Chapter 18: I Love You Beary Much

“Like a montage?”

Eli nodded his head. “Yup, like a montage.”

I laughed. “For a guy, you’re pretty girly sometimes.”

He waggled his eyebrows. “Do you like feminine men?”

I slapped his chest. “You’re stupid. So let me get this straight. You want us to skip slowly through this park while carrying this picnic basket?”

“Yeah, but don’t jump too high. I don’t want your dress to ride up.”

“Aren’t you considerate?”

“I just don’t like to share my girl with any other guy.”

“Your girl?”

“My girl.”

I loved the sound of that. My girl. I don’t think I’d ever get tired of hearing that. Since we loved each other, would we split after summer ended? I hope not. If that happened, I don’t know what I would do.

So hand in hang, we skipped through the park, giggling like idiots as we did it. I felt a little stupid, but love makes people do stupid and crazy things. Besides, it was kind of fun. All we needed was a camera and we could shoot a chick flick.

I don’t know how long we went around the park, but I know we circled it over ten times. We got strange looks from people, probably thinking that we were little children stuck in adult bodies. “Are we done now?” I asked, panting because I wasn’t sure how much more of this I could take.

“Yeah, I’m getting pretty hungry myself.”

“I never said I was hungry!”

“You and I both know that you are.”

I grinned sheepishly. “You know me so well.”

We walked over to a nice shady spot under a big tree. He opened the picnic basket and pulled out a checkered blanket. How classic. With help from me, we laid it out and smoothed the wrinkles. I eagerly sat down, my stomach growling for what Eli packed.

A few large, puffy white clouds were floating around the pretty blue sky. I could hear the faint chirp of the birds, the laughter of children, and the soft hum of an airplane passing through above us. It wasn’t as hot as it normally was—it felt like spring.

He took out plates of what looked like his mother’s cooking. Ah, Marsha. What a lovely lady. “Let me guess, your mom made the food?”

“I helped…”

I looked at him doubtfully. “You can’t cook.”

“Okay, I licked the beaters when she was done making the cake.”

I smiled. That sounded more like the Eli I know and loved. Love. “Thought so.”

“Hey! It’s still pretty good.”

“Anything from your mom is good.”

He winked. “Like me.”

“Shut up.”

We took turns feeding each other—like those stupid lovey-dovey couples I once despised. I aimed the strawberry at his mouth, but missed, getting red juice all over his clean, white shirt. “Oh crap! I’m so sorry.”

He stared at the stain, looked up at me, glanced back at his shirt, and slowly raised his eyes to meet mine. He had the smile that would scare the devil. So naturally, it scared me. He was up to something…but what?

“Eli…what’re you going to do?”

“Oh nothing,” he replied innocently. Too innocently.

“You sure about that?”

“Nope!” he yelled, chucking a red, ripe strawberry at me.

He hit my neck and it slid down; it looked like I was bleeding. I quickly threw the fruit back at him and grabbed a napkin, wiping the sticky juice off. I swear if it got on my new, white dress, I was going to kill him. Yes, we were wearing white. Yes, we planned it. Yes, we were that couple.

“I hate you. I actually like this dress.”

“Yes, but you love me.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s a contradiction to my previous statement.”

“You could never hate me, Ash.” He was so right. “And besides, I have a present for you.”

A present? “You got me something?”

“Think of it as a late date present.”

“That makes absolutely no sense.”

“Just open the picnic basket.”

There was still more stuff in it? I lifted the side and stuck my hand through, patting it until I felt something. It was soft. Really soft. It was also pretty small. I pulled it out and saw a flash of blue. It was that little blue bear with the black bowtie that I wanted so badly when we went to go see Brave. He won it for me? He actually went back there and tried who knows how many times? He was so sweet!

“Eli,” I whispered, stroking the black, velvety bow. “Thank you.”

He did a one shoulder shrug. “It was nothing.”

“No,” I denied. “It wasn’t just ‘nothing’. It must’ve taken you forever to win it. I know how bad you are at those claw machines.”

“And here I thought we were having a moment.”

“Oops, sorry.”=

“It’s alright. I still love…Rachel?”

Rachel? He…he loved Rachel? My heart sank. But he told me yesterday that he loved me. He told me today that I was his girl. So what changed in the twenty minutes that he told me? I knew it was too good to be true. But did he really have to say that on our date? I mean, c’mon.

“You love Rachel?” I asked, trying not to let my voice falter.

