A/n: Male reader for this one :) Also... lmao high key this is a Felix x reader x Pan don't look at me. Also also, VERY non canon. This is what I would have done to fix the monstrosity that is OUAT canon lol

It had been an accident.

I was supposed to follow Snow White and Prince James. My job was to make sure they stayed alive so they could give birth to Emma who would give birth to Henry. The Truest Believer. There had been some threat about a curse - something Pan had said was good news but as he wouldn't explain, I just wasn't sure. I'd lingered. I'd cast spells to help James survive, helping Snow White through her pregnancy, protecting Emma. I hadn't been paying attention to how close the curse was getting.

I'd gotten caught in it.

When Tamara and Greg talked me and Henry into coming with them, I hadn't known what to expect. Henry and I had been best friends during the curse. I was the only one who actually believed him. I was a random helper in his book, an "angel" or helpful sprite of some kind. Nameless, but present and always the same age. Immortal. It had intrigued me. I had decided to believe him and hadn't looked back.

After the curse it had been harder. I remembered who I actually was... and I had gotten much deeper than I'd meant to. I hadn't guaranteed Henry's birth but I had become his best friend. The me that was Peter Pan's happy little helper conflicted aggressively with the me that clung to every word Henry had said at lunch and during sleep overs. The me that had inside jokes with him and defended him and acted as a boon in his life of loneliness. The me that had taken similar confort in the younger boy, who had become so like a brother to me. The me who cared for a boy I was supposed to be here to raise as a sacrifice.

We'd gotten separated quite early. The shadow had us running, hand in hand, but then I'd tripped and though I'd caught myself it caused our hands to drop. When the Lost Boys started to chase us instinct took over. Pan was dangerous and if he got his hands on Henry I wouldn't have time to decide who I was more loyal to. It would be over.

But then I turned to check on him and he was gone. My head whipped in every direction but I couldn't find a single sign of him. What had happened to him? Where had he gone?

"HENRY?" I screamed, anxiety digging into my bones and settling uneasily.

"Not quite." I went stiff when a face I had once known appeared, now that we were strangers. Felix was exactly the same but he had a distant air about him. Like I was an unknown factor. I supposed, after all this time and all I'd been through - I was. How odd. We'd been friends before, in Neverland, and had worked together so often he and I had become a unit as much as Pan and I were. Then he was Pan's right hand man, and with my own special relationship with Pan... The three of us had worked as one for so long, meeting every challenge without hesitating.

That felt like a lifetime ago now.

It had been.

I swallowed, standing tall. Despite all the time away I knew Felix's fighting style. More importantly I knew he wouldn't fight me at all. I knew there were boys hidden, arrows at the ready. And I knew I had to stall, find where they were. With all my years focusing on physical training I was the only one other than Pan that could catch an arrow. Could I catch or dodge several? Did I need to fight these boys at all? My boys, once. My family. Hadn't I only gotten close to Henry because of the void in my life they'd left?

"Felix." It wasn't a greeting like it should have been. It wasn't a reunion. Not a warm or friendly one as it was once. We used to throw parties when I'd return from checking up on Henry's family. Now it was too tense. Too cold and distant. Too profesional.

Felix frowned. "You are different. I didn't believe those two from before when they reported it. I was so sure..." There was something pained in his expression that he played off with a mocking sigh and a puckered lip. "You care for the boy then?"

I just shrugged. "I have two different lives in my head. Two different people. Different wants, different-"

"Loyalties?" Ah yes. The unspoken question. The dangerous answer. When I didn't answer for a long time Felix leaned on his staff. I realized now he was here to gauge me. His decision would decide where I would be as this whole thing played out. Which side I would be on. I wasn't even sure myself. "You always had a soft spot for lonely boys looking for home. For family. Didn't you?"

I hadn't expected that. It had always been obvious to me and Henry. The boy knew who I was immediately as I came over, eyes wide with worry. With him and his book, and everyone making fun if me for being "too sensitive for a boy" we had been a pair. I hadn't thought other people would realize though. Especially Felix. We had never been close on Neverland, not sincere and touchy touchy and all that. The Boys here were the peak of what boys should be. In that way, even on Neverland I'd been a bit out of the norm. Except the very young boys. We got along the best...

