Tate was staring at Javi in the near darkness and he couldn't make sense of his thoughts. He'd asked. He'd initiated this and now he was suddenly incredibly scared of the repercussions of his question. Even more scared of the repercussions of Javi's answer.

     Javi, who didn't appear embarrassed at all. He tilted his chin up and asked, his tone teasing, "Have you thought about kissing me, Tate?"

     Tate swallowed, something like desire lodged in his throat. Had he thought about it? It was all he could think about most days. There'd been moments recently, deeply shameful and hidden in the pockets of his mind, where his imagination and his thoughts had run a little too rampant and he'd given into them, touched himself to the very idea of what it would be like to kiss Javi.

     "Tate," Javi said quietly. "Where'd you go?"

     "My head for a little," Tate said just as quietly. Their whispers were hardly audible over the rain but their heads were close, hanging over the edges of their sleeping bags. "I've thought about it," he admits, shifting his gaze.

     "Thought about it in a bad way?" Javi asked.

     Tate shook his head. "No. It was definitely not bad."

     "So maybe," Javi said slowly, thoughtfully. "Maybe we should try it."

     Tate's stomach, which was already doing somersaults, flipped right off of his ribcage and doubled back behind his spine. "Try it?"

     Javi slid closer and Tate could feel his breath on his mouth. "Do you want to?"

     Oh god, Tate wanted to. He was less worried about the wanting it and more concerned with what happened after, when they were no longer in a tent by the lake surrounded by darkness and nobody else for miles. Tate wanted to know what happened when he could no longer have it. How he was supposed to exist outside of this moment ever again.

     "Javi," he said. "Are you playing around?"

     Javi bit back a smile and said sincerely, "No, Tate, I'm not playing around."

     Tate persisted. "You've really thought about this?"

     "I've really thought about this."

     Tate absorbed that. So it wasn't just him. He wasn't alone in the wanting.

     "Okay," Tate said finally. "Let's try it."

     Javi had to reign himself in, afraid that he'd scare Tate away if he moved too fast, but he wanted to pin him down and really kiss him. He wanted to slip his tongue into his mouth. He knew if he moved that fast, it wouldn't work for Tate. He was easing him into the idea of this, the idea of them like this.

     Javi licked his upper lip and then shifted onto his forearm, sitting up so he could hover over Tate. Tate mimicked him, shifting upwards onto his elbow. They were the same height like this, eye to eye, nose to nose, and almost mouth to mouth.

     He tilted his head just slightly on an angle, knowing it would keep them from bashing noses because he has before with other people and he didn't want anything to take away from this moment. He wanted to get it right. He wanted it to be perfect.

     Because if it was perfect, maybe Tate would want to do it again.

     Javi was thinking about it, thinking about all of it, not moving because he was too busy thinking and Tate was opposite. Tate was tired of thinking, of waiting, of wanting. So he moved and dropped his mouth onto Javi's without ceremony.

     They were all contrast. Javi's mouth hot where Tate's was cool. They'd both gone still. Javi's skin was prickling like it was conducting electricity. Tate thought this is it, this is the feeling I've been missing.

     Javi didn't want to move too fast, he didn't, but he knew he had to touch Tate to complete this. For the kiss to be kiss, he had to press his fingers into his jaw and pull him closer. He had to move his mouth, taking a breath through his nose as he sucked on Tate's bottom lip. They were both surprised by the sound that came out of Tate, breaking apart unexpectedly.

     "Sorry," Tate said quickly, tucking his bottom lip into his mouth.

     "Don't be," Javi said hoarsely.

     He was grateful for the darkness. He was young and it took very little to set him off, but this, this was deliberate. His body was responding exactly the way it was meant to and he was harder than he's ever been before without some porn and a lubed-up hand to help.

     Tate was out of breath. Javi was trying to guess how long that had been. It couldn't have been longer than a minute. "That was," Tate said, breaking off.

     "Yeah."

     Tate raised an eyebrow. "Is it always?"

     It dawned on him then. How had Javi forgotten? He was so wrapped up in himself that he'd forgotten Tate had never done this before. That this was his first kiss. That Javi was his first kiss.

     "Not always, no," Javi said.

