and I don't want you to pass out." "I won't be going to classes anymore." "What do you mean you are not going to classes anymore?"

Regulus didn't reply. Evan gave up and turned to look away and buried himself into his pillows. "Good night" he mumbled. Regulus just turned the page.

Regulus walked to the Marauders during breakfast and tapped on Sirius's shoulder. He turned around and looked at Regulus. "Yeah?" Sirius asked. Remus, James and Peter were all staring at him. Even Lily was, as she was sitting next to James. Regulus bit his lip. He didn't like atenttion. "Can we hang out this week?"

Sirius smiled awkwardly. "I'm sorry, but I can't. I have the whole week full." "O-" his voice craked, "Oh..." He quickly smiled, "That's fine." "I'm very sorry Reg, maybe next week?" Sirius suggested. Regulus shook his head and held his tears away, "I- I can't next week, nor the week after that. Or any of the weeks after this..."

"Why? Parents haven't done anything to you, have they?" Sirius was concerned. Regulus shook his head again and walked off so he could let himself cry. He had only a week to live, but his own brother didn't have time for him. To Sirius's defence, he didn't know. But Regulus still felt offended. It shouldn't have matter if he was dying or not. His brother should have time for him!

Regulus walked to his dorm. He did have charms, but he didn't care, He was planning to write 7 letters, one each day. He would carry them around until his death and those letters could be his last words. It wasn't even 10 yet, but he had decided to already start writing his first letter and maybe continue it later.

Dear reader.

Welcome.

I am Regulus Black and I am dying. I have hanahaki, to be exact, I found out today at 3am. I threw up blood into our toilet. My crush is James F. Potter btw, I know you are wondering. For now no one else knows. I tried to ask Sirius, my older brother to hang out with me, but he had the week full.

I'm dying slowly but surely, and no one knows. Ha, if only they would. Would anyone even care? Evan definently would and probably Barty. They are two of my best friends. My parents wouldn't, but I'm not sure about Sirius. He is a big mystery to me.

Regulus stopped writing. Somehow he had already waisted 30 minutes to that. He then put the half done letter to his pocket and left the dorm to walk around. He had never broken rules. He was too scared to. But now, did it even matter? He was going to die anyway.

He inspected every corner, also the ones he wasn't allowed to. He then went to eat dinner and returned to his dorm to finish the letter.

I saw Sirius hang out with his friends while I was inspecting. He didn't seem like a person who didn't have time to hang out with his dying little brother. I dunno, maybe he just dosen't like me. I'm not blaming him. He has many reasons to hate me. But I still miss him! I want him to comfort me. I want him to show me he loves me. I want him here.

I don't know if I'm talking about James or Sirius.

But, back to the only people who care about me. Evan asked me a lot of questions during the dinner. They were all the same question in 10 different ways.

"What is wrong?"

I haven't told him. He would force me to tell James. But if I tell James, I will instantly die. He has a girlfriend! I have no chance. The worst part is, that if I tell him(James), there's two options. Either I also tell him I have hanahaki and he will accept me out of pity, or I will die alone.

I like the second option better, to be honest. In the first option, I will ruin his life, because he will be stuck with me.

So I told Evan I'm sick. He nodded and promised to tell the professors and get me the homework. He is too good for me.

Regulus didn't get even a minute of sleep that night.

At 6, he stood up. He knew gryffindors had quidditch practise and he wanted to go to watch. He also really needed to throw up. He went to the bathroom and barely made it to the toilet, where he threw up blood and rose petals. His throat became sore, so he drank some water before he left to change his clothes and headed to the quidditch pitch.

The gryffindors were already there. He went to sit and then turned to look at them practise. He watched mostly James, but gave Sirius a couple of glances too. He didn't understand how James was the only thing he could think about beside the fact his brother hated him. Regulus knew he couldn't have this man, so why did he care?

"JAMES WATCH OUT" Sirius screamed. There was a ball coming fast towards James, but James didn't see it. James was hit and he began to fall. Regulus reacted quickly and made a slow falling spell, before he sprinted to the field. Regulus was by James before anyone else had even reacted and was already casting healing spells.  Sirius was the second one by his side. When he saw James was going to be okay, he looked up to Regulus, who was more focused on casting the spells.