Perhaps that's why it had been so easy with Henry. Even after a curse that flipped my personality on it's head. Even when my humor and sense of freedom and life sputtered out and my soft gentleness became awkwardness and anxiety, and when my level headedness and sassiness mixed with my suddenly bottled up my emotions in a world where I could not express myself like on Neverland... Even with all of that it was still easier to be friends with boys younger than me than those older or my age. Henry especially. He got me like no one else.

He was sensitive too.

I realized it had been too long since I had responded. That happened a lot more than before the curse, but had started easing up a lot since remembering my life on Neverland. I used to be near silent.

I was doing it again.

Thinking too much. Speaking too little.

My eyes found Felix, and his eyes were narrowed. Analyzing. "I suppose that's why I was the babysitter here hm? Always more of a caretaker than anything else."

Felix didn't seem to know how to respond to that. He had expected a biting remark, I realized. Had been waiting for our usual banter to come back. Had expected an added, perhaps that's why Pan always sent me after you, or something of the sort. "You're different."

I nodded. "Yeah. There was this curse, completely changed my personality. Gave me false memories. Maybe you've heard of it?"

That got Felix to smile. He relaxed a little, having found my sarcasm more familiar than my tired resignation or unfamiliar on-edge approach to a place that should have been home to me. That had always been. "Pan's waiting for you."

I pursed my lips. "Where's Henry?"

Felix shrugged. "With Pan."

My lips curved into a frown. "Okay." I looked away from Felix and he sighed.

"Do we have to worry about you?"

I scoffed. In a past life I would have launched at him with a knife. Teeth bared, eyes full of fire. How dare he ever suggest... but I didn't have energy for that anymore. Now I was just mildly annoyed. "Since when does Pan have to worry about anyone or anything?"

Standing tall, Felix almost glowed with pride. "Pan never fails."

I smiled, and something very old and very far away ignited for the first time since the curse had taken it from me. Something mischievous and almost dangerous. Something wild. "Lead the way. I don't remember this land the way I used to." It was the fact it was an order, not a request, that got Felix to drop his questioning for now. He wasn't sure of me, and frankly I wasn't sure of myself, but he led the way anyway.

-

"My lost boy." The joke landed, and despite myself I smiled. Pan seemed to breathe for the first time when he saw me smile. We had always called ourselves found when referring to being on Neverland. Being lost was kind of implied, but all the more amusing when you considered that I went missing for near thirty years.

Before I could respond I heard my name and I turned in response, my eyes immediately searching for the owner of that very distinct voice. That wild danger growing in me extinguished immediately as my instincts kicked in. I took off to meet Henry in the middle, ramming into each other and holding fast. "You're okay," he whispered.

I laughed shakily. Was I okay? Not a question I could figure out when this boy depended on me. "Of course I am Henry. A curse couldn't do me in, and you didn't lose me during all of operation Cobra." I leaned away, a softer smile on my face now. "What could scare me away if not your mother?"

Henry laughed but I reached up to wipe away tears. "I thought I wouldn't see you again until after."

I rose an eyebrow. "After what?"

"After they save us." And then of course I felt foolish because what else could he have meant? Of course he was sure his family was coming for him - they were. And of course he believed they would find him in time. That they'd always find him in time. He believed Pan would fail.

I tried to hide my surprise, playing it off. "Careful Ree, they'll catch onto our confidence and figure out our plan."

"Plan?" It was Pan who asked of course, but his eyes weren't on the boy. They were on me. It was a challenge. A dare. I dare you to try anything.

I ignored his eyes. "See what I mean?"

Henry grinned, leaning close as if Pan wasn't there. As if we were co-conspirators. "How does it feel to be home?"

Immediately I blushed. I knew what that question actually meant. After years of Henry telling me I was a lost boy - that I was one of the most important lost boys - and that getting back was the most important thing for me. That I had a love as strong as Snow White's and Prince Charming's... with Pan. Of course I knew that when he said home he was speaking about a boy and not a place.

