A/n: I'm so sorry for the Terrible Bad™️ I've done. You'll know when.

Sometimes I honestly wondered if Peter Pan was gay.

Everything had been going very well. I'd been amazing at keeping my true gender a secret and I was sure I had everyone convinced that I was a boy. I read people and picked up on fighting quickly enough. I was strong to begin with but soon gained legitimate muscle as I dealt with the conditions of hard labor that was life on the island. I tested the Boys as I was now. As one of them. I was worried they'd see through me, but they all admitted that although they were old enough to be attracted to girls properly, they hadn't had much experience with them before coming here, or hadn't had experiencing in the long time since they'd been on the island. They couldn't see a girl who stared them in the face. On top of that, Pan always called "boys" when he called us and I was part of that group. He didn't hesitate or pause and it seemed he considered me part of his little band on misfits.

And yet...

Not once had I ever missed the way his eyes sometimes fell down my body and then back up again. The way he took interest in me and hovered around me, intrigued with me in a way he just wasn't with the others. Sometimes, if he was really trying to push my buttons, he'd even flirt with me. Leaning close, cocking that glorious eyebrow, adorning the killer smirk. The way his voice lowered as he whispered things that threw me off. Suggestive but hooded so that I was left wondering if he knew I was a girl and was just letting me do my thing, or if he was into guys.

The thing was, he never flirted with the other boys. Where I came from, the social standing was that you did not admit you were gay, if you were. But, surrounded by all kinds of boys who were submitted to all kinds of customers, and even having women come into my room with a sultry look and money clasped in their palms, homosexuality really didn't bother me. My only wonder is if he didn't know I was female and I told them I was, would they kick me out? Lash out? Would Pan feel silly for flirting with me and be angry? Would they seclude me? Push me away?

...Kill me? I'd seen Pan be pretty brutal and wild but never had I seen him kill anyone. I was still unsure if I should put it past him, though.

Despite Pan's weird flirtations and me growing accustomed to being seen as a male, life on the island was absolutely fantastic. Never Land was everything I'd ever wanted, and then more. there was more danger and fun and excitement. I'd even had a run in with pirates and that was absolutely amazing and exhilarating. Everything was perfect.

Until one day, everything went terribly, terribly wrong.

It was my second time ever seeing the pirates. Pan had been good about keeping me inside the camp or close to him and although he often showed the Boys the fun on the island, he kept all of us from the too-dangerous places. Today, though, I was out collecting firewood. My arms were full and I was humming almost silently under my breath, the dagger pan had given me what seemed forever ago now familiar and wrapped up safely and tucked in its usual spot in my boot. My peaceful mood was shattered as a hand wrapped around my mouth, an arm around my waist, and I was yanked back into a solid chest, the firewood cascading out of my grasp with a bunch of loud crashes. My eyes went wide as a mouth was pressed close to my ear. "Yell and you die." I went still and the hand slowly moved off of my mouth. I wanted to scream or grab my blade but I didn't know who was behind me or how may of them there were so I waited for a better moment.

"Did you get him, Hook?" Another voice asked as I was jerked to face the others. There were three in front of me, but my stomach twisted as I realized that none of there than the Pirate Captain Hook. He was the one who held me in place.

Hook scoffed. "Of course I did. Back to the ship." The group of pirates all obeyed and I was being dragged further away from safety. I bit my lip. Hook's human hand stayed on the back of my neck, his hook swaying at his side, ready to lash out if I did anything against what he'd advised. "What's your name?" Hook asked after a while walking. I stayed quiet, looking forward. I wonder if he would know I was a girl. He was a man, after all, allowing him to have more experience than the boys I was used to. I'd kept my hair shoulder length and it was tied under my cap as always. I was the only of the Boys to wear a hat, unwilling to give away the last feminine thing I had left and just cut my hair. I'd been used and abused by men all my life. I was a girl and I was proud of it. I was the ONLY girl on an entire island full of men in a magical detached place away from England and Earth, even. I would retain one thing. The cap was my one thing from England. My hair was my one thing to retain my femininity. What would it cost me now? He nudged me, knocking me out of my future anxieties and into my current problem. "Do you speak?" I still didn't say anything.