Sirius glared at him. "What are you doing here? Are you spying on us?" Regulus shook his head quickly. He didn't want to speak, because it hurt. "Answer to me propely!"

Regulus flinched. He hated shouting over anything. It reminded him of their house. He shook his head again and continued with the healing spells, finishing them. Marlene came down next. "Stop Sirius! He is your own brother who is saving your best friend's life, but all you are doing is screaming to him about spying on us. He isn't even in the team!"

It was offical. Sirius hated him. Regulus walked away before he could see Sirius's reaction. He was scared.

Regulus didn't speak for the rest of the day.

Dear reader.

It's me again, the dying teenager. It's offical now. Sirius hates me. Today I went to watch the gryffindor's quidditch team practise. James was hit and I saved his life. Sirius started screaming to me about spying. Dosen't he know I hate loud noices? He should. They remind me of the place we used to call home.

I still haven't told anyone. Sometimes I wonder if someone deserves to know. Evan does, but I'm not brave like Sirius so I'm not going to tell him.

I'm crying.

I want Sirius back. We used to have these lovely moments together. Where are they now? Now he accuses me of everything he can think of. He avoids me and absolutely hates my guts. I just want him here. He would know how to deal with James. He could tell me how to ignore James's amazing personality and stunning looks.

I'm going to die on Sunday. How ironic. SUNday. I'm going to die on the day that's supposed to be happy. Actually, it probably is after I have died. I should just confess to James so he can reject me and I will die. It would be easiest for everybody. But I'm a coward and I'm too scared to die.

I have gotten worse. My voice is silent and my throat hurts. If Sirius ever ends up reading this, I'm sorry I didn't "answer to you propely." My throat hurt and I knew if I would speak, you could hear it. I didn't want you to know.

I wish I would be anyone else than me. I wish I would have a loving brother. I wish the man I love wouldn't be the end of me. I wish I didn't have hanahaki. I wish I would have loving parents. I wish I wouldn't be gay. I wish I would have a loving girlfriend, like James does.

I have to go. Evan is starting to ask what I'm doing. Bye, who ever you are.

Regulus woke up at 2pm. He was covered in blood and had to take a shower and clean the bed with a spell. He then left to go to the hospital wing to get potion for his throat. Pomfry was very kind to him. She didn't question it and just gave him the potion. He drank it straight away and gave the bottle back. "Thank you, ma'am" he said. Pomfry smiled and nodded to him. He left and headed to the kitchen.

He was stopped on his way there. "Regulus" Sirius walked beside him, "I'm sorry." "Sure you are" he said rolling his eyes and continued to walk. Sirius continued to walk with him. "I am" he said. "It's fine" Regulus said and walked into the kitchen. The house elves gave him fruits. He sat at the table with them. Sirius sat infront of him. "Thank you for saving James's life. I know you don't really care about him, but I'm happy you decided to save him for me."

Regulus ate a grape and looked up. "His shitty dodging skills didn't deserve to get the kill" he chuckled dryly. Sirius hummed. "I heard you have been sick lately. Rosier told me so. Well, not me directly. This kid asked me why you weren't in class, but Rosier happened to walk by and answered to him" he stole a grape from Regulus.

Regulus didn't reply. Instead he just took a bite out of a stick made of apple. "Do you know what illness you have?" Sirius asked. "Oh come on, we both know you hate me. You don't have to pretend" he took another grape. "What?!"

Regulus flinched again of the loud noice. "I have evidence" he said and took another apple stick. "What evidence?"

Regulus sighed, like he would have been talking to a child. "On Monday, I asked you to hang out. You said your week was full. I saw you later on the day and you didn't seem too busy. On Tuesday, a.k.a. yesterday, you accused me of spying after I saved your best friend's life. And today, you come here to 'apologise' but I bet you didn't want to. Marlene just forced you to come."

"Don't be selfish. My week is actually full. Many slytherins have spied us recently and I wasn't forced to come in here. You being ill dosen't mean I should give you all my atenttion. You are just selfish"

Regulus stood up and left with out saying anything else. On his way back to dorm, he bumped into someone. "Sorry" he immidately mumbled out of reflex. "It's fine, it happens."

