CHAPTER 12

AFTER WHAT CLOUD did in the Marquess' room, he felt so guilty he couldn't focus on making their dinner. Kissing Lord Jacques while sleeping, he felt like a bastard thief. Alam niyang hindi 'yon magugustuhan ng Marquess pero ginawa pa rin niya. And he took advantage of him while sleeping for fuck's sake!

How low can you fucking get, Cloud?! He screamed at himself inside his head. You need to apologize this instant!

Funny though, with his previous lovers, he doesn't care about their feelings, he doesn't care if he offended them, he's an asshole who only takes and takes and never gives, but look at him now, karma really has no menu. He got served what he deserved.

"—Cloud!"

Ilang beses na napakurap-kurap si Cloud ng marinig na may tumawag sa pangalan niya saka kumunot ang nuo niya ng makitang pinatay ng boss niya ang stove.

"What are you—"

"Sunog na ang niluluto mo." Anang boss niya saka tiningnan siya na parang binabasa ang emosyon sa mukha niya. "What did you do?" His boss was good at picking up emotions. "Why do you look so guilty?"

Sa halip na sumagot, nag-umpisa ulit si Cloud na magluto para sa hapunan nila, pero pinigilan siya ng boss niya.

"That's enough." The Count tsked. "We'll eat take-out."

"No, I'll—"

"Cloud," May diin ang boses ng Conde, "that's an order."

Cloud sighed before leaning in on the sink. "Sorry about the food, my lord."

The Count tsked. "Huwag mo nang isipin 'yon. So..." he trailed while looking at Cloud, "what happened? What did you do?"

Umiling si Cloud. "No offence meant my lord, but every time we talk, I get crazier because of you."

Mahinang tumawa ang Conde. "I'm so talented, you're very much welcome."

Cloud scowled at the Count. "No, you're crazy and you're passing it to me, my lord. Now, I'm going nuts too!"

The Count just shrugged nonchalantly before leaning in on the sink as well, beside Cloud, with his arms crossed over his chest. "Gaano ka na kabaliw sa kaniya?"

Cloud blows a loud breath. "I'm going crazy to the point that I burnt our dinner, and it never happened to me before. I'm losing my mind, my lord. How can liking a man be this hard and crazy?"

His lord looked at him incredulously. "How would I know? I'm straight as a fucking arrow."

"I was too, then I met him." Cloud glanced at his boss. "What am I gonna do, my lord? I went with the flow like you said, I let things unfold, and now I'm going crazy, because every time I see him, it's either I wanna kiss him or fuck him. I'm losing my control. I'm afraid that I might push my feelings onto him if this continues and I don't want that. I care for him too much. I know it's too late, but, how do I fucking stop this?"

Ilang minutong natahimik ang boss niya bago ito sumagot. "I don't know, Cloud, because not even once did I thought of stopping my feelings for Sweet Monday." His boss looked earnest. "I know you're having a hard time, but don't blame it on liking a man. When it comes to matters of the heart, everyone is the same, Cloud. No one is different just because they have a different sexual preference. It's the feeling, not the gender."

Nagbaba ng tingin si Cloud. "I wish I didn't tell him how I feel about him, I should've just stayed silent, because in silence, there's no rejection."

"No use regretting what you did, Cloud. What's done is done. Don't regret for being brave." Tinapik ng Conde ang balikat niya. "I'll take care of the take out. What would you like and that motherfucking Marquess?"

A smile shadowed Cloud's lips. "I'll cook for Lord Jacques. He doesn't like take-out."

Knight stared at Cloud and with a small smile, Knight shook his head. Ever since Cloud confessed to Knight that he's starting to like a man, Cloud never mentioned the man's name, but seeing Cloud now, Knight already knew who it was.

"I'll call Calderon to deliver some food." Knight said then tapped Cloud's shoulder before leaving the kitchen.

Naiwan namang mag-isa si Cloud sa kusina, kapagkuwan ay mariin niyang ipinikit ang mga mata habang hinihilot ang sentido. Nagpapasalamat talaga siya sa boss niya. Baliw lang ito pero alam nito ang sasabihin para kahit papaano ay gumaan ang pakiramdam niya.