Could I be honest with him?

No. Not with Pan so close, looking between us with eyes that saw everything. "Of course I am." I winked at him and the boy pulled away to giddily pull me to the fighting area. Pan watched us go silently, and he and I realized the same thing at the same time. He didn't have to charm Henry; I already had. This wasn't Henry's home but it was mine and the boy always knew that. Always knew I wouldn't stay forever. And depending on how he approached this, it would be enough. All I had to do was sell Henry on how much Neverland meant to me.

"Teach me how to fight," Henry begged. "Like you promised you would."

Before getting my memories back, I had believed Henry about his book. Not at first, but as he started to point out everything. How everyone's personalities lined up, their core selves never lost. How no one could ever leave Storybrooke without something happening to stop them. How everyone's perceptions seemed to adjust, so that no one noticed the difference between now and in pictures from years ago - something I only noticed when Henry showed me pictures of when he was the same age as the other five year olds, who were now half his age. Things like how everything always felt like the exact same day, over and over again, until Emma came along and there was suddenly something new. The way the broken clock that never moved suddenly fixed over night and kept the time perfectly - the second Emma decided to stay in Storybrooke. How Regina had some weird, unexplainable contempt for Mary Margret that genuinely could not be explained. How everything worked out for Mayor Mills, like magic. How she was always on top until Emma came into town.

I'd felt crazy for a while, and I had started to take Henry's word with everything. But now I knew.

Back then though, I hadn't known what Neverland was really like. I hadn't known what Pan really wanted Henry for, and I promised that if we ever got the chance I'd show him my home like he had shown me his. There was only one mention of Pan in the book; a mention of his shadow, and children disappearing. But Henry had known, and the one art of myself with a wide grin and darkness rolling off my skin like smoke - he had known I was Pan's true shadow day one. The one who greeted him when he first came to Neverland.

As I taught Henry how to hold a sword and how all the bows worked, and how to throw a punch, he laughed and I chuckled and I tried not to think about something that had been bothering me.

Pan had a new shadow now.

Did I even belong on Neverland anymore?

-

It had started when Malcom came to Neverland. He had been there a while, and the darkness knew it immediately. The shadow had seen the arrival of course. When the magic bean had activated, tethering to Neverland, and the ground had opened up in a whirlpool to allow the young boy to tumble through, the shadow had felt it.

It had arrived with wide, curious eyes, peeking through the trees. The boy had reacted, as if feelings those eyes on him. He had stood, eyes tear streaked and red and puffy, looking around. "Who's there?"

He was touched by magic, that one. Dark magic. The shadow didn't fear him though - nothing on Neverland could hurt it. This was its home. So it pushed away from the canopy and lowered to the boy. It spoke in the way it always did, with a sort of sigh that had distant words. Like something on the wind. "Me."

The boy tilted his head, eyes slitted in confusion. "Who are you?"

The shadow smiled, turning upside down in the air and craning its head back to keep its eyes on him. The mouth glowed like the eyes, as if the darkness was parting. No teeth and no laugh, but just a gaping sliver of light that curved into a smile shape. "Me. Who are you?"

The boy frowned. "My name is Peter." Immediately he scowled. "Or... I suppose, Malcolm. That's what my father named me but when I ran away I changed it to hide from him. Didn't work well. He found me. Of course."

The shadow frowned. "Your father..."

"Horrible," the boy seethed. "He told me- oh it doesn't matter. I should have known he couldn't keep a deal. Not one that didn't make him more powerful."

The shadow hummed. It reached out to brush hair out of Peter's face. "Darkness-touched. His doing."

Peter nodded. The shadow decided his name was Peter. Chosen names were so much more important than given ones. "He's the Dark One, in another land. Very far from here."

The shadow nodded slowly. Solemn. "Even here, we hear of him. Bad."

Peter nodded as well. "Very bad." He sighed, shaking his head. "I'm tired of letting my father ruin my life. I want a new start here. Can I... have something here?"

