Chapter 11

Days went by so fast, wala na akong sinayang pang pagkakataon. Sa lahat ng paraan na kaya ko, ipinakita ko kay Ruby na seryoso ako.

"I'm seriously making my own garden na, sa dami ng bulaklak na ibinibigay mo sa akin araw-araw," she said after I handed her the bouquet of her favourite red tulips.

I smiled as I watched her stare at the bouquet of flower she's holding. She's trying to conceal her smile. I know she loves these flowers everyday but she's just shy to admit it.

"Tara na nga, mali-late pa ako," she laughed.

Kinuhanan niya muna ng picture ang bouquet ng bulaklak bago niya inabot sa Mommy niya ang bouquet, tsaka kami lumabas ng bahay nila. Nakipag-beso sa akin ang Mommy niya bago kami tuluyang nakaalis sa compound nila.

Nang makalabas ng gate ay pinagbuksan ko siya ng pintuan sa shotgun seat, bago ako umikot at sumakay sa driver's seat.

"Mommy likes you," she said as soon as I started the engine. "Kulang na lang ay palitan na ako bilang nililigawan mo dahil mas kinikilig pa siya kaysa sa akin," she laughed.

I started driving away as I laughed with her. "Ikaw ba, hindi kinikilig?"

"Hindi."

I looked at her and saw that she's concealing her smile. Ahh, this cute little liar. "Sinungaling."

Humagalpak siya ng tawa sa sinabi kong 'yon. "Grabe namang panghuhusga 'yan! Fuck you!"

Lalo akong natawa sa huli niyang sinabi. If only she knows what they made us, men, feel whenever they told us those words. "What?!"

"Bastos!"

Tawanan lang kaming dalawa nang tawanan sa buong byahe, hanggang sa makarating na kami sa SLU. It was one of those moments that made me really fall for her this hard.

I'm thinking of not leaving this place. I only have a week left here.

"Pumasok ka na rin sa work mo, baka ma-late ka," she said while applying her lipstick. She checked her lips on the mirror and it made my heart pound as I looked away from her. "Thank you for the flowers and for always picking me up and driving me home," I heard her told me. I looked at her and she's smiling at me as she opened the door of the shotgun seat. "Drive safely, Architect."

After she said that, she went out of my car and went inside the university. I'm left alone inside the car, wondering if I still need to leave. I can always choose to stay but... will this be alright?

Nagsimula na ulit akong mag-drive palayo sa university. I was going to the company when something happened. Parang may kung anong napigtas sa katawan ko pero parang hindi naman. Parang, bigla, pakiramdam ko, hindi ko alam kung nasaan ako.

I stopped driving and looked for the highway. Saan na nga ba ang papunta sa company kung saan ako nagta-trabaho? Bakit parang naliligaw ako? It's as if, everything is unfamiliar. My heart started beating so wild. Parang lalabas na sa dibdib ko ang puso ko sa sobrang kaba.

Nasaan ako? Bakit hindi ko alam kung anong lugar ito?

Halos mapatalon ako nang makarinig ako ng sunud-sunod na busina sa likod ko, kaya naman nag-drive ako nang kaonti, at nag-park sa gilid. Lumabas ako ng sasakyan at tiningnan ang lugar.

I know this place, I'm sure. But why does it feel like I've never been here? It was like, I've never seen this place for my whole life.

I heaved a sigh and went inside my car. Pumikit ako nang mariin at ipinatong ang ulo ko sa manibela. I took my time remembering the place I am in now because I am sure that I know the place I'm in now.

I inhaled and exhaled repeatedly, until my heart beat is stable. When I know that I am already calmed, I opened my eyes and lift my head. I smiled to myself as I realized that the place has started to feel familiar to me.

I, now, know that what happened earlier was just a five-minute phenomenon that some people were experiencing. Since Connor made me curious about certain phenomena in every person's life, I know that this case is just normal.

And this is the first time I experienced it, except the psychology activity I had in college that I will never, ever, forget because I certainly feel stupid that time.

I shook my head and started the engine again as I drove away. I went straight to my workplace without any hindrances again, like I had earlier.

"You're late, Architect," bati sa akin ni Architect Nuñez.

"I'm sorry, Sir. Nagkaproblema lang kanina sa dinadaanan."

Napakunot and Head Architect sa sinabi ko. Inilagay ko na ang gamit ko sa cubicle bago bumalik kay Architect Nuñez.

"What happened? May aksidente ba?"

Umiling ako. "No, Architect. Medyo maligaw lang."

He chuckled. "Hindi mo pa rin pala kabisado ang Baguio. Anyway, it's actually fine. It's your first time to have a late in your DTR. At tapos naman na ang project mo rito?"

I smiled a little as I remember that the final site visitation will be done later. Damn, can't I just stay?

"You look so disappointed," he chuckled. "Ayaw mo pa bang umalis? You want to be here more?"

I smiled a little again. Hindi ako makasagot dahil masaya naman talaga ako sa main office. I just wanted to be here in Baguio so I can be with Ruby often. Besides, baka ayaw niya ng clingy sa kan'ya. I'll just ask her about it later.

"Hindi naman po."

He laughed as he patted my shoulders. "Oh, sige. Do your work na."

Nagpasalamat ako sa kan'ya bago naupo sa swivel chair at binuksan ang computer. I made reports na ipapasa ko sa main office regarding sa project ko rito na tapos na talaga. I'll just need this one last site visitation bago ko tapusin ang report ko at gumawa ng documentation.