Cloud took a deep breath, then released them softly before starting to cook for Lord Jacques.

It's not good to repress what he's feeling, but if it's the only way to stay close to the Lord Jacques, then Cloud would take whatever he can get.

While preparing for Lord Jacques' meal, the take out from Calderon's Restaurant arrived. Cloud immediately went to work, readying everything in silver trays and then he brought them to his boss' room.

Cloud carefully placed the trays on the center table inside the Count's room, then he bowed down at his boss and Lady SM. "Please, enjoy your dinner."

"Thank you, Cloud." Magiliw na sabi ni Lady SM habang may masuyong ngiti sa mga labi. "Thank you for always taking care of us."

"You're always welcome, Lady SM." Pagkasabi nun ay yumukod si Cloud ulit bago lumabas sa kuwarto ng boss niya saka bumalik sa kusina para kunin ang tray na may lamang pagkain na para naman sa Marquess.

As Cloud carries the silver tray on one hand, he walked like how a perfect butler should. Chin up and back straight.

Nang makarating siya sa labas ng kuwarto ni Lord Jacques, kumatok muna siya bago pinihit pabukas ang pinto. Nagtaka siya ng wala siyang Marquess na nakita. Cloud checked every corner and when he couldn't find the Marquess, he stepped out of the room and started looking for the Marquess — yes, still carrying the silver tray with food in one hand.

Nang mapadaan si Cloud sa sariling kuwarto, natigilan siya ng makitang bahagyang nakabukas ang pintuan niyon.

Cloud was certain that he closed the door to his room.

Frowning, Cloud went inside, and his eyebrows furrowed even more when he saw Lord Jacques lying on his own bed while watching a horror film again.

Cloud was confused and couldn't stop himself from asking. "What are you doing in my room?"

The Marquess just shrugged and continued watching.

Cloud carefully placed the silver tray on the edge of the bed while eyeing the Marquess curiously.

"Kumain ka na muna." Sabi niya sa Marquess.

"Mmm." Lord Jacques just hummed.

Okay. Something's wrong. "Are you feeling okay?"

Umalis ang tingin ng Marquess sa pinapanood na pelikula saka tumingin ito sa kaniya ng ilang segundo bago bumuka ang bibig nito para magtanong. "Kumain ka na ba?"

Cloud blinked at Lord Jacques, stunned at the language he used and how sexy he sounded while speaking Tagalog.

Jacques smirked at Cloud's stunned face. "I do know how to speak the language a little."

Gumuhit ang ngiti sa mga labi ni Cloud. "Hindi lang ako sanay."

"Well?" Jacques inquired. "Kumain ka na ba?"

"Ang palaging tanong ng mga taong pa-fall." Hindi mapigilan ni Cloud na mahinang matawa. "Are you trying to make me fall for you, Lord Jacques? Don't bother, I already have."

Napatanga sa kaniya ang Marquess kapagkuwan ay minura siya na mas lalong ikinatawa niya. "You're really a shameless son of a bitch, you asshole prick."

Cloud smirked at the Marquess. "You already know that I'm shameless, Lord Jacques. Now, eat, please."

Sa halip na kumain tulad ng hiling ni Cloud, patagilid na ihinilig ni Jacques ang kanang balikat nito sa headboard ng kama habang nakatingin kay Cloud. "Cloud?"

"Yes, my lord?"

"Why do you like me?"

Bahagyang nagulat si Cloud sa tanong ng Marquess at nang makita iyon ni Jacques, nagpaliwanag ito.

"It's just unbelievable for me." Ani Jacques habang nakatingin sa mukha ni Cloud, pinagmamasdan ang emosyong naglalaro sa mukha nito. "I know I'm unlikeable. I'm hard to deal with. I have a bad temper. I don't have any good traits and lastly, I'm not normal, so why? Why do you like me? As far as I can remember, I didn't do anything good to you for you to like me."

