A/n: After editing it, the story was just too long and I decided to break it into two parts. Hope y'all enjoy.

I woke up on a boat. I scrambled up, reaching for a dagger that was usually in my boot. When I found it gone, my eyes widened and I stayed low to the ground, trying to take in as much of my surroundings as possible. Emma was there immediately, her hands outstretched to me. "Hey," she eased. "It's okay. You're okay."

My eyes moved slowly from her, even from the boat, to the endless ocean that surrounded us. No jungle. No skull rock. No Neverland... no Peter Pan. Henry was at the mast, and the Lost Boys were tied up in the middle, but Pan was not among them. Felix was, but not Pan. My hands fell to my side, limp, and slapped against the satchel. I looked down at it, my hands wrapping slowly around the straps. It was all I had of him anymore. Either he was on the island alone, or he was dead, and I didn't think the Lost Boys and Felix of all of them would be here if Pan was alive.

Why had they killed him?

Emma was saying something but I couldn't hear her. I just turned away, hands planting on the railing as I felt myself get sick. I had finally had home, and Henry had been... dead? Unconscious? But then he was fine, and I looked at him once again to make sure. After a second I took a deep breath and turned back toward Emma. "What happened?"

Emma told me everything. I didn't ask questions, I didn't have to. She left no detail out and went through everything step by step, all leading up to shutting Pan in Pandora's Box. I couldn't wrap my head around how much he had lied. How he had used my love of the island and had given me every single thing I had ever wanted just to use it to manipulate Henry into killing himself so Pan could... what? Stay young on Neverland forever?

I ended up leaning against the railing, arms crossed over my chest and eyes closed. I focused on the motion of the boat and the sound of the waves. I had gained everything and then less than a week later lost it, learning that I had only been given it in the first place to lead to the death of the only person who had actually loved me. What the fuck?

That ugly, twisted thing rose up in me again and my heart died in my chest. I felt it go cold and hard, and the world desaturated into near gray scale. Nothing soothed me. Nothing appealed to me. There was no hope, no happiness, no freedom, no love. No home. No family.

Emma asked if I was okay. I didn't respond. She tried a few more things, but as I kept silent she simply left me be and went about her business.

Out of the corner of my eye I distantly registered her talking to Regina, who hesitated a moment before moving to my side, opposite to where Emma had been before. "You look..." She shook her head and for once her voice was gentle. "You look like how I did after I lost Daniel." I didn't say anything, and I don't think I had to. She had said all that needed to be said in that one phrase. "Did you love him?"

What kind of question was that? "I didn't get the chance to," I admitted. My mouth was dry and my voice came out hoarse. She flinched at the sound, knowing it was most likely because of her. "Everything I knew on that island, all that I'd been given, was a lie. Was a weapon against Henry. It didn't mean anything. It was a mirage. And it would have been for eternity if you hadn't stopped him. Henry would have been dead and I'd have helped and I'd have never known."

Regina was quiet for a long time. "Why did you want to belong there so much?"

I scoffed, even as it made my throat burn. "Are you... kidding me?" I looked at her with poison in my eyes and she met my gaze even as it seemed to hurt. "Look at you. Look at Snow White and Emma and me. Look at this shit show of a family. If you can even call it that." I shook my head. "Snow and Charming are supposed to the peak of true love and yet they fight tooth and nail just to be together and still suffer. They haven't spent a second together that they weren't fighting SOMETHING to be together. Most often fighting you, ironic enough, who is now supposed to be the adopted mother to their grandson that you could never be for Snow? And Emma, the proof that you can't ever win, who didn't even believe in magic or herself or this world even when she saw it for herself. She's never believed in anything and she was supposed to save everyone? To keep saving us? Her endless struggle, and being a product of true love - it's like a reflection of the struggle her parents never defeat. You're not a family, your a bad ending waiting to happen. You can't stop fighting ever, or agree on anything other than Henry. You barely managed to save Henry, and only succeeded when you parted ways." I shook my head, looking at her with rage. "What exactly did you expect, when all you guys ever seem to unite over is loving Henry and hating me?"

Again Regina was quiet. Finally she sighed and softened, her hands reaching behind her to prop her against the railing. "You're right. I'm... I'm sorry, Y/n." I would have melted into her right then and there. Burst into tears and forgiven her... if it hadn't been too late. She seemed to sense my lack of openness and stepped away. "I'm sorry."

After a while I sat, leaning against the railing. It was hours before someone came near me again, and since it was none other than Snow White, I knew what was coming before she even spoke. I let her continue though, knowing she had to get it off her chest in the least. "You know I've treated you horribly."

"No shit."

She nodded, silently recognizing she deserved that. "I'm sorry isn't enough." She let that sit, and when I didn't argue she simply nodded again. "Y/n I..." She paused. "You don't ever have to forgive me. You don't have to try to be family with me. That isn't fair to even consider. But I think... the boys you've bonded with on Neverland, they need a new leader. And Emma and Henry still love you to bits. Neal and Hook have a fondness for you too, and David never was able to help you as much as he wanted - which is my fault - but he's here if you want." She hesitated. "What I'm saying is... you can have a home, Y/n. You can have family. There's something for you in Storybrooke. Regina and I - we're going to stop treating you like that. We never should have, it's not your fault - any of it. But I'm not going to give you apologies that fix nothing and explanations that will only make you feel worse. Just - just know there are people who truly do care about you, okay? More than Pan ever-"

I stood and moved away from her. She froze and shut up immediately, recognizing she had crossed a line. But I didn't lash out at her, I just moved to Henry. I leaned my head against the wood of the ship. "Hey."