It was James. "Oh, you." James raized his eyebrow, "Is there something wrong with me?" "No!" he said a little bit too quickly, "Well yes, no one is perfect." He then ran to the dorm to escape the situation.

Dear reader

I talked to Sirius today. He said I'm selfish and how my illness dosen't mean he should care about me. He dosen't even admit he hates me.

Then I bumped to James. I'm dying (Literally): his eyes, those silly glasses, the hair and how the uniform fits him. Damn. I dunno, maybe I just have to start staring at him for these last days. I want to live for him, but I can't.

Oh and this morning I also went to get medicine for my sore throat from Pomfry, but there wasn't anything special there.

Regulus was walking through the halls, when he tasted blood in his mouth. Before he could react, he had already started coughing. He stopped walking and held his throat, when the ground was slowly being filled with blood and rose petals.

Someone ran to him. "Regulus?! What happened?!" It was James. "Fuck off, it's none of your concern" he managed before he had to start coughing again. "We have to go to the hospital wing" James took his hand, but Regulus took it back from him. "I'll be fine, just leave me alone."

Regulus knew James was making it worse by just talking to him. It made Regulus's love at the moment stronger, which affected the coughing.

James took both of his hands and dragged him towards the hospital wing. Regulus tried to fight against him, but James was way stronger. "Let me go!"

"No. Sirius might be a shitty big brother, but I'm not a dickhead. You are coughing blood, there's clearly something wrong" he said and continued dragging. "Pomfry cannot help! I know what's wrong! There's not working cure to it" he said. James stopped and turned to look at him. Regulus was sweating and his clothes were covered in blood, just like the skin around his mouth.

"What's wrong then?" he asked. "It's none of your concern." "Regulus" he was glaring at him. "Just leave!"

"Regulus Black, I don't care if we aren't the closest. I am going to find out what's wrong, you like it or not" James held his wrists tightly to avoid him from escaping. "So tell me what is wrong right now."

Regulus looked at him for a good while. He didn't try to escape. He didn't speak. He just stared, until finally "I have hanahaki disease."

"Okay. When is the day?" James asked. It was hard to read his emotions. "I believe it's Sunday" Regulus replied. "Does Sirius know?" Regulus shook his head, "You are the only one who does."

James was taken back. He was honoured. "Thank you for telling me." His hold on his wrists wasn't as tight anymore. Regulus pulled away and started coughing violently again. It was only in that moment when James noticed the petals.

Regulus took in a shaky breath, "I will murder you in your sleep if you tell anyone." It wasn't convincing when he was in this state, but James didn't laugh. "I won't" he said instead. Regulus started to clean himself with spells and James watched. "Who is the lucky guy?"

Regulus turned to look at him. "What?" "Who is the one you have fallen for?" James asked. "Oh..." Regulus looked away, "It dosen't matter. I know for a fact he dosen't love me. I'm doomed."

"How can you know that? Have you asked him?" "No, but he has a girlfriend." "That's messed up. I'm sorry for you." Regulus turned back to look at him. "You don't have to fake pity just because you are the only one I have told. He honest. I will die anyway, it dosen't matter what you say."

"I am being honest." Regulus shrugged and returned on cleaning himself. "Let's go for a walk, okay?" James suggested. "Fine" Regulus said and finished cleaning himself. James took his hand and started to drag him to another way, which sent butterflies flying around his stomach.

He was dragged outside of the castle, where it was mostly silent. Birds were singing and the water was making small sounds when it hit the edge of the Black lake, when the wind was moving it around. Regulus felt calm and closed his eyes. He let James lead him.

They stopped, but James didn't let go of his hand. Regulus sighed softly and opened his eyes again. They were at the black lake. They stood in a comfortable silence, watching the lake. "How is Lily?" Regulus asked finally. "I don't know." Regulus turned to look at his side profile. "What do you mean you don't know?"

"I just don't know. We don't talk about those things quite often. We usually just talk about others" James shrugged. He didn't turn to face Regulus. "Even I know that's not a healthy relationship." "Look, it's complicated between us" James finally looked at him, "We are not that couple from muggle fairytales."