Nang makapag-lunch ay pumunta na ako sa site para sa final visitation. Naabutan ko ro'n si Engineer Azarcon at ang dalawa pang construction worker habang si Sarah naman ay nandoon din. Wala ang boyfriend niya, o kahit 'yong kaibigan niya.

In-on ko ang camera ko at kinuhanan ng picture ang iba't-ibang parte ng bahay sa harap, bago tuluyang pumasok sa loob.

"Architect, magandang hapon po," pagbati sa akin ng dalawang construction worker.

Ngumiti ako sa kanila. "Magandang hapon din. Maraming salamat sa pagta-trabaho."

"Naku, wala po 'yon! Masaya po kaming lahat na makatrabaho kayo."

Ngumiti ako sa kanila at muling nagpasalamat. Tumingin ako kay Engineer Azarcon. Nakita kong nakatingin siya sa akin na para bang hinihintay niya rin ako. Ilang sandali pa ay sumenyas siya na tingnan ko raw si Sarah, and so I did.

She's just there in the garden, idling. Parang nakatulala sa kawalan.

"She's the unhappiest client I've ever seen," Engineer Azarcon said as he chuckled. "Pero pakiramdam ko may problema lang. Try mo kaya kausapin?"

I scoffed. "Hindi na at baka sabihan pa ako ng feeling close niyan."

"Grabe, parang hindi mo kami iniwan no'n para kumain ng lunch kasabay si Ma'am, ah?" he laughed again. "Sige na, kumustahin mo na."

Wala na akong nagawa pa kung hindi ang puntahan si Sarah sa garden. Hindi pa man ako nakalapit ay narinig ko nang tumunog ang cellphone niya. Napahinto na lang ako kahit na halos isang metro na lang ang layo ko sa kan'ya.

"Tori," she said as she answered the call.

Hindi ko masiyadong narinig ang sinasabi sa kabilang linya, pero sigurado akong sumisigaw 'yon. Whoever this Tori she's talking with, I'm really sure that she's damn angry. I took a step forward but eventually stopped when I saw a tear fall from her eyes.

"I told you I didn't know!" she shouted back.

"You told us that before! Hanggang kailan mo gagawing kabit ang sarili mo?!"

Hindi ako sigurado kung 'yun nga ba ang eksaktong sigaw ng kausap niya sa kabilang linya, pero matapos marinig ni Sarah 'yon ay nakita ko ang paggalaw ng mga balikat niya.

"I am not fucking lying!"

"Hindi na rin ako magtataka kung pati si Charles, sukuan ka na rin! For fucks sake, Sarah, matanda ka na! Tama na ang paghihiganti sa mga taong walang kinalaman sa nakaraan mo!"

Umiling siya nang umiling bago ko nakitang unti-unti na niyang binababa ang cellphone. Napalunok ako bago kumuha ng panyo sa bulsa at lumapit papunta sa harap niya. Nakita ko na parang nagulat pa siya sa presensiya ko. Nag-iwas na lang ako ng tingin at iniabot sa kan'ya ang panyo.

"I don't fucking need that, may sarili akong panyo," she said as she took some tissue from her bag. "Whatever you heard, I hope you mind your own business."

Bahagya akong ngumiti. "I really am, just, minding my own business."

She scoffed before making herself look fine even with her swollen eyes. "Didn't I tell you before? Lahat ng chismis na narinig mo tungkol sa akin, totoo 'yon."

I just shrug and didn't talk. Wala naman akong sasabihin.

"I like being in an illicit affair for some reasons, they said," she laughed. "I fucking love being in that damn affair, okay. Sabi nila, eh. Pero this time?" she laughed. "Hindi ko naman talaga alam. Sinasabi ko naman sa kanila kapag alam kong kabit ako, eh. Pero ngayon, hindi naman talaga. Wala talaga akong idea."

She sighed as her eyes watered. "Bakit ba hindi na sila naniniwala sa akin? I'm telling the truth, hindi ko alam. For almost a year, I've been with that guy and I never knew that I am a mistress for fuck's sake. I was trying my best to change myself for the better but these guys just won't let me.

"Wala na ba silang ibang pwedeng ikama? May girlfriend sila. May asawa sila, bakit kailangan nilang mangaliwa? Bakit kailangan palaging ako ang ginagawang kabit? I've never asked this. I've never wanted this."

Matapos niyang sabihin 'yon ay umiling siya nang umiling habang mabilis na tumutulo ang mga luha. Wala akong magawa kung hindi ang panoorin siya na umiyak nang umiyak sa harap ko. Nang humikbi na siya nang humikbi ay hindi ko na natiis pang panoorin siyang gano'n.

I pulled her gently closer to me so I could hug her. I tried to calm her and made her feel better by telling her that it's not her fault, because it really is not her fault based on all the things she told me earlier.

It's not her fault that she's always used as a mistress by guys who introduced their selves as single men when in fact, they aren't. It wasn't her fault that some men are real assholes. It wasn't her fault.

"Hindi mo ako kilala. You never know how many guys I tolerated even after knowing that they are not really mine to begin with."

Tumango na lang ako at patuloy siyang pinakalma.

It's still not her entire fault that she finds out too late that the men she dated before were not really single. It was her fault for tolerating them, but, I know, for sure, that men like those guys she dated are the real assholes.