He seemed distracted; his gaze was fixated on something else. Something over my shoulder. I turned around to see what was so interesting.

It was a girl. She was wearing a light grey dress. Her flaming red hair billowed lightly in the wind; her grey eyes fixated on Eli. I knew who she was immediately. Eli didn’t even have to say her name out loud for me to recognize each other. The way that they were looking at each other…it was like they were having a telepathic reunion, and I was intruding on it.

I opened my mouth to say something, but Eli cut me off. “Excuse me, Ash. I have to go…” he trailed, maintaining eye contact with Rachel.

It was like I became some puppy that he didn’t want anymore, left, forgotten in the wind. I completely understood. This was the first time he’s seen her in years and his first reaction would be to go talk to her. I nodded understandingly, but it’s not like he was paying any attention to me or my actions. I wasn’t sure if I should leave or sit here gaping like an idiot. I thought about walking up there and introducing myself as his girlfriend, but decided against it. Eli would hate me forever if I did that and ruined his chances with her.

What was she doing here? Especially when the summer was almost over.

Eli looked more shocked than me. Rachel’s lips were turned upwards as she leaned in to hug him. I saw Eli’s hands pat her back. Well, he wasn’t pushing her away, but why would he? Eli said so himself—they were destined to be together. I was just another one of his summer flings. The ‘I love you’s’ were probably just a spur of the moment thing. And as much as it hurt to admit it, I probably meant nothing to him, at least compared to Rachel.

They stood there talking for the longest time, catching up and flirting. Jealousy was slowly etching at my flesh, but I could take it. Eli would remember that we were on a date and maybe come introduce me to her. But did I really want to meet her? She was my competition, well not competition, but you know what I mean.

I should’ve left, because I was not prepared for what came next. I suppose it was inevitable that it would happen, but I didn’t realize that I would witness it.

Rachel’s lips were on Eli’s.

Eli’s lips were on Rachel’s.

And I couldn’t take it anymore.

I got up onto my feet, my legs wobbling slightly. And I ran, leaving the little blue bear, and Eli, behind. I couldn’t stand seeing the boy I loved kissing the girl that he loved—the one that he truly fell for, the one that he thought was convinced was his.

He was going to have to choose between the both of us, and my gut told me that it would be Rachel that he picked. They’ve known each other for a lifetime, and we’ve known each other for a couple of months. They had a history, we didn’t. They grew together. You can see the obvious choice here, and it wasn’t me. This time, I didn’t win.

I wiped the tears from my face as I ran back to the apartment. It was a good thing I knew my way around Jangles, otherwise my journey would’ve been disastrous. It was about a seven minute run, but I got there in five because I was sprinting, trying to work off the pain. If I kept working like this, my legs would be ten times stronger in a month.

I got several honks—probably from running across streets without walkways and being reckless, but I didn’t really care at the moment. I felt being a little dramatic, not caring if someone ran me over or not. Right now, I just needed to go home and have a nice, long cry, and maybe some ice cream. Because that’s what girls do after breakups, right? Okay, technically we didn’t break up, but that could be taken as one.

As fate would have it, Dakota opened the door, so I ran right in. I wasn’t sure if that was a positive or negative thing. He would probably come up and ask me what was wrong, causing an angry or sympathetic Dakota. I didn’t like any of the options. I didn’t want to spill my feelings to my brother. He just didn’t understand how a girl’s heart worked. If he did, he would’ve stopped breaking them a long time ago. But running without stopping was just awesome, because then I wouldn’t have to fumble with a key…

I flopped onto my bed, letting out a heavy sigh as I stuffed my face into the pillow. I knew Eli would be happier with her than he was with me. But I also knew Eli was somewhat of a gentleman, so he actually wouldn’t come out and say that he chose her and not me. He would let nature take its course and stick it out until I left.

So I had to do what was right for him. I had to make him see I was just another summer fling and that my feelings were just hormonal. I could do that. I had to do that.

***

I stayed in my room for days, only coming out when I needed to use the restroom or to get food. My diet mostly consisted of comfort food. My day was watching chick flicks and thinking about Eli. Eli had called my 75 times, sent me 147 text messages, and knocked on the door 21 times. I wanted to text back, I wanted to click the green button, and I wanted to get off my lazy butt and talk to him, see his face. But pride and Eli’s wellbeing prevented me from doing that.

“Ash, you need to stop moping around. It’s taking a toll on your appearance.” Cayden walked in and sat on the opposite side of the bed. He pushed all the Twinkie wrappers off the bed and onto the floor. “Your room’s worse than mine.”