"Hi," he returned gently.

"I'm really glad you're not dead." Henry almost smiled and I found myself easing just slightly. "Hen I... I didn't know." He met my eyes and regret filled me. "I didn't know he was going to kill you."

Henry's expression was reassuring. "I know, don't worry about it. I didn't know either. He lied to all of us." When I looked away, I felt his energy shift, as was confused by the sudden distance. "Are you... okay? I know Neverland and the Lost Boys and such - they meant a lot to you."

"Yeah." The word was heavy in my mouth. "I think..." I swallowed then shook my head.

"You loved it there," Henry offered.

My eyebrows knitted together. "I think I was in love with Pan." Henry got stiff and I flinched. "I- I know, I'm sorry Hen. That's just the thing you know? I thought I did, but then he's an entirely different person than I thought. When we danced or he played his pipe or we played games there was a light to him. A life. He laughed and he smiled and it made my heart race... but the entire time it wasn't light like sunshine, warm and soothing. It was light like... an open flame. And now -" I blinked away tears. "I feel so stupid. You could have died. You DID die." I sighed, heavy and long.

After a second, Henry looked at me again. "Do you think he could have ever loved you? In those moments, did it seem like..." he shrugged.

The words hurt. "I don't know." My words were soft and exhausted. "Maybe if I had never found out. Maybe if he had won. Maybe in a million years he would have found some fondness for me. But then... he was just using me to get to you. It makes me wonder if any of it was real. And how would I know any better? The Peter I thought I knew... doesn't exist." I scoffed. "I doubt he could have loved me. I doubt anyone could ever."

That made Henry jerk in surprise. "Why do you think something like that?"

I looked at him with that hatred again, but this time turned at myself. "Emma and I are exact opposites. She's the product of true love, sent out to grow up alone because she has a destiny and an eventual happily ever after. I... I'm the product of misery. Of loathing. The living reminder that mistakes can be made that will leave a bad taste in your mouth you can NEVER get rid of. That some things you can just never get over. Snow and Regina apologized to me but I knew it was just because they feel bad, not because they mean it. I was sent out because I was unwanted, and returned to only be MORE unwanted. I'm a reject, an outcast. Hated. Emma feels alone but she isn't. I feel alone because I am alone and I always will be. I don't think anyone could truly love me. It's not allowed. Emma was written as the heroine - she's supposed to win. Supposed to be loved. I'm not. I'm supposed to be a reminder to not make mistakes. To be yourself. To fight for what you want. I'm destined to lose. To be alone. To always fall on the wrong side." I cut off, breathing a few seconds to steady myself.

Henry took my hand. "I love you."

I relaxed, my eyes watering again and my heart warming. "Thanks Henry." My voice broke and he looked at me with a shaky smile. "You're the best little brother I could have ever asked for."

He just looked away, not dropping my hand. I let it go for now and for the rest of the ride home, we stayed silent. It was, for once, comforting.

-

Peter Pan had been inside of Henry's body the entire time. He was loose somewhere with Felix, evil plans brewing, and all I could do was sit on the ground and bury my face in my hands and hide from the world. We were all huddled together trying to figure out what to do next, but I couldn't handle it. While Pan was in Henry's body, Henry was in Pan's. He kept trying to reassure me, touch me, comfort me, and it brought me near tears every time that face looked at me with such a tender expression. I had to pull myself away from everyone else and had ended up here. Curled up in the corner having a break down.

When everyone ran off to enact the plan, I stayed right where I was. Everyone agreed I was too unstable to be of any help anyway, and if I had to actually watch Pan die after all I had been through, I was going to genuinely go insane.

Except it wasn't Pan dying that truly broke me. It was him coming back, quiet and careful and easily spooked and anxious. It was when he came back, soft and guarded and drifting toward me for some reason.

Turns out that Peter was an actual boy. Malcom, Rumple's father, had actually been transferred into his body as a consciousness. Neverland couldn't undo time, just freeze it. So it had given him a body instead of undoing his. Peter - who had once had a different name but had long forgotten it - had wanted to come to Neverland too and had been eager to live forever and have fun and be free, but seemed to be relieved to be rid of Malcolm. Whatever partnership they had once had was long gone after the lengths that Malcolm had gone to in order to take what he wanted - what he didn't deserve.

My brain was reeling. "So you and Henry were in your body together before?" I asked, eyes squeezed tight as I tried to wrap my mind around what was happening.

