Chapter 18

I didn't know where to go, so I just went to our usual spot in Mount Cabuyao.

"Akala ko ba gutom ka?" she asked after she unbuckled her seatbelt. Hanggang ngayon, hindi pa rin ako tinitingnan. "Anong kakainin natin dito, damo?"

I know that laughing in this kind of situation is wrong but I couldn't help it. This little woman doesn't know how to say serious words in serious times. Sa tuwing seryoso kami, lagi na lang akong natatawa sa mga sinasabi niya. I stopped laughing when she glared at me.

"Okay naman ako. I can just eat later after we talk. Nag-drive thru naman ako noong nasa Pangasinan na ako."

She rolled her eyes at me before crossing her arms in front of her again.

"What brings you here? Wala sa usapan natin 'to."

Wala rin sa usapan natin na hindi mo sasabihin sa akin ang mga kinagagalit mo, Ruby."

I saw her throat moved so I realized that she's tensed.

"I told you I am busy studying. Hindi ako galit."

"Sa itsura mo ngayon, hindi ka galit?"

"Oo!" sigaw niya na nakapagpagulat sa akin bago ako hinarap nang may mas galit pang mukha. "Ano, pangit na ba ako sa paningin mo ngayon, ha?!"

I chuckled as I touched her face. She slapped my hand. "Chill, baby. You're still the most gorgeous to me."

She scoffed before she looked outside again. "Baka si Anna?" she whispered.

I chuckled inside. Is she jealous because I helped Anna to be hired in the company I am working? But that was just a token of friendship. I didn't feel the same way anymore when I had a coffee with her.

"Anna is the most gorgeous woman in George's eyes. Ruby is the most gorgeous in mine."

She scoffed again, making me chuckled. She glared at me for that. "Bakit ba tawa ka nang tawa? Pumunta ka ba rito para pagtawanan ako?" Umiling ako bago kinuha ang kamay niya. "Don't touch me!"

"Baby, tell me what's our problem."

"Wala nga!"

"Scarlett Ruby..."

She faced me furiously. "I said I don't have a problem if you liked Anna for years! I don't have a problem! Walang problema sa akin na baka ginagawa mo na akong rebound kaya pwede bang tumahimik ka na at umuwi ka na sa inyo!?" dire-diretsong sabi niya gamit ang malakas na boses. "Now, drive me home!"

I smirked. Who told her? Did Anna tell her? Or did George? I don't care who told her about that but seeing her furious at me right now just because of the past makes me happy a little. I mean, I don't like it when someone's jealous from the past but why does it matter to me now that it's Ruby?

"Are you jealous?"

"Fuck, no! Bakit ako magseselos?!" muli siyang umirap sa akin. "She's my cousin's girlfriend kaya bakit ako magseselos?!"

"So, bakit ka nga nagseselos?" she looked at me, confused. "She's your cousin's girlfriend already. Bakit ka pa magseselos? She's been committed for seven years—"

She scoffed. "Alam na alam!"

I laughed before taking her hand again. I intertwined our fingers so that she can't escape my hand anymore. "I just liked her back when I attended a seminar for architects. She's pretty—"

"I know!"

"And you know," I laughed again. Damn, Ruby. If only you know how turned on I am right now. "But that thing was just infatuation. I just liked her in the past—not now, not few months ago, and not tomorrow anymore. It is you I am in love with."

She looked away. "I don't believe you."

"Why?"

"You've liked her for years. Sa tingin mo makaka-move on ka kaagad sa greatest love mo na hindi mo nakuha ever kasi taken?!" she scoffed. "I can never believe you. Damn, guys. Lahat sinungaling."

All the happiness I had a while ago was swept away with just two words. Lahat. Sinungaling.

"Baby, I never lied."

She glared at me and saw her eyes slightly wet with her tears. "But you never told me about your past feelings with Ate Anna. Alam mong kilala ko siya noon pa."

"I didn't tell you but I never lied."

"Liar!" she looked away before she wiped her cheek with her free hand. "Kaya ba ang tagal mong hindi nagparamdam after ng interaction natin sa bar kasi nalaman mong kakilala ko 'yung babaeng mahal na mahal mo noong mga oras na 'yon?"

I gulped as I felt my heart started beating wild. Her hand is slowly escaping from mine but I didn't let her. I'll never let go until she told me that I can still hold this hand after this fight.