“What do you want, Cayden?” I droned gloomily, staring absentmindedly at the wall.

“I want you to come out of this room. When’s the last time you’ve been outside?”

“You sound like my mother.” Those were her exact lines when Liam broke up with me. At least now I didn’t have a self esteem problem and would continue to eat.

“You look like a zombie.”

“Cool.”

“You can’t let him get to you like this. You need to show him that you’re strong and can live without him. Let it go, let him go. Forget about him.”

If only it was that easy. “I can’t forget about him, Cayden. I love him.”

“You don’t know what love is. You’re just a kid.”

“You don’t know either,” I fired back. “You probably cause these depressions.”

He held his hands up. “I’ve never led a girl on. Ever.”

“Can you just leave me alone? Please?”

He sighed and snatched a carton of Ben and Jerry’s from me. “You’re going to have a heart attack when you turn twenty.”

“Give it back to me!”

“I’m doing you a favor. Trust me, when you get your life back on track again, you’ll thank me for not letting you put on thirty-thousand pounds.”

He was right; I didn’t want to get fat. I groaned and slammed my head on my pillow. I wish I had never come to Jangles; that my mom would’ve let me stay with Olivia. At least I wouldn’t be going through this.

Speaking of Olivia, I was receiving a Skype call from her. Normally I would’ve fixed my hair or something to make myself look more presentable, but she was my best friend. She’s seen me look like crap before. What I didn’t take into account was that other people would be with her.

“Are you okay?” she asked, frowning at my appearance.

“I will be.”

“We love you!” Cheyenne cried, her big, innocent brown eyes sympathetic.

I smiled weakly. They were such wonderful friends, and I was lucky that I could call them mine. “I love you too.”

“I wish that you would come home,” Allie whispered.

“Soon, I hope. It depends on when Dakota can get out of work. Until then, I’m stuck here.”

“I say we have a road trip to Florida, girls,” Olivia suggested,” to get our Ashlyn back!”

“You would do that?”

“Honey, we’re best friends and you’re miserable down there. We’re going to party all night long when you’re home.”

Olivia was seriously the best when it came to breakups. She was just so light and easygoing, steering my mind off of the topic of boys. “Then I guess I’m coming home!”

“We’ll be there in two days—promise.”

***

Dakota was onboard with my plan to spend the rest of summer with Olivia’s family. It saved him gas and I think he realized that I couldn’t be here anymore without hurting.

I saw Olivia’s car pull up. I hollered my leave to Dakota and Cayden, then started lugging my bags out to her car. The boys bounded down the stairs to help. Everything was neatly shoved in her trunk.

Cayden opened his arms and smiled. “You know you want a hug.” I rolled my eyes and fell into his arm embrace. “You know, I’m really going to miss you,” he whispered.

Cayden became a part of my life when I was down here. I was going to miss how he made me laugh and make the atmosphere brighter and happier. “Me too. Try not to break too many hearts.”

“I’ll try not to, but no promises.

I laughed. “I hope you meet a girl who you’ll settle down for.”

He scoffed. “As if any girl could tame this,” he said, gesturing to his body.

“You just wait and see, Cayden. When you meet the right girl, you’ll fall. You’ll fall hard. Then you’ll be just like every other guy—whipped.” I knew that Cayden would make some lucky girl very happy someday. Then he wouldn’t mine settling down for her.

“I’d like to see them try.”

“Keep telling yourself that. I’ll see you at your wedding.”

“Stop flirting, you two,” Dakota chastised. “Now, when you get back to the Big Apple, don’t do drugs, don’t drunk, take care of Mom—”

“I got it, Day.”

Dakota really grew up over the summer. I was grateful that he took me in. He was a really good big brother, the best. I couldn’t ask for a better one. I wouldn’t want to. He let out a breath.

“I’m sorry, I just don’t want you to be a bad seed.”

I hugged him, feeling emotional. “Go find a good girl.”

“Those are hard to find these days.”

I smiled. Dakota deserved love. I wish I could just play cupid for him and find him a nice girl that he could build a family with. Wait. What am I saying? He’s in his twenties for petesake. He’s not going to settle down and give up his player ways.

“Ready?” Olivia chirped.

I nodded, taking one last look around. “Ready.”

It was time for me to leave Jangles. I’d come back to visit, but probably not for awhile, not while the cut was still fresh. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to leave the one place I felt so alive. So me.