"Sort of," Peter answered. He had only been talking to me, so I had been forced to be the one to question him. "Mostly," he added. "But also Malcolm had been in my body so long that I was sort of... split. Partly in Henry's body, and partly in my own. That was how I knew where Henry was when Malcolm was in him - I could tap into his mind and see where he was. That's how I knew where he was, but could also talk to Henry. Could talk to Henry, but also hear anything Malcolm was being told. It's... sort of habit. Malcolm isn't good at emotional stuff. At being tender or lighthearted. He left that stuff to me. I was never the best at it but..." he shrugged. "I was better than he was."

My eyes widened. "So on Neverland when we would dance, or talk..."

"That was me," Peter confirmed. "And on the boat on our way back too."

My face burned a bright pink and all of the adults in the room exchanged looks. "What is he talking about?" Regina asked.

I swallowed. "I sort of... well I thought I was talking to Henry. I told him- told him that I thought I was- Well I sort of-" I cleared my throat.

Emma's lips began to curl into the smallest smile. "You told him you were in love with Pan."

"I told him I could have been," I rushed as Peter tried to swallow a smile as well. "It doesn't matter, I didn't know anything about Peter Pan, or Malcolm! It was all an act."

"I believe," Emma countered. "Peter just said that it wasn't completely an act. All of the things you liked about Pan were... Peter."

As if finally registering what was happening, Regina blinked several times before scoffing. "You can't be thinking about being in love with this boy?"

My face went even redder. "That's not what this is about," I dismissed without answering.

Regina ogled at me. "He tried to kill Henry! He lied to you!"

"Actually," Emma began again. "Malcolm did all of that. Peter was barely present enough to be aware if it, let alone be able to stop any of it. The only time he was present was when Malcolm let him be, and the second he had any sort of freedom to actually know what was going on and to help, he did. He helped. He saved Henry and all of Storybrooke and Mr. Gold as well. Once we took Malcolm out and trapped up and locked him up, we were all safe. It was because of Peter that it all went so well."

Regina sputtered. "Well it doesn't matter, he agreed with Malcolm once. He could be trouble!"

"So were you," I snapped, unable to help myself. Peter smiled at me and I avoided looking at him. "And also, he's in the room. It doesn't matter what we feel - that's not what this is about."

Regina flared. "Well I simply forbid you from dating him. Ever. That's nonsense!"

Immediately I turned on her. In the last few days we had been getting on a lot better. She had genuinely changed and was making an effort, but in this moment her old temper resurfaced. However, I was not the same girl she used to fight with. "Frankly Regina I don't give a single fuck what you forbid." I had never used her name before. Even when angry I always referred to her as my mother. "If I want to kiss this boy right now I would and you wouldn't do shit. You wanna know why?" She looked at me and I looked back, unwavering. "Because no one had to possess you to ruin Snow White's life for years in a row over ONE mistake, and destroy families and kill so many people that you've lost track. You did that all on your own." She looked away and I sat back in my chair.

No one had anything to say about it after that.

-

It had been a month since Peter had come to Storybrooke. Felix took charge of the Lost Boys, allowing Peter to be free for the first time in ages. I helped Felix when he needed it, and all around helped the entire group settle in and aclimate. They had become a very different group, full of a lot more fun and love and bonding than had been around before. It was amazing.

We had found a family, and made a home - right in Storybrooke. They were awkward about aging once again, and were struggling to accept it, but after they learned the process of staying young forever, they were all more than happy to deal with a learning curve to be able to experience the genuine comradery and unity we had. They didn't miss Pan at all.

It took a while for everyone to get used to Peter, but once it clicked everything seemed to smooth out easily. He and I had been spending a lot of time together and as days passed, it became more and more clear that we had some sort of feelings for each other.

One day, he made it official and asked me on a date. I said yes. There were a lot of jokes about our forbidden romance, as Regina had never formerly revoked her disallowing us to be together, and it was a great time. When the night came to an end, we headed toward the house that we, the Lost Boys, had claimed. There had been a few left open as families reorganized themselves and found each other, so we had fit ourselves where we could.

He pulled me to a stop outside the door. "Uh, before we go in..." It had taken a while to get used to his quieter way of speaking and brighter disposition. He was as much a youthful troublemaker as Malcolm had been, but lacked any cruelty. "May I try something?"

A smile tugged at my lips. "Go for it."

He grinned before approaching me rather quickly, rushing to grab my face and press his lips against mine. We both melted, grinning into the kiss even as my hands reached forward to grip his shirt. I was breathless by the time he leaned away, both of us blushing horribly, our eyes sparkling wildly even in the dark.

"On the boat," Peter began. "I told you I loved you." I went still, eyes widening slowly. "You told me you could never be loved. That you were a warning - the product of loathing. The opposite of Emma." He shook his head. "You're not the situation you were born into Y/n. And when you came to Neverland, it became the place I had always yearned for and dreamed about. I had been wrong all those years ago. I wasn't looking for eternal youth or freedom from life. I didn't need to BE young. I only needed to FEEL young. And you make me feel young."

I was grinning. "You're going to be the end of me."

A light danced in his eyes. "Only fair. You're already the end of me."

For the first time I understood Snow White and Charming. For this.... for love, I would do anything. In that moment I knew it would be me and him. Damn everything else. I didn't deserve a happy ending - I deserved a happy beginning, and I was staring mine in the face. Everything else we could and would figure out as we went.