The shadow nodded. Then paused, and shook its head. "Not long. People don't do well here."

Peter rose an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

The shadow tried to think. It was hard, without a brain. Even staying conscious was difficult. "Home of youth and dreams. Magic of imagination and childhood, impossible to apply rules to. Humans age. They die. Magic rejects that." The shadow reached out, stretching its fingers. Flexing them.

The boy gasped. "You were a person once?"

"Once," the shadow agreed. It was vaguely human shaped, it realized. It could stretch further, swallow everything, but for the boy it had stayed small and familiarly shaped. It had taken his shape, mirroring him.

The boy moved, drawing the shadow's attention. He had sat down, defeated. "I can't leave here though. I'll die."

"I can take you anywhere," the shadow assured him. That didn't seem to please the boy though so it added, "Or I can keep you here."

Peter looked over in surprise. "How?"

The shadow extended its hand. "Connect to me. Through me, you can tap into magic and stay young forever. The island won't reject you." Peter went to take the shadowy hand but it moved away, making him pause. "Not forever. Will run out eventually."

Peter considered that before something settled on his face. "How do I make it last forever?"

The shadow smiled again. "A power so strong it could not fade. An unwavering childhood belief. A believer of magic and love and all things from youth, truer than any other. A source that could provide for eternity."

The boy took the shadow's hand and seemed to be surprised when the creature was solid. "Well then. Let's get to work." Something sparked in both of them and when the shadow pulled away, it's arms were more skin colored, less shadow and more flesh. The creature and the boy smiled.

This would be fun.

-

The boys had missed Y/n. They welcomed him with open arms now, lacking any hesitance. Thirty years was nothing to these boys who had lived for hundreds - Y/n might as well have been gone a week. They were all readily prepared to loop him back into games and, along with him, Henry as well.

Soon Y/n's time as a Lost Boy was coming back in full swing. Being connected to Peter had allowed him physical form, sometimes not even looking like a shadow at all, especially as time passed and their bond became stronger and stronger. Through the two of them, everyone was allowed to stay on Neverland, remaining as themselves, and some Lost Boys came from the shadows that were like Y/n, and had once been people. They were even more unstoppable with boys with bows and boys with magic that grew the darker it was.

Even so, as familiar as the island was, there was a single change that made it hard for Y/n to completely go back to the life he had once had. He was becoming more the person he'd been on this island every day, encouraged by Henry at every step, and even started using his old magic again.

Which was the problem. The more he used his magic, the more he realized no one else had any magic like it. In fact, all the boys of the shadow were missing completely. The only shadow around these days was the one who had replaced Y/n at Pan's side, and Y/n himself.

It made him anxious.

One day, he decided to ask. "Felix." The blonde looked over, answering to his name. "Where are the other shadows?"

Something dark crossed over Felix's face. "Dark Hollow."

The hair on the back of Y/n's neck stood on end. "All of them?" Dark Hollow had been a prison for shadows. It was a place they all drifted to eventually, and could never escape. Y/n had been only the most recent shadow and had found Pan before going in himself, but he had gotten too close for comfort several times and had heard horror stories about the place. Why would they ever go back? Y/n and Pan had created a Neverland where no shadow ever had to go there.

Felix shrugged, and Y/n realized he was being too casual. "Yeah, I suppose."

That wild, dangerous thing growing in Y/n exploded now and he drew a knife, yanking Felix to his feet and slamming him against a tree. "What happened?"

Something bright and thrilled twisted into Felix's smile. "Why hello there, Shade."

Y/n tensed at his old name. While enjoying all the fun he'd missed on the island, there was a danger he had been suppressing. For Henry's sake. He didn't want the boy to fear him as every Lost Boy had eventually learned to. He may be the gentle one, the understanding one, who vouched for them when Pan was on a rampage, but he had his own edge that cut quick when his line was crossed. They weren't fearful of Y/n like they were of Pan, but they respected him and gave him his space. The grin on Felix's face was one he had worn several times when pushing Y/n's buttons specifically to get the kind of attention he was in this exact moment. Felix flourished when Y/n and Pan looked at him like the predators they were. It was easier to get from Pan, which made it so much more fulfilling when it came from Y/n.