"Do you even love her?" Regulus asked. Lily was a good girl, she deserved to be loved. "'Course I do!" "What's her favourite color?" "What?" "I asked what's her favourite damn color." "Red. Or green. Maybe yellow?" "Her middle name." "It started with i, I think." "It starts with j. How about does she wear make up?" "I guess." "Does she wear ear rings?" "Maybe." "Who does she love?" "Mary."

Regulus fell silent. James realized what had happened. "Like I said, it's complicated." "So you love her?" "Yes."

Regulus let go of his hand and wrapped them around himself. "Do you love her?" James asked. Regulus shook his head, but he started to cough violently again. "You love her!" James said with a gasp. Regulus shook his head again and tried to stop coughing. Blood started to get out, but James didn't do anything. "Why didn't you tell me?" James continued. "I DON'T LOVE HER" Regulus screamed and continued to cough violently.

"Don't lie to me!" But Regulus couldn't reply for good two minutes filled with violent coughing, before the coughing calmed down. "I am being honest" Regulus quoted. "Then why are you so obsessed with her?" "Obsessed with her?" "Yeah! You asked like billion questions about her and started to cough blood when I said she loves Mary!"

Regulus looked at him in disbelief and shook his head. "You really think I would go as deep as that to get with my crush?" "What does that even mean?" "I was trying to prove you didn't love her" Regulus said and walked away from James, who didn't follow him.

Dear reader

You won't believe this, but I actually hanged out with James today. I told him I have hanahaki, but I didn't confess. He said I loved Evans. Such a idiot. I wanted to scream "NO! I LOVE YOU, SILLY!" But that would be deathly.

I'm planning on telling Evan, because he deserves to know. I just don't know how he will react and it's creeping me out. I bet he is going to be angry. Or maybe he will be sad? I don't know. I only have Friday and Saturday left before the day I die. I have tried to avoid Sirius - which I probably shouldn't do - and it has gone great so far.

I also got a letter from mother today. She said the usual. Aka I should remind Sirius how much of a disapointment he is to the family and how much I suck. I wonder what her face is like when she finds out I'm gay. Maybe I will come out to her soon so I get to know.

I haven't hanged out with Barty and Evan too much recently. I very much should. I don't know how long the professors will believe I'm sick, if I keep walking around the school. Hopefully long enough for me to die out of their way

In Friday morning, Evan was waiting for Regulus to wake up. And when he did, Evan was not happy. "What is actually going on? You keep caughing blood. That's not normal sick behaviour." "I have hanahaki" Regulus blurted out. "Is it Potter?" Regulus nodded. They sat in silence for a few seconds, before Regulus continued. "I'm sorry. I should have told you ealrier. You deserved to know."

"Damn right you should've" Evan said. "I'm really sorry!" "Regulus. I'm not angry. You are dying and you are my best friend. How could I scream to you on your last days?" "I guess that makes sense."

Evan hugged him and finally broke. "I can't loose you." "We can't do anything about that" Regulus sighed and hugged back. Evan sobbed against his shoulder, "I will skip today. We can hang out fo the whole day!" Regulus nodded. "What will we even do?"

"Anything! Let's go get some snacks and then just hang out" Evan said. "Right now?" "Yeah, there's no time to waste." Regulus and Evan stood up. They took their stuff and ran out hand in hand. They ran through the corridors. ignoring teachers who were telling them to stop. They ran all the way to the kitchen, where they got some snack and then they ran to the Astronomy tower.

They were laughing when they reached the destination. The door was slammed shut and they walked to the edge. They smiled to the beautiful view and ate the snacks, which happened to mostly be sweets.

"You know, if I didn't know better, I would think this would be a date" Regulus said and took a strawberry. Evan snorted, "I'm taken!" "I know! No need to push it to my face!" Regulus laughed. "Dick." "Pussy." "I'M NOT A PUSSY!" "Shut it, someone could hear" Regulus pressed his finger to his lips.

Evan pushed it away and ate a chocolate. "If Barty wouldn't be so fucking hot, I would definently be drooling over you" he said. "Ew, no thank you. I don't want your drool all over me" Regulus smirked. Evan rolled his eyes.