We reached the ship and I was hustled onboard. I tried to love away from Hook; he caught the collar of my shirt, yanking me back to my feet as I gasped, the front of my collar digging into my neck. The pirates around me shimmered and disappeared as Hook hustled me below deck. "See yer after, Cap'in!" One of them yelled before they were all gone.

Hook moved me to a chair, tied me to it with rope, and then stepped back once I was secured. He folded his arms and sat on a little jutted part of wood, crossing his ankles and sitting back. The floor under me rocked gently and I found it weirdly comforting. I'd always wanted to see the ocean. Swim with the fish. Sail the waters. Anywhere but my four wall Hell of nowhere I was stuck everyday. Maybe I'd have enjoyed it more if it didn't mean captivity. My comfort and enjoyment of being on the boat vanished- now I only wished to get off of the disgusting boat and return to still ground and the Boys and Pan. My family.

Quietly, Hook pulled a dagger from his belt. I was reminded I still had mine in my boot. He analyzed the blade and then pointed it at me. "You know, magic is quite an amazing thing. I can wish for anything. Anything except escape. Anything except real people I can touch. All my pirates? Mirages. They act real and sound real but they aren't. I can't actually touch them and they can't gather supplies or man a ship or capture prisoners because they can't touch anything except each other. They'd just go right through you and me. Like ghosts." I watched him with a narrowed expression, half glaring and half unsure about the man and what he wanted. "You know, I haven't seen a woman in many years." My body tensed and I tried to be discreet. "But I would still know one when I saw one." He retracted the blade and put it back in his sheath and then leaned his elbows on his knees, smiling at me smugly.

So he knew. "Good for you," I snarled.

Hook grinned. "She speaks!"

She.

How strange to hear that again.

My face contorted. "So, what?" I demanded. "You wanted me for sex?"

There's not even a second pause before Hook busts up laughing. He sits back again as he starts to calm down, shaking his head as he oozes extreme amusement at my suggestion. "Blunt and harsh and to the point. I like it. But, no. You're much too young for me and my heart has not been mine to give to anyone for many years."

My eyes widen and I can't help but to be intrigued. "You've been in love?"

In that moment Hook grows extremely serious. "I am in love, darling," he corrects. I frown deeply. "Just because she is gone doesn't mean I have stopped loving her."

There's a pause as we look at each other. I'm still on edge but also still interested. "She died?"

Hook looks at me with a dark expression. "Killed," he corrects harshly. "By a demon."

My eyebrow raises. "By Pan?" I'd heard Hook call Pan that before, in stories the Boys told. They always talked about how Hook ranted like a mad man about how Pan was more demon than boy.

Seeming partly amused that I knew that, partly irritated, Hook half glared at me. "A different demon." He leaned forward. "Why do you fight for one as evil as Pan?"

Finally having the upper ground, my back straightened and my chin rose into the air a bit. "Pan has given me freedom and happiness. Escape from the Hell I was living. I owe him everything. He shows me fun and magic and adventure and he's a good leader."

"But is he a god man?" Hook asked, searching my face.

Without hesitation, I met his eyes. "The best." When Hook rose a doubting eyebrow, I added, "To those he is not a enemy to. He's a hero to me and the Boys."

Sitting back, Hook nodded. "Ah yes, the Boys. The Boys who don't even know anything real about you. You couldn't have told them your history. What was it? A young woman stuck in a world of men, lost and alone enough that she sees Neverland as happiness and escape? Were you a runaway? A starving and weak kid, laying on her death bed? Stuck in a house where she was treated less than human? Stuck in a brothel?" My eyes hardened and Hook smirked. "Ah, there it is."

My guard rose up - I hadn't realized I was being so honest and vulnerable - and I glared. "Don't speak of things you don't understand," I bit at him harshly.

Slowly, Hook nodded. "Fair enough. Your loyalty is admirable. And understandable. It's a terrible life, the one you lived. How did you survive it?" He traced his finger along the patters of the ship and I watched him carefully. "I won't judge you. But you're young. How did you survive it to be so solid and hard and dependable now? How did you not simply... break?" My jaw worked but I didn't respond. "Alcohol?" He mused. Then he shook his head. "No. You're too young and all on your own. No way to procure it. Perhaps, you enjoyed it?" My face twisted and Hook chuckled. "No. I should have known not. Hm... perhaps you were one of the rare people who got hold of pills." I went still and Hook didn't say anything more for a long time. "Wouldn't you be addicted? Don't you miss it?"