"Felix." Y/n spoke quietly, but with bite. A warning. "What happened while I was gone?"

Felix sighed, relishing the moment. Something calmed in him, as if he was ready for the fun to end. "That new shadow. When we lost you, we all felt it. Pan's connection to the island died in an instant because you were completely cut off from magic - but also lost your memories. The emotional connection between you two was just as important. So, to save every human on the island, Pan did what he had to. He made a new deal with a new shadow. Only one answered the call, stepping forward to do it. Only after their bond was created did the shadow start to demand things."

Y/n's eyebrows came together. "Demand things?"

The blonde nodded. His smile was gone now and Y/n realized he had missed something very dangerous indeed. Something dark. Something Felix did not recall fondly. "He was the only shadow allowed to be free. It wanted to be the most powerful one around. If it didn't get what it wanted, it would take Pan."

Y/n flared. "It discovered our end of the agreement."

Felix nodded. "We never realized how kind you were. How giving. We didn't realize how bad you could have been doing and just weren't, until the shadow started to take Peter's place. Becoming completely flesh and blood, and making Pan the shadow. Pan was the more influential one so it was a punishment, not something it actually wanted to follow through with. To save himself and really, everyone, who would have been under the control of the shadow, he sent the others into Dark Hollow."

Whatever Felix had been expecting from Y/n in that moment, he seemed shocked when whatever shred of control, of who he had been in Storybrooke, fell away. Cut through and shed like a silky dress. Easily and quickly. Skin melted into shadow and the color of Y/n's eyes turned into pits of light as he growled, teeth grit and the knife falling to the ground. He grew, and kept growing, and Felix watching in astonishment as the person sized being swallowed the whole island - as if the sun had been eclipsed, starting from where they were until the entire island was covered.

Where. Is It.

The words were a breath, chilling. Making the hair on the back of everyone's necks stand up. Peter's eyes went wide and something in him relaxed. He had always craved freedom, and had little care for what other people needed if it required him to be the responsible caretaker. Which is why he preferred to have people like Felix and Y/n, who could do all the training and disciplining and emotional supporting. Peter just wanted to be a boy. But since Y/n had left he had become darker, and borderline cruel. A boy whose life was spiralling out of control - and he did what such a boy often did: he lashed out.

Now for the first time he seemed to take a full breath. Relief flooded him.

He was free.

Peter could feel Y/n pressing down on every single one of them, and in turn so could the Lost Boys. Everyone on the island took a long, deep breath of relief. Well, everyone who had felt the weight of the new shadow. Who knew what Neverland had once been, under Y/n's influence, and all that had been lost. Neal and Hook shared a glance as they realized a weight they had not consciously acknowledged was there, was very suddenly gone. And all the Lost Boys grinned.

The Shade became small again, human sized, as it found what it was looking for and stared down at the other shadow. The shadow that tried to stand tall, but whose fear was showing as clear as day. Because it hadn't told anyone a truth it was trying to run from - it's bond to Peter had been weakening since Y/n had returned. A fact that became very suddenly clear as the bags under Peter's eyes faded away and he stood taller, stronger, his eyes more vibrant. The Shadow no longer had influence over him, power over him - dangling his weakness like a threat.

Now Shade was back.

There were no words exchanged. Shade shot forward, wrapping around the other shadow like it was nothing and merging with it. There wasn't even a fight. One second the other shadow was there and the next, it wasn't, and Shade reformed. It looked toward Dark Hollow and there was an audible click. Suddenly there was a rush of wind as other shadows began to land and form amongst the other Lost Boys, some collapsing and some stumbling and some leaning against something but all beaten and weak and exhausted.

Y/n sighed, landing on the ground and returning to his human form, shadows fading and the golden glow around his irises back. The same glow that was around Peter's, indicating their bonded souls.

A cheer rose from the Boys and Henry, who for a moment had been wrapped in terror, slowly realized that something wonderful had just happened. Y/n had just beat someone very bad, and something tense and heavy was gone now. There was nothing to feel but joy.

Y/n grunted as a body rammed into his, a face burying into his neck and arms wrapping tightly around him. "I knew you'd come back."

A smile rested on Y/n's face and he hugged Peter back. "Of course I would come back, dummy." Something occurred to him and he pulled back, eyes wide. "You knew I'd come back?"

Peter nodded, grinning. "You promised you would."

The gears were turning. "What if Felix had said it?"

Peter blinked. "I would have believed him."

Interesting. "And if Devin had said it? Or Oliver? Or Hunter?"

This seemed to confused Peter. "Well, they can't leave."

"But if they had," Y/n insisted. "Would you have believed them when they said they would come back? Even if they swore their life on it."

It was a nonsensical question, but Peter didn't dismiss it. Y/n didn't do anything for no reason. So he considered it. "I guess, not really. I'd have believed they wanted to, but if they didn't I wouldn't have been surprised. I don't have as much faith in their abilities."

"Why Felix then? I have magic, but he doesn't. He's just a human."

Peter frowned. "He'd do anything to come back here. He would."

"To Neverland?" Y/n pushed.

"To us," Peter shrugged.

"Would you bet your life on it?" Y/n asked, seeming close to something.

Peter tilted his head. "Yes. I would."

"The same way Henry believes his family is coming for him, and will find him, and will get him home? With no proof, no rationale, just faith." Y/n's eyes were wide and his grip on Peter's shoulders were like iron.

But then it hit Peter too. "I believe in Felix. And you."

"And us, you," Y/n nodded eagerly.

Henry seemed confused. "Why is this important? Everyone knows the three of you are the center points of Neverland. Your connections couldn't work without trust in each other."

Y/n looked at Henry, and grinned. "We needed someone to save Neverland, Henry. We needed something to keep the power flowing. Something, someone, who could input more eternal and unending power into Neverland to keep everyone here from having to leave. Like the heart of the truest believer. It was- an easy answer, but-"

Henry gasped. "Me. You wanted me to save Neverland."

Y/n nodded. He then let go of Peter and lowered to Henry's level. "But we didn't even think- I mean, getting people to believe in you like that. It takes too much time. It's near impossible to find people who will always be by your side. Who see you for who you are and completely submerge themselves in it. Family is impossible to choose, and people die and leave and move and grow apart and change and drift away from each other. But Peter, and Felix and I - we have something special. We all believe in each other, because we know with every fiber of our being that we all want to be here, to be together. That we're family."

Henry suddenly understood, his smile coming back radiantly. "You don't need me anymore. You have each other."

Felix's breath caught and Y/n and Peter looked over at him. The three of them had always felt that no matter what, they would end up together on Neverland. They would have each other. But, in what way? Surely Y/n and Peter would always have that bond, that golden ring around their pupils that highlighted the magic that wound them together. Magic strong enough to beat any stretch of space, to beat any memory change or time away from magic, or time apart. But Felix?

Y/n held out his hand to Felix. "I know how to save the island." There was something unspoken, something tangible and warm and familiar. The distance and coldness between them melted and Felix took his hand. Y/n stretched his other hand to Peter, who didn't hesitate. And suddenly there was a wave, a surge of magic that bloomed from them like a ripple in the water.

Like the magic that Henry and the people of the Enchanted Forest had seen a million times.

The three boys gasped, and blinked to look at the world around them. The colors were back, the air cleaner and fresher, and the light stronger than ever. They had forgotten how weak and faded everything had gotten from the time that Peter had first gotten here... and now it was all back. Replenished, alive, and healthy.

Peter and Y/n looked at each other first, and then at Felix. Felix, who seemed amazed by the light and color he was surrounded by. Felix, who believed in them the way they believed in him. Felix, who had a new rim of shining, shimmering gold around the pupil of his eyes - matching Y/n's and Peter's perfectly.

Peter spoke first. "Let's get Henry back to his family. We have what we need." And there was something that he didn't say that sat in the air, delicious. Beckoning.

We have our own.