Cloud pressed his lips before answering honestly, "I don't know either." A lopsided smile appeared on Cloud's lips, "I just do. Though I think we have different views of you, Lord Jacques. For me, you're not unlikeable, I like you, remember? Also, yes, you're hard to deal with, but that doesn't really matter to me. I can deal with you just fine. Yes, you have a bad temper, I already experience it first hand but it's part of the things I like about you. Don't ask me why, I don't know either. I like seeing you angry, it amuses me. And I beg to disagree about you not having a good trait, you do have two."

"And those are?"

A seductive smile stretched on Cloud's lips. "You're handsome as fuck and sexy as hell."

Tumaas ang dalawang kilay ng Marquess. "So it's just physical?"

"No." Cloud answered honestly. "I like how you can make me feel things I didn't know I could feel. It scares me, at the same time, it excites me. I thought I have life figured out, I thought I knew myself and I thought the world could never surprise me anymore, then I met you, you prove me wrong, and I like it. You say that you're not normal, but to me, you are. I told you before, insensitivity to pain doesn't make you less of a normal person."

"You like me that much?" Jacques was stunned.

Thmango si Cloud. "Gusto kita ng buong-buo, walang tapon."

Jacques sighed heavily while still staring at Cloud. "But I'm a man, Cloud. And I don't like men."

"I perfectly know that." Cloud gave the Marquess a charming smile. "Ngayong sinagot ko na ang mga tanong mo," iminuwestra ni Cloud ang kamay sa tray, "kumain ka na. I know you don't feel hunger but it's way pass dinner time already."

Jacques sighed before pausing the movie, then he got up from the bed, picked up the silver tray and he went to the sofa. "Go get your food in the kitchen." Ani Jacques kay Cloud saka inilapag ang tray sa center table ng sofa. "Let's eat together."

"Yes, my lord." Cloud replied and went to get his dinner so he could eat with the Marquess.

His boss was right, no use regretting his confession to Lord Jacques. Cloud was old enough to take full responsibility for his actions and words and also to accept rejection. He will just take whatever he could get from the Marquess and eating dinner with him was one of them.

Nang makalabas si Cloud ng kuwarto, naiwang mag-isa si Jacques sa loob na nakatingin sa tray na may lamang pagkain.

He was outside the kitchen earlier, he heard the motherfucking Count and Cloud's conversation.

They're supposed to eat take out, but Cloud opt to cook for him, telling the Count that he doesn't like take out.

Jacques also heard Cloud saying he regrets confessing to him and he doesn't want to force his feelings onto him, afraid that he might hate him if ever that happens and he will be uncomfortable around him.

But contrary to Cloud's thinking, Jacques doesn't feel uncomfortable around the guy even knowing that he likes him like that. Actually, he felt at ease — at ease because he knew Cloud wants to get close to him not because he's a Marquess, but because he genuinely likes him. He's a really good friend that Jacques wants to keep—

Friends don't kiss. Said the voice from the back of his mind, startling Jacques and then his mind immediately went back to what happened earlier that day — when Cloud covered his eyes and kissed him while he was pretending to be asleep.

I didn't kiss him back. Jacques retaliate.

Maybe you didn't, but you accepted his kiss. His mind argued.

Jacques ruffled his own hair, annoyed. Now I'm talking to myself like a fucking crazy person! This is that fucking shameless prick fault!

Jacques tsked. He knew himself. He doesn't like men. He likes Cloud — but only as a friend that he wants to keep.

If you keep him, you'll just hurt him because you won't reciprocate his feelings. Anang bahagi ng isip niya.

At natigilan siya dun. Tama naman kasi ang sinasabi ng isip niya. Masasaktan niya si Cloud dahil hindi naman niya kayang ibigay dito ang gusto nito. Pero ayaw naman niyang mawala si Cloud.

He's a good friend, maybe even better than Kaius, not that he's comparing the two. It's just that with Cloud, Jacques could be himself. He doesn't need to pretend. He doesn't need to be someone else. He doesn't see pity in Cloud's eyes.

Cloud likes him and accepts him, bad temper, bad attitude, dirty mouth and all.

Jacques sighed and closed his eyes before leaning back on the sofa. Then his mind drifted off to the conversation he heard in the kitchen earlier.

I let things unfold, and now I'm going crazy, because every time I see him, it's either I wanna kiss him or fuck him. I'm losing my control. Like a broken record, Jacques could hear Cloud's voice again and again until his words became embedded in his mind.

Jacques slowly opened his eyes and he stared at the ceiling. He wants to fuck me. How do two men do it anyway?

Marahas na ipinilig ni Jacques ang ulo sa naisip. No. No. No. No. Fuck no! Don't go there. Fuck no! That's not happening!

Mabilis na bumaling ang ulo ni Jacques sa pinto ng kuwarto ni Cloud ng bumukas 'yon. Kaagad niyang nakita si Cloud na pumasok.

Jacques couldn't take his eyes off of Cloud as he walked with tray on one hand. Cloud really has impeccable manners and graceful movement of a butler.

Well, he's one hell of a butler. Sa isip-isip ni Jacques na ikinangiti niya.

"Someone looks happy." Cloud commented.

Jacques just showed his middle finger to Cloud that made Cloud chuckle.

"Let's eat." Ani Cloud ng makaupo ito sa pang-isahang sofa na medyo may kalayuan sa kaniya.

Always a safe distance from me. Jacques thought while observing Cloud's movement. He's really having a hard time controlling himself, huh? Jaques finds it funny though that he couldn't help but snickered.

Cloud just looked at him funny before digging in to his food.

Napailing naman si Jacques saka bumaba ang tingin sa pagkain ni Cloud. Its different from his. Cloud's was take out, while his food was cooked by Cloud because he doesn't like take out.

"Thanks for the food." Ani Jacques kay Cloud.

Nag-angat ng tingin sa kaniya ang kaharap. May nanunudyong ngiti ito sa mga labi. "Aw, my pompous brat ass Marquess is changing."

Nabitin sa pagsubo ng pagkain si Jacques sa narinig. Did Cloud just said 'my'? Mabilis siyang nag-angat ng tingin kay Cloud na ngayon ay kumakain na. Was Cloud even aware of his words? Jacques slightly shook his head. Doesn't matter.

Seconds passed, Cloud and Jacques were now eating quietly. Both were busy in their own thoughts wanting to talk, but one of them broke the silence.

"I'm sorry."

Jacques looked up at Cloud. "Huh?"

"I'm sorry." Tumigil sa pagkain si Cloud saka tumingin sa Marquess na puno ng pagtataka ang mukha. He'll hate me for this but I hate feeling guilty. "When you were asleep earlier, I kissed you."

That made Jacques stilled. He never thought Cloud would confess.

"I know I shouldn't have." Cloud said, "but, I can't control myself. And I don't want to lose my control, Lord Jacques. I want to take care of you, not hurt you or make you uncomfortable, that's why, if you see or feel like I'm keeping my distance from you, just let me. I promise, I'll try my best to stay friends with you and not cross the line."

Jacques just nodded because he doesn't know what to say. He could tell, Cloud's having a hard time. But what can he do? He's straight. He doesn't like men.

Cloud was straight too, until he meet you. It's the back of his mind again, talking.

Was that really possible? Cloud was straight his whole life and now he likes men? How does that even work?

Curious, Jacques asked Cloud while the latter was drinking water. "Do you find men attractive, since you said you like me? Does that mean you like your boss too—"

Cloud was drinking water, the next thing he knew he was coughing and choking. Before Jacques could hand the tissue in his tray, Cloud already grabbed it and used it to cover his mouth and nose.

Napangiwi naman si Jacques. Looks like he shocked Cloud.

"That was horrible." Cloud muttered under his breath after nearly two minutes of coughing, but he's better now. Then he looked at Lord Jacques who's eyeing him worriedly. "I'm fine."

"Sorry for the question." Ani Jacques na nakangiwi. "It looks like you're not prepared for that."

"No. I was just taken aback." Cloud took a deep breath. "But to answer your question, no, I don't like the Count that way. What we have is purely brotherhood. I, ahm, I investigated myself actually. When I started liking you, I went to a club to see for myself if I am indeed interested in men."

Jacques becomes agitated for some reason. He doesn't like the idea of Cloud liking another man. Why though? "And?"

"And, nothing."

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing." Cloud leaned back on his seat while shaking his head. "There's a lot of good looking guys there, but, I feel nothing. I'm not attracted to them like how I am attracted to you. It's weird for me too. I mean, they don't have the same vibe or feeling that I get every time I see you. I don't know, but, I like myself better when I'm with you." Cloud chuckled, "it all started when you genuinely smiled at me that day, when I picked you up because you got lost, followed by your sandalwood scent — I like the way you smell, and then gradually, I started liking the different sides of you.

"Then I started questioning myself about my sexual orientation because what I feel for you confuses me. Then I came to a realization that I'm making it complicated on my own because I really have no answer, so I just let things unfold. Come what may. Maybe in the long run, I'll figure out what my sexuality is, but for now, in the present, I like you. Plain and simple."

Jacques stared back at Cloud. This was what Jacques likes about Cloud, he's shamelessly and annoyingly straight forward. He has the guts to say what's on his mind and that's admirable as much as its irritating.

"Don't be pressured with my confession." Dagdag ni Cloud ng hindi umimik ang Marquess. "It's okay if you don't like me back, just don't tell me to stop liking you, that's all I ask."

"Hmm..." Jacques nodded with his chin then he continued eating again, but moments later, his mouth spoke without his fucking permission. "So Dimitri and you ... it's just brotherhood too?"

Cloud nodded. "Yeah."

"You sure?"

Cloud placed his hand on his heart before giving him a sexy charming smile. "Rest assured, babe, you're the only man who can make my heart pound."

Jacques scowled. "Shameless asshole."

Cloud just chuckled before resting his chin on his hand while playfully and sexily staring at Lord Jacques. "Mmm... how can a guy be so pretty and manly at the same time?"

"Stop fucking staring, you motherfucker!" Jacques said, annoyed and gritting his teeth because the way Cloud looks at him was making him nervous for fuck's sake. "And stop fucking flirting, you son of a bitch!"

"Ah, I even like that dirty mouth of yours." The corner of Cloud's lips tugged up sexily while his chin was still resting on his hand, "I wonder if that dirty mouth of yours can also do dirty things —"

"Cloud!" Jacques hissed angrily.

Cloud blinked like he woke up from something before straightening his body. "Sorry." Was all he said before he took his tray and left the room.

Si Jacques naman ay nagpakawala ng buntong-hininga saka napahawak sa magkabilang tainga niya na pakiramdam niya ay parang naglalagablab 'yon sa init.

Fuck! How could his definition of sexy changed into Cloud talking dirty? Fuck! No!

Marahas na ipinilig ni Jacques ang ulo saka mabilis na tinapos ang hapunan. Kapagkuwan ay ibinaba niya ang tray sa kusina, pero natigilan siya sa pagpasok ng makita si Cloud sa lababo na hinihilamos ang isang pitsel ng malamig na tubig na galing sa ref. Nang hindi ito nasiyahan, ibinuhos nito iyon sa buong ulo nito habang nakasubsob iyon sa lababo.

Is he trying to calm himself because of what happened?

Looking at Cloud, Jacques was angry. Bakit sa dami ng tao, sa kaniya pa ito nagkagusto? Kahit sinong babae, magkakagusto kay Cloud. He's a good man, he deserves better.

Humugot ng malalim na hininga si Jacques bago pumasok ng kusina. Kapagkuwan ay maingat niyang inilapag ang tray sa gilid ng lababo.

Cloud didn't say anything, he just took a side step to gave him space in front of the sink. Tahimik namang hinugasan ni Jacques ang pinagkainan.

Cloud was silent and immobile, until Cloud moved to his back, making Jacques tense.

"Just one minute." Cloud said before he buried his face on the Marquess' back, just below his nape.

Jacques didn't move a muscle, his hands that were washing the dishes also stopped moving. Again, it's easy to get away from this position, he just has to step aside, but he didn't. Jacques could feel Cloud's warm breath fanning and sipping through his thin shirt.

Hearing Cloud's desperate and heavy breath, Jacques couldn't take it anymore. He doesn't like this one bit!

"You should stop liking me, Cloud." Wika ni Jacques sa mahinang boses pero sapat na para marinig ng nasa likuran niya. And when Cloud heard it, Jacques felt him froze and his breathing stopped. "You'll just get hurt because I can't fuckin' like you like that. I'm sorry."

Slowly, Cloud started breathing again as he whispered. "Please, don't tell me to stop liking you. I already tried and I failed."

Jacques squeezed his eyes shut hearing the struggle in Lord Jacques' voice. "Stop liking me, Cloud. It's for your own good."

"I won't flirt with you anymore," Cloud whispered, his voice and breathing were shaky. "I—I'll treat you as a friend. I'll do anything to not make you uncomfortable, just please, don't tell me to stop liking you. That's not gonna happen."

"You have to make it happen." Umikot siya paharap kay Cloud at hindi nagustuhan ni Jacques ang nakita. The sadness in Cloud's face and the desperation in his eyes, this was not the Cloud that he knew.

The Cloud in front of him looks different. Was this the real him behind those flirty and charming smile?

"I'm sorry, Cloud." Jacques muttered, seeing the pain in Cloud's eyes that he caused. "I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry."

Cloud blinked, then Jacques saw a happy smile covering every emotion in Cloud's face. "It's okay. I understand." Cloud's smile widened as he took a deep breath, "anyway, ahm, can you," Cloud pointed at his back with his index finger, "can you lock up?" Before Jacques could ask, Cloud spoke again, "I'm gonna go grab a drink or two." Cloud grinned. "Don't worry and don't wait up. Just lock the house after I leave."

"Cloud—"

"I'll call the Count to inform him." Without waiting for Jacques' reply, Cloud left the house.

And Jacques was left in the kitchen, worried. Minutes later, Jacques found himself locking every window and door. He was ascending on the staircase when someone spoke from the top of the staircase.

"Have you seen Cloud?" It was the motherfucking Count.

Napatigil sa pag-akyat ng hagdan si Jacques saka nag-angat ng tingin sa Conde. "Didn't he inform you? He said he will."

Frowning, the Count took out his phone from his pocket and then he called someone.

"Cloud, where are you?"

Hearing Cloud's name, Jacques halts on his step again while trying to listen to the Count's one sided conversation with Cloud.

"— what? But we have a bar here if you wanna drink — oh, you wanna breathe? Okay. Should I send you a fucking oxygen?" The Count joked and laughed. "Should I leave a door open for you?" Paused. "Huh? What — wait... then where are you gonna sleep?" Paused. "In Dimitri's? Cloud, you do know that Dimitri only has one bed in his condo, and it's not even made for two people." The Count snorted. "Whatever. Tawagan mo nalang ako kung may kailangan ka. Okay. Bye."

Jacques didn't know that he was still frozen until the Count spoke again.

"Coming up, Marquess?"

Jacques blinked enumerable times before nodding. When Jacques reached the top of the staircase, the Count was just standing there, like he was waiting for him.

"What?" Iritadong tanong ni Jacques sa Conde ng hindi ito gumalaw para padaanin siya.

"I know you can't reciprocate Cloud's feelings," panimula ng Conde, "but please bear with Cloud a little longer, Marquess. Just give him time, makakalimutan ka rin niya at hindi ka na niya guguluhin. For now, he's just confused because this was his first time feeling something for a man, but it'll pass. He'll move on eventually — or maybe, Dimitri can help him move on." Tinapik ng Conde ang balikat niya, "g'night, Marquess."

Naiwan si Jacques sa nakatayo sa tuktok ng hagdanan, nakatingin sa kawalan habang parang sirang plaka na paulit-ulit na nagri-replay sa isip niya ang sinabi ng Conde.

He's just confused because this was his first time feeling something for a man, but it'll pass. He'll move on eventually — or maybe, Dimitri can help him move on.

Jacques frowned. His teeth gritting. He's annoyed ... pissed.

Why? Why does it bothers him so much? It would be nice if Cloud moves on, that means they can finally be good friends — that's what he wanted.

But why — why does he feel sad all of the sudden?