My chest heaved as agony at the memory of my life before hit me. "Time here stops," I whispered. "My body is damned to never progress. I didn't have to go through withdrawal. I'm still addicted but I have no need for it. My body is frozen."

Hook nodded. "Interesting. Then you don't want to ever leave the island, huh?" I avoided his eyes but that seemed to be the answer he needed.

After a second, I looked up, my insides roiling and burning as he hit weak spot after weak spot, prodding and poking at me and burying his mental knife hilt deep into my old wounds, reopening them. "What do you want from me, Hook?" I demanded. "The camp's location? A way off the island? I won't ever tell you where the others are, and I don't know as much as I don't care about escaping."

Smiling to himself darkly, Hook looked at me with a twisted expression. "Oh, I know you won't say anything, Doll. That's not why you're here. You're just bait." My eyes went wide. "Why hunt down Pan if he'll come straight to me?"

My chin stuck out. "Pan won't come for me. I will get myself free or you will kill me and he will torment you for eternity in revenge. I do not fear you, Hook. I do not fear death. Both are preferable to the wrath of Pan. Better one is lost than all his Boys be put in danger, possibly killed, when I could be dead anyway."

"It's really admirable, Love," a familiar voice said from the entry to below deck. My eyes widened as Pan came through, smirking. Hook went to lash out but the younger man dodged easily, speeding into the room and moving behind me to untie me. Hook stumbled, got his feet under him, and came back again to attack just as I got me free. "But I would never leave a man behind, same as I would never send my Boys to do something I could simply do myself." Pan had my blade and he parried the pirate's hook with it. I gasped as I realized he'd taken it out of my boot without me realizing. Impressive. Pan looked over at me. "Get out. I'll be right behind you." Fighting to block me from escaping, Hook grunted and turned to attack me instead. I skidded back only to slam my head against the hull of the ship and crumble, falling into darkness.

Guess that plan didn't pan out very well did it?

-

When my eyes opened up again, it was pitch black. I sat up, rubbing my head as a dull headache traveled across my skull. I looked down to see that I was in a dingy white dress. It felt weird to be in it. Familiar and yet strange. I hadn't worn a dress in so long... My eyes went wide. This wasn't just a dress. It was MY dress. It was my brothel dress. A scream erupted from me and I clawed at the material and a door busted open. No no no no no! I wasn't back. It wasn't a dream. It hadn't all been a dream. NO NO NO!

"Whoa whoa whoa Love!" A voice rushed as someone caught my wrist. I pulled, eyes wide and body pumped with adrenaline-induced panic. I flipped and twisted so that the attacker was under me. My hand, now free, pulled the blade from my boot and pressed it to the attacker's neck. His hands went up and I straddled him. "Hey. Hey. It's me, Sam."

Sam.

My eyes cleared and I saw Pan under me. His green eyes were wide as my short hair dangled around my face. We both froze and stiff quiet fell. Finally I broke it. "Sorry," I croaked.

A half-smile adorned his face and his hand relaxed and lowered, settling naturally on my waist. "It's okay, Love."

A sigh passed my lips and my eyebrows came together. "So how long have you know I was a girl then, Pan?" I asked, resigning to his over-casual mood as him being used to the idea that I was indeed female. Had he found out when he tended to my wounds? Or had he knows before that?

Still under me, Peter smiled. "Oh sweetheart I've known since the second you came on the Island. No one keeps secrets from me here. Though, you did have the Boys fooled quite some time. Impressive enough. You're too perceptive and kind. The kind of hardness that doesn't come from a man without being some kind of cruel. Women have the amazing capability of being hard asses while still being good people, holding together their broken parts behind a wall while simply opening their eyes wider, seeing everything with more possibility in order to keep themselves protected. Some people call it paranoid. I call it careful. It wasn't hard to figure out, really." He shrugged.

I huffed, slouching into him. "So what now?"

He leaned up, propping himself on his elbows. His face was very close to mine and I suddenly felt VERY female. "Now," he mused. "Well, what do you want to happen now, Love?"

I swallowed. This boy was about to become a handful...