"I'm sorry."

She chuckled in disbelief. "Ginagawa mo akong option."

"What? No way."

"Can you just stop? You never told me all of those things. Sa tingin mo, makakabawi ka sa mga bulaklak na pinapadala mo sa akin araw-araw kahit na wala ka rito? Fuck, iyo na lang 'yang bulaklak mo! Just stop sending me those flowers. Naiirita na ako!" she used her free hand to help her other hand to be free from mine, but I didn't let her. "Let me go!"

I faced her completely and held her other hand too with my other hand.

"Ruby, I'm sorry. Kung ganoon ang naiparamdam ko sa 'yo dahil do'n, I'm so sorry. I just thought that I am still not ready for someone with connection about my past but I was wrong. When you unfollowed me and deleted my number, I know that there's something about you that I can never find with someone else. I couldn't even find it in Anna. The moment I picked you up from your university, it has always been you already. Please, believe me. Huwag namang ganito..."

She sighed. "All I want is honesty. Hindi pa nga tayo, ang dami-dami mo nang itinatago. What if sinagot pala kita kaagad? There may be worst things to find about you. Baka kaya ka lang okay ngayon kasi nanliligaw ka pa lang?" she laughed in disbelief. "Ngayon pa nga lang, eh. Ngayon pa nga lang, nasasaktan mo na ako."

I sighed. "I'm sorry. Baby, please... I'm sorry."

"Baka kaya nga hindi ka makabalik-balik dito kasi nandoon na si Ate Anna sa company niyo, 'di ba?"

"Hindi, Ruby. Ano ba 'yan? Hindi pa nga siya nagsisimula, eh. Baby, don't think like that. There's no one else..."

Umiling siya bago pilit na tinanggal ang kamay niya sa pagkakahawak. Pagkatapos no'n, ibinalik na niya ang seatbelt niya.

"Just drive me home. I have so many things to study and I can't let you ruin my studies."

Napatungo na lang ako bago ikinabit ulit ang seatbelt sa akin, tsaka nag-drive pabalik sa bahay nila. Nang makarating kami ro'n ay mabilis lang din siyang lumabas ng sasakyan ko at padabog na isinarado ang pintuan. Pinanood ko siyang pumasok ng sasakyan nang hindi man lang ako tinitingnan.

Napabuntonghininga na lang ako sa dismaya. I didn't know that LDR works like this. Ang daming paghihinala, pero hindi ko rin kasi siya masisi dahil may kasalanan din ako. Hindi ko nasabi lahat sa kan'ya, at alam ko na naging intensiyon ko rin 'yon.

I started driving away from their compound, not knowing where to go.

Again, everything feels so unfamiliar to me. It's like I've never been to this place. Nasaan ako? Bakit ganito ang lugar? Ngayon lang ako nakapunta rito.

What happened? Where am I? Why the fuck am I here?!

Hindi ko na namalayan ang sarili kong mabilis na palang nagpapatakbo. Inihinto ko sa gilid ng kalsada ang sasakyan ko at inikot ang paningin sa kabuuan ng lugar.

Pine trees, street and traffic lights, clean road, the low fogs... I rolled down the window and I smell the fresh air... the cold breeze.

Where am I?

Fuck!

I shut my eyes tightly as I bang my head slightly on my steering wheel. After that, I let my head rest on it for few minutes, before I looked outside again.

The unfamiliar scenery became familiar again.

Ano bang nangyayari sa akin? Of course I'm here in Baguio! I'm here because I need to make up with Ruby! Why am I asking those silly things? Damn, Jin. You're going crazy!

I started driving again on the way to the hotel I booked earlier before I left my condo, and there, I let myself took the nap I didn't take after work. I need to wake up early by tomorrow because I will pick up Ruby and drive her to the university.

Argh, my head hurts. My body hurts. Everything hurts, damn. I'm so tired.

I checked my time and it's already past 1:00 a.m.

Magigising naman siguro ako bukas nang maaga. Sana nga magising ako nang maaga. Tutal, sanay naman akong magpuyat o umalis nang walang tulog. Pero sa ngayon, I know I really need to sleep because I didn't have enough sleep yet since the past weeks.

Damn, architecture. Why are you burning me out like that?