Then Regulus' smile faded and he started to cough over the edge. "That's a lot of blood anf flower petals" Evan said when Regulus' coughing had calmed down. "Yeah" Regulus said weakly and took a chocolate. "Drink some water" Evan said and pushed a glass of water closer to him. Regulus took it and drank a little from it.

"Hey remember when we first met in the train?" Evan asked. Regulus smiled and nodded.

Regulus had been reading. He had been early and was just waiting for the train to move. Barty had walked in and sat to the opposite of him. He and Regulus knew each other, but weren't really friends yet. They had greeted each other and started small talk, when a blonde boy walked in. The boy had freckles and glasses. "Can I sit here?" he had asked. Regulus had asked his surename, and when Evan said his name was Evan Rosier, Regulus let him in.

"You looked like an idiot! I still can't imagine I actually let you in!" Regulus laughed. "I agree. I hated those glasses. They made me look like a nerd. I'm glad I got rid of them. But also, if you wouldn't have let an idiot sit next to you, we wouldn't be here right now." "I think we would. We just would've met in a different occasion." "Don't ruin my moment! I'm trying to be wise."

Regulus laughed. "You are the opposite of wise!"

Evan whined. At some point they had eaten all the snacks and soon it was already dark, so they had to return to their dorm.

Dear reader

I finally told Evan. He was sad and spent the whole day with me. It was fun! But tomorrow will be my last day alive... So the time to write these letters is catching up. I don't know how to feel about all this. I have already accepted death years ago, when I found out I will die one day.

Death is just as natural as living, but still people keep sobbing about it. All happy things come to an end. It's a fact everyone knows. Why are they getting so emotional? It's just -1 to the population. Is it really that bad?

Regulus didn't have motivation to write anymore, so he just finished it there and went to sleep.

In the morning- No, it wasn't morning. When Regulus woke up, it was already far afternoon. His sleeping was longer the closer he got to his death. He had to get up and go to the bathroom to throw up blood and flower petals. His vision was blurry, but he left and went to hang out in the library.

Surprisingly Sirius walked up to him and sat down next to him. "What do you want?" Regulus asked. "I want to apologise. It was mean to call you selfish." "Why am I suddenly not selfish?" "Regulus, you are cowered in blood. This illness is clearly not a joke."

Shit. Regulus forgot to clean himself. He made a quick cleaning spell on himself. "It's not that bad." "How bad is it?" Regulus didn't answer. "Regulus. Do you even know what it is?" "I do know what it is, but you don't deserve to. You are a shit brother. End of the story" he stood up and took his stuff. "Don't go, Regulus. Don't leave me alone!"

Reglus turned to look at him. "Getting any deja vu?"

Regulus took a hold of his arm. Tears were falling down his cheecks, when he was trying to stop his brother from leaving him. "Please Sirius!" "I have to do this, Regulus" Sirius said and pushed him away taking his bag. "Don't go Sirius. Don't leave me alone! Take me with you!"

"No. You are just like them, so stay here. They don't hurt you. You are the fucking favourite! Always have been!" and then he left through the door.

"I gave you a chance. I gave you multiple chances. But you pushed me away everytime, until I didn't even try. Don't come begging after me. I fucking hate you, Sirius Orion Black" and then he left through the library's doors.

He didn't make it back to the dorm before he started to cough blood violently. He fell on his knees and started to focus on breathing, when he noticed it had became hard.

He knew this was the end, so he guickly took a paper and started to write quickly.

This is it, I'm dying. My last spoken words were "I fucking hate you Sirius Orion Black."

He couldn't write more, so he put it in his pocket with all the other letters.

He fainted, and never woke up again.

His death affected many:

James cried. He had fake dated Lily, so he could get Regulus' atenttion and Lily Mary's. He wished he didn't, because it ended up giving Regulus hanahaki

Evan and Barty cried and looked at the stars for hours every night, looking at regulus.

Everyone wore black ties for a week.

His letters were read out loud to the whole castle

But it affected Sirius the most. He stopped speaking, to avoid saying anything so hurtful