     Never, is what he really wanted to say. It'd never been like that before. He wanted it even more now, found his eyes darting back down to Tate's mouth and then, feeling caught, back up to Tate's eyes, embarrassed and flushing.

     "Jav." Tate groaned. "I really want to do that again."

     Javi nodded his head. "We should."

     He shifted closer to Tate and this time he went even slower. He thought if he moved slow, he could draw it out longer and maybe a moment could last forever that way. He reached up, sliding his hand to the back of Tate's head, anchoring him in place so he could lean over and kiss him.

     It was a small kiss, closed mouth, and then he shifted back so he could look at Tate. This was one of those times where Tate was so devastatingly handsome it was a vice grip around his throat, pinning him down and daring him not to look away.

     "Why are you teasing me?" Tate asked, opening his eyes only a little. He lifted his eyebrow questioningly.

     Javi tried not laugh but failed. "Because I can."

     "You think so?" Tate asked and that was all the warning got before Tate put his hands on Javi's shoulders and shoved him down.

     In a blink, Tate was out of his sleeping bag and climbing on top of Javi, his knee digging into his thigh painfully. He sprawled against Javi's chest, dropping down and kissing him hard, pushing air into his mouth and then his lungs. It could've been a life saving measure. Javi certainly felt like he was in need of saving.

     Tate was a quick learner, sucking on Javi's lip the same way he had. Javi didn't moan but his hips bucked without his meaning to. There was an ungodly amount of friction, and he wasn't sure, but he wasn't not sure either, that Tate wasn't just as hard as he was.

     Javi tried to sit up but Tate kept him pinned in place, kissing him with tongue now but not much finesse. Finesse came with time. He didn't mind anyway. Just being under his body, having several points of contact at once, was enough for Javi. This felt more right than anything ever has in his life.

     "Jav," Tate said suddenly, pulling away. Javi opened his eyes and looked at him. "I could do this all night. I really could."

     Javi laughed, flooded with relief. "I think we'd get bored eventually."

     "No, I don't think I would." Tate leaned in, kissing him quickly like he was stealing the kiss. "Why does it feel like this?"

     "What does it feel like to you?" Javi asked quietly.

     "It feels like, I don't know, like I could do it forever." Tate laughed, embarrassed and Javi laughed, too.

     "You'd tire of me," Javi said half-joking, half-not.

     Tate shook his head. "Never," and he kissed him again.

     They kissed for a long time. They would've kept going, trying their hand at forever, if Tate didn't start falling asleep with his mouth still on Javi's. That he could just fall asleep like that, that comfortably, made Javi warm all over. He wanted Tate to know that he loved him, but he couldn't say it. 

     And Tate was half asleep, having these narcoleptic spurts where he'd re-awake and start kissing Javi again. Javi turned his cheek to him, and said, "Come here." He tilted to the side so Tate would slide off of him and then held his sleeping bag open.

     Tate, mostly asleep, didn't question it, squirming until he was tucked inside Javi's sleeping bag with him. It was a bit of a stretch, their legs twisted together. He wrapped his arm over Javi's chest, tucking his hand down between his armpit for warmth.

     Javi was running his hand through his hair, the soft ministrations soothing him, making it even harder to stay awake.

     "I can't believe we just did that," Tate whispered with a yawn.

     Javi swallowed. "Do you regret it?"

     Tate startled, suddenly very wide awake. "No. No, of course I don't. Do you?"

     Javi shook his head. "Tate, I've wanted that for a while."

     Tate looked at him with something sparkling in his eyes. Was it desire, Javi wondered. "How long's a while?"

     Javi flushed. "Go to sleep."

     "No, no, tell me how long have you thought about kissing me, Javi? I need to know for reasons. Yeah. Statistical ones."

     "Mm, yeah, statistical reasons, right."

     Tate was quiet and Javi figured he'd fallen asleep again. Pressed together likes this in his sleeping bag there was nothing but heat. It was making it hard for him to find sleep as easily as Tate had.

     "Jav," Tate said startling him. Javi made a sleepy noise. "You think this is going to change us?"

     "Yeah," Javi responded honestly. He was staring up at the ceiling of their tent and tears had blurred his vision